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*fishy* · 07-04-2021, 11:17 PM

Aron Hernadivic, of the simulation hockey league’s buffalo stampede, got a promotion deal with SHL KUsh dot com, an entity run by fellow Stampeder and Stevens Trophy Winner, Canadian Augustus Wang. Augustus Wang started SHLKush when he learned of the wonderful healing properties that dank kush has for athletes enduring tough sports putting their body through shit, like hockey players, football players, rugby players, and more. This company contacted and hired Aron after he had an MVP caliber season in season fifty nine, finishing second in mvp voting. This took Aron’s fame to a whole new level, and as someone who was already using SHLKush for all his daily kush needs, a partnership was a no brainer. However, recent reports have revealed that the Fishy line of kush, inspired by Aron “Fishy” Hernadivic, has been recalled for being too “dank”. Numerous young athelrtes have been hospitalized for being high as balls, having excessive cotton mouth, and straight up being too high to function. We will see how SHLKUsh handles these reports

***JaytheGreat*** · 07-04-2021, 11:19 PM

PBE PT

Rest In Peace Dangel

1st SHL Goal - S52 Game 1 vs Tampa 3. New England Wolfpack , Jakub Bruchevski 1 (Eko Van Otter 1, Delver Fudgeson 2) at 8:10

Scarecrows

*Buster* · 07-04-2021, 11:23 PM

Oliver Cleary's newest sponsorship looked like an easy deal that couldn't backfire in anyway. Cleary was being signed by Dior to promote a new fragrance. The idea was simple. Dior was going to bring in an athlete to promote a new athletic line that was supposed to sell to athletes who need that extra little omph in their step. Cleary was going to star in a series of ads that involved some on-ice time as well as some off-ice time in some of the SHL's higher profile cities like Manhattan and Los Angeles. All was great until the product was released. Many complaints came in because the smell wasn't as intended. Something went wrong in the manufacturing stage and the product came out smelling like eggs. The product was instantly pulled from shelves, never to see the light of day again. Cleary was distraught after realizing how much money he was going to lose on the deal.

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Nhamlet · 07-04-2021, 11:25 PM

The Instant Pot for Instant Pot solution was supposed to be the new standard that would revolutionize cooking everywhere. However it turns out that despite the idea of having an Instant pot be inside of an instant pot for cleaning and even faster cooking purposes, people were getting their instant pot combo mixed up and putting the one outside, inside the other one instead. Given the high pressure systems that are used as part of the instant pot in instant pot systems instead what resulted is multiple cases of explosions. The worst part isn't the injuries that may or may not have allegedly occurred but instead the many meals that were ruined as a result of these incidents.

As a measure to combat the unawareness and preventative actions taken to ensure that no future incidents would continue to occur, The Instant Pot in Instant Pot company has teamed up with Minamino once again to put out a PSA and having visual identifiers on future products.

JumpierPegasus · 07-04-2021, 11:25 PM

A promotion deal with beloved brand of fish "Swedish Fish" fell through for young San Francisco Pride forward Yngve Simonsson over the weekend. The Maynards candy brand had hired Simonsson when playing in Detroit and planned to bring him over to Toronto to tour the factory and give his Swedish seal of approval. The deal never materialized during the time, but after a few seasons in San Francisco, Simonsson and the brand reconnected to bring the deal forward again. When Simonsson next played the North Stars or Steelhawks, he would make the trek to the Maynards factory. No longer, however, as Maynards has been caught up in scandal. The aforementioned Swedish Fish were tested in a laboratory by CBC beside the testing of Subway's tuna. They found that the "fish" contained no actual fish products, only gelatin and sugar

"This is very concerning news, we are positive there is 0% fish in this Swedish Fish. Also Subway tuna is less than 50% tuna"

The news blew up and Maynards shut down their factories. Lawsuits began flying Maynard's way, due to false advertising claims, and sales plummeted. Swedish Fish were removed from grocery store shelves everywhere, and Simonssons deal fell through, once again.

Zombiewolf · 07-04-2021, 11:28 PM

With Jaska Seppala of the Buffalo Stampede he is turning into a real stud and often gets called for product placements. From cereal to insurance to hockey equipment, really anything. Jaska Seppala has an agent that he trusts and who has never failed him, until now. His agent, Cam Newton, told him about a new toothpaste that is coming into the market and was interested in making Jaska Seppala the front of the product! Cam Newton told Jaska Seppala that is was a tested product and there have been no reported bad things happening because of the product. So what could go wrong? Well turns out this toothpaste turned people blind somehow. It took about a month for the effects to start happening which is why it wasnt found out in testing but yep it turned people blind. Now Jaska Seppala is the face of a toothpaste company blinding people. already 1000 people have gone blind. How will he ever survive this pr nightmare?

Thank you Brandon, Fish, GeckoeyGecko, Karey, Kit, takethehorizon, and Ragnar for the sigs!
[Image: Pw202QP.jpeg]

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katarn22 · 07-04-2021, 11:33 PM

Alfred Yankovic recently landed an endorsement deal with Head and Shoulders. As you can see, Al's lettuce and flow in on par with the best and Head and Shoulders had to take advantage of this. They formulated a special brand for consumers that, when applied, would produce hair exactly like Al's. The testing on lab rats went phenomenally and it was ready to be introduced to the consumer market. Sales in the first month were off the chart and things were looking great. However, phone calls and emails from customers started flooding in. The commonality between all of them was a sudden, overwhelming desire to polka. Whether it be dance to it, or even going so far as to buy an accordion and play polka themselves, people were having a polka party. At first, Al saw nothing wrong with this. However, Head and Shoulders considered this as an "unintended side effect" of using the product and had it pulled from store shelves. Al, however, managed to snag a few bottles for when he isn't feeling inspired in the future.

***hockeyiscool*** · 07-04-2021, 11:34 PM

*Grum* · 07-04-2021, 11:37 PM

Nicholas Owens, although not looking very Japanese (or well totally not at all), still came from Japan so naturally there are quite a lot of Japanese brands out there looking for him to advertise their products for them. One of the most recent companies that reached out to Nicholas Owens was a Japanese company that sold a product that was said to make your soup taste better by adding in a powder like substance. It was advertised to be the next salt, well except for just being for soup instead of semi all purpose. This new product was getting a lot of good press so Owens was keen on being a part of the promotion. However, with all food products, it's always smart to wait a bit to see if there is anything bad about it. This turned out to be a good choice, as just a week after the email was sent for Owen to participate in the promotion, it was found out that the product killed people's immune system.

Jepox · 07-04-2021, 11:40 PM

Pablo Salvatici was understandable pissed when he found out his product placement deal had gone to shit. The rookie forward for the Atlanta Inferno had landed himself a sponsorship deal with a hair product company using his likeness with a set of hair gels. The once reputable company had put forward an offer his agent insisted he couldn’t refuse, however the actions of the last week have proven that to be a poor decision. The hair gel that somehow got through testing ended up being toxic and led to hair loss for those who regularly used it. As a result the company has been dragged through the mud and Pablo has only barely escaped the same fate through refunds and insistence that he had no hand in developing the product itself. A few of the unlucky users have been informed they will never grow hair again, but most have hope that they will grow the majority of it back within the year.

Exilate · 07-04-2021, 11:46 PM

Even though he grew up in Sweden, Aleks saw plenty of Gatorade ads on TV. He would see famous National Basketball Association players like Lebron James, Kevin Durant, Zion Williamson, and many more promoting Gatorade. It really influenced the young Aleks Blixtstrom, and one day he wanted to be famous enough to be in a Gatorade commercial. Fast forward through the youth hockey leagues in Sweden, the travel leagues in Europe, the amateur showcases all throughout the world (most notably North America), and Aleks Blixtstrom finds himself drafted by the Carolina Kraken in the SMJHL. And guess what? The first brand to approach him is Gatorade. It's like a dream come true. All of the memories come rushing back to him watching television as a kid. He can't believe it. They quickly get to work on a custom product. They develop something and put it on shelves. A few days later, Aleks is sitting at home and he gets a call. His product is making people's hair turn bright neon green. All of it is recalled, and the process starts all over again.

marco999 · 07-04-2021, 11:46 PM

Kaapo Kampainen usually does a training camp for the Finnish youth after the season is over. Known for his crisp passing from his time with the Anaheim Outlaws, Kampainen was more than happy to give his rights to a company who would make a cardboard cutout of himself, hiding an automatic puck distributors. People who bought the thing would be very happy to have Kampainen passing them the puck in their driveway or in their basement. However, there were multiple problems with the product, starting with the cardboard cutout itself. The genital area was out of proportions and it was deemed unsuitable for a young audience. Those who were able to look past that (or just stop looking at it really), complained that sometimes the puck gets stuck in the mechanism and when they crouched down to get it unstuck, the mechanism throws the puck at their face really quickly, with an ungodly power. This resulted in multiple people being hospitalised and one man nearly dying from his injuries. A bad look for the Finnish player, known to keep it to himself and steer clear of the drama.

grok · 07-04-2021, 11:47 PM

dee centerman iv recently provided his likeness and endorsement to fat blocker xxl, a controversial diet pill produced in the philippines designed to inhibit fat gain. marketed as a dietary supplement rather than a medication, fat blocker xxl was sold over the counter with minimal regulation or clinical testing. the american arm of the company used an unlicensed mail in laboratory to get overnight test results for sales purposes, so they could legally market as a clinically tested product. the company also paid for the lab to produce a questionable journal article in a shady pharmaceutical journal with a name very close to the most popular journal in production. despite all the subterfuge, the supplement actually worked at blocking fat absorption, like centerman advocated in his shot blocking advertisements. the problem was that it worked too well. unable to properly absorb and store fats in the body, hundreds of consumers reported globby, neon yellow stools. in severe cases, two consumers were hospitalized for complete incontinence. the product was pulled and centerman issued a public apology.

Frostbite · 07-04-2021, 11:48 PM

PBE Affililate

5ympathies · 07-05-2021, 12:00 AM

Ok so I had a huge eggplant. Comically sized almost like 60 feet long. And everyone deemed it way too phallic so I cgot cancelled for it. I thought it was so very funny. I was laughing ha ha ha all day about it. I was like ok im raking in the money I am making so much funny money from this content but people are like hey no this is not ok you are not allowed to do this we are banning you from the content and you are going to lose any and all money you may or may not have made from it ok then I was upset. I was sad because I need this money. I only have like 50 million canadian dollars in my bank account and I need more because I am going to regress and make less contract money. I need to stock up now. THis is so unfair that I lost this money. Please I need more. Please do no cancel me, I am upset

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