It was a brisk June morning when Ongo Gablogian got the call from his general manager.

“It is already time to start training camp!? Shit. I haven’t done a single thing to make myself better at all.”

Ongo sat on his couch in his living room staring at the sandwich crumbs that had collected on his gut. At a towering 4 foot 11 inches tall, Ongo must have gained no less than 20 pounds of pure all American fat over the off season, and honestly totally forgot he was a “professional” hockey player until Seven called him that morning.

Ongo fessed up to this fact and Seven was understandably pretty pissed. However, Ongo used the age old “stay at home defenseman” strategy and it seemed to work.

“You didn’t sign me to score goals or deke players, sir. Or my soft hands. Or my hockey IQ. Or my good looks. I am a stay at home defenseman. When a player gets near me with the puck I just hit them or whatever. Extra weight is a good thing.”