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***Acsolap*** · 03-07-2021, 08:21 PM

Remember those old school games where you squares would disappear when you stood on them so you constantly had to be moving? Well add that into the ice rink and you have yourself the new and improved simulation hockey League active ice (trade marked) system. Players will have to constantly be moving in order to avoid the disappearing blocks of the ice surface. Too many players skating through the same area? You guessed it, the ice falls away. Players that happen to go through the holes will be ejected from the game and thus the teams bench will be shortened. Lose enough players and the coaches will need to starts selecting members of the crowd to don the jersey and join the game. The owners of the league hope that this new outlandish system with chaotic audience involved substitutions will catapult the simulation hockey League past its competitors and turn it into a global sporting super power.

Credit to Ml002, King, Wasty, Carpy, Bruins10, Rum_Ham, Turd Ferguson, Ragnar and Enigmatic for the sigs.
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PremierBromanov · 03-07-2021, 08:26 PM

In order to make the simulation hockey league into the extreme simulation hockey league, we will need to make big strides. First, we remove half the rink to encourage more hitting and checking. Second, we add speed pads to the sides of the boards so when you go through them you increase your speed dramatically. Then, we remove the rule that disallows hitting and checking on players without the puck. In fact, interference altogether is removed, especially goalie interference. Now our game becomes more like rugby on ice rather than soccer on ice. No more net front battles, now it's an entire rink battle. Lastly, all players wear a cage and there is no penalty for high sticking. Anyone that gets hit in the face with a stick just suffers and keeps playing. Finally, there is no whistle. When a puck leaves play, a new one will immediately drop to center ice from above the rink. Keen-eyed players will watch for out of play pucks and need to hustle to get the new loose puck. Finally, for a goal to be confirmed, you must fight the opposing goalie and win or it doesnt count.

.Laser · 03-07-2021, 08:29 PM

If I were to make a change to make SHL more 'extreme', I think the obvious choice would be to reward fighting on the ice. There are any number of ways that this could be accomplished, but I'll highlight the two that I think would be the most impressive. Firstly, I would want possession of the puck at the beginning of each period, including overtime, to be decided by a fight. The winner would be able to start the puck from behind their net and the opposition would not be allowed past mid-ice until the puck has been touched. The second idea also revolves around fighting and could even be combined with this previous one to create a truly extreme game. I think that when a game is not decided after the first overtime, that instead of making the game a tie and awarding both teams points, the teams should do a fight-out. And yes, that is exactly what it sounds like. Each team chooses 5 players, and they fistfight until one gets knocked to the ice. First team to 3 wins. Easily implemented!

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Thanks to EAB and sulovien for the sigs!

***Pythonic*** · 03-07-2021, 08:30 PM

Well, after the HBO has picked up the Simulation Hockey League on its network and talked to the executives about a change to the game in order to make it stand out from the National Hockey League, one of the SHL's members of head office posed a solution after hearing about a possible changing of players' equipment: A change to the equipment? How about we remove equipment all together? It's an interesting idea, and certainly one that would actually be accepted by a lot of people. Back in the old days of the NHL, true hockey was played without helmets, or pads, or goalie masks. In fact, why don't we also get rid of players' uniforms too? That would be something to see - a bunch of stark naked athletes running around on the ice. The only piece of equipment that will be kept is the cup of course, mostly so we don't have to waste extra time on censoring them on the television networks - but also so we don't get a future player strike once too many people lose their manhood.

MrStennett · 03-07-2021, 08:37 PM

It's easy. In order to make the SHL more extreme, we just get rid of all the protective equipment. The only exception will be the goalies, for obvious reasons. We'd be losing goalies left and right out there trying to stop 100 mile an hour slap shots with no pads of any kind. This will not only change the strategy for players, but it will make the physical aspect of the game a more important factor. You won't be able to throw or take as many huge hits without all of the protection between you and whomever or whatever you running into. I'm also assuming it will open up shooting lanes more because no one is going to want to block shots without something in between you and the puck. To counter this, I'm guessing there will be less screening of the goalie for the same reason. Get ready for the SHL to be totally extreme, dudes!

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Steelhead77 · 03-07-2021, 08:42 PM

Graphics Submission:
[Image: gator11.jpg]

Extreme SHL. One Gator in each zone to begin the game. Enter the zone at your own risk. Gators allowed to roam freely throughout the game. If the puck or a player gets eaten your team loses automatically. If a player can wrestle a gator and tape it's jaws shut with hockey tape, his team gets a powerplay, a failed attempt results in a penalty. Players are allowed to bank pucks off the gators and into the net. Goalies must protect their crease from gators at all times. Gators will not be fed for 2 weeks leading up to games.

---> ParmBorg Highlights <---

#1 All-Time SHL Goal & Point Scorer
- First 2,000 TPE Player in SHL History -
- First 400 Goal Scorer in SHL History -
- Only 500 Goal Scorer in SHL History -
- First GM to Win 5 & 6 Challenge Cups -
Esa Anrikkanen Award - SMJHL ROY - Est. S34
Vidrik Onoprienko Award Winner - S45

Dragonite

grok · 03-07-2021, 08:44 PM

When it comes to extreme, no league does it better than Japanese wrestling giants Frontier Martial-Arts Wrestling. Seattle's general managers met with former FMW owner and booker Atsushi Onita for some pointers on making a more extreme ice hockey experience. Onita's influence can be seen all over the rink during Seattle's "Extreme Rules" exhibitions including exploding barbed wire along the boards, charges in the players' gear that explodes when they fall from a body check, florescent light tube piping on the nets that burst into fine glass and dust, and Taipei deathmatch stipulations for on-ice fights in which the combatants dip their hands in glue and glass to inflict more devastating wounds. While fans have been (rightfully) disgusted by this direction from Seattle management, Onita and Seattle ownership stand by the decision. "We did exactly what the league asked for. We are not sure if they knew what they were asking for when they wanted a more extreme product, but we plan to deliver exactly that."

Samsung virtual assistant · 03-07-2021, 08:50 PM

Extreme equipment and arena? say no more. The Chicago arena will from now on feature holes along the rink where the guests can put their tommyguns into. Now you're asking "Sweg, Tommyguns? This is hockey we're playing." Well yes, it is. However these tommyguns will obviously not be loaded with real bullets, but instead they will be loaded with sugarpills that the audience will try to shoot into the mouths of the players to boost their energy. There is one catch however. In the magazine with pills that you get when you arrive at the arena, there are sleeping pills mixed in. So what will you do? Will you take the shot or are you too much of a scaredy cat to feed your own players sleeping pills?

Obviously we'd need more gear on the players though because a pill will still hurt if you get shot directly on the skin. So everyone would need to wear thick facemasks.

ACapitalChicago · 03-07-2021, 08:51 PM

The Simulation Hockey League has decided to introduce a new way to spice up the ice, by increasing the elevation of the faceoff dots by two inches while enabling each team to take a random fan and place them somewhere on the ice. The fan cannot move or skate anywhere, they just stand there with a pee-wee hockey sized stick and must do their best to not get run over. This was a controversial decision by the Simulation Hockey League Head Office, but for some reason their anonymous feedback report received no disagreements with the decision. Every single piece of feedback was that this was an excellent idea and should be expanded upon. However, for some reason this did not last a full season. For some reason, after the twenty third fan injured in the process of this decision, it was reversed. In addition, it was found out that the raised ice was not actually a decision, but was instead a faulty series of ice resurfacers used by the League.

S66 Damian Littleton

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frazzle14 · 03-07-2021, 08:54 PM

ISFL PT

Kylrad · 03-07-2021, 09:00 PM

I'd just steal stuff from every other sport or game and add it to the SHL to make it a fiesta, oh and add multiple nets with multiple goalies for each team on at once. Can also take the field goal posts they have in football and put them behind nets so people who miss the net high can still score points, but it would have to be like super high or something so that its really hard to score. Actually was it the most recent NHL all star game or the one before it where they had that even where players stood in like the stands and shot pucks at like a bunch of targets that were worth points, could just get rid of all the normal rules of hockey and just do that for points, or better yet have a normal game of hockey going on with those obstacles for points while other players on the stands on either team shoot for points while the games going on

Nerio · 03-07-2021, 09:01 PM

Since we all know hockey fans are purists, the only change made here is that there is no behind the net anymore. This will challenge goalies in weird annoying ways as well as well as change icing such that the puck has to hit the boards instead of crossing the goal line.

Renomitsu · 03-07-2021, 09:10 PM

Making hockey more extreme is pretty dangerous, provided all players are on skates. Jumping/ramps are essentially out of the question out of risk of injury (seriously, has anyone watched Blades of Glory?), and a lot of additions would just serve to unbalance most skaters. A few options to consider might be (1) wider nets with "targets" increasing the value of a given goal, (2) bumpers on the edges of the rink, plus a couple of random circular bumpers that players can use to redirect momentum (or just repeatedly check opponents). Another alternative would be introducing changing numbers of skaters on the ice in a given period (while reducing the number of permissible 'lines' a team might use) - for example, you might be able to rely on your five best skaters and a goalie in the first period -- but what if the dynamic was changed to a 3v3 in the third period? Would you rest your best for last, when they individually have the largest impact, or use them in the strong 6v6 to overwhelm the opponent? Would you play 3 defensemen & 3 forwards in the first period? What about going all-out offense in the third period? This would allow for a significant increase in the number of required roles for a team while diversifying strategy significantly.

O4L · 03-07-2021, 09:16 PM

As a big fan of MOBAS and specifically League of Legends, I have decided to re-design my rink completely like a MOBA which will hopefully help the SHL appeal more to gamers. The new SHL rink will have 3 different lanes covered in ice, a forest area for the most deceptive players in the league like Daniel Smeb and Jules Watt will be able to use to stealthily move around the ice unseen. A neutral objective net that will give you a speed and stamina buff if you break all four targets before the play is broken up/puck is recovered by an opposing player. The teams will have one net each at the very end of mid lane which players can use to score goals on. Finally, we'll be adding a flying drone disguised as Golden Snitch from Harry Potter which will cause your team to automatically win the game if you catch it. These changes will hopefully make SHL more fun and give worse teams a better chance at randomly winning like they had on STHS.

"“HA HA! THIS GAME WILL NEVER END! I POSSESS THE SOUL OF EVERY GOALIE ON TEAM B!! CREW 4 LIFE!! SIGN WITH EDMONTON FOR THE CUP!!!” cackled Belial as he placed a Fedora on his head."
SMJHL Commisioner S17-S26
Calgary Dragons GM S14-S23

Briedaqueduc · 03-07-2021, 09:25 PM

One of the new changes implemented in the Simulation Hockey League is a new game mode where after every goal, one player on the team that got scored on is sent out of the game. It makes giving up goals very punishing, and the best players on the ice will end up playing a lot so they need the stamina to keep up. Winner is decided when one team has only the goalkeeper on the ice. Another thing that will be changed to boost the view count is that goals will be bigger, to make the scores higher. It's very boring when a game ends 1-0 in shootouts, so we need more goals. We want games that end 15 to 7, not super close games. Goalie stats will be different than usual, but that doesn't matter, what matters is keeping the viewers entertained to make more money, goalie stats bring no money.

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