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ValorX77 · 07-01-2021, 10:18 AM

Hi, Valor Mays here to talk to you about an amazing new product! It’s called Sim Away, how does it work you may be asking? It’s simple, pretend you are New Orleans and your next opponent turns out to be Texas. Seems like a hard loss coming? Not anymore! It secretly juices your players stats for that game and helps shock the entire league in the process too! Order Sim Away now for a convenient price of $29.99! And I’m not stopping there! Order it now and you’ll get another pack of Sim Away free as well! This product will have a satisfaction guarantee or your money back! Order right now!

WARNING: This product has been recalled because of accusations of sim rigging by the simmers, and juicing your player will most likely also get your player audited to lose TPE, so yeah, Sim Away not good for your player’s health and well-being at all.

BoloBill · 07-01-2021, 11:55 AM

PBE PT

Username: Billybolo53

*thedangazone* · 07-01-2021, 12:12 PM

Well unfortunately the Keith Lee school of wrestling and people who do hockey as well really well did not have a good turn out with our newest product, the Keith Lee custom wrestling ring kit. For the low low price of $1000.00 everyone could order their very own wrestling ring. Turns out though that apparently, according to the lawyers anyways, that a custom wrestling ring was "unsafe" and "causing injuries". How was I supposed to know that people would take to backyard hardcore wrestling with it and not just simple moves and holds. So I guess we had to have a recall on the wrestling ring kit and figure out a way to make it safer for the average consumer. Maybe if we include a disclaimer about it being only for simple learning moves, though in hindsight the add ons of tables, ladders, and chairs was maybe not such a good idea. My next idea involves custom hell in a cell wrestling kits so hopefully the lawyers like that idea much more.

172 words

negs77 · 07-01-2021, 01:18 PM

With a name like Bjorn Bjorn, it is only natural for him to be sponsored by a company with two of the same name. As a result, Bjorn got a sponsorship with the bonbon company Bon's Bons. Bjorn is not a big sweets person, but he really needed the money to fund his Piglet farm on his ranch in Carolina. Bjorn tried one of the bonbons before he endorsed them and he thought they were pretty good. However, once they went out onto shelves the team soon realized that this was not a good look for Bjorn. It turns out that one of the main ingredients that made the bonbon's taste good was an ingredient that had some laxative like traits. People sent in complaints non stop about the product and Bjorn realized it was probably in his best interest. He did not want to be associated with all the crap (lol im funny) that was this situation.

Snuffalupagus · 07-01-2021, 02:34 PM

BREAKING NEWS:

Baltimore Platoon forward and business enthusiast, Rob Wright, has had to recall his male pleasure device. Heralded as the "Sybian For Men" - a revolutionary personal sex device known as Ol' Faithful - the apparatus is designed to give one's butt a nice rubbing. The product was recalled when multiple users found that Ol' Faithful did more itching than rubbing.

"It was actually a huge relief! I couldn't reach the spot that itched, but Ol' Faithful was able to." One user writes in the comment section of the Ol' Faithful store page. "I honestly wish they weren't recalling it because I feel I've found my calling for scratching my butt."

Ol' Faithful provides relief in the form of miniscule (only one micron-miniscule) massage heads that rotate and pulse, are able to penetrate through most undergarment materials, and give a good butt rubbin'. Users found the massage heads to be more sharp than massage-y. But still, the product has 5-stars on Amazon and tons are sold on the black market for that itchy butt relief.

ddrector · 07-01-2021, 02:42 PM

I did a huge ad campaign for Nike and they even released a limited edition Kobo shoe. I even got to help design the shoe and it had my number and signature on it. It also had the Edmonton colors and logo. Unfortunately just after the release of the shoe videos were leaked all over the internet showing the factories that all Nike shoes are made including these limited edition Kobo shoes. These videos showed hundreds of children in dirty worn out uniforms in front of machines making the shoes with army like adults commanding them to work faster. There is even a part of the video that shows one of the children being punished for working too slowly. Details were also released showing how much these children were paid for all their hard work, which was essentially nothing. Needless to say Nike's stock plummeted as this information leaked. More information is leaked daily on conditions of workers in China for all sorts of products and there's a potential that the US may eliminate all imported products from China to the US.

TheCC · 07-01-2021, 04:28 PM

ISFL Affiliate

notoriousTRON · 07-01-2021, 04:41 PM

PBE Affiliate Claim

Sig Cred: Carpy, ML, RainDelay, Donini & Geekusoid

zaynzk · 07-01-2021, 06:37 PM

PBE affiliate

***Rangerjase*** · 07-01-2021, 08:46 PM

One of the signature styles that Zoltan wears both on and off of the ice is his bubble wrap attire. Playing for the Tampa Bay Barracuda in the Simulation Hockey League Zoltan has to BUFF UP. He stuffs his jersey just like some of the cute ladies do with their jerseys to give a little bit more cushion as his bravery is a little on the low end. The Tampa Bay Barracuda offered a "bubble wrap" night where they provided bubble wrap to the first 15,000 entrants. Each little bubble had a picture of Zoltans face on it. Kid loveds it, adults loved it, Lord Zoltan himself even tweeted that he loved it. However, when making goods for the arena giveaways, nobody likes to spend a lot of money. Lets face it, this is just bubble wrap. The company that manufactures this is just outside of Chernobyl and may have been reprimanded once or twice for uh, some not so legal production facilities inside what we would call "the danger zone". During the game kids were popping the bubble wrap and some of the Geiger counters placed around the area for safety purposes started to pick up faint traces of radiation. It turns out that the bubble wrap was produced JUUUUUUUUUUUUUSt close enough to where the air contained some lingering radiation from the meltdown. Not enough of course to cause any lasting harm, but definitely more than enough for a little investigation and a total recall on all of the bubble wrap. If you were at this game, please give our team representative @Fitted2106 a call to turn in your bubble wrap.

Seymour · 07-01-2021, 10:52 PM

Faded · 07-01-2021, 11:18 PM

Nowadays, people are looking for the newest and safest breakthroughs in nutrition, so that an individual can work up the gains that they need for an increasingly athletic world. This is especially true for the sport of Hockey, as it is a constant grind for meatheads across the SHL and SMJHL, as they break their backs and their opponents all to put the puck in the net. Nutrition specialists and sports managers have met together to create a new protein and nutrition supplement guided to target deficiencies in one's diet and therefore help them succeed in their play. The brainchild of this product has been called: Posiflex. A product designed to "flex" the current norm of nutrition supplement for the growing man. Armed with all vitamins and nutrients in one powder, one person can get their daily value in all necessary nutrition, complimentary with a meal. Nikolai Ayerzov sponsers Posiflex.

EDIT: Turns out putting all vitamins, minerals, and nutrients in one powder makes your poop chalky and puts way too many heavy metals into your gut. Posiflex has been recalled and Ayerzov has left the Posiflex sponsorship.

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