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Urq660 · 06-29-2021, 05:12 PM

Tourism is big business, right? There has always been plenty sponsorship money from various cities or countries tourism industries floating around sports, from Puerto Rico’s industry sponsoring Spanish soccer club Sevilla, Chad of all places sponsoring Metz in french soccer, and Visit Rwanda on the sleeve of the famous Arsenal FC.
So, when Daryl Urquhart was approached to endorse a tourism company, he jumped at the chance! Being drum the Scottish highlands, he is perhaps somewhat slightly naive about geography. If it doesn’t involve Scotland or hockey, he has no real idea! All that really mattered was that these fine, bearded gentlemen offered him a large suitcase of money to wear a T-shirt with the slogan ‘Welcome to Fabulous Lashkar Gah!’
‘Hmmmm, sounds like somewhere in Saskatchewan’ he thought to himself, maybe a trio to the city, take some photos there etc, could bet him some more cash?
Urquhart was boasting about being chosen by a lovely Canadian city to be its SHL ambassador, when some of his more worldly teammates found out where, they set him straight…
‘That’s not in Saskatchewan you moron, it’s in Afghanistan!’
Obviously, St Louis acted immediately, as they’re not sending a player to Afghanistan for a photo op, nor is he going to promote the capital of Helmand Province as a tourist destination. Luckily, being a highland hick, he hadn’t banked the cash, but had the briefcase under his bed, so was made to return it to the bearded gentlemen, who did not seem beat pleased. So, if Urquhart doesn’t show for practice, you may have an idea what’s happened!

Muford · 06-29-2021, 09:02 PM

Honestly, it could have been one of what could possibly have been hundreds of different deals that Vladmir Petrov has signed with since being in Tampa Bay. But the culprit we know for a fact it would have to be, would be none other then the Sunscreen lotion, which actually causes rashes on the skin of the user. You know, it’s supposed to help you, but actually it hurts you, to the point where you don’t want to go outside since your whole body is covered in these horrid rashes. Vladmir Petrov was so appalled that this would go through once his agent told him about it that he had to try and get to the twitter and send out a message to all his loyal followers to make sure that all of the people that love him wouldn’t use such a horrible sunscreen lotion, so that they can actually go outside and enjoy the weather down in Tampa Bay, and not be stuck with rashes.

(166 words)

***hotdog*** · 06-29-2021, 09:27 PM

eko van otter's fresh wet otter food for people was found to ultimately be unsafe for human consumption in its as-packaged form. the container included some sloppy wriggly wet fresh fish and was intended to be consumed quickly so as to maintain the freshness of said sloppy wriggly wet fresh fish but supermarkets thought the product was a cereal box full of cereal (because it did look like a cereal box) so consumers would pour the contents of the box into a bowl of milk and proceed to eat a whole bowl full of nasty rotten wet fish and would often experience tumultuous stomachaches shortly after eating said bowl. eko van otter's likeness was used on the box with a smiling face that appeared to be full of happiness upon eating the product but that face was not to be found on any of the individuals who actually consumed it. The product is set for immediate recall and supermarkets will work to replace the highlighted display with something nicer-smelling.

Highhaschdi · 06-29-2021, 09:42 PM

It was very tough for young left winger High Haschdi to land a placement deal as a player that is not really well known in the SHL yet. But one day, he got a call from a smaller German company that wanted to have him advertise a product for his home country and High was excited and signed the deal without thinking twice about it, which should be a massive mistake. While the product was advertised to be for kids, angry parents found out that inside the box, the company used a wrong picture of High that should not be seen by kids at all. It's not sure yet how something like that could happen, but the company had to recall the product and is facing a big lawsuit at the moment. Lots of Germans are also wondering how the company got such a private picture of the young Outlaw, which certainly wasn't part of any photo shooting regarding the product.

(163 words)

***TheSparkyDee*** · 06-29-2021, 10:28 PM

PT pass

karlssens · 06-29-2021, 10:40 PM

Karlstraße Scholz is known for many things, but one of his best qualities is his luscious mane of golden flow. A few seasons ago a promising hair styling company out of his home town in Luxembourg reached out to him and asked if he could be their spokesman/model for their new line of styling gel. Karlstraße begrudgingly agreed since it was one of his old buddies behind the idea and unfortunately for both of them it had a "less than ideal" side effect on some users. It turns out that while it worked great for most it led to significant hair loss for some. So instead of adding some much needed glow and pop to their beautiful flow they ended up with the exact opposite result. While this obviously didn't impact Karlstraße directly it has become a bit of a joke amongst his friends back in Luxembourg as they now call him baldy or Calliou. Perhaps it'll blow over when Edmonton wins another cup and he brings it home for a week.

Pickle Juice · 06-29-2021, 11:00 PM

The product I was advertising was a foresight machine. It was advertised to give the user a little foresight and steer them in the correct direction. There were billions of dollars behind this project and many many man hours. The world’s top engineers designed, built, and tested it over the course of the last decade to ensure its quality and precision. It was manufactured to to give excellent and accurate foresight in any situation that the user desires. I advertised the foresight machine in a flawlessly executed commercial with Ole Dirty Bastard from Wu Tang Clan. It was such a smooth process and obviously with the power of a SMJHL player’s words alongside Ole Dirty Bastard, thousands of people placed orders to buy it. There was only one thing wrong with the product, as people quickly discovered with their first time using it. It just repeated one phrase, “you should not have wasted you money”. The damn thing was a hindsight machine.

Rotti · 06-29-2021, 11:13 PM

The Rotticus Scott LeBron hater jersey comes out to great fanfare. Sales from Boston and the New England region are exploding, and Rotticus and his co-partners are close to making more from this merch than Rotticus had made in his entire SHL career. He gets a call, and oh no, there's been an issue. It appears that some people who bought the jerseys are beginning to call themselves the King, and posting embarrassing stories on their social media of them rapping the lyrics to songs completely wrong. While on the phone, his co partner randomly said "yabba dabba doo old navy". This is not good, it appears that the LeBron sickness is spreading to anyone whos come in contact with the jerseys. This means that the Rotticus Scott Co. must issue a complete recall of all products produced near the facility. This includes the Mickey Mouse habs and lightning shirts, this will be a huge issue for Rotticus' financials. We do not know how he will recover, but hopefully he does so in a way that is good for the world

kikish18 · 06-30-2021, 01:29 AM

After unpleasant wikipedia incident I got call from agent and he said that there is fuck up. This time big one. I ordered huge amount of chewing gum that we could sell in Europe. You know “Ice cool mint refreshment” and picture of myself on cover. This product would go high but wait. European Food Safety Authority (EFSA) just now declared that titanium dioxide is no longer considered safe as food aditive. We use it chewing gum sugary coatings. We are not vialating any law for now but it is matter of time when goverments across all Europe will do some adjustments and it seems as unfortunate way of bizness. Even without adjustments in laws this fact fucks up big. People could choose less hazardous produkts and thinking on the other hand – why I should support use of chemical that could be genotoxic and is considered carcinogenic by inhalation? So we agreed to do total recall!

*Carpy48* · 06-30-2021, 02:26 AM

As you can probably imagine Harry Carpet used to have an endorsement deal with a major local coffee brand that doesn't want to be mentioned in here by name for certain safety reasons. The deal usually involved him posting on social media about how much more awake he was after drinking the coffee. The usual deal and in return he would get a new package every week. In the latest shipment something went wrong and instead of being wide awake, he fell asleep immediately every time he drank the coffee. Of course that didn't quite have the effect needed and was especially dangerous when drinking a cup a few minutes before practice (falling asleep on the ice is not safe). The fine print on the box didn’t change; it only said “don’t give this product to small children” (because you definitely don’t want them to be wide awake all the time, do you?). (153 words)

Mazatt · 06-30-2021, 02:53 AM

Unfortunately for Axel Foley, he has an XL head. This seems like a non-issue in most situations, he just has to wear a really, really big helmet. Again, non-issue since he's a pro athlete and the Blizzard and Kraken have accomodated his big-headedness. But when you have a sponsorship to have a #BlizzardFoley helmet produced to be just like your helmet to show kids they can choke in the playoffs like you, it becomes a slight issue. Thankfully(?) for Foley and the distributors for this helmet, the recall is on a smaller scale as, well, most of the potential buyers realized the helmet fit on their kid like a makeshift ghost costume is expected to fit on Halloween. But for the foolish people who but the wumbo-sized helmet for their yungin's to play Atom hockey, uhh... well that's where the recall was necessary. Unfortunately, there are a lot of collisions in youth hockey--especially when kids are learning to skate--and there have been plenty of injuries brought on by helmets flying off.

Luckily, Foley is going to catch a break as the lawsuits are levied against the company who decided taking a mold of a 20+ year old man's helmet and selling it to kids would be a good idea, instead of the athlete whose head got molded and whose entire role is to look pretty next to a blue helmet. Still an awkward moment for his legacy doe.

Asked Madden · 06-30-2021, 04:28 AM

Friedensreich Hundertwassers patended baby splasher was supposed to be the next big Christmas toy for Austrian babies across the globe.
When Hundertwasser was approached to become the face of the next biggest baby bath product he looked at the 10s of thousands of dollars he was being offered and thought, why the fuck not. He fell asleep during the pitch and didn't see what he had agreed to.
So all he heard was: do you want to be the face of Austrian Christmas, would you like to put a smile on the faces of parents and children alike, would you like to make a butwadd of cash? We are making a bath toy which sooks up water from the bath and spits it out your mouth in your patented triple H style mist.
Hundertwasser was on board and fell asleep during the technical mumbo jumbo. What could go wrong?
Unfortunately to get enough power to suck up the water the toy was mains powered. There wasnt enough budget spent on the water seal (the budget all went on HD modelling of Hundertwasser) and the second the first kid tested it they got a horrendous shock.
Having already shipped the product to 500 stores across Europe a huge recall had to take place.
Hundertwasser didn't care, he'd taken the upfront payment instead of asking for cuts in the profits.

Raven · 06-30-2021, 05:47 AM

Code:
Written Task: Describe the product you landed a placement deal with and what went wrong to warrant a recall. What was happening to people who used the product? What hidden message was written on the product or box? You can also describe your player landing the deal/finding out about the recall(150+ words)

Ryuuji Kawashima landed a big deal with a prominant hair shampoo company. The deal was simple Ryuuji would appear in commercials for the shampoo as well as special bottles which would feature a photo of him on them. However soon everything came crumbling down when an internet user posted a photo of the bottle cut open on social media. The inside of the bottle was covered in satanic symbols and outrage was to be had. The religious community put up a fuss as well as concerned parents affraid what the now labeled 'devil shampoo' would do to their kids. Study has shown the shampoo is just your regular off the mill kind of shampoo, no funky buisness inside. However the concerned groups have yet to drop their complaints to the shampoo company. No official statement has been released yet and even Ryuuji seems quiet on the matter. All bottles have since been recalled, no explainations if they will ever be coming back.

[162 words]

Thank you Fever, sköldpaddor and OD for the amazing sigs!

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Thor · 06-30-2021, 06:36 AM

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