Fan Appreciation Day
For fan appreciation day The Detroit Falcons will give out a hat with falcon wings on it. The goal here is that these wings have the capability of flight. The idea is that when a player scores a hat trick and fans then throw their hats on the ice, the hats will literally take flight to the ice. The team is also allowing anyone who throws the hat on the ice at the end of the game a free replacement hat if the they can post on social media about throwing the flying hat on the ice in celebration of the great Detroit falcons.
Word Count: 104
TPE: 2

Looking Forward to The Future
The Detroit Falcons have an exciting future ahead of them since they don’t really lose a ton of players to the SHL going into next season. The biggest loss for sure is Teemu Salami but they retain virtually every other top forward on the team. Players like Theo Kane and Bas O’Bigbers Jr. will improve and so the fire power will probably remain. Detroit also retains their top goal tender, Anastasia Soderstrom. That significantly helps things going into next season. We have a lot of talent on the blue line to back up our goal tender. I’m not sure that Detroit should be an expected favorite for the four star cup but they should be in that conversation.
Word Count: 118
TPE: 2

Secret Plans
The secret plan so far is to sort of torture the opposing team by creating this infuriating white noise sound that is just audible enough that most should be able to hear it but not audible enough that it is immediately noticeable. The result is that some players will hear it, raise alarm, they will have mixed levels of support and this will divide a team before they’ve even stepped foot on the ice. When the opposing team complains we’ll just say that there are issues around the building and that engineers are working to identify a source of the issue. If the league sends some kind of team to investigate we’ll make sure that the device which causes the main issue is removed and we’ll replace it with a less noticeable but annoying smaller device that will almost certainly never be found. The point of this is that the league will have to come out and say that we are not intentionally sabotaging anyone. Full proof plan honestly.
Word Count: 169
TPE: 3
Fun Times
Making Bas O’Bigbers Jr. the fun times coordinator was a terrible mistake that the team will soon regret. Bas O’Bigbers Jr. is a massive Phish fan and as such all fun times will be spent doing Phish themed activities. First the team will be forced to have a massive hot tub day as part of the “bath tub gin” celebration. The captain of the team will wear a crown and then a purple humpback whale will dive into the hot tub so everyone takes a bath! Then later that night the team will sit down to watch a recording of IT night 2 in its entirety. Anyone who leaves before the 3 and half hours are over suffers a team punishment! Then the team will all be forced to participate in a You Enjoy Myself Style Vocal Jam for 15 minutes so that everyone’s mind can meld together. While yes Bas runs the risk of having all of his teammates hate him, it is important to teach them about the great thing that is PHISH! PHISH IS LOVE PHISH IS LIFE. So even if no one has fun, they all learned. I think one fun part they all may enjoy is that this whole event will take place entirely inside the Vegas Sphere. So even if they don’t like phish they will like the colors.
Word Count: 225
TPE: 4
Superlatives
So first of all the annoying player on the team is in fact Bas O’Bigbers Jr. He never shuts up about Phish and honestly has a lot of annoying fun facts that become exhausting to hear. In a nutshell he’s what the kids call “extra.” Roquefort Cotswald would be the player who almost seems like he loves other sports a bit more than he loves hockey. Despite being from Latvia, Cotswald seems to love American Football to a shocking amount and I don’t really understand it. He’d be the “quirky” one. Anastasia Soderstrom is a player for whom we as a team always love and feel like is a guiding light on the team. It always has felt like nobody what happens on the ice Soderstrom can always save the day and that really makes everyone feel like they can do anything. Soderstrom would be the “inspiring” one I’d say.
Word Count: 150
TPE: 3
Team History
The Detroit Falcons are one of very few teams who have played since the very first season of the SMJHL and have also maintained the franchise in the exact same city they began in. As such The Detroit Falcons has a rich history since they won their first Four Star Cup in Season 5. That was the first of their eight four star cups with the most recent one being won in Season 74. Detroit has had generations of fans at this point and it is not enough to just compete. Fans demand to win every single year. It’s a lot to live up to but with the most recent cup being in Season 74 and The Falcons looking really strong going into Season 78 it looks like The Falcons could win another which would lead them to having four four star cups in 13 years. For a taem this historic that is a massive achievement.

Word Count: 156
TPE: 3 (but I think I’m over 16 by one at this point.)