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**.bojo** · 03-09-2021, 03:49 PM

i'm pretty sure most people on Winnipeg are aliens because of the rebranding. Jets were natural enemies with UFOs, so they wanted something a little more fan-friendly for all the guys. They're all a little racist of humans tbh.

Mika_Kandinsky · 03-09-2021, 04:15 PM

Glorb myurk durlzlich rrawp gloszer myeuk myeuk lacbsner mrshertip poresansls glirbple shmurr larkble jarklinint. Shmarp lurbingen shwamp loggileril blurfn klort klonkerb smilpher glorb.

The truth is out there. Only the true aliens will get it.

***Vandy*** · 03-09-2021, 05:38 PM

You know at this point I believe fully that Elizabeth Doyle is an alien. First off, only an octopi or someone with 30 arms can make the saves she makes on a daily basis. Second, she seems to know where the puck is gonna be at all times so clearly on top of having many arms she has ESP and third and probably most importantly while she claims to be from British/Irish decent she is not pale. That's probably the biggest red flag. Clearly she is operating a human suit that just took a generic human and decided that would work.

In Summary: Elizabeth Doyle, definitely an alien. Hall of Fame Alien.

Wearingabear · 03-09-2021, 05:48 PM

The players I most suspect to be Aliens in the league aren't the normal suspects, Gabe, Manyhands, even Andrei (Clean). To me, it's a few groups that were thoughtfully picked by the Aliens. These select groups have immense influence on the league. Note that not every player who is in these groups is an Alien, but if they hold multiple jobs across these groups, the chances grow exponentially that they are there for the power grab and ultimate domination of the site, the league, and eventually the world.

The groups in questions:

People who put PH in every thread.
Head Office Members - Who wants to willingly put themselves through the ringer of Head Office? At the forefront of every decision, the first to get knocked and often get very little praise. Aliens are definitely afoot here.
Player Updater - This is a perfect place to insert 1-2 Aliens to really get to know the league on a weekly basis. They have access to each team, get immediate knowledge of their earnings and growth.
HoF Committee - You have to know your enemies history before you can assert total domination over them. So why not have 1-2 Aliens on here doing the research to know who these old heads are.
SHL Award Committee - If you want to know exactly who is top of the class, this is the best group to be apart of.
Historians - This also fits into the same idea as the HoF committee.

These really points out to a few people are currently, or who have recently been apart of these groups. They have massive influence over the leagues, and the site in general.

You all know who you are...

eMLBCommish · 03-09-2021, 05:52 PM

If there are aliens among us, I have one simple solution: Run a promotion called "I am not an alien, I just believe in anal probes!" night at an upcoming Renegades game before the season is done. There might not be aliens in Texas, but they're playing too well, so let's see how many players bite and take the bait.

***DrunkenTeddy*** · 03-09-2021, 06:00 PM

Come to think of it, I've never actually seen what Jeffie looks like... He actually could be an alien. We did this secret santa gift exchange and everyone got on cam for it except for Jeffie, clearly he is hiding something. Also trying to blend in with a funny earth name like Jack Kanoff is a classic alien tactic. Yup, I'm convinced, it's Jeffie.

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Seymour · 03-09-2021, 06:09 PM

I am 90% sure that @Gwdjohnson is an alien. I have seen a video of him cutting “logs” for a “fire”, but no human has arms that small. I am also confident that the “logs” for the “fire” was for his OnlyAliens.

MrRuihu · 03-09-2021, 06:21 PM

Dogwood Maple is definitely an alien, but just from another country, I mean, where do maple trees even COME FROM maan? like come on. there's no way he's from round here. If he is I apologize and will return my table asap.

TheCC · 03-09-2021, 06:21 PM

I don't have very much proof, but I know that Golden Face @Dewalt27 is pretty weird looking. He also talks like he's a bad actor reading from an even worse script, so he doesn't have a very natural speaking voice. I definitely think we should keep our eyes on him.

***Nike*** · 03-09-2021, 06:39 PM

Andrei is an alien for sure. Have you seen the clean record of this guy? There's no way he isn't hiding someone. Nobody can be so CLEAN. I imagine he probably even comes from the planet CLEAN somewhere out there in extraterrestrial space.

***Leafs4ever*** · 03-09-2021, 07:15 PM

I'm pretty sure Tony Pepperoni is an alien. First of all, his face is a pepperoni. I've heard of no condition where a pepperoni replaces your face. Second, if an Alien were to research food humans like, pizza would definitely be at the top and pepperoni is the one topping synonymous with pizza. So I can see an alien picking pepperoni so that people are more friendly towards it.

Guy Incognito - D - #24
Texas Renegades
Season 80
17-6-2
Regular Season - [G 6] [A 11] [Pts 17] [+/- +12] [PIM 29] [Hits 38] [SB 59]
[Image: ERs3IrD.png]

Arkz · 03-09-2021, 07:20 PM

Well if there's one alien on Vancouver, there's likely more. I'm not 100% sure on who it might be, but just looking at the roster my guess is Zebulon Leavitt. I mean, that's almost more of an alien name than Manyhands, so something is very suspicious there.

*leviadan* · 03-09-2021, 08:37 PM

Ha! An alien in the league? Preposterous. All of us are keenly aware of our base 10 counting system, as well as the elemental makeup of our double helix DNA structure. These are of course hydrogen, carbon, nitrogen, oxygen, and phosphorus in case you thought I didn't know. Which I do. All of us are dark red, 5 foot 9, and use our four large dangly parts for tasks of propulsion and manipulation.

On an unrelated note if any of you know someone by the name of Arecibo I'd like to speak with them in a private message. It is um... related to the sport of simulated hockey.

Wawazat · 03-09-2021, 09:44 PM

Attention SHL, there is a verified alien in our midst. And like with ants, when you see one, there is no doubt more in hiding. Aside from Manyhands, do you suspect anyone else of being an alien?

If one were to “buy” that that a verified ALIEN...an extraterrestrial being was actually a player in this fictional professional sports league it would result in a catastrophic chain of events involving the suspension of reality, and the acceptance of sentient highly coordinated animals such as bovine(cows) and mustelids (otters) and anatidae (ducks) ..and then as the threads of this highly organized written hallucination are torn ..you realize the chili dog you just ate for lunch could have been some close relative of the former PT director.

Aaaaaarrgghhh.....It’s just too horrible to contemplate.

I submit the following ...
I asked my learned General Managers in Las Vegas and both @Jearim and @Nokazoa stated the exact same monotone unblinking denial...there are no “ALIENS” “Manyhands” is simply an unused Universal Studios animatronic prop. And that the supposed sentient animals are in fact simply marketing tools for the Dairy Council,(cows) the Cannabis retailers (otters/hotdogs) and the Supplemental Insurance industry( ducks, geese..fowl...whatev..). Now get out, you superhero pajama wearing kryptonian.

HanTheMan_ · 03-09-2021, 10:37 PM

I think Jason Desrouleaux of the Winnipeg Aurora is an alien! how could he possibly be a popular music artist AND have a hockey career? absolute nonsense. even the rebrand is fitting

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