Written Option 1:

Okay, so I'm not one to trust shady people on any given day, but a shady person with food perhaps is the game changer they've been looking for. The way to get me.

It's gotta be some fine ass food though. Maybe some swine ass food. Like a giant plate of bacon cooked to perfection. Honestly, if that don't get the ol heart going... no seriously definitely pumping, I don't know what will.

So being denied my usual pre-game ritual of a big ol stack of steaming flap jacks and jammy syrup, dripping in butter, and damn the eyes of the witless fool who stole them, I would be at a loss about how to win the game.

Shady man better posse up hard then and bring me that bacon. It's the only way.

Also is it weird that I picture this shady man wearing a plague mask and speaking in a raspy otherworldly voice? Yes? Ok then, I don't.