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**leafsftw1967** · 08-30-2021, 01:23 AM

On Marner's never ending quest to find a competitive edge for season sixty one of the simulation hockey league the brightly colored pill he decided to take from the mysterious salesman’s trench coat was the red pill that will give him an amazing speed boost, but will also speed up his digestive system. Marner will be bale to zip around the ice on my skates at an incredible speed but will need to vacate bowels every fifteen minutes. The reason Marner chose this pill is because speed wins in todays modern day hockey style of play. With this pill Marner will be able to easily burn by defenders on his way to creating a scoring opportunity as well as being able to have one of the more quick relentless backchecks coming back to defend in is own end which in turn will make him the best two way player in the game. In addition it will not be too much of a pain to have a quick crap break every fifteen minutes as Marner will need to go for a line change at some point anyways.

bjkman · 08-30-2021, 02:29 AM

Pills to eat pills to sleep, pills, pills, pills, everyday of the week

bjkman · 08-30-2021, 02:39 AM

As St. Vincent once said... "Pills to wake, pills to sleep, pills, pills, pills every day of the week". If I had to select a magic pill to control the game to the best of my ability I think I would have to choose the Green Pill. And while I'm sure once I take the green pill a better idea to explain the changes that will affect me will come to my mind right now this is my plan. Once the intelligence pill is shown to work, I will immediately retire and using my knowledge of the ice join a coaching staff for an SHL or SMJHL team, but only call plays from the club level box seats not letting anyone see my disgusting small body, after years of success as this mystery coach, I will sacrifice my possible hall of fame career as a player, for a 100% certain hall of fame career as a head coach. And who knows, I might even beat some of the current players to the hall if I get a head coaching job right away! And on the night I am inducted into the hall, I come out on stage revealing my tiny child body to all. Yes, this small man child with the brain of a hockey genius beat you all.

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219 Words

Segi · 08-30-2021, 02:47 AM

PT pass

*Evil_AllBran* · 08-30-2021, 02:52 AM

steveoiscool · 08-30-2021, 03:14 AM

After taking the blue pill, everyone told Sven that his shot accuracy would get worse. In actuality, the joke is entirely on them cause Sven already can't hit the net except by sheer randomness and luck. In fact, it doesn't seem like his shot accuracy has change at all since ingesting the pill, but his checks and hits have gotten noticeably more monstrous. In fact, even when he misses the net (and we all know that he will) he has a pretty high chance of injuring a player or ref. His teammates have stopped trying to screen the goalie when he's on the ice, opting instead to completely avoid his shooting lanes to make sure his shot doesn't hit any of them. By the end of the season, the rest of the league won't be able to field a legal roster and the Cup will be awarded as a formality to the Vancouver Whalers.

Salming · 08-30-2021, 03:30 AM

William Salming chooses the blue pill which gives him ultra strength, but will render him blind. Salming will lay thunderous hits, and shoot the puck at incredible speed, but will need to rely on sound and his instincts to know where to shoot and hit. Why Salming chose this pill? Because he just read a book from W. Timothy Gallwey about the Inner Game of Golf. Salming was very amazed from that book. In that book Gallwey wrote that for example feeling your club during the swing is the most important thing to improve your game. You need to have some relaxed concentration. Same applies for ice-hockey. Because Salming has played ice-hockey 20 years, he feels where his stick is all the time. When he is not blind, he don't have to watch his stick because he can watch his the field and find passing lanes with his vision and eyes. Now when after blue pill he is blind, it is not a problem for him because he can still feel all the time the puck on his stick's blade and because he can hear, his teammates would shout to him where to pass the puck or where to shoot because even as a blind, Salming would all the time know what is his position on the rink.

KenitohMenara · 08-30-2021, 03:38 AM

PT Pass

Justice · 08-30-2021, 03:48 AM

Should Renji Atake be offered the arrangement of pills to choose from, he would be most likely to select the blue one, which grants him strength and power in hitting and shooting but rendering him blind. Renji considers himself a highly sound based hockey player it is, citing his bat-like awareness and echo location ability. To him, there is essentially no downside to this pill. If anything, the blindness would be an upside, as it would rid him of the useless sense of vision which only serves to take his mental focus away from the other senses that require more subconscious attention. If Renji Atake takes the blue pill, not to exaggerate, but he might quite literally immediately become the best SHL player that ever lived, and his presence alone would be enough to bring a championship to his team. I advise keeping Renji far away from the blue pill, in an effort to preserve parity in the league.

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160 words

Crazylemire · 08-30-2021, 03:55 AM

Kayden never been one to pop pills and looking at the board he can find better pills off his local drug dealer on the side street corner... Kayden aint about popping pills so he will take the Grape Jelly Bean and pretend its a pill, this magic power gives Kayden no side affects so it doesnt affect his personal or hockey life and makes him pretty happy considering its his favorite candy and his favorite flavor is grape, Kayden is noticing some of the players who took the Red pill constantly fighting over the shitter... oh im glad i didnt take that kayden says to himself. The players taking the blue pill apeer too seem aneebrated and intoxatied during this delemy and smashing everything in sight in there seem too new abilty.. Kayden says to himself what is this world coming too, .... Kayden opens up a chairty for drug addicton after this ordeal

DeletedAtUserRequest · 08-30-2021, 03:59 AM

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Graphic Task: Depict your player in a two frame comic, one frame of them choosing a pill, and the next of the effects of your chosen pill. Can include speech bubbles if you'd like to make the effect more obvious!

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**_Blitz_** · 08-30-2021, 04:07 AM

Well all of the ones that do things to my bowels and the current PT Director are right out. Sorry Slash, no way out from me. Not partial to blindness either, but you almost got me with "blue" and "thunder" so close together.
The green pill is interesting, but Danny's already a pretty high hockey IQ guy. I feel like that might hinder more than help him, what with being child-sized.
The orange one sounds good to me, but I don't think Danny really needs it. In fact, since Danny is meant to be better than me, he definitely doesn't have allergies.
The pink one is terrifying, but in a way he's gotta be halfway there. He just had a 73 point season for a hockey team in Toronto. Even with Hamilton so close, that's going to garner a lot of attention.

So really, I'd go with none of them, given the option. But if I had to choose, I guess I'd go with the jelly bean. Is it at least a Starburst one?

***retuperkele*** · 08-30-2021, 06:02 AM

As we all know, Lilja suffers from asthma. Since his birth is has always been hard for him to breathe, and because of that his dream of playing hockey professionally was denied several times by multiple hockey teams across Finland. We all knew he had talent and all, but it was his health that kept him back. Naturally, in order to remove his health issues and for him to be able to play hockey at his full strength at all times, Lilja would take the orange pill to kill the thing that has been haunting him from the day he was born
Now that he is able to breathe like a normal human being, Lilja's lung capacity has increased by 200%. He is now able to playu in every shift of the game, and with his strength and especially his stamina, that would be no issue for this finnish stud. In the first complete season after taking the pill, Lilja will break every record in the book

Pills here

***Acsolap*** · 08-30-2021, 06:40 AM

Rex Kirkby looks at the pile of pills on the table in front of him, shrugs, then downs the whole lot in one meaty handful. They do not taste of much although there is a hint of grape in there somewhere. A strange feeling overtakes his entire body as the pills begin to take their terrible toll and the metamorphis of his body begins. He blacks out from the pain. When he finally comes to he is in familiar surroundings but he can't see anything. The smell of old hockey gloves and the sound of pucks slapping off stick blades fills his ears. Suddenly the coach is screaming for him to get onto the ice and he duly jumps over the boards but they feel massively high and he struggles to get his leg over so someone gives him a shove from behind and sends him sprawling onto the ice. He gets to his feet and suddenly feels his brain start to work out a million calculations per second, he knows where the puck will be ages before it gets there and whats more he is like a bat sensing his surroundings with echo location. The opposition is skating over the blue line and into the neutral zone and he moves to intercept but he completely misjudges his own speed and crashes into the player with devastating force sending their mangled body flying into the boards where they lie still and most likely dead. A hush drops around the arena and the only sound that can be heard is Kirkby violently shitting himself.

Credit to Ml002, King, Wasty, Carpy, Bruins10, Rum_Ham, Turd Ferguson, Ragnar and Enigmatic for the sigs.
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*.simo* · 08-30-2021, 07:50 AM

PBE PT

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