To the tune of "Timber" by Pitbull feat. Ke$ha

It's going down, I'm yelling Timber
You better shoot, you better pass.
let's get a win, you will remember
and a cup, that's coming home.

Theodor Larsson


SMJHL

Team: Maine
Drafted: 21st OA
By: Maine Timber
Games played: 228
Goals: 49
Assists: 79
Points: 138
----------------------------------------
Playoffs
Games played: 41
Goals: 5
Assists: 17
Points: 22



SHL

Team: San Francisco Pride
Drafted: 8th OA
By: New England Wolfpack
Games played: 195
Goals: 15
Assists: 49
Points: 64

----------------------------------------
Playoffs
Games played: 11
Goals: 1
Assists: 4
Points: 5



Achievements/History

S53 WJC Silver
S54 Team Sweden WJC GM
S55 Assistant Captain of Maine Timber
S56-S57 Captain of Maine Timber
S57-S59 New England Co-GM
S57 WJC Silver
S59 Traded to San Francisco Pride
----------------------------------------

(To the Tune of "I don’t care anymore" by Phil Collins)
Well, you can tell everyone I'm a down disgrace
Drag my jersey all over the place
I don't care anymore
You can tell everybody about mental state I'm in
You won't catch me divin' 'cause I just can't win
I don't care anymore
I don't care anymore,
I don't care what you say
I don't play the same games/penalties, you play
'Cause I've been talking to the players that you call your line mates
And it seems to me there's a cup to an end
They don't care anymore

Hello out there, we're on the web, it's 'SHL Night' tonight.
Tension grows, the trade goes, and the salt goes down the forum.
The GM's jump, and the players thump, and the members all go insane.
Someone cried, "They tampered!", at the good ol' SHL forum.


40 words

Made by Rindiee, rum_ham & Carpy

Jacob Mueller S5-S
Julien Dupont S6-S13
S9 Challenge Cup - Calgary Dragons
IIHF Gold - Germany
Rufus Reinhart S13-S24
S14 Challenge Cup - Texas Renegades
Christoffer Björnsson - S25-S35
S25 Four Stars Cup
S26 Tom Corcoran Trophy - SMJHL Top Goalie
Sami Owens - S36-S52
S38 IIHF Bronze - Canada
S39 IIHF Gold - Canada
S42 IIHF Silver - Canada
S51 Challenge Cup Champion - HAM
Liam Slate - S54-Present
S53 WJC Bronze - British Isles
S54 WJC Silver - British Isles
S55 Four Star Cup Champion - Newfoundland Berserkers
S57 IIHF Silver - Great Britain
S58 IIHF Silver - Great Britain
S60 IIHF Silver - Great Britain
S61 IIIHF Gold - Great Britain
S67 Challenge Cup Champion - Seattle Argonauts
S68 Challenge Cup Champion - Seattle Argonauts
Triple Gold Club
Sad Ketchup -Present
S76 Ryan Jesster Trophy Winner

So there is this one australian deathcore band called Thy art is Murder, one of the most brutal parody songs ever to be recorded would carry the title named "Steelhawks sodomisation", based on their own track "Laceration penetration"

I will be writing a parody song to Christina Aguilera "Say Something I'm Giving Up on You": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O23-OjPyR9A for all the Maple Leafs playoff heartbreaks I have experienced throughout my life with the latest being to the Montreal Canadians after being up 3-1 in a series with a 1 vs 4 seed. So here is the sadness of another Leafs first round exit:

Change something I'm giving up on you.......
Lonely spring nights without the white and the blue....
Any direction you go I will follow you....
Change something I'm giving up on you......

And I.........
Cannot recall........
The last time you won a series
You have been losing them all......

The big four (Matthews, Marner, Tavarse and Nylander) will stumble and fall......
Gave away all of our picks this year....
We made the wrong call.....
Change something I'm giving up on you.....

Pure offense alone.....
Cannot get us through.....
Austin Matthews Rocket Richard winner what happened to you....
Change something I'm giving up on you.....

And I.........
Will keep up my hopes high.....
You are the team that I love....
And I won't say goodbye....

Don't choke for once I'm giving up on you......
Can't forget all the game 7s that you blew....
That 3-1 series lead should have gotten us through.......
Wooaaahhhhhh

Maple Leafs hype I have had enough of you....
Change something I'm giving up on you.....
Change something.....
Please......

 

 
Slava-Ukraini Heroyam-Slava || Yukon Malamutes || Toronto North Stars
Name: Slava-Ukraini Heroyam-Slava
Nationality: Kryvyi Rih, Ukraine
Height: 6"4
Weight: 230
Number: 91
------------------------------------------------------------
Career Statistics:
SMJHL Regular Season:
S53 | GP: 66 | G: 14 | A: 28 | P: 42 | +/-: 12 | PPP: 1 | PIM: 0 | H: 68 | SB: 4 | TA: 31 | GA: 38
SHL Regular Season:
SMJHL Post Season:
S53 | GP: 11 | G: 2 | A: 3 | P: 5 | +/-: -3 | PPP: 0 | PIM: 0 | H: 22 | SB: 0 | TA: 4 | GA: 10
SHL Post Season:
------------------------------------------------------------
Career Transactions:
S74 Drafted 11th overall to the Yukon Malamutes
S75 Drafted 6th overall to the Toronto North Stars

 

Song title is going to be "gabe", its the Seattle version of Tessie which was the rallying cry of the old Red Sox when they were winning titles in the 1910s. However unlike those Red Sox, Seattle wont win a title becuase Gabe sucks and brings thee team down.

This is the tune of boyfriend by Justin Bieber

Shl is fun woo! So glad I’m writing this song woo! Buffalo stampede is a shl team woo! Guess what is another team? Who cares screw this pt!

Thank you Brandon, Fish, GeckoeyGecko, Karey, Kit, takethehorizon, and Ragnar for the sigs!


Charles Walker || D || S33 || Buffalo Stampede || TPE: 1,074
Name: Charles Walker
Height: 6'4"
Weight: 220 lbs
Number: 19
------------------------------------------------------------
SMJHL Career Statistics
S32 STL: GP: 50, G: 4, A: 11, P: 15, +/-: -3, PIMS: 28, H:34, SB: 52
S33 STL: GP 50, G: 3, A:11, P:14, +/-: -4, PIMS: 32, H: 58, SB: 60
S34 STL: GP: 50, G: 9, A: 21, P: 30, +/-: 17, PIMS: 22, H: 13, SB: 50
------------------------------------------------------------
SMJHL Playoff Career Statistics
S34 STL: GP: 15, G: 5, A:6, P: 11, +/- 4, PIMS: 0, H:3, SB: 24
------------------------------------------------------------
SHL Career Statistics
S35 BUF: GP: 50, G: 3, A: 9, P:12, +/- 0, PIMS: 58, H: 55, SB: 52
S36 BUF: GP: 50, G: 8, A: 9, P: 17, +/- 14, PIMS: 34, H: 67, SB: 72
S37 BUF: GP: 50, G: 8, A: 21, P: 29, +/- 9, PIMS: 34, H: 24, SB: 73
S38 BUF: GP: 50, G: 18, A: 17, P: 35, +/- -10, PIMS: 22, H: 43, SB: 73
S39 BUF: GP: 50, G: 5, A: 19, P: 24, +/- 0, PIMS: 20, H: 50, SB: 83
S40 BUF: GP: 50, G: 9, A: 26, P: 35, +/- -11, PIMS: 16, H: 64, SB: 67
S41 BUF: GP: 50, G: 14, A: 31, P: 45, +/- 2, PIMS: 42, H: 75, SB: 90
S42 BUF: GP: 50, G: 4, A: 20, P: 24, +/- 10, PIMS: 61, H: 109, SB: 79
S43 BUF: GP: 50, G: 15, A: 25, P: 40, +/- 3, PIMS: 56, H: 120, SB: 61
S44 BUF: GP: 50, G: 5, A: 22, P: 27, +/- -6, PIMS: 56, H: 150, SB: 76
S45 BUF: GP: 50, G: 8, A: 23, P: 31, +/- 3, PIMS: 28, H: 55, SB: 75
S46 BUF: GP: 50, G: 6, A: 30, P: 36, +/- 11, PIMS: 4, H: 5, SB: 93
S47 BUF: GP: 50, G: 16, A: 22, P: 38, +/- -5, PIMS: 4, H: 3, SB: 57
S48 BUF: GP: 50, G: 7, A: 17, P: 24, +/- 3, PIMS: 10, H: 20, SB: 78
S49 BUF: GP: 50, G: 3, A: 16, P: 19, +/- 2, PIMS: 10, H: 26, SB: 53
S50 BUF: GP: 50, G: 6, A: 16, P: 22, +/- 13, PIMS: 12, H: 33, SB: 40
S51 BUF: GP: 50, G: 2, A: 11, P: 13, +/- 11, PIMS: 16, H: 20, SB: 47

------------------------------------------------------------
SHL Playoff Career Statistics
S35 BUF: GP: 4, G: 0, A: 0, P: 0, +/- -7, PIMS: 8, H: 7, SB: 3
S36 BUF: GP: 7, G: 0, A: 2, P: 2, +/- 0, PIMS: 7, H: 7, SB: 9
S37 BUF: GP: 7, G: 1, A: 2, P: 3, +/- -3, PIMS: 0, H: 7, SB: 11
S41 BUF: GP: 7, G: 2, A: 6, P: 8, +/- 0, PIMS: 4, H: 13, SB: 11
S42 BUF: GP: 5, G: 0, A: 2, P: 2, +/- -10, PIMS: 4, H: 22, SB: 9
S43 BUF: GP: 9, G: 2, A: 4, P: 6, +/- -3, PIMS: 8, H: 24, SB: 13
S46 BUF: GP: 17, G: 2, A: 7, P: 9, +/- 5, PIMS: 2, H: 4, SB: 23
S47 BUF: GP: 13, G: 3, A: 3, P: 6, +/- 3, PIMS: 0, H: 0, SB: 23
S48 BUF: GP: 22, G: 0, A: 6, P: 6, +/- 8, PIMS: 18, H: 25, SB: 21
S49 BUF: GP: 5, G: 1, A: 3, P: 4, +/- -2, PIMS: 0, H: 5, SB: 5

------------------------------------------------------------
Transactions:
Drafted 46nd overall by St. Louis in the S32 SMJHL Draft
Drafted 39th overall by Buffalo in the S33 SHL Draft
------------------------------------------------------------

Awards and Accomplishments:
Named Assistant Captain for STL in S33
Awarded Ondrej Ravchitikov Award - Best Defenseman for STL in S33
Named Assistant Captain for Buffalo in S39
Assistant Captain for Buffalo through S53
S46 Challenge Cup Champion
S48 Challenge Cup Champion
S40 IIHF Gold Medalist
S45 IIHF Silver Medalist
S48 IIHF Silver Medalist
S50 IIHF Gold Medalist




Jaska Seppälä || LW || S53 || Kelowna Knights || TPE: 247
Name: Jaska Seppälä
Height: 6'2"
Weight: 205 lbs
Number: 7
------------------------------------------------------------
SMJHL Career Statistics
------------------------------------------------------------
Transactions:
Drafted 23rd overall by Kelowna in the S52 SMJHL Entry Draft


Player Page || Update page

hockey yeah yeah
hockey yeah yeah
hockey yeah yeah
hockey yeah yeah
hockey yeah yeah
hockey yeah yeah
hockey yeah yeah
hockey yeah yeah
hockey yeah yeah
hockey yeah yeah

||

Seven A.M., waking up in the morning
Gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs
Gotta have my goal, gotta have cereal
Seein' everything, the time is goin'
Tickin' on and on, everybody's Russian
Gotta get down to the practice rink
Gotta put on my skates, I see my teammates (My teammates)
Kickin' at the blue line
Sittin' in the red line
Gotta make my mind up
Which puck can I take?

It's Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin' down on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend
Partyin', partyin' (Yeah)
Partyin', partyin' (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin' forward to the weekend

This was so much more effort than I wanted an mPT to be ngl
Also - I kept the chorus exactly the same but wanted to include it anyways since I was well over 25 words

Thanks @Amidships!

C | Violet Stoica | Regina Elk/Atlanta Inferno | Sweden | 356 TPE 


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Transactions

Selected 12th Overall in the Season 75 SHL Draft

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SMJHL Statistics

None Yet!

To the Tune of American/Canadian Idiot

SHL Idiot

Don’t wanna be a SHL idiot

Don’t wanna be some TPE claiming hockey nut
Do I look like a hockey obsessed hose head?
Always check the discord LR before I to go  bed

All they do is update their player every week, trying to maintain that perfect claiming streak,
remember they play with a puck not a baaaalllll

And ya know what else is too funny? That stupid SHL money, can’t take them seriously at all


FHM files and PT claims are what they export, every year send out a detailed HO report

The camaraderie between users in the league is so cute, don’t be an a hole or you’ll get the boot

So many teams from Dragons lurking in a lair, to Falcons & Steelhawks flying through the air,
having no team in philly is just so wrooong

Some say the Kelowna championship was phony, some also say that statement is baloney,
Regardless they finished their season strong

Don’t wanna be an SHL idiot

The new update scale makes me kinda nervous, now that it’s almost upon us, season predictions might as well be a circus

Every season brings out a new story, shout out to the best locker room !raptorglory,
tell me who else treats noobs so riiight

It’s gotta mean Jumbo & Ruggs are up to something, so quick before they see it coming, let’s go win us a cup!

“All I do is win” parody

All I do is snipe, snipe, dangle no matter what
Got celly’s on my mind, I could never get it right
Everytime I skate into the building, all the ladies shirts go up


Also this is dumb.

S2, S5, S18, S22 Challenge Cup Champion
Hall Of Famers: (S7) Alex Reay | (S28) Daniel Merica

LW- Daniel Merica | Rage | Hall of Fame
REGULAR SEASON STATS:
S15 | SEA | 50 GP | 11 G | 9 A | 20 PTS |15 H | 2 GWG
S16 | SEA | 50 GP | 8 G  | 7 A  | 15 PTS | 9 H
S17 | SEA | 50 GP | 18 G | 17 A | 35 PTS | 20 H | 3 GWG
S18 | SEA | 50 GP | 17 G | 24 A | 41 PTS | 89 H | 3 GWG
S19 | SEA | 50 GP | 17 G | 33 A | 50 PTS | 23 H | 2 GWG
S20 | SEA | 52 GP | 24 G | 23 A | 47 PTS | 52 H | 5 GWG
S21 | MAN| 52 GP | 22 G | 31 A | 53 PTS | 41 H | 6 GWG
S22 | MAN| 52 GP | 23 G | 35 A | 58 PTS |154 H| 1 GWG
S23 | MAN| 52 GP | 22 G | 23 A | 45 PTS | 105 H| 2 GWG
S24 | MAN| 52 GP | 16 G | 21 A | 37 PTS | 95 H | 1 GWG
S25 | MAN| 50 GP | 17 G | 20 A | 37 PTS |92 H
S26 | TEX | 50 GP | 18 G | 20 A | 38 PTS | 37 h
AWARDS
S15 SMJHL MVP
S18 Challenge Cup Champion
S21 1st Team All-Star
S22 1st Team All-Star
S22 Challenge Cup Champion
S28 1st Ballot Hall of Famer


LW- Daniel Merica Jr. | Stampede |  TPE: 1,013
SMJHL REGULAR SEASON STATS:
S59 | ANA | 66 GP | 9 G | 6 A | 15 P | 100.4 PDO |               
S60 | ANA | 66 GP | 14 G | 16 A | 30 P | 100.2 PDO |
S61 | STL | 66 GP | 17 G | 12 A | 29 P | 99.2 PDO
AWARDS:
S61 WJC GOLD MEDAL+ GWG
SMJHL TRANSACTIONS:
S59: Drafted 22nd Overall by Anaheim Outlaws
S61: Traded to St. Louis Scarecrows
SHL TRANSACTIONS:
S60: Drafted 16th Overall by Winnipeg Aurora
S62: Traded to Buffalo Stampede for S65 2nd



Thanks to Ragnar, Wasty and myself for the sigs.

I call this one “SHL happy birthday”

Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday dear @Kalakar
Happy Birthday to you

From fishy and loofee,
From Tampa bay and buffaloo,
May good luck go with you,
And happiness too.

How old are you now?
How old are you now?
How old, How old
How old are you now?

(I know I’m early kal but hbd buddy)

Aron Hernadivic - LW - Buffalo Stampede "A" - 2219 TPE Peak
Age: 23
Height: 5'10"
Weight: 180 lbs
Birthplace: Czech Republic
--------------------------------------------------------------------
SHL Achievements
S53 | Named Alternate Captain of the Buffalo Stampede
S50 | SHL Draft: Selected Round 2, 21st overall by Buffalo
--------------------------------------------------------------------
SMJHL Achievements
S50 | St. Louis - Michael Haan Award for Most Dedicated
S50 | St. Louis - Luke Riggs Award - Most Activity in the LR
S50 | Assist Record; 39 assists
S50 | Named Captain of St. Louis Scarecrows
S49 | Selected Round 2, 20th overall by St. Louis
--------------------------------------------------------------------



Aron Hernadivic - Playmaking LW - Czechia
--------------------------------------------------------
Notable Achievements
S52 | WJC Gold Medalists



Thanks to everybody for the sigs :peepoheart:

Chamberpot - Last Retort
Parody of Papa Roach - Last Resort


Cut my play time into periods
This is my last retort.
Challenge Cupping
No playoffs
Playing terrible while Beanes is coaching.

This is my last retort!

pt pass (sang to the tune of pt pass)

I wasn't really sure what to do for this so I googled songs with Panther in the title, and I landed on a parody of the song Walk Like a Panther by Tony Christie: Skate Like A Panther. It would be played at all Los Angeles home games and insert various players from the team into the lyrics.