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Velevra · 06-16-2020, 07:57 PM

During the offseason Akira Ren launched a new cooking show with his partner called “Cooking with the Ren’s”. Ren’s partner owns a café back home in Yongen Jaya, Japan called Café Leblanc that was the inspiration for many of the dishes on the show. Café Leblanc was originally owned by Sojiro Sakura who Akira lived with for a year and helped run the store with. Café Leblanc was especially known for their amazing coffee and curry combos. The curries always make use of special secret ingredients that range from apples, honey, yogurt, steak sauce, chocolate, coffee, and red wine. They say the house curry is never the same and the cooking show gives a behind the scenes look at this process. Accompanying the curries is always a flesh blend of Coffee. Some of the favorites include the Cuban Crystal Mountain: a coffee known for its full-bodied aroma and taste, and the Panama Esmeralda Geisha: a highly sought-after variety that holds the record for the highest bidding price at the International Coffee Auction in Panama.

***notorioustig*** · 06-16-2020, 08:48 PM

Welcome to Cooking the Books with Tig Murphy, CPA. Before we get started, let's go to today's Tip of the Day!

TOTD: When it comes to baking, always remember the 3C's: cinnamon, cream, and care. This is, of course, not applicable if you're going for some southern flavours, as you'll very rarely see the 3C's utilized in New Orleans cookbooks.

Alright, back to our main event - Mama's Famous Untraceable Chocolate Chip Cookies! This one can be used to turn quite the little profit for those of you with your own baking business, coffee shop, or restaurant, so pay close attention.

The ingredients you will need are as follows:

- 2 1/4 cups Gold Medal™ all-purpose flour
- 1 teaspoon baking soda
- 1/2 teaspoon salt
- between 50,000 and 1,000,000 dollars, cash
- 1 cup butter, softened
- 3/4 cup granulated sugar
- 3/4 -cup packed brown sugar
- 1 egg
- 1 teaspoon vanilla
- 2 cups semisweet chocolate chips
- 1 cup coarsely chopped nuts, if desired, but you're wrong if you desire them

Now remember, it doesn't matter how you've obtained the ingredients, the important thing is that we turn them into a tidy sum of cash (this includes the tidy sum of cash we are using).

1. Put the dry ingredients (minus the cash) into a mixing bowl before slowly mixing in the liquids, mixing it into a smooth batter. The first important step we're going to learn here is PLACEMENT. You will be balling your cookies onto a greased baking sheet, being sure to space them out a touch - this step is key so they form nicely shaped cookies that don't expand and stick together. At the same time, take a portion of that cash you have obtained and use it to pay out a number of your day-to-day cash expenses. As you are a cash-intensive business, this will seem good and normal - no need to question this step!

2. The next step is one I like to call LAYERING. The object of this step is to delightfully hide some flavour (and profit!) in a way that's virtually undetectable. For the cookies, I like to take a type of soft candy (caramels work wonders) and lightly fold it into the very centre of each cookie. Simultaneously, start depositing manageable amounts of your big pile of cash into your business bank account alongside the revenue from your day to day operations. Again, as a cash-intensive business, nothing to see here except tasty treats! (Note, be sure to record these extra deposits as sales).

3. Bake the cookies, or something. You're the one with the restaurant/bakery/coffee shop, you know how this works.

4. Our final step is called INTEGRATION. You will be selling your cookies loud and proud, front and centre in your shop displays. At the same time, you will continue both using the cash for expenses as well as depositing it until it's gone. Your net profit will skyrocket and after your fiscal year has ended and your tax return has been filed, be sure to write yourself and any other owners the fat cheque you deserve!

This has been cooking the books with Tig Murphy, CPA. Thanks for tuning in and remember - do your books yourself because bookkeeping hoes ain't loyal.

***Aephino*** · 06-16-2020, 09:05 PM

Show Title: Williams Waffles

While the title may make it sound like Edward Williams will have a show about making waffles, the word "waffles" actually refers to the definition of speaking (at great length) without saying anything important. This will be a show where Williams just makes whatever food comes to mind, while pandering on about whatever topics come to mind! However, Williams does have a specialty...

Food: Pasta

Edward Williams is a terrific pasta chef. He can make butter pasta, pasta with marinara sauce... you name it! (As long as it's either pasta with butter or sauce from a can). Ed isn't a terrific chef, but this show will document his progress from becoming a mediocre cook, to a slightly less mediocre cook!

Guests: Anyone who doesn't mind the smell of burnt food

Williams has made lots of friends in his time in the SHL, whether that's with the Falcons, the Renes, or any other folks who found his British accent to be charming. As long as they can put up with Williams' cooking ability, they are welcome on Williams Waffles! Bonus points if they can teach Eddie a new recipe!

nour · 06-16-2020, 09:41 PM

Hey welcome back to Unholy Abominations with Skao Anazibf. You might know Skao from his star studded status as a member of the Detroit Falcons or the Hamilton Steelhawks, but in his off-time he loves to make famed dishes that will clog your arteries and absolutely give you some form of disease. Today, we are joined by Steelhawks teammate Jagger Fouquette!

Fouquette: "What are we making today Skao?"

Anazibf: "Well Fouquette, we're gonna be making one of my famous mayo melts."

Fouquette: "Well let's take it away!"

Anazibf: "We start by slathering two slices of white wonder bread with a nasty amount of mayo. Normally we would toast our bread in butter, but the mayo is gonna give it a little zip, a little twang. Once one side is nice and golden, we flip and start assembling the sandwich. We layer on some Frank's Red Hot Sauce, then we alternate between a cheese layer, a ham layer, a cheese layer, a ham layer and a final cheese layer, before sprinkling some garlic salt on the bread and toppin with a jalapeno."

Fouquette: "Wow Skao! This tastes amazing! I can feel my blood thickening in my veins. I can barely breathe!"

Anazibf: "That's all the time we have, I gotta get Fouquette to a hospital!"

**First GM in SMJHL history to win 3 Four Star Cups back-to-back-to-back**

*Otrebor13* · 06-16-2020, 11:38 PM

While I’m definitely not the best cook out there, if I had a cooking show I think it would be called “Theo’s More Gain”. The show would be centered around foods and recipes which would be good for athletes of all sports, or for those who are athletic and want to have better options out there. The main concept will simply be food and recipes which will help enhance athletic performance. So it’s not just for athletes, but for anyone looking for better options.

There will definitely be special guests, such as other athletes and famous chefs. There will also be different episodes which may center around certain foods/diets. One episode will center around vegan food and how to get the most out of that, a keto episode for anyone on a keto diet, and definitely an episode for those who are going gluten free, which has become an increasing trend in the sports world. I think the concept is there and would be watched by many!

*Carpy48* · 06-17-2020, 01:57 AM

Ever since his days in the SMJHL Harry has been known as one of the people on the team that knows how to cook. He's invited teammates over to his place to cook them dinner, especially those with zero skills in the kitchen. When he was asked to come up with a concept for a cooking show he thought it had to be something especially for 'those' guys. Everyday dinner recipes. Simple, but good. "Daily dinner" would be the name. To make sure he included as many basic recipes as possible, Harry went around his team and other teams in the league and asked everyone for their number one go-to recipe they would cook when they were tired, had no time or were just too lazy to cook. A lot of them replied and with enough material for at least 30 episodes, Harry handed over the concept to the television station. Of course the plan was to invite that very person that submitted that recipe as a guest for each episode and talk a bit about the story of that recipe and see how it could even be improved a little. Every five or so episodes he would instead invite someone with absolutely zero skills - those that usually came to him for dinner - and teach them one of his own basic recipes.

efiug · 06-17-2020, 06:43 AM

the petr mikulak sandwich show is a surrealist comedy cooking show that highlights the struggles of making sandwiches in the harshest environments. watch the famous hockey player hand craft sandwiches made from the highest quality ingredients as he puts his mettle to the test. the first season opens off with one of the most dangerous sandwiches ever made, a simple ham and american on white bread, but in shark infested water. episode 2 continues with a more relaxed approach, at the top of a snowy mountain mikulak must create and grill the classic grilled cheese. episode 3 has him making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich while in a simulated rocket launch. episode 4 is a race against the clock as mikulak needs to create a sandwich while being hunted by dangerous wild geese. the final episode has mikulak making the treachery sandwich, in which he is gagged and blindfolded and must rely on all other senses to create the sandwiches he is requested to make and one wrong move could end with massive repercussions. tune in and watch the petr mikulak sandwich show live thursdays at 12pm/11 central

soulja · 06-17-2020, 09:20 AM

Not only is Zlatan Ibrahimovic a gifted hockey player, he is also a chef. His cooking show is called Big Z's Cookout and he likes to feature very odd meals in his show. The first special guest invited to his show is none other than his teammate, Slip Mcscruff. This defensive beast will be trying three exotic foods today: bull penis, balut and Durian fruit. Slip mcscruff has no idea what he will be trying as Zlatan will just present him the dishes to try.So first up is the bull penis. After trying this, Slip thought that this was just beef. After Zlatan revealed that it was bull penis, he quickly coughed his food out and washed his mouth. Next up is the balut. This is a dish from philippines. It is basically a fertilized egg embryo that is eaten like a boiled egg. Only difference is that since it is fertilized you will see the baby chick. As it is still in its beginning stages, you can swallow it whole as it is not tough. Slip immediately barfs upon seeing this. He was too chicken to try it out. FInally is the smelly fruit durian. Slip takes a nice sniff out of it an declares it smells like shit. He decides to try it regardless of the smell and to his surprise he actually likes it. What a weird collection of things Slip has tried today. He told Big Z that he will thoroughly brush his teeth upon getting home. That is all for today folks, until next time.

MyLittleHexx · 06-17-2020, 10:50 AM

When asked what his cooking show would be named, Justin Keahi was quick to respond. "Keahi's Cooking Cookout Jamboree: Featuring the Cooking From Renowned Cook Sir Alfrid Reginald Hefenbottom of the County Kent - The Second Season Extravaganza," an odd name considering it would be the first season of the show. When asked about how the show would be formatted, or what foods would be cooked, Keahi just shrugged and said, "I'm not a chef, the most cooking I do is microwaving meals or making a fried egg sandwich. It'd probably just be an hour of us pounding down beers as we heat something up. The food might not even be edible, really it'd be a podcast while we stumble around a kitchen. If a network wants to pick that up, I'm down. Always need an excuse to drink with my buddies for hours on end and just have a good time."

Blues · 06-17-2020, 12:12 PM

Well, believe it or not, Rocco Berni has obtained a spot on the Food Network. And wouldn't it just be fate that his name provides the perfect theme for the show? Welcome to the new 11pm time slot on the Food Network, "Berni". On the SMJHL star's new cooking show, we explore everything the way that Rocco was born to eat and the way it was meant to be cooked: burnt. You know when you make roasted potatoes and there's a few little super crispy boys at the bottom of the dish? Think about that as we delve into each episode, featured burnt popcorn, burnt pizza, burnt chicken. If there isn't a tinge of that juuuust past golden black on the food, we will not be featuring it on our show. Episode one, we check out the single-slice pizza at literally any Pizza Pizza across Canada. Pizza Pizza: A Dip Maker that also serves Pizza.

***SpartanGibbles*** · 06-17-2020, 12:51 PM

Collin Gibbles has been hosted on many cable cooking shows as well a few celebrity ones; so it was no surprise when the Minnesota forward was offered his own show. Gibbles Nibbles was conceptualized to take place in the offseason when Gibbles will have time to commit to long days of filming. The series is planned to be shot in Gibbles home with various other SHL talents appearing to share recipes as well as talk hockey. There have also been talks of expanding the guest list for special episodes and including Gibble's wife Anna Gibbles(née Kendrick) as they host various Hollywood celebrities.

Gibbles Nibbles is set to explore all types of recipes from full 5 course meals to simple snacks. Gibbles has been reported digging out old favorites from his recipe book in anticipation of the new series. Many fans have been reportedly asking Gibbles to consider publishing a cookbook for the series. The studio has released a few slated guests for the first season of Gibbles Nibbles. The season is confirmed for 24 1 hour episodes. The premiere is rumored for the All-Star Break of S55.

Confirmed Guests:

Elizabeth Doyle
Mathias Seger
Mika Mayfield
Corey Kennedy
Lallo Selman
Marcus Tegernako
Kata Vilde
Tig Murphy
Barret McCarthy
Geoff Moore

***hhh81*** · 06-17-2020, 02:08 PM

The most challenging part of this would be getting Darrow to agree to do a cooking show. The man loves cooking and sharing good food with friends… he’s much less eager to be on camera, and is quite quiet.

After some arm twisting, we might be able to talk Cassius into giving it a try. It would be helpful to have some of his close friends and teammates from the SHL world join him, so he relaxes and is less stiff. Darrow cooks all sorts of stuff, largely looking for different ways to create German-fusion meals. Imagine a knockwurst jambalaya or a buffalo chicken spätzle and cheese; Darrow has tried and created many random new dishes. He could also teach people simple kitchen basics, especially for young athletes trying to make the move toward elite athletic training/care.

The show’s name? After asking Darrow (and getting a blank stare), the TV execs would workshop and focus group test a few names. I honestly have no idea what they’d come up with. Darrow would probably say something like “Tasty Food with Cassius Darrow” that’s as on the nose as a Ron Swanson named company. Still, it might work… right?

Suggested early guests: Tony Pepperoni, Barret McCarthy, Eric Vanderberg, Alexander Selich, and Jakub Novak (and his hat collection).

***golden_apricot*** · 06-17-2020, 02:16 PM

PT PASS

Jepox · 06-17-2020, 05:02 PM

Nolan Sawchuk is a fan of food. Now as he enters the later part of his career he's looking at more opportunities. After being approached about an opportunity to host his own cooking show he jumped on it and quickly gained popularity. It's very Diners, Drive-ins and dives-esque, except he only goes to places in the cities he visits during the season. The show is called Sawchuk's Snacktime and he'll bring along teammates to go and eat with him. His coaches probably aren't too happy with him as it's not exactly the best diet, but he's having a career season so he couldn't care less. Sometimes he'll bring along his friend and former teammate Nickolas Klaus if their schedules align, and those episodes are always a blast. It's less about the food at this point and more about Sawchuk just shooting the shit with anyone around him, but the establishments he visits always have their ratings go way up when their episodes air.

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MegaSkuci · 06-17-2020, 05:17 PM

Czech kitchen
Caught your attention with this super creative name? Awesome! As many of you know I'm part of the Carolina Kraken locker room. We have master chefs in there! Seven always keeps us posted with what masterpiece he made. Ace posts from time to time too! And there are surely more people I missed. So when it comes to special guests... no problemo, my friends. I would make them cook traditional Czech food. Svíčková, hovězí guláš, chlebíčky, smažený sýr, bramboráky and a bit of beer with it. Don't know these? I suggest looking them up! They are delicious! Well except for the first two ones, not really a fan of those, but they are the most typical for the Czech kitchen, so they are a must have on the show. I would make all the special guests compete against each other, and the one who makes it most "Czech" will win a free pass in a match from me. I know, totally worth it!

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