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S60 PT #2: Total Recall

As many know, Rikard Hammarberg has an interesting sponsorship deal with Ikea. During the season and off season, Hammarberg helps assemble furniture for fans that have requested a build service from Hammarberg (at a premium price). While that has helped generate revenue, Hammarberg’s line of products were still produced by Ikea. Just like the Malm dresser recall that happened several years ago, one of the products that Hammarberg helped design, the Rik shelving unit was prone to tipping over when heavier objects were placed on the top of the storage. It seems Ikea did not learn from their previous recalls, and the Rik shelving unit has collapsed multiple times, and have injured several clients. While accepting the consequences of this defective design, Hammarberg has pulled his support and his name from the sponsorship deal with Ikea. While he had creative control over his product line, the implementation was purely left to the Ikea’s design and construction team.

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Makrus did two sponsorships. One to promote Bull brand beef jerky and the other to promote Bully Sticks. If you do not know what a bully stick pet treat is do not look it up…or do its your life. Makrus loves Bull brand beef jerky. It gives him the protein he needs on and off the ice. Markus’s wolf Zephyr loves this Bully sticks as a treat after walks where he does not maul anyone. In the sponsorship Makrus explains how he has trained his wolf to stop mauling strangers and dogs at the dog part with Bully sticks. Everything was going fine until it was discovered that both Bull brand beef jerky and Bully Sticks are made by the same company and are actually the same thing. Makrus, not knowing what Bully Sticks are, did not realize he was eating a promoting them. Still not knowing what the big deal is Makrus feels guilt for ruining yet another company.

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Robert E. O. Speedwagon had a contract out for a hat line, ready to go. The materials of exquisite quality, the construction very well done, the style one that he even wears around the town in Newfoundland. So imagine his shock and horror when reports came in for recalls on account of a higher rate of injury among people who wore his hat who were not him! Extensive research has been inconclusive, though they have a working theory the hats, in combination with human metabolic heat given off from their heads, causes objects in motion to gravitate toward their particular position. It's not a guarantee that they will be injured, though it does certainly increase the probability of being struck. Speedwagon's disappointment was reportedly immeasurable and his day ruined, though he worked with the manufacturers to ensure the recall was thorough and the offending products destroyed. Except for his. They don't even have a working theory on how he's avoided such catastrophes. But he at least got a cool hat out of the deal in exchange for helping them push the recall and taking a bit of the public heat.

Speedwagon Player Page | Speedwagon Updates Page 


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Robert Black was fortunate enough to land a lucrative sponsorship deal with the soft drink company Barr's, promoting the Scottish national drink of Irn-Bru in the North American market. Unfortunately, a product recall was issued for stock distributed in the USA due to a batch making it over there which contained Ponceau 4R, a synthetic colourant used in the Scottish recipe that is prohibited by the Food and Drug Administration. The original product did make its way deep into the market before being noticed, and the lack of any negative side effects really made everyone wonder what the hell the issue was in the first place, with some commenting that they had never had Irn-Bru that was so good.
Some critics have even argued that the American market was crying out for a true representation of the greatest soft drink in the world, not the altered recipe nonsense they were used to receiving. In the end, all of the stock was recalled at great expense and the American public were at a loss. Upon finding this out, Black commented that "at least they got to experience the real deal, if only for a brief time".

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Elias Kierkegaard has landed himself in some hot water recently after discoveries surrounding his patented breakfast cereal. His new affiliation with Kellogg has been brought to a halt as several people had ended up hospitalized after consuming his new cereal "Super Shroomies". The patented product was designed to start off consumers day's with a mentally stimulating breakfast, which includes small amount of psilocybin. The microdosing super breakfast was marketed towards adults, but die to the Panther star's fame it developed a following among the teenage community. Soon, hospitals all over the country found their emergency room's packed with hallucinating children. It appears Kierkegaard and Kellogg did not plan for kids to get their hands on the cereal. It was not designed for an entire box to be consumed all at once. If a single serving was consumed it was a small enough dose to promote mental stimulation. However when consumed all at once it is enough to cause hallucinations and night terrors in some individuals. As a result the FDA has pulled products from the shelves and.

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Berserkers Wolfpack France

Alimony Tony isn't usually one to sign endorsement deals, he has so much money already from his family's fortune that he doesn't find it worthwhile. However, when there is a product that he truly feels will help people he can't help but say yes. Free of charge of course. This product that excited him so much was called Love Potion #28. It was originally just Love Potion but they wanted to incorporate his number into the title.  The product would amplify any feelings of lust from one person to another. The product had passed through all FDA regulations and was ready to market. The initial months saw a boom in sales and Tony's face plastered all over the place... but little did the makers know that you cannot under any circumstances mix the Love Potion with Pepsi. This mixture would result in utter blindness for any of those poor souls that ingested the two together. Alimony Tony felt personally responsible for this issue and after the recall message went out Tony cut all 18 individuals who were afflicted by this mixture a check for $1 Billion dollars.

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PREVIOUS PLAYER STATISTICS

PBE PT

Davenport finally got to live out his dream by getting a sponsor. As a British citizen, any number of companies could come calling for the Junior star but only one did. Tesco. At first, Brian was stoked but then he realized his friends weren't kidding. He was really being sponsored by Tesco. The maker of any number of extremely cheap products that sometimes taste good if you have had 30 drinks first.

The sponsorship was for their tea, which Davenport had reportedly said was the best ever made. Until he showed up at a press conference drinking Snapple Iced Tea. The reason why? QA for Tesco isn't generally good, which is why they failed to catch the plastic pieces that got into a production line. The bottles, which would feature his likeness and in Quebec colors recalled the day before the season. Also, allegedly a guy choked on a piece of plastic from the limited edition bottle. Only the bottle should be black and blue, not the customer.




Being a European player coming to North America, Philip Demitra initially did not have a number of marketing connections. After his rookie season however, and being drafted by the Inferno, he has being able to collaborate with a camping company. His first product is called Timber Inferno (after his two teams) and is a high quality fire starter. In almost any situation it can help start fires especially in survival scenarios.with high density magnesium and a number of secret ingredients, it should become a staple in survivalist bags for years to come in Maine and Atlanta. 

Next up he has a deal to market a number of axes. They are unique in that they have Walrus skin handles that may or may not have been farmed off of Duncan's family. 

His last deal is for nice plush winter hats that say QCC sucks in huge letters! 

Overall a fantastic product development line for the new SHL draftees who will likely look to expand within the coming seasons with new items such as -camping lanterns that light up with the Maine logo and some more clothing. (187)

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Lyle Odelein III loves playing in the
New Orleans, he loves the team, the city and most of all, the fans. He is continually looking for ways to give back to the Specters faithful and this season is no different. For the S60 home opener, he designed and created a one of a kind Specter hood and cowel for every fan that was at the game. They were a huge hit at the game. The fans loved them and knowing they were from the captain made them just that much better. The problem happened after the game. When the final whistle blew, almost 20, 000 fans exited the arena wearing full Specter face masks. The general public did not know what was going on and soon the NOLA police department was out in full force after way too many calls about suspicious activity by a cult like group happening at the hockey arena. The police worked fast to figure out what was happening and soon after all of the fans were able to leave the arena grounds and head home. Lyle followed up with an apology to the concerned citizens and thanked the police for their efforts. Lyle has vowed to make sure to think things through a bit more thoroughly next time.

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Scarecrows   Specters   Canada 





Rex Kirkby isn't the most out going player in the simulation hockey League. Mostly he likes to keep to himself and therefore doesn't get a lot of marketing opportunities. He is however the face of Kirkbys Trojan condoms and much like his defense on the ice they are full of holes. Taking inspiration from the Simpsons episode "homie the klown" the company decided that it's not always just about the size it's also about the speed so they poked the over sized rubbers full of holes. No one is sure how this got past the advertising standards ombudsman but needless to say a condom full of holes needed to be recalled with absolute haste. Funnily enough the vast majority of customers returning the condoms seemed to be rabid anti vaxxers or your general Donald trump riff raff. Who would have thought these groups would be brainless enough to actually buy condoms full of holes.

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Credit to Ml002, King, Wasty, Carpy, Bruins10, Rum_Ham, Turd Ferguson, Ragnar and Enigmatic for the sigs.
Forge Stampede Inferno Specters Wolfpack Platoon Armada Scarecrows Uk



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Mikhail Novikov took a sponsorship with one of the companies back in Russia looking into getting athletes more in tune with their bodies. The "Russian Gas", as it was called, was a supplement that was like a steroid. Novikov took it once, or twice, and the evidence is seen as he is sitting close to the scoring lead in the SMJHL at the current moment. The Russian Gas was shut down immediately as it hit the global market, at it was deemed as a steroid, and illegal. The Russian Gas was disallowed in North America especially, but Novikov took it twice in Russia before it all went down so he was greenlit. Thus far, he has not been caught, but will it last for long or will Novikov get suspended for going on the gas?

Only time will tell. Hopefully he doesn't get suspended, as he is a vital part of the Anchorage Armada as it is right now.

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(This post was last modified: 07-04-2021, 08:33 PM by HanTheMan_.)

Devin Basher, current winger of the Hamilton Steelhawks just dealt with his whole Wikipedia page situation, where someone changed all the names of the teams and his hometowns, and now this? What gives! One thing at a time here! 

Devin Basher only just now managed to get a brand deal, because of everyone making "Bashing deez nuts" jokes. Like come on guys. Grow up. Leave a man a little bit of dignity. Now his one and only brand deal is destroyed and so is his name. Real original guys. 

The Steelhawks player was just debuted on the Tim Hortons SHL trading cards, along with the others of his team. And now this. The poor guy can't catch a break. Though more people are buying the cards so they can vandalize Devin's card and drag Hamilton, scribbling out the ER and and ING DEEZ NUTS to the card. It's humiliating but more people are buying them. So at least someone wins.


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A few seasons ago, there was a PT about player endorsements, and Jukka Timonen proudly partnered with a local vodka company to send subscribers a weekly bottle of alcohol, with premium subscribers receiving extra booze for every one of Timonen's signature on ice specialty - the missed shot. A few seasons later we regret to inform that the endorsement has been a massive failure and is cancelled indefinitely. We found that premium subscribers were becoming overwhelmed with the massive amount of missed shots, and consumption couldn't even come close matching to his abysmal play on the ice. Furthermore, market studies showed that Timonen fans were becoming increasingly miserable watching him play 66 games a season, and ranked among some of the saddest fans in the league. So in good conscious and to make the morally correct decision, we could not continue to send them alcohol, as we feared it would be become more of a coping mechanism to deal with the misfortune of watching Jukka play, rather than a celebration. The program has officially switched to donating money for every missed shot to the charity of each subscribers' choice.

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Sigs: Thanks JNH, Lime, Carpy, and ckroyal92 




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