A bunch of the Timber were on a video call playing Jackbox together, when we took a break to grab food and drinks. Our alternate captain, Thicc Cheezy, obviously decided to order pizza to add on to that cheesy goodness that's already abundant in his life. His local place doesn't have online ordering, so he called them up to place his order (including extra cheese) and since no one is paying with cash these days, he gave them his credit card number over the phone - without remembering to mute his microphone. We've been pretty nice to him so far, but I hope he's enjoying the orders of fancy bath products, lingerie, and stuffed animals that keep arriving at his door step paid for by himself. I think someone just signed him up for a wine of the month club, and frankly I'm planning on crashing his place as soon as this is over to see if he has anything good to drink.
We were just having a normal team meeting about strategy one day. Everyone was talking and discussing how to get out of the rut we've been in and what our chances are in the playoffs. But I noticed that while Andrei had looked very interested in the conversation, he had not said anything. He seemed to react to things when nobody said anything either. This went on for the length of the meeting. When we were finally wrapping up, I asked Andrei if he had any thoughts. He didn't respond. He must have accidentally deafened himself. I texted him this and he responded that he had no idea what I was talking about - he wasn't in a call. I saw Andrei look surprised and fumble with his mouse and keyboard. He then spoke.
"Sorry I not realize there was meeting. I play chess."
He was playing chess the whole time! He hadn't heard a word we said. I asked him what his plans were for the rest of the season.
Rikard has never been saavy with technology. Growing up in a small town in the middle of Sweden did not afford Rikard with much opportunity to be immersed in technology. So when the quarantine hit and to ensure he was keeping up with his training, Rikard and his trainer set up a videoconference meeting weekly to keep in shape and game ready. During cool down period, Rikard decided to play with the virtual backgrounds and filters that the application had. While it was fun pretending he was in the set of the Simpsons, or soaring out of the world, the trouble came when he used a filter to make himself look like a potato. While it was funny at first, Rikard couldn’t turn off the filter. He was a potato for the next month as he tried to remove the filter. Training slowed during that month. Rikard became a couch potato.
We've been using Zoom almost every day in Hamilton ever since the SHL season was suspended because of Covid-19, we usually talk about hockey, plans for the future, and just random everyday stuff. One day around a week ago we were talking about management teams in the SHL, and Dmills said, "We all agree Waters is the worst co-GM in the league, right?" That's rich coming from the SMJHL GM who's basically inactive but yeah, he was right. I said that even someone like Gabe Johnson would be a better co-GM than Waters, to which GA replied, "I know Waters is a terrible co-GM but Gabe is probably the only one who would be worse". I should mention that Gabe was there as well, but I think he already knew that he was disliked by every member of the Hamilton organization so that was no big deal. So we argued for around 2 hours whether Gabe would be a worse co-GM, and finally Hallsy was like, guys, I will just make Gabe my co-GM and let's find out. So that's how Gabriel Johnson became the Hamilton co-GM. The worst decision in the history of this team, already regretting it.
The hijinks! They are plentiful these days. We are all being responsible individuals. We are all socially distant and what not. So we are sitting there in a meeting for a class I am taking, and one of the students with their microphone turned on, has a kid enter the room. The kid informs his mother that there’s an emergency in the bathroom and the details are outrageous! The kid is describing essentially a volcano of human waste shooting out of the toilet and to “help” the situation, the kid turned on the shower and pointed the head towards the toilet. Now, there’s overflow from the toilet and added water from the shower shooting human waste all throughout this bathroom. The mother is mortified and lets out a scream when she realizes what is going on. The father could be seen running through the camera shot and apparently shut off the water to the toilet.
I face time exclusively with @dankoa. When I wake up in the morning I call him immediately as he is a pro teeth brusher. I consistently forget the FDA approved method and Dan is there to make sure I brush for a full 2 minutes. I was told if I don't floss my minutes will be cut so I have some white ass teeth. He also helps me choose my outfits and I'm a eral head turner. I go walking into games lookin fly. This one was met with rave reviews
For example, the other night I met up with someone from tineder, but was a bit nervous about what to talk about. Dan to the rescue! He jumped on and I threw my phone up against the salt shaker and we made it a group date. For some reason Karen didn't decide to go on a second date with us, but she ate with her mouth open anyway so no big deal.
Ola Wagstrom was on a video conference with his teammates, a group Zoom call. It was supposed to be a scouting meeting, also one that discussed team affairs and trade deadline targets. But it ended up in all out civil war after controversial comments were aired. Somehow, Detroit Falcons players hacked into the communications and began screaming obscenities at the entire team. They tried to mute the accounts, but they just kept coming like rain on a stormy night. HO was brought in to try to mediate, but as outrage on social media was fueled, more and more people took it upon themselves to raid the meeting. It was a catastrophe, there was no way they could get any work done. In the midst of the screaming and chaos, Wolfpack management decided to disband the Zoom call and try to discuss these things over a different platform. It clearly was not secure enough for such important work.
This past week Bale was FaceTiming his favorite SHL player, Daniel Bischoff. Bischoff has helped Bale along the way and has been a very nice man to him. While they were on Zoom, Bischoff started to get very awkward and short in his responses to Bale then immediately went silent. Bale, shocked out of his mind, continuously yells Bischoff's name, to no avail. Bischoff then fell backwards in his chair and hit his head on the ground. Blood started to spill out. So what did Bale do? He immediately drove to Bischoff's house and saved his life. Just kidding, he called the cops. The cops showed up and saved Mr. Bischoff from bleeding out and dying. Bale waited all day, wondering what could have possibly happened to his close friends. The police said that Bischoff was deranged from seeing how beautiful Bale was and in this state of quarantine, Bale stimulated Bischoff all the way into shock.
Wow, what a video chat we had the other day with some of my Edmonton Blizzard teammates. We were all jumping online to have our weekly meeting, social distancing style. Most of us had arrived already. Jean-Paul, Tony, Tor, Jon and myself were all online and just basically chatting it up while waiting for the last few to show. Next thing you know, you can hear someone singing through a microphone. Then a new video appeared and it was none other than our legendary goaltender, Tommy Tuck. He must have closed his laptop the last time without exiting out of the program, and so when he opened it up, it immediately reloaded and jumped into the call. Not knowing this, Tommy was singing and dancing around his room in nothing but a towel. He had obviously just showered and had no idea he was being watched by everyone else on the call. He wised up when he heard us all laughing in the background.
With the recent covid-19 pandemic condemning teams to their homes and quarantine, Michael Fox has taken to videoconferencing with linemate Jimmy Slothface and legendary team trainer Fred Staten. In what began as a joke, the trio starts off every session with your typical voodoo ritual. once the juju is right and the sacrifices have been made, only then does the conditioning start. As odd as this may be, this has become the new norm for not only Fox and Sloth, but for the majority of the New Orleans team. One day, however, Fox showed up one day business as usual, except.....the sacrifice had changed. No longer was it a stuffed dragon or lion, but instead it was a Fox and a Sloth. Jimmy couldn't believe his eyes, not even Staten had ever gone that far before....but Fox knew what needed to be done. This was the only way.
With Alaska still having a stay at home order, the Armada team held a large video conference after players came home from the all star game (Which we won and Braden Lowrie got MVP which was awesome). We talked about a lot of things, how the season had been going, what the plans were going forward, all that good stuff. One thing that the captain did was tell the rookies to keep their heads on straight. That even though we had the lead in the conference before the break, it would only take one set of bad games for it to all crumble away. Mitchell is very good at giving rousing speeches, he does so all the time in the locker room during games and it was nice to sit down with all the guys even though it was just through screens. Then Chris de Siren piped up and said
“I hope you have enough supplies of licorice to get through this, Santtu”
We laughed it off. My family's love of licorice is a well known thing in the locker room so just hearing that made me feel better about this whole mess. I love my team and I love the boys who play on it
Due to Yoshimitsu McCloud's ineptitude with technology, he usually has to attend videoconference calls with his wife nearby. Yoshimitsu himself is fine with the ordeal and even felt a slight bit of revenge over his former San Francisco overlords, seeing as he's now actually supposed to use his old armour sets outside. Needless to say, this has given a lot of grief to his wife, who now has to listen to most of the locker room banter happening all the time but this also meant that she was around for the discussion of a relocation. Needless to say, she spent most of the time trying to hold Yoshi back from suggesting they should move the team to locations such as Cape Canaveral, Fort Myers, Saturn (the planet), the Bermudas Triangle (he says he knows a couple of ninja from there), Luanda (in Angola, somehow made sense), Paris, Dublin and Meath.
Player Page - Update Page
Former Players: Yoshimitsu McCloud (LW, #64) - Won a Four Star Cup once, knew ninjutsu, picture editors hated him, never tried free agency
Anton Harrier (LW, #90) - Won WJC gold, liked skateboarding a lot, went to the finals with Manhattan, kept his seat glued in LR
Our entire team was on a video conference discussing the state of the team, how we have started climbing in the standings, and what our performance could mean. Our GM Katth began to seriously discuss the upcoming trade deadline and how that even though we had recently begun performing well again that anyone is still expendable. Katth then said “Ethan—“, but the video cut out instantly. Staff began trying to get the connection back, but in the meantime all heads turned towards Duncan. Jaska Seppälä thought he was going to cry for some reason, but instead Duncan just turned beet red as he thought he was about to be traded to some desolate place like Maine or Colorado for a more talented player in a push for the Four Star Cup.
Suddenly the Knights’ GM was back and said “Sorry about that folks! Anyways, I just wanted to congratulate Ethan Duncan on matching his point total from the previous year while committing to a much more defensive style of play.” Duncan began to laugh and then the whole room burst out into laughter along with him. That could have ended way worse and all over a simple technical error.
raymond3000 Registered
S11, S35 Challenge Cup Champion
Posts:3,725 Threads: 106 Joined: Nov 2011 Reputation:36
Pronouns: Undisclosed
Player: Andreas Kvalheim
With the state of Texas still under a stay at home order, the Texas Renegades had to switch to video conferencing to conduct their routine team meetings and activities. During one of these meetings, some of the Renes players decided to pull a prank on Andreas Kvalheim, calling the police to report an active shooter situation at Kvalheim's residence. Kvalheim of course had no idea this was happening, and with his headphones on, was unable to hear the police and swat sirens as they converged on his house. His teammates looked on in glee through Kvalheim's webcam as a swat unit busted through Kvalheim's bedroom door with guns drawn and Kvalheim fell out of his seat in surprise. The law enforcement quickly swarmed Kvalheim, keeping him on the ground while they handcuffed him. Kvalheim was briefly arrested, as the situation was quickly cleared up after the other Renes player explained the situation.
DrunkenTeddy
![[Image: kkSvwUP.png]](https://i.imgur.com/kkSvwUP.png)
![[Image: PuANRuu.png]](https://i.imgur.com/PuANRuu.png)
![[Image: 15Ng51w.png]](https://imgur.com/15Ng51w.png)
![[Image: S56Banner.png]](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/520427753653141504/776184284615540777/S56Banner.png)
![[Image: 2ew9foG.png]](https://i.imgur.com/2ew9foG.png)
![[Image: rnSNsnU.png]](https://i.imgur.com/rnSNsnU.png)
![[Image: ef7a-01a2-4a79-a6c6-cbf199b21a85.jpg]](https://thumbnailer.mixcloud.com/unsafe/300x300/extaudio/7/e/a/9/ef7a-01a2-4a79-a6c6-cbf199b21a85.jpg)
![[Image: thiefofcheese.gif]](https://sig.grumpybumpers.com/host/thiefofcheese.gif)
![[Image: Yztckjo.png]](https://i.imgur.com/Yztckjo.png)
![[Image: dakiller11.gif]](https://sig.grumpybumpers.com/host/dakiller11.gif)
![[Image: MrStennett08.gif]](https://sig.grumpybumpers.com/host/MrStennett08.gif)
![[Image: lap-teamsig.png]](https://i.ibb.co/qk2zy1Z/lap-teamsig.png)
![[Image: 7MO9RpC.png]](http://i.imgur.com/7MO9RpC.png)
![[Image: d8gycCg.png]](https://i.imgur.com/d8gycCg.png)
![[Image: CAu3g3c.png]](https://i.imgur.com/CAu3g3c.png)
![[Image: zS2lCMp.png]](http://i.imgur.com/zS2lCMp.png)
![[Image: oMh09WY.png]](https://i.imgur.com/oMh09WY.png)
![[Image: 1DL5JDX.png]](https://i.imgur.com/1DL5JDX.png)
![[Image: wu5MVvy.png]](http://i.imgur.com/wu5MVvy.png)
![[Image: sXDU6JX.png]](https://i.imgur.com/sXDU6JX.png)
![[Image: 17307_s.gif]](https://signavatar.com/17307_s.gif)
![[Image: DrunkenTeddy.gif]](https://sig.grumpybumpers.com/host/DrunkenTeddy.gif)
![[Image: Tqabyfh.png]](https://i.imgur.com/Tqabyfh.png)
![[Image: pb_olli.gif]](https://sig.grumpybumpers.com/host/pb_olli.gif)
![[Image: vtXGfpR.png]](https://imgur.com/vtXGfpR.png)
![[Image: N2ANQtw.png]](https://imgur.com/N2ANQtw.png)
![[Image: aawil.gif]](https://sig.grumpybumpers.com/host/aawil.gif)
// 