What's a goalie to do?

Playing in the Allsvenskan as a back up behind little known but steady journeyman Hans Lada on Malmo FF, Arvid Håkansson was barely scouted in part because he barely played. Being the back up on a mediocre division two Swedish league team means not many scouts if any, will see you play. No, Arvid was a long shot by any definition of the word.

So how does a long shot beat the odds?

Well, the just about anybody would tell you it's all about hard work. "If you work hard, and play your ass off, you'll make it, somebody will notice you..." Myself, I think that concept is bullshit. The idea of social Darwinism being a perfect system and having a direct correlation of work to success is a fallacy told to the working people to make them docile and efficient. It's about doing something to get noticed, finding a way to stand out in a crowd of other goalies all vying for that position of acknowledgement by scouts and potential path to fame.

The problem with getting noticed is that Håkansson is noticeably average in just about every facet of his game, solid but nothing eye catching or exceptional to note. He is a balanced goaltender with good but not standout skills relative to his peers. He also rarely enters the game playing just 13 games over his past 2 seasons combined. So what can a goaltender do to break the bonds of normality and be in the spotlight?

Well the simple answer is do something crazy to get publicity which is exactly what he did. Arvid Håkansson signed himself with an infamous agency, Saku Perhonen Player Agency Inc. Having varied degrees of marginal success early in his days, followed by a series of repeated blunders and flame outs, Perhonen's agency makes news whenever taking on a client, if only to invoke the Vegas gambling odds on the over/under days before quitting from hockey will occur. But it does in fact make news, all the same.

Mere hours before the fact however, Håkansson was seen registering for the Simulation Major Junior Hockey League in anticipation of the addition of an agent and is now hoping to seek contract offers in hopes of furthering his career. However without a large sample size of games or highlights to base his play off, Arvid knows that this is both a long shot and his last chance at success, and perhaps Perhonen's as well.

How many smjhl teams need a goalie

Love the resilience

How many smjhl teams need a goalie

0, MAYBE one.

How many smjhl teams need a goalie

0, MAYBE one.

Colorado could absolutely use an active backup for Crawfling
Detroit could probably use another goalie
Anchorage has an “active” backup for Blue but he doesn’t even have an updates thread
Kelowna could absolutely use an active backup for Vilde
Montreal could use a backup/1B goalie with Vrana (lol your own team)

Do better KEYGAN

KARI KEKKONEN | D | RETIRED
NAME: Kari Kekkonen
BIRTHPLACE: Oulu, Finland
HEIGHT: 6'1"
WEIGHT: 185 lbs
NUMBER: 33
------------------------------------------------------------
SMJHL CAREER STATS
S19 KEL: GP: 40, G: 10, A: 26, P: 36, +/-: 16, H: 42

SMJHL PLAYOFF STATS
S19 KEL: GP: 6, G: 0, A: 6, P: 6, +/-: 0, H: 6
------------------------------------------------------------

KAAPO KEKKONEN | C | RETIRED
NAME: Kaapo Kekkonen
BIRTHPLACE: Helsinki, Finland
HEIGHT: 6'3"
WEIGHT: 210 lbs
NUMBER: 19
------------------------------------------------------------
SHL CAREER STATS
S25 LAP: GP: 50, G: 2, A: 3, P: 5, +/-: -4, H: 75
S26 LAP: GP: 50, G: 4, A: 5, P: 9, +/-: -13, H: 94
S27 LAP: GP: 50, G: 6, A: 9, P: 15, +/-: -2, H: 35
S28 LAP: GP: 50, G: 7, A: 10, P: 17, +/-: -2, H: 96
S29 LAP: GP: 50, G: 13, A: 21, P: 34, +/-: -15, H: 85
S30 LAP: GP: 50, G: 23, A: 22, P: 45, +/-: 4, H: 130
S31 LAP: GP: 50, G: 20, A: 18, P: 38, +/-: 5, H: 162
S32 LAP: GP: 50, G: 18, A: 28, P: 46, +/-: 27, H: 183
S33 LAP: GP: 50, G: 17, A: 22, P: 39, +/-: 20, H: 210
S34 LAP: GP: 50, G: 12, A: 25, P: 37, +/-: -2, H: 131
S35 LAP: GP: 50, G: 10, A: 22, P: 32, +/-: -3, H: 115
S36 LAP: GP: 50, G: 11, A: 20, P: 31, +/-: 10, H: 138
S37 LAP: GP: 36, G: 9, A: 17, P: 26, +/-: -1, H: 72
S37 WKP: GP: 14, G: 1, A: 0, P: 1, +/-: -4, H: 19
TOT : GP: 650, G: 153, A: 222, P: 375, +/-: 20, H: 1545
------------------------------------------------------------
SHL PLAYOFF STATS
S25 LAP: DNQ
S26 LAP: DNQ
S27 LAP: DNQ
S28 LAP: DNQ
S29 LAP: DNQ
S30 LAP: DNQ
S31 LAP: DNQ
S32 LAP: GP: 5, G: 1, A: 3, P: 4, +/-: -2, H: 15
S33 LAP: GP: 12, G: 2, A: 3, P: 5, +/-: 0, H: 38
S34 LAP: GP: 7, G: 1, A: 3, P: 4, +/-: 3, H: 23
S35 LAP: GP: 5, G: 1, A: 1, P: 2, +/-: -4, H: 4
S36 LAP: DNQ
S37 WKP: GP: 12, G: 0, A: 2, P: 2, +/-: -2, H: 35
TOT : GP: 41, G: 5, A: 12, P: 17, +/-: -5, H: 115
------------------------------------------------------------

TATU MÄKELÄ | D | RETIRED
NAME: Tatu Mäkelä
BIRTHPLACE: Tampere, Finland
HEIGHT: 5'11"
WEIGHT: 180 lbs
NUMBER: 65
------------------------------------------------------------
SHL CAREER STATS
S40 BUF: GP: 50, G: 5, A: 17, P: 22, +/-: -28, H: 14, SB: 86
S41 BUF: GP: 50, G: 10, A: 21, P: 31, +/-: -3, H: 9, SB: 78
S42 BUF: GP: 50, G: 9, A: 21, P: 30, +/-: 2, H: 13, SB: 65
S43 BUF: GP: 50, G: 6, A: 24, P: 30, +/-: 1, H: 8, SB: 51
S44 BUF: GP: 50, G: 6, A: 28, P: 34, +/-: -6, H: 10, SB: 63
S45 BUF: GP: 50, G: 4, A: 37, P: 41, +/-: 10, H: 130, SB: 71
S46 BUF: GP: 50, G: 6, A: 36, P: 42, +/-: 25, H: 139, SB: 73
S47 BUF: GP: 50, G: 5, A: 23, P: 28, +/-: -4, H: 137, SB: 76
S48 BUF: GP: 50, G: 7, A: 25, P: 32, +/-: 9, H: 151, SB: 70
S49 BUF: GP: 50, G: 6, A: 22, P: 28, +/-: 5, H: 159, SB: 66
S50 BUF: GP: 50, G: 6, A: 20, P: 26, +/-: 14, H: 152, SB: 72
S51 BUF: GP: 50, G: 3, A: 23, P: 26, +/-: 8, H: 143, SB: 50
S52 BUF: GP: 50, G: 9, A: 21, P: 30, +/-: -3, H: 141, SB: 71
S53 BUF: GP: 50, G: 5, A: 14, P: 19, +/-: 23, H: 50, SB: 98
TOT : GP: 700, G: 87, A: 332, P: 419, +/-: 53, H: 1256, SB: 990
------------------------------------------------------------
SHL PLAYOFF STATS
S40 BUF: DNQ
S41 BUF: GP: 7, G: 3, A: 2, P: 5, +/-: -3, H: 0, SB: 10
S42 BUF: GP: 5, G: 0, A: 1, P: 1, +/-: -9, H: 2, SB: 10
S43 BUF: GP: 9, G: 0, A: 5, P: 5, +/-: -1, H: 1, SB: 8
S44 BUF: DNQ
S45 BUF: DNQ
S46 BUF: GP: 17, G: 0, A: 12, P: 12, +/-: 11, H: 59, SB: 28
S47 BUF: GP: 13, G: 0, A: 5, P: 5, +/-: 2, H: 32, SB: 18
S48 BUF: GP: 22, G: 2, A: 10, P: 12, +/-: 2, H: 64, SB: 32
S49 BUF: GP: 5, G: 0, A: 5, P: 5, +/-: 5, H: 15, SB: 8
S50 BUF: GP: 6, G: 0, A: 5, P: 5, +/-: -2, H: 18, SB: 12
S51 BUF: GP: 8, G: 2, A: 5, P: 7, +/-: -3, H: 15, SB: 11
S52 BUF: GP: 15, G: 4, A: 5, P: 9, +/-: 4, H: 47, SB: 26
S53 BUF: GP: 4, G: 0, A: 0, P: 0, +/-: 0, H: 6, SB: 13
TOT : GP: 111, G: 11, A: 55, P: 66, +/-: 6, H: 159, SB: 176
------------------------------------------------------------

KOLJA KEKKONEN | D | RETIRED
NAME: Kolja Kekkonen
BIRTHPLACE: Lappeenranta, Finland
HEIGHT: 6'3"
WEIGHT: 225 lbs
NUMBER: 8
------------------------------------------------------------
SMJHL CAREER STATS
S53 DET: GP: 3, G: 0, A: 1, P: 1, +/-: -1, H: 2, SB: 0
S54 DET: GP: 50, G: 2, A: 8, P: 10, +/-: -6, H: 15, SB: 37
S55 DET: GP: 50, G: 4, A: 12, P: 16, +/-: -24, H: 32, SB: 24
S56 DET: GP: 50, G: 4, A: 17, P: 21, +/-: -20, H: 52, SB: 71
S57 ANA: GP: 66, G: 6, A: 20, P: 26, +/-: 14, H: 52, SB: 70
TOT : GP: 219, G: 16, A: 58, P: 74, +/-: -37, H: 153, SB: 202
SMJHL PLAYOFF STATS
S53 DET: DNP
S54 DET: GP: 7, G: 0, A: 0, P: 0, +/-: 0, H: 2, SB: 3
S55 DET: GP: 4, G: 0, A: 1, P: 1, +/-: -2, H: 3, SB: 0
S56 DET: GP: 5, G: 2, A: 2, P: 4, +/-: 0, H: 3, SB: 7
S57 ANA: GP: 21, G: 2, A: 13, P: 15, +/-: 5, H: 13, SB: 34
TOT : GP: 37, G: 4, A: 16, P: 20, +/-: 3, H: 22, SB: 44
------------------------------------------------------------

KEKW KEKKONEN | C | RETIRED
NAME: Karl-Erik-Karl2-Wojtek Kekkonen
BIRTHPLACE: Lohja, Finland
HEIGHT: 6'4"
WEIGHT: 220 lbs
NUMBER: 69
------------------------------------------------------------
SHL CAREER STATS
S61 BUF: GP: 66, G: 10, A: 28, P: 38, +/-: 21, H: 59, SH: 134
S62 BUF: GP: 66, G: 19, A: 36, P: 55, +/-: 9, H: 84, SH: 194
S63 BUF: GP: 66, G: 17, A: 14, P: 31, +/-: -13, H: 91, SH: 148
S64 BUF: GP: 66, G: 16, A: 51, P: 67, +/-: 36, H: 82, SH: 212
S65 BUF: GP: 66, G: 25, A: 41, P: 66, +/-: 33, H: 136, SH: 230
S66 BUF: GP: 66, G: 38, A: 43, P: 81, +/-: 18, H: 64, SH: 222
S67 BUF: GP: 66, G: 40, A: 45, P: 85, +/-: -6, H: 76, SH: 224
S68 BUF: GP: 66, G: 47, A: 46, P: 93, +/-: 45, H: 51, SH: 326
S69 BUF: GP: 66, G: 35, A: 31, P: 66, +/-: 22, H: 43, SH: 269
S70 BUF: GP: 66, G: 33, A: 48, P: 81, +/-: 18, H: 66, SH: 297
S71 BUF: GP: 66, G: 36, A: 41, P: 77, +/-: 37, H: 55, SH: 257
S72 BUF: GP: 66, G: 25, A: 35, P: 60, +/-: -1, H: 58, SH: 281
S73 BUF: GP: 66, G: 31, A: 41, P: 72, +/-: 23, H: 48, SH: 305
S74 BUF/WPG: GP: 66, G: 17, A: 47, P: 64, +/-: 33, H: 101, SH: 164
TOT : GP: 924, G: 389, A: 547, P: 936, +/-: 275, H: 1014, SH: 3263
SHL PLAYOFF STATS
S61 BUF: GP: 9, G: 2, A: 6, P: 8, +/-: 4, H: 11, SH: 24
S62 BUF: GP: 9, G: 3, A: 1, P: 4, +/-: 2, H: 5, SH: 25
S63 BUF: GP: 12, G: 1, A: 2, P: 3, +/-: -1, H: 32, SH: 33
S64 BUF: GP: 11, G: 2, A: 2, P: 4, +/-: -6, H: 12, SH: 41
S65 BUF: GP: 18, G: 4, A: 7, P: 11, +/-: 8, H: 34, SH: 62
S66 BUF: GP: 16, G: 11, A: 9, P: 20, +/-: 3, H: 13, SH: 49
S67 BUF: GP: 4, G: 2, A: 2, P: 4, +/-: -3, H: 3, SH: 20
S68 BUF: GP: 17, G: 6, A: 8, P: 14, +/-: -4, H: 11, SH: 75
S69 BUF: GP: 4, G: 1, A: 0, P: 1, +/-: -5, H: 2, SH: 13
S70 BUF: GP: 7, G: 1, A: 3, P: 4, +/-: -8, H: 2, SH: 25
S71 BUF: GP: 21, G: 12, A: 9, P: 21, +/-: 6, H: 24, SH: 97
S72 BUF: GP: 5, G: 0, A: 2, P: 2, +/-: -4, H: 7, SH: 25
S73 BUF: GP: 6, G: 3, A: 0, P: 3, +/-: -3, H: 11, SH: 33
S74 WPG: GP: 22, G: 3, A: 4, P: 7, +/-: -2, H: 15, SH: 37
TOT : GP: 161, G: 51, A: 55, P: 106, +/-: -11, H: 182, SH: 559
------------------------------------------------------------

KAL ÅKAR KEKKONEN | D | SEATTLE ARGONAUTS
NAME: Kal Åkar Kekkonen
BIRTHPLACE: The Wilderness, Gielinor
HEIGHT: 6'6"
WEIGHT: 240 lbs
NUMBER: 75
------------------------------------------------------------
SMJHL CAREER STATS
S74 DET: GP: 66, G: 6, A: 14, P: 20, +/-: 3, SH: 83, H: 76, SB: 29
S75 DET: GP: 66, G: 8, A: 22, P: 30, +/-: 31, SH: 129, H: 123, SB: 114
S76 DET: GP: 66, G: 17, A: 21, P: 38, +/-: -10, SH: 193, H: 74, SB: 130

SMJHL PLAYOFF STATS
S74 DET: GP: 17, G: 3, A: 7, P: 10, +/-: 8, SH: 18, H: 16, SB: 5
S75 DET: GP: 14, G: 5, A: 6, P: 11, +/-: 2, SH: 40, H: 26, SB: 27
S76 DET: GP: 4, G: 1, A: 2, P: 3, +/-: -2, SH: 8, H: 8, SB: 8
------------------------------------------------------------

But why would anyone sign a retired goalie who is an ass pancake alt?

How many smjhl teams need a goalie

0, MAYBE one.

Colorado could absolutely use an active backup for Crawfling
Detroit could probably use another goalie
Anchorage has an “active” backup for Blue but he doesn’t even have an updates thread
Kelowna could absolutely use an active backup for Vilde
Montreal could use a backup/1B goalie with Vrana (lol your own team)

Do better KEYGAN

Need and Could find playing time for are not one in the same :(

From what I can tell there’s only like 2 teams with any cap space out of those 5, I know I have 0, Detroit has 0.

smh lmao, Keygan is right tho no one has cap space for a goalie. Colorado could cut the guy they currently have backing up their goalie since he hasn't logged on since creation and replace him with you buuuuuut he is probably making a 1 mil contract or something and who is to say they even want to? Good luck finding a team tho

Need a sig :-/

well this sucks, hopefully you can find a spot

inb4 calls for expansion

https://simulationhockey.com/showthread.php?tid=130731

But why would anyone sign a retired goalie who is an ass pancake alt?

What's an asspancake? :lol:

How many smjhl teams need a goalie

0, MAYBE one.

Colorado could absolutely use an active backup for Crawfling
Detroit could probably use another goalie
Anchorage has an “active” backup for Blue but he doesn’t even have an updates thread
Kelowna could absolutely use an active backup for Vilde
Montreal could use a backup/1B goalie with Vrana (lol your own team)

Do better KEYGAN

Need and Could find playing time for are not one in the same :(

From what I can tell there’s only like 2 teams with any cap space out of those 5, I know I have 0, Detroit has 0.

Honestly, since back up goalies only play 6(?) games a season, I'll live if nobody signs me, that being said, I'd still like to be signed if possible.

My uncle is an internet troll tracker for the FBI and based on text analysis and typography, he said I should bet all my chicken nuggies that asspancake is also this guy...

My uncle is an internet troll tracker for the FBI and based on text analysis and typography, he said I should bet all my chicken nuggies that asspancake is also this guy...

He isn't tho. I can see his IP and it's a different user

Credit to Copenhagen, Wasty, FlappyGiraffe, InciteHysteria, and caltroit_red_flames
  



Mikhail Lokitonov | RW | TOR/LAP/AUT | TPE: Retired Peak: 2018
Name: Mikhail Lokitonov
Age: 26
Height: 5'9"
Weight: 170
Number: 10
------------------------------------------------------------
Transactions
S38 Picked 15th overall by the Prince George Firebirds
S38 Signed $3.0m contract with PGF
S39 Picked 6th overall by the Toronto North Stars
S39 Signed 3-year $7m contract with TOR
S40 Traded to KEL (Only for Nour's sake)
S41 Signed 3-year $9m contract extension with TOR
S44 Signed 3-year $9m contract extension with TOR
------------------------------------------------------------
SMJHL Career Stats:
S38 PGF | 50 GP | 10 G | 16 A | 26 P | 7 PPP | 12.50 SHT% | +4
S39 PGF | 50 GP | 22 G | 35  A | 57 P | 14 PPP | 11.89 SHT% | +36
S40 KEL | 50 GP |  15 G | 21 A | 35 P | 11 PPP | 11.11 SHT% | +4
Total | 150 GP | 47 G | 72 A | 119 P | +44
------------------------------------------------------------
SMJHL Career Playoff Stats:
S38 PGF | 14 GP | 0 G | 1 A | 1 P | -2
S39 PGF | 12 GP | 2 G | 4 A | 6 P | -1
S40 KEL | 10 GP | 6 G |  7 A | 13 P | +2
Total | 36 GP | 8 G |  12 A | 20 P | -1
------------------------------------------------------------
SHL Regular Season Stats
S41 TOR | 50 GP |  12 G | 11 A | 23 P | 4 PPP | 13.04%  SHT% | -9
S42 TOR | 50 GP |  22 G | 21 A | 43 P | 11 PPP | 12.22%  SHT% | -1
S43 TOR | 50 GP |  12 G | 22 A | 34 P | 6 PPP | 5.83%  SHT% | 2
S44 TOR | 50 GP |  16 G | 23 A | 39 P | 6 PPP | 8.04%  SHT% | 10
S45 TOR | 50 GP |  20 G | 26 A | 46 P | 14 PPP | 9.48%  SHT% | -5
S46 TOR | 50 GP |  14 G | 30 A | 46 P | 14 PPP | 7.37%  SHT% | 0
S47 TOR | 50 GP |  21 G | 40 A | 61 P | 10 PPP | 10.14%  SHT% | 1
S48 TOR | 50 GP |  21 G | 33 A | 54 P | 10 PPP | 11.93%  SHT% | 19
Total | 400GP | 138 G | 206 A | 344 P | 1473 SHT | 9.37% SHT% | 17
--------------------------------------------------------------
SHL Playoff Stats
S44 TOR | 7 GP |  1 G | 3 A | 4 P | 0 PPP | 4.00%  SHT% | 1
S45 TOR | 5 GP |  0 G | 2 A | 2 P | 0 PPP | 0.00%  SHT% | 1
Total | 12 GP | 1 G | 5 A | 6 P | 31 SHT| 3.23% SHT% | 2
--------------------------------------------------------------
IIHF Career Stats:
S39 | 11 GP | 1 G | 0 A | 1 P | 25.00% | -2
S40 | 13 GP | 1 G | 0 A | 1 P | 25.00% | -1
S41 | 10 GP | 1 G | 5 A | 6 P | 4.35% | 1
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Career Achievements:
S38 Finished 2nd in S38 SMJHL Rookie Scoring (26P)
S38 Finished 1st (Tied) in S38 SMJHL Rookie Goal Scoring (10 G)
S38 FOUR STAR CUP CHAMP
S38 Esa Anrikkanen Award Winner (Rookie of The Year)
S38 Elias Armia Trophy Winner (The "Storm Likes Me Best" Award)
S39 Ron Bolt Trophy Winner (Best Sportsmanship)
S40 Four Star Cup
S42 Aiden Richan Trophy Winner (Breakout Star)
S43 100 Career Points
S43 IIHF Bronze Medal
S45 IIHF Bronze Medal
S46 200 Career Points
S47 100 Career Goals
S47 IIHF Bronze Medal


Axel Meszaros | D | STL/TOR | TPE: 901
Name: Axel Meszaros
Age: 21
Height: 6'1"
Weight: 198
Number: 2
------------------------------------------------------------
Transactions
Drafted 8th overall to the St. Louis Scarecrows
------------------------------------------------------------
SMJHL Career Stats:
------------------------------------------------------------
SMJHL Career Playoff Stats:
------------------------------------------------------------
SHL Regular Season Stats
------------------------------------------------------------
SHL Playoff Stats
------------------------------------------------------------
Career Achievements:


Robert Lokitonov | Head GM | Toronto North Stars
Name: Robert Lokitonov
Age: 48
Height: 5’11”
Weight: 200 lbs
------------------------------------------------------------
Season Record
ANC S40 9 W | 36 L | 5 OTL | 23 Points | Finished 8th | Missed Playoffs
ANC S41 23 W | 25 L | 2 OTL | 48 Points | Finished 7th| Missed Playoffs
ANC S42 23 W | 22 L | 5 OTL | 51 Points | Finished 4th | Lost in Semis to KEL
ANC S43 19 W | 29 L | 2 OTL | 40 Points | Finished 8th | Missed Playoffs
TOR S44 33 W | 15 L | 2 OTL | 68 Points | Finished 1st East (2nd Overall) | Eliminated 1st Round in 7
TOR S45 24 W | 22 L | 4 OTL | 52 Points | Finished 4th East (8th Overall) | Eliminated 1st Round in 4
TOR S46 29 W | 18 L | 3 OTL | 61 Points | Finished 3rd East (3rd Overall) | Eliminated 1st Round in 7
TOR S47 28 W | 20 L | 2 OTL | 58 Points | Finished 3rd East (6th Overall) | Eliminated 1st Round in 6
------------------------------------------------------------
Career Acomplishments
S39 Named Co-GM of PGF
S42 Named Head GM of PGF
S42 Team moved to Anchorage
S44 Named Toronto Co-GM

https://pics.me.me/i-dont-believe-you-me...261998.png

https://pics.me.me/i-dont-believe-you-me...261998.png

How can you not believe me if I don't exist?