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KenitohMenara · 07-04-2021, 06:40 AM

Gaia Mormont · 07-04-2021, 06:50 AM

Sekai Wollker last season was quick to jump on the bandwagon of rapid fire pez dispensers which were mass marketed before the product testing was complete. Unfortunately, the distribution and the commercials were on full go-ahead mode before it was discovered that this product was actually incredibly dangerous and more than a few kids lost an eye. Also the candy which was manufactured in Lituaniastan, was found to contain insanely high levels of radioactivity and there were two documented cases of mutations in children under twelve. Though none of this has been proven yet, Sekai was quick to offer an apology for his support and pulled his name from the marketing. Unfortunately this may haunt him for a very long time as word got out and many parents were very upset that a professional would attach his name to such a product but Sekai regrets everything. In time perhaps people will forget the incident and the kids with the mutations can count to seven on one hand and maybe that will take them places in the world.

***SouthPaw*** · 07-04-2021, 07:43 AM

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arturs33 · 07-04-2021, 08:01 AM

And there I was with supplies of buritos for lifetime. You will ask, how I managed to do that. Easy. I signed nice contract for burito commercial (ok, ok, agent did it. What an asshole). They gave me good amount of cash. I was excited. I had some extra money. What I didn't know was my agent made a deal and I got extra burito supplies for all my life. This point was included in my contract, typed with small letters ( who ever read them, am I right?!). Commercial goes good, we make a perfect tape ( at least for me) when I even swallowed piece of that nasty food, if can call it like that. I can't express my surprice and astonishment next morning, when my agent and big truck arrived near my new condo with burito painted and company logo on it's left side. I almost killed my agent with an umbrella, when he said: "Congrats, Arturs, now you are Anaheim burito king!"
Anyways, now I am sitting in my garage, crying and watch how they slowly put burito boxes around my lambo.
Best part of it - these boxes must stay in my property for all my life or else I need to pay back value of this one.

(213 words)

lilstifler · 07-04-2021, 10:31 AM

It's such a horror.
Everything had been done very well, I had signed a product ad agreement, but at the last moment, everything went wrong. In short, what kind of product I wanted to represent: It would have been a cheese in Latvian tastes, or what we call it 'Jāņu Cheese', which would have been sold in the wider world. Everything had been perfectly invented and launched, but it turned out, after all, that I had been chastised, starting with the fact that this cheese was not produced at all in Latvia, which made me think about the choice. Secondly, some pepper was used instead of caraway, which made the cheese sharp and actually inedible. People who had already purchased this product began complaining, writing threat news about money fraud, but things ended up being successful. I contacted my relatives in Latvia and they sent me the right cheese option, so I also delivered it to customers, and they did not raise further charges. Now it is only a long way ahead to restore its brand, but this time to its true size.

Zema · 07-04-2021, 10:54 AM

Alex Oscarsson has been having a decent season for the San Francisco Pride. And because of that nice season, he managed to strike a deal with the clothing and whiskey company Lions Pride™. now, the deal was not the greatest there could be. He would gain a bottle of whiskey and a t-shirt for being the face-out in both their new collection coupled with their newest brand of 10-year old whiskey. The problem sadly, was that the T-shirts only came in one size. XXXL. Now this was a problem, but far from the biggest one. Somehow, the whiskey that they had produced ended up being wine. And for the prestigious Lions Pride company who specializes in clothing and Whiskey, this was not very good.

Everything got recalled and the deal was off. But in those same cupboards at Alex Oscarsson place is a "Whiskey" with his name and face of it. "The Swedish Delta - An Alex Oscarsson experience"

162 words.

Leoben · 07-04-2021, 11:31 AM

Kubinec landed an endorsement deal for a new brand of potato sacks called ‘Spud Savers.’ Spud Savers were touted as being durable and strong, much like Kubinec, and potato distributors were getting their hands on them as much as possible. However, tragedy struck a town in southern Ohio after a potato sack failed and lead to the tragic death of an entire family. Details were scarce but the leftover sacks were being used as part of a sack race this past weekend. One of the racers was too heavy and his foot went through the sack, causing him to fall. He then had his eyes poked out by a crow. When the rest of his family came to save him, a crane carrying a beam failed, and the beam crushed the entire family. Details are unclear as to why the crane was even there. All the potato sacks have been recalled and Kubinec sent out a statement apologizing for endorsing such a faulty product and has promised to keep the family in his thoughts and prayers.

Graydonsanatomy · 07-04-2021, 11:35 AM

Things were going great in Colorado, the Raptors were a top 5 team in the league despite an abundance of youth on their roster. Eric Tokke had taken a big sophomore year leap already matching his point total from the year prior in a quarter of the games played. An advertisement opportunity came along for the young forward, one he thought he couldn’t resist. Take home your very own plushy velociraptor! A kids toy for any young Raptors fan what could go wrong??? Except everything imaginable went sideways. The manufacturers factory burned down before any semblance of a legitimate rollout of the product could be done. Only 420 velociraptor plushies made it out to the fan base, with some toys horrifying young children as they arrived in the mail. Hands as feet, heads screwed on backwards, their tail pointing out from the crotch area. Every design on the toys were terrible with many fans writing strongly worded letters to the organization to voice their displeasure.

(165 words)

rum_ham · 07-04-2021, 11:48 AM

Shortly following his frustrated twitter rants, Colin Lambert landed a HUGE deal with Him's men's health and wellness products. Along with his hairline, his chances with the Tampa Bay ladies was receding. He had hoped that after receiving the package in the mail, he would be rocking a hard head of hair... among other things, and the ladies would be pouncing, but the drugs didn't take. His hair is still as thin and wispy as ever. His testosterone levels did not change. He thought he would finally be able to prove to his Tampa Bay teammates on the outside that he is the lion of a man that he feels he is on the inside. Instead he was left with nothing but a lack of facial hair and more droop than ever. To make up for it, he attempted to wear a hairpeice and glue facial hair to his face. After one quick bucket-less lap around the ice during warm ups, everything blew away. He completed warm ups that day with a gnarly hairline and tears in his eyes.

(179 words)

Dewalt27 · 07-04-2021, 12:08 PM

Golden Face decided it was in his interest to start sponsoring new product. After all, people love a good villain. He decided to partner with the intense sprots drink of Brawndo due to all the electrolytes in the drink. However, Brawndo executives started pushing for people to drink only Brawndo instead of items like water This cause widespread health issues across the world. Branwdo has so much sugar and other additives that it began making everyone gain a ton of weight and had adverse effects on intelligence declining the average IQ. Thankfully, Golden face talked with several world leaders and was able to issue a total recall on all brawndo products that were ever distributed (no thanks to Michael Scarn). The population seems to be making a great recovery after the over exposure to the brawndo sports drink. The only lasting effect seems to be that they will burst out into uncontrollable laughter when a guy gets kicked in the balls.

Memento Mori · 07-04-2021, 12:09 PM

Jay Sink's name fills marketing departments for anything kitchen-related with joy, executives everywhere awed by the ability to formulate cringey puns. Recognising that hockey fans as a demographic tend to have lots of disposable income (affording the fees for club play and equipment), Jay Sink's agent was contacted by the makers of one of those fancy taps you can have installed on your sink (haha) that releases boiling water.

Unfortunately, these taps were not shipped working-as-intended. These taps were producing boiling water all the time meaning people were unable to use their sinks as they would normally do. People (including children) were being burned by mistake, and if you wanted a cool glass of water: good luck. This mishap was very unfortunate for Jay Sink, who as the face of the product experienced a significant amount of backlash from disappointed customers on Twitter. The ordeal eventually reached a conclusion when the product was recalled, and Jay Sink being the top bloke he is issued an apology on Twitter and offered to pay for the medical costs of anyone who'd been injured by the product. (185 words)

Sivart · 07-04-2021, 12:16 PM

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Sopath · 07-04-2021, 12:46 PM

Bas O'Bigbers finally made it into the SHL and since he's in New England that means he has to partner with Dunkin Doughnuts to make special coffee to honor the occasion. Bas' name is Irish for "Death" and so Bas needed the coffee to be "metal as fuck." So Dunkin Doughnuts makes a coffee that never cools but is sold in a cup that doesn't feel hot. Customers were getting 3rd degree burns in their mouths and having their faces literally melt. While it was for sure metal as fuck it was not something that could actually really be sold or continue to have Bas' name on it so they recalled it and instead Dunkin Doughnuts introduced chicken nuggets to honor Bas. Bas likes chicken nuggets but he really wished that the metal coffee could've stayed but oh well. Thankfully the controversy never really effected Bas because of all his stans.

ByrdeMan · 07-04-2021, 01:18 PM

Ooops double post

*lmao* · 07-04-2021, 01:48 PM

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(PBE username is twix)

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