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Skeleton Party · 07-04-2021, 08:57 PM

At the beginning of the pandemic [Name Redacted] may have done a few “Mask Up” ads in order to curb the spread of the Coronavirus. This was successful to a point, but advertisers were concerned that they weren’t appealing to a certain group: braindead anti-science conspiracy theorists. Therefore [Name Redacted] endorsed a brand of mesh masks that “technically fulfilled the mask wearing requirement” while still making hick dumbshits feel like they are getting one over on society.

If you haven’t seen one of these, imagine putting a fishnet stocking over your face. It provides no sort of protection to anyone else, and wearing it was widely considered a dick move. Having an international figure such as [Name Redacted] sponsoring them ended up being a huge problem, and an international consortium of scientists and nations called for [Name Redacted] to stop sponsoring them and remove them from the shelves, and he obliged, firing his PR team as well.

***SpartanGibbles*** · 07-04-2021, 09:13 PM

Not all products you endorse are going to be winners. That was a sad lesson for Collin Gibbles this past season. While he has had many previous successful product endorsements, no one who stays in the game long enough will be batting 1.000. He was initially approached by his agent to sponsor a new brand of cast iron cookware on his celebrity cooking show. After a brutal preseason, Gibbles was not able to find the time to test the product himself and this would prove to be the misstep in his decision. It didn't hurt that the product was offering a sizable payday and he knows his time in the SHL is on the downturn so he wanted to maximize some profits for his kids and grandkids. It turns out the factory where the cast iron products were made was stationed overseas and were not keeping a high quality check on the products before they were shipped out. Some were reported with broken handles, improper seasoning, and even off balanced bases.

Sean · 07-04-2021, 09:21 PM

Well when McCain's came wanted to up their frozen pizza game, they decided to hire Tony Pepperoni as a spokes person because of the obvious association between Pepperoni and pizza. After some deliberation, Pepperoni and McCain's came to the agreement that they would release the "Tony Pepperoni Ultimate Pepperoni Pizza" with the big deal that there would be twice as much Pepperoni on a pizza as their competitor Delissio.

Things were going perfectly fine at first and Pepperoni himself had a little stockpile of pizzas that he'd heat up before game day. His performance improved so it became a tradition.

After a while the stockpile of frozen pizzas dwindled so Pepperoni went on a trip down to Sobey's to get some more pizza. He rushed home so he could eat some before his next game.

Pepperoni ended up having one of the worst games of his career. He grabbed a box and looked at the ingredients, McCains had replaced half the pepperoni with salami! This was in direct violation of the contracts Pepperoni had agreed to!

Pepperoni publicly made a twitter post and said he was no longer involved with McCain's and their pizza.

There's currently a lawsuit pending so no more details are available.

EDM All-Time Leader in Goals, Assists and Points

Frick_Nasty · 07-04-2021, 09:25 PM

Well it is officially the cat is out of the bag for bork lazer his own baked beans that he sells bork and beans is officially being recalled. His beans was supposed to just be you know baked beans with a little bit of bacon and it and you know its own varieties spices inside Well however it turns out there is full pig snouts inside the can when bork found out about this he wasn't really like upset he pretty much stole people to man up and eat it it's good protein You're eating bacon and it's practically the same thing I don't get why they're all whining from a press release. Some want to shut it down completely but bork laser is now trying to spin it as now included with pigs mounts use the pig snouts to feed to your dogs. That is just how savvy work it lazer is.

***Pythonic*** · 07-04-2021, 09:25 PM

Valtterri Kauppinen, also known as ‘Koopa’ by his fellow New Orleans Specters and his former teammates from the Vancouver Whalers had actually managed to get a deal with Nintendo, creators of the Mario franchise, where his nickname-sake, the Koopa Troopas, originate from! Nintendo was supposed to design some limited run copies of the games Super Mario Bros. (NES), Super Mario Bros. 3 (NES), and Super Mario World (SNES) where instead of having actual Koopas, it would instead be an cutout of Kauppinen’s head, which would change color based on the shell of the original Koopa in that location, a slight green hue for green shelled Koopas and a red tint for the red shelled ones. Sadly, this player placement didn’t exactly go to plan - for the first issue, some members from the Entertainment Software Rating Board and the Pan European Game Information rating board decided that stomping on the head of a currently living human was a bit too… violent for their tastes, and gave the game a rating of M for mature or PEGI’s 18 rating. This forced Nintendo to pull the product from the shelves and their online store before it even released, due to it deviating from their kid-friendly image - there are still some copies given to game testers circulating out there, alongside dev copies.

MrStennett · 07-04-2021, 09:29 PM

Barrett Blackwood thought he was extremely fortunate when the fine people at Reverse Mortgage LLC contacted him about being a spokesman for their incredibly beneficial company. How great is it that seniors 65 and older can use the capital value of their own homes to finance their retirement goals like home remodeling or travel?! They were very upfront with him about how this was in no way a scam to get old people to sign over their homes to a company that would then hold the title, hoping they would pass away so that the property would be signed over to them. In no way was that happening at all and quite frankly Reverse Mortgage LLC was quite offended that so many people were implying just that. Barrett trusted them wholeheartedly as they seemed like decent and generous people. Imagine his shock and horror when he discovered one day that their offices were completely empty, as it seemed they had moved out over night, and then his agent called him stating that he was contacted by the local Montréal police about his part in scamming the elderly out of millions of dollars.

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Out of Toast · 07-04-2021, 09:54 PM

My manager approached me in the summer about a possible deal I had the chance of landing with Nike about this shrinking material you could wrap your hockey gear in to shrink it down to 1/10th the size for super easy transporting because we all know the pain of having to all fill the back of our trucks or moms mini van with all of our friends gear. After my wiki trouble I was excited for this product to get me back on track since it's launch but now my agent has informed me that 90% of the wrap we sold is not working as thought and is instead unable to bring their equipment back to normal size, ruining 100s of thousands worth of gear from around the world, even some guys in the league is coming after me for this now and I have no clue how we are able to fix this. The worst thing is some people thought they would try to shrink other things besides their gear, Food, Furniture, Electronics and I even heard a rumor of there now being a fully grown German shepherd that can fit in the palm of your hand now. Hopefully can find a way out of this one...

Ruggsy · 07-04-2021, 09:54 PM

Finally the time came where I was offered a deal from a company, the wait felt longer then hearing that I actually made it into the big leagues. I immediately signed the deal with Heely’s giving me a signature Ruggs line on their star studded line of collabs. For some reason the stupid engineering intern in charge ended up putting the wheels on the front of the shoe instead of the heel. Not only does this go against the fundamentals and morals were founded on, but it gives you a massive blister on your feet. Of course this is nothing compared to the biggest issue of the shoes, that you look like a complete fucking moron trying to ride them. For now Ill be rocking my tommy hillfiger x heelys sneakers since I really have no other option, but hopefully next go around these morons get it right and we can all be gliding in Ruggs style.

SlashACM · 07-04-2021, 09:56 PM

Pp pass

Tayjay · 07-04-2021, 10:00 PM

PBE Affiliate

*jeffie43* · 07-04-2021, 10:20 PM

Jack Kanoff is a rich man, he has received several advertising deals and sponsorships during his time in the SHL. With a lethal combination of an incredible name and a player that has been trending upwards in the SHL world, Jack has been incredibly popular with many advertising campaigns for several different products all around the world. The majority of his products were found in the adult industry, mostly around self-satisfaction.

His most recent advertising campaign was in conjunction with 343 Industries where the two came together in order to organize an advertisement where there would be a custom fitted elite pocket pussy with every preorder of Halo Infinite, the hyped up newest installment in the legendary Halo series. Everyone who does end up pre-ordering the game would also get the choice of getting an Arbiter or a Jul 'Mdama Elite Pocket Pussy in order to help satisfy their gaming and innate needs or desires.Who else better to help out with this product than the great Jack Kanoff.

Nour is pretty hot ngl

JT3 · 07-04-2021, 10:28 PM

Noel Blanchet's first endorsement was for a French cologne called 'eau de homme'. This was back in his pre-SMJHL days when he was still plying his trade in the French hockey world. He had been gaining lots of attention for not only his ability on the ice, but also from some of the female French hockey fans, as he began maturing into a bit of a stud. He had never heard of the company before but thought it was a good opportunity to get his foot in the endorsement door and make a bit of money on the side. The company created his own branded line of cologne. Unfortunately for Blanchet, the company being a bit on the unknown side didn't have the same budget as major players and did not conduct the proper testing. Turns out the cologne would give people horrendous rashes and boils, so many eau de homme customers quickly soured on Blanchet's imagine. Some say that is why he left France for North American shores, but nobody knows for certain.