Written Option 1:

When some stranger materializes out of a dark alley and offers edible and to help you stretch, I think the best reaction is to call the cops and maybe the Ghostbusters. Slip McScruff is not the best reaction haver in the alley on any given day. He is all game to eat strange meals and perform strange rituals, as long as his contract remains valid throughout the season.

What does the weird meal do come game time? First, it gives Slip the ungodly energy to play 5 or 6 minutes that night. Second, it gives him an upset tummy so he's farting hard by minute 4. No one can take away the puck if they are too afraid to enter the fart zone.

What does the weird stretching ritual do? Absolutely nothing. Stretching is for try hard nerds who play 20 minutes a night. Stretching signals to the coach that you mean business and that is really a younger man's game.