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sharksisback · 11-27-2019, 05:14 AM

So Troy Reynolds finally announces his return to the SHL and public life as a whole, and the season gets delayed. That sounds about right, the league needs extra time to prepare for the greatest comeback story since Kim Kardashian. I've been hitting the gym every day, three times a day. Two times to work out, one time to let out my frustrations on an inanimate object. Between my grand media tour and working out, I've been hitting up the churro stand in San Antonio and flipping off a picture of Charles Barkley. Being tied with the fat man in rings makes me sick. I thought about actually making an effort to get to know my teammates after 3 seasons of being a drifter, but then I remembered that making friends with my teammates led to more than a few legal issues in the past. If I'm gonna get arrested, I'd prefer not to drag anyone else along this time. Anyways, this cut into my clubbing time so I'm gonna go get fucking plastered and sing a stunning rendition of Stand Back by Stevie Nicks. You're welcome.

ej27 · 11-27-2019, 11:15 AM

Not gonna lie, Lockhart wasn't all that bothered by the lockout. He spent all off-season working on improving his passing...oh shit, wait what? Just kidding. Like I was saying, Lockhart didn't worry much about when the season would start, he just enjoyed having a little bit of extra time off to hang with his friends and family. He figured the people in charge would let him know when it was time to show back up for work, so aside from keeping himself conditioned and ready-to-play shape, he mostly just spent the extra time relaxing. Unlike most hockey players, Lockhart isn't a huge golfer, so he didn't spend the extra time on a golf course. He did some hiking around the Bay Area and also went and explored some of the Pacific Northwest, saw some trees and waterfalls and shit. He's very outdoorsy. He also probably let Montgomery take him sailing. But don't worry, he'll be ready when the season starts.

TheWoZy · 11-27-2019, 11:37 AM

Satoshi Zizagooney went to Germany to train with his new teammate Cassius Darrow. This is going to be Satoshi first season in the SHL and he wants to learn from the veteran player. Cassius Darrow became an elite defensemen for the Buffalo Stampede at a young age. He taught me how to prepare for the game in the SHL. The minors league is nowhere close to the SHL. I have struggled in my last season in the SMJHL so I knew I wasn’t ready to play against the best. I have practiced my positioning and my skating. The game is faster at the higher level. I had the chance to play with Alexander Selich, the best player in Germany. We played against each other but I wasn’t able to win. He gave me some tips about my skating. I feel that I have become a better player after the time I spent in Germany. There’s a few more days left before the season opener. I’m excited!

Mika_Kandinsky · 11-27-2019, 12:51 PM

Mika is feeling like the lockout has been a good idea. It makes sense to make sure the environment for the game is right before we jump into the new season. Any time someone can easily exploit a system to alter results in their favor should be taken seriously. The sanctity of the league is at stake here and it makes sense to take the time to get a solution that works for everyone.

In the meantime, Mika has been relaxing a bit after a long and hard season plus playoffs. After putting up record numbers he wanted to spend some time enjoying the aftermath of his first season in the big leagues. He played in the international tournament, but it didn't go as well for him as he hoped. So, after that, he took to the ice for more training and has already made some big improvements for the upcoming season when it finally arrives. He's eager to get going.

fever95 · 11-27-2019, 02:15 PM

During the delay to the start of the season, Noah Gallagher has spent the extra time getting some more workouts in and he looks much stronger to begin the season.

StadiumGambler · 11-27-2019, 02:50 PM

Nick Brain was ok with the lockout for the most part, knowing that the rule changes likely to be hammered out in the backroom discussions would be good for the league as a whole. Nick is also well-entrenched enough financially to where the lockout doesn't affect his bank account, thanks to hefty media settlements and great endorsement opportunities.

Nick is passing the time during the lockout honing his Street Fighter skills, both on his laptop and in arcades all across Manitoba. Nick is also practising his ability to take face offs with a trainer specialised in the subject, as his transition to becoming one of the league's best up-and-coming centers continues. To keep sharp on his hockey skills overall, Nick plays first line center on a provincial beer league outfit known as the Winnipeg DJ Khaleds. Nick recently set a record in said beer league for goals scored in a game, after registering 10 against the Brandon Big Baller Brand in a dominating performance.

Overall, a fun offseason, but Nick is ready for the end of the delays and red tape and the start of Season 51.

*Leppish* · 11-27-2019, 03:31 PM

Chiefs veteran Defenseman Geoff Moore has been enjoying the extra long offseason, he needs all the rest time he can get with age catching up to him. Geoff has been spending time at his Minnesota ranch, drinking beers, hiking in the forests with his dog, building a new garage to fit all his new toys in, riding his motorcycle around the dirt roads in the woods and all the other good stuff. He's also been binging a lot of netflix and also binging a lot of beers. He says beer is his recovery drink during the off-season. He thinks the lockout has been pretty annoying because there are no clear dates for the pre-season start or anything, for which he blames Hamilton, calling them "a bunch of young pricks and cheaters" In a phone interview with the local sports paper. But nevertheless he's ready for the season to start and is anxious to get back to playing with his team.

***hhh81*** · 11-27-2019, 03:43 PM

When it comes down to it, Cassius Darrow kept doing what he does. He’s been on the ice every day practicing, working out and keeping in top shape. When asked about his thoughts on the lockout, he made his feelings clear.

“I don’t really care. I just want to play hockey. I have my contract money for the season, so I’ve been paid either way. My family will be okay, I will have food to eat and a place to sleep. I just want to play.”

Despite the arduous training regimen, Darrow has found himself with a little extra free time. He invited a few of his teammates over for dinner a few nights ago, and took his first shot at cooking “German-Cajun” fusion, using authentic German meats with more traditionally Cajun dishes like gumbo.

“Honestly… when he told me he was serving sauerkraut and bratwurst gumbo, I was sorta scared,” Stampede teammate Monkey D. Luffy @TnlAstatine shared. “It actually worked. I don’t know shit about cooking, but he balanced the flavors really well. If meals like this keep up, I don’t mind not playing!”

jRuutu · 11-27-2019, 04:11 PM

I for one will never say no for extra chance to work on my game, this lockout is like a gift from the gods. After missing out on the playoffs last year, I kept drinking for solid 5 weeks in a row, nonstop - every day. Goes without saying by the time training camp started I was not exactly ready to go, so I´m using this time now to prepare for the upcoming season. Not sure exactly how much time I have left before the season officially starts, but what I have done so far is skate A LOT every day, on the mornings and one more session in the evening, between the skating I hit the gym. In general, try to eat healthily and get back to the whole being a professional hockey player thing again.

I was also thinking about going to Europe and play, Finland was the number one option, but in the end, we decided its the best if I stay at home and have my own little training camp instead of playing. The level of play in Finland is really high after all and the risk of getting hurt was too much.

charlieconway · 11-27-2019, 04:29 PM

Former 1st Overall Stuck Pondering Existence, Playing Style

Winnipeg Jets prospect Adam Barron has been spotted in the Winnipeg area, lying spread eagle in the middle of a gym floor staring at the ceiling.

Fellow gym-goers have noted that the Raiders defenseman, 20, seems at a crossroads in terms of life choices.

"I remember hearing him mutter to himself about passing, and shooting, and the difference between them. He kept repeating 'Pass or shoot did I choose right?' over and over to himself. I don't really know what he's talking about. Though at one point while I was in the middle of a dead lift he sneezed really loud and I shit my pants a little, so that was kinda lame," said one attendee that requested anonymity in this article.

There has been speculation that Barron is considering extensive lifestyle changes after recent poor performances on both the local and international stage. It is currently unknown whether this includes retiring from the game outright, though when asked about the matter, his agent would not offer comment. ■

[176 words]

ArGarBarGar · 11-27-2019, 05:09 PM

Borromini Cannellini passed the time by doing fun things like anything but writing about things that he would rather not write about. What are those things, you ask? Playing video games (like this game Pathologic which is a weird horror game that is apparently terrible but it is so engaging), or perhaps working out (gotta stay in shape for the upcoming season regardless of how long it takes before the season begins). He also skated on local rinks in the area, since he loves hockey so much he had to do it. He also found a beer league team that he is playing with. It is a much lower level, so he is basically dominating out there, but at the very least he is able to keep his legs fresh and be ready for when the season begins, if it begins. Will the season begin, however? Borromini Cannellini has no idea.

Alonzo Garbanzo Final Tallies (Among Defensemen):
2nd in Goals (208), All-Time Assists Leader (765)*, All-Time Points Leader (973), 3rd in Hits (2587), All-Time Blocked Shots Leader (1882)*
*All-Time Leader Among All Skaters
Player Profile | Update Thread
[Image: IeEV7Iv.png]

***HoltzFan10*** · 11-27-2019, 05:58 PM

[Image: 4DD0A125-37FD-4F56-B5BA-9DDE71883D81.png]

Benjamin Blue had a new interest in fishing and spent the days of the delay pursuing his newfound hobby! Blue managed to get a nice catch and got a pic of it for memories c:

Jepox · 11-27-2019, 08:23 PM

Up and coming superstar for the Tampa Bay Barracuda of the Simulation Hockey League, Nolan Sawchuk, decided to stick around the Tampa Bay area during the lockout. He had already spent the summer training back home in Iceland with teammate Nickolas Klaus so he decided to stay at his house in Tampa Bay during these trying times. Of course among the workouts and skates during this time he made sure to live it up on the Tampa night scene. Plenty of stories of his wild antics have been floating around Tampa Bay for the past while, with a whispered comparison to NHL star Evgeny Kuznetsov being heard by the community. Word hasn't gotten back to the team yet but if it does expect some interesting press releases from them. When we caught Nolan out at a local grocery store he mumbled something about us leaving him alone and not wanting to comment on the lockout, and rushing off to the back of the store.

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shutdown · 11-27-2019, 10:09 PM

Well, since Nick has a crippling gambling addiction, this lockout couldn’t have come at a better time. College basketball has just hit its stride and there are games on all day for Nick to bet. He’s spent the better part of the offseason and lockout period sitting at local sportsbooks drinking and gambling away his hard earned SHL checks. He’s been seen cursing and screaming while slamming glasses still full on the ground shattering them into a million pieces. He’s been kicked out of countless bars for being too drunk and getting into fights over hundreds of thousands lost on literal 18 year old kids playing a game. I don’t think many of us would expect Nick to have trained at all this offseason. Some people have chosen Nick as their prediction for ROTY but maybe they should reconsider after the multi-month bender he’s been on. He can’t even afford equipment to play this season.

Toivo · 11-27-2019, 11:09 PM

The season is being delayed, that really stinks, but it gives Elijah Jones extra time to train. He’s been working hard every day, covering all the important areas. For instance, he worked on his penmanship yesterday to improve his autographing. Another example, he worked on goal celebrations two days ago. He’s slowly developing into an all around player that can sign autographs and celebrate goals like the best of them. It’s time to plan for the rest of the week as we wait for the start of the season. Tomorrow, Elijah Jones will work on the pre-game name. The plan here is to have three naps, slightly changing things each time. The first nap will be on top of covers with sweats. The second nap will be under covers. And the third nap will be in full gear in the locker room. Then after tomorrow, we’ll work on the post-game meal. Elijah Jones has it all figured out pretty much and is on the road towards being the complete package.

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