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S72 PT #3: A Hitchhikers Guide to General Management

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Rats... with absurd hockey IQ? Sounds like Brad Marchand or Matthew Tkachuk.

...Sorry.

Anyways, Leon Rizzton's plan to defeat these absurdly smart mice? It's not even a plan. It's not even a battle.

Rizzton has been called "hard-headed" and "himbo" by his teammates often, whatever that means. He has always assumed it just means his head is so hard he is willing to block shots with his helmet. Which is true.

Mice aren't even big enough to hold hockey sticks. How are they supposed to be a real challenge on the ice? They can't wear skates either! Rizzton thinks they should just grab the super smart artificial rats like the rodents they are and kick them back to their homeland.

The aliens tried communicating with him that the mice were more than mere rodents, but he wasn't impressed. "Talk to me when the rats are human sized and we can have a real battle on the ice. It'll be like Godzilla vs Kong but on ice skates!" Needless to say, the aliens he called allies had no idea what he was talking about.

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Leon Rizzton - Defenseman - Timber  - Sig made by KaleSalad!
(This post was last modified: 08-20-2023, 04:33 AM by Thelastheraclid. Edited 1 time in total.)

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Graphic option: draw your player dealing with the unwanted presence of a mouse.

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Story mode

So now that we've beaten our previous opponent, these tiny yet highly intelligent creatures are trying to out-smart and out-play us on the ice. We have the edge in technical skills, but with their speed, positioning and hockey IQ they seem to be quite adept at beating us despite our skills.

Like my old coach always used to say: "If you can't beat them, beat them". So thats going to be where our focus lies. Hitting them is probably not going to be much of a success, given their size, but there are other options:

- a follow-through on a shot hitting them square in the eyes is not considered a high stick under international (and I would assume, inter-universal) hockey rules, even if you miss the puck. And I doubt any of these mice are going to get back up again after being catapulted against the board from a slapshot of one of our alien teammates.

- Mice need their tails to keep balance. Tails and skates are a bloody combination. As long as we don't kick, but just accidentally skate over their tails (or ears, or entire mice), there's not much the ref can do.

And soon enough, they won't have any mice left to compete and they have to forfeit the game.

 
Falcons Monarchs Switzerland   Switzerland Monarchs Falcons
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Falcons Monarchs Switzerland   Switzerland Monarchs Falcons
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Credit for the images goes to @Carpy48, @soulja, @fever95 and @Wasty

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Special thanks to Carpy48, Ragnar, Merica, High Stick King, Sulovilen, sothfacekilla, enigmatic and LeSizz for the signatures!

PLAYER PROMPT

First step: set up hidden cameras. Everywhere. All around his office, the locker rooms, the practice rink, the arena's cafeteria. Maybe not in the bathrooms though. Next step: find a way into his office when he is not there and "mirror" every little thing in the office. Desks, shelves etc. stay where they were so that he doesn't notice anything immediately, but all the little things are switched. The desk lamp that was on the left side of his desk is now on the right. All of the folders, neatly arranged, are put into reversed order. Open up all of the drawers and switch up everything in there. The framed jersey on his wall? Flip that around too. Go a step further. Flip the signs on all of the doors upside down. Switch the top and bottom drawers. Get the carpet off of the floor and rotate it 180 degrees. Take it even further. Steal his phone. Find a way to unlock it. Rearrange all the apps in his phone. Open up the contacts list and put them all in reverse order. Final step: Watch the hidden cameras and enjoy.

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PLAYER PROMPT - And now for the GM

Shnoople lopple and Nevada battleborns mascot has teamed up to prank Nevadas Gm @sköldpaddor. We decide it would be a good prank to come in early and move her office around and mess with a few things. First we will replace all of the ink in the pens with random colours. Then we will shorten one of the legs of her chair so when she sits on it the chair will wobble. Then we will shift everything in the office over a few inches. Then we will make everything hung on the walls crooked and out of place. After we finish everything up we will just sit back and relax waiting for her reaction. The anticipation waiting for her to come in and for her to walk into her office would be crazy. After all of that happens Shnopple and Nevadas mascot will ponder about what our consequences may be or if we will get pranked back.

One of the big things in any human versus alien story is the fact there there is some super specific earth thing that just doesn’t exist in the other planet or something that we consider super normal that is absolutely terrifying to aliens. I think it was the Pixar movie Home that had the alien that didn’t understand that humans loved cats and the cat purring was a scary thing to them. In that vein, my humble band of human warriors would try to capture an alien and run pictures of common earthly things by them until we were able to find something that could give us an edge. I don’t expect that to be a short process, but it is one that I would expect to be successful and help the human side of things have success against our alien opponents once we could figure out that, for example, they were terrified of popcorn or something like that.




Alex Winters (retired)
Matej Winters (retired)
Dominik Winters
S45 Jesster Trophy Winner
Challenge Cup Winning Goal Club: S52

If the other team is smarter than we are but less skilled, and importantly in this instance, not as strong. Im gonna beat them down. Penalties be damn its time to crack skulls. You can be as smart as you like but if you are scared to go near a loose puck situation because you think you are going to get concussed by a guy with twice your body weight, you arent gonna win that battle and probably that game. Especially if in addition to the physicals of strength if we have the physicals of skill as well. So we can crush you into dust and deke you into next month. Yeah it's over. Can't use the brains to pick my pocket on a wold class deke when your brain is scrambled eggs. So, that's what i'd if i was given a team that was more physical and skilled but less hockey smart and slower.

All right, we just got a big big win against a tough opponent, the toughest in the galaxy if you ask me. But we need to keep up the momentum and not sleep on our next adversary. I know they don't look like much, but these mice have spice, and they're looking to sneak out a win against our vastly superior team. What they lack in size they make up for in pure intellect, snazzy hockey IQ. We've got to be physical, we've got to throw the body and make them feel our presence. We're smart enough to know that if we hit them hard enough maybe one of those times they'll be smart enough to stay down. I know they're small and some of you might think they're cute and others of you might think theyre tasty, but don't let that distract you. Go for the kill!

(157)

Locked in collaboration with our team's mascot, we're on the brink of launching "Mascot Mayhem Takeover," a prank that'll set the internet ablaze. Teasing with enigmatic hints, we sprinkle the digital landscape with anticipation. Our perfectly orchestrated "fallout" grabs our GM's attention, drawing them into the whirlwind of our antics. As they momentarily step aside, a concealed camera captures our mischievous plotting. A hilarious twist unfolds with the entrance of a rival mascot, sparking an uproarious dance-off. Prepare for a viral sensation as we unleash this uproar on social media, complete with #MascotMayhem and #GMPrankWars, behind-the-scenes sneak peeks, and a fan vote for the dance-off winner. Beyond the laughter, our aim is to spotlight unity, camaraderie, and the importance of having a well-stocked supply of imaginary glitter for mascot shenanigans, dedicating a slice of the spotlight to a charitable cause. Get ready as this unforgettable prank reverberates, leaving an indelible imprint both on and off the ice.

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SteelhawksCanadaWhalers

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Bro so the prank John Brown plans to hit the GM with is a classic, or so it appears. The first is that when he opens the door a bucket of water will fall on him. That's the classic right? But from there as soon as it happens a luchadore will break into his office and tackle him to the ground. This luchadore will proceed to hold him down while a squad of cheerleaders come put and paint his nails and a mariachi band plays in the background. It'll be a truly chaotic mess of a prank that'll leave the GM confused but appreciative. Until of course he goes to drive home and finds his car covered in stickynotes. With the entire inside of the car filled with biodegradable glitter balloons everywhere. There will be no escape from this prank and it will be one truly diabolical, insane, ridiculous, and most of all, totally harmless and funny. We hope.

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S66 Damian Littleton


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Battleborn | Barracuda | Usa

The GM of the Montreal Patriotes is a known video game player. So what better way to prank him than by messing with all his video games! Brick and Patrice the Patriote team up to run a plan where one distracts the GM, and the other does whatever they can to mess up his video games. Swap the controller with a crappy 3rd party one, change all the in-game controls around, move his gaming couch a few inches in one direction, anything they can think of. The next step in the plan took some time and luck, but the duo eventually got it to work. They made fake accounts on the GM's favorite game, and kept looking for matches until they teamed up with their GM! They spent all match griefing him, and it sounded like he was going to explode! But they invited him to a chat post-game and revealed themselves, and everyone had a good laugh. Unrelated, but coach just told Brick that they're doing a bag skating practice just for goalies...maybe he should have thought this through some more.

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Written Task: You and your mascot have chosen alliance in mayhem. With the blessing of all your org's decision makers except the one involved, you are about to prank your GM. What's your plan and how will you execute it to drive maximum social media engagement?
I think the most important thing about doing a prank on social media for a professional hockey team is for it to be funny and for it to be fun. A lot of pranks being done nowadays on the internet are all malicious and with an intent to hurt or humiliate the person. But the Mascot and I want to engage with people to have a laugh and have a good time. We are lucky in Tampa Bay that our General Manager is fun and has a bubbly personality so our trick is to do the famous one where I will be in the teams uniform in the hallway and wait for him to pass by and I will scare him. once I cath him off guard, the Mascot will come in with a whip cream pie and pie him. I think that will get a lot of people laughing and enjoy the content, it can get the whole team involved on the prank aswell and also it is something I do not think the General Manager will get mad at. I just might have to pay for his suits dry cleaning.

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Thanks to @enigmatic , @Ragnar and @sulovilen for the sexy Signature




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