#1 Fan Appreciation Day
The best kind of memorabilia is the stuff you can be proud of, a good talking piece sitting in the corner of the living room, possibly something that you may sell for a pretty penny one day as a collectors item. That’s why I believe a cardboard cutout of No This is Patrik recreating the famous scene he gets his name from signed by him as well would be something that fits that criteria.

#2 Looking Towards the Future
No This is Patrik doesn’t concern himself with the team’s management tasks. Whatever team he’s on is surely a wagon however. No This is Patrik is here to play puck, straight up, win or lose it does not matter to him. It’s not even the love of the game that’s gotten him here. The most fitting way to describe his motivation is, hockey is life and he’s damn good at it. That’s all

#3 Secret Plans
No This is Patrik is no dirty player, however should he care to even address his teammates or their playstyle he’d likely stuff their sticks full of sand, put brass knuckles in their gloves, and hide razor blades along the boards. Should No This is Patrik care to win he will leave his opposition hospitalized or 6 feet under.

#4 Funtimes
First off, No This is Patrik is an excellent motivator, when he wants to be. On this day he finds himself rather caring, so he convinces his team to help steal a private jet. Now this isn't the fun, it's just the beginning. That jet would be flown to St. Paul, Minnesota next where the team would then offload, rob the hertz car rental booth for all its luxury cars, and then and only then the team would go to the Mall of America to enjoy a day at Nickelodeon Universe. No This is Patrik is also an S tier schmoozer and tells the police that he was forced to by @ThePyroAlpaca who now awaits trial.

#5 Superlatives
No This is Patrik doesn't know his teammates well, doesn't care to as it doesn't interest him, he's locked in on the grind. However when stuck in a dark room and asked what he thought about a few of his teammates, which he hardly recognized, he gave his flat out opinion.
Player: Savva Kirk "most irrelevant"
Player: Gino Fortezza "lazy" when asked to clarify No This is Patrik responded "guy just sits in our zone and does nothing to help us score"
Player: Mark Jagerson "Goon"

#6 Team History
The Kelowna Knights, for all No This is Patrik cares, thinks the team should be called the Kelowna Patriks. He also doesn't care much for history and only considers the team to have existed the day he signed there. It's most significant moment was when they signed No This is Patrik. Inversely when No This is Patrik was told that the league existed long before his career he accused the interviewer of lying and proceeded to attack them with a chair.

#7 Winner Winner Chicken Dinner
No This is Patrik truly does not know who won the 4 star trophy, he in fact just learned the name. The only thing No This is Patrik does know is that it was not him because he was not lifting any kind of hardware when the team told him to go home, there would be no more hockey.

#8 An Alternate Timeline
To No This is Patrik, the rest of the league does not concern him, money is always green. To a man that goes where the money flows it is safe to say that whoever and wherever No This is Patrik plays, they will be successful. No This is Patrik will carry a very large impact on the team, only positive of course, and increase the odds of literally anything happening.

#9 What's In a Name
No This is Patrik doesn't know another player's name, hardly even his teammates, on a good day that is. To his knowledge and highly regarded opinion, he is the best, there's no one like him, and no one that can compete with him. However No This is Patrik invites anyone willing to challenge this notion, with a fight to the death.

#10 In the Zone
Obviously No This is Patrik was possibly one of the most crucial pieces put onto his team to contribute to their playoff run, "whatever that is" - No This is Patrik notes. The best approach to being considered a "playoff mvp" or a crucial part to a team is to approach each game the same as the last, which No This is Patrik executes flawlessly.

#11 A 6 Star Show
It may be becoming fairly obvious on the direction of this interview of how this question may be answered, the best team that could possibly take the ice, representing the Kelowna Patriks, is an entire team of No This is Patrick's. When told that an entire team of himself isn't possible because he only plays as a defenseman, No This is Patrik asked "what's a position?"

#12 On the Radar
The best features of No This is Patrik is that he doesn't care where he plays, as long as he's paid, he'll sign whatever and do whatever is needed of him to play puck and survive. The positive features don't stop there however, No This is Patrik is a true do it all guy, passing is almost an urban myth to him and the only time he might get an assist is when a defender knocks the puck off his stick to his teammate close by to be put in the back of the net, surprisingly happening more often than you might imagine, No This is Patrik is a very lucky player.

#13 Superstitious
No This is Patrik isn't aware, nor doesn't care for many things, including playoff superstitions. The only way to get him to go along with something would be to bribe him. Don't touch a trophy? That might be a pretty penny and if you don't pay him to go along with your desires, then good luck stopping him. No This is Patrik does what he wants when he wants unless he is paid off.

#14 R&R
No This is Patrik is still somewhat confused at the idea of an offseason, his head office has also hardly explained it. No This is Patrik is a man of habit, waking up each morning and going to the rink only to get to the door and be turned away by a newly upgraded bank vault door with a reinforced frame because previously when the team tried to lock him out the first door was simply glass so he broke through it, the second door was thin metal so No This is Patrik ripped it off its hinges, the tests of will this newly upgraded door withstand the wrath of No This is Patrik are yet to be known.