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EsAmYk · 09-05-2021, 04:15 PM

What I thought was going to be a normal day turned out to be an interesting one. Always trying to better myself, I found myself setting a date and a time to meet with someone who could give me a "competitive edge." As I continue to walk towards the meeting point, the area seems to be getting worse and worse. At last, I come to the destination: a dark alley in the middle of the bad part of town, with a stranger in a trenchcoat. This "competitive edge" turns out to be pills. Of the different options, I would normally not take any of them, however, I did not want to get myself into a situation I don't want to be involved in, so I decide to take one of the pills. As I do not trust strangers with trenchcoats trying to sell things, I would take the orange pill. Everything else seems ludicrous, and knowing me, I wouldn't need any of that. Taking the orange one, that is supposed to be "medication," I would put it in my pocket and walk away, to practice. After the practice skate, I would find it in my pocket. Seeing it again, and remembering what it was, I would find a random trash can downtown to toss it.

FinnRhys · 09-05-2021, 04:17 PM

For this PT, I would absolutely select the Purple Pill, which is nothing more than a grape jelly bean. For one, jelly beans are freaking awesome! Second, it has no significant adverse effects (unless it is a sugar free jelly bean which would be just gross and might harken to the catastrophe that are sugar free gummy bears). I think the no adverse effects part is really what gets me sold on this selection. I mean, I am pretty comfortable aging and not being the best hockey player in the league (or even in contention anymore). So why not just go out and do what I do and hope for the best? I think that will be enough and I will not have to worry too much about incontinence or my bowels going too early or being blind or short to really play hockey effectively (although I think the short guys might have a shot since they would be taking people's knees out with every hit).

FINN RHYS

[Image: hockey__27674.1518661372.1000.1200.jpg?c=2]

juniped · 09-05-2021, 04:27 PM

This is a piece of cake. I would take the blue pill hands down no questions asked if i’m already and elite hitter, that would make me life easy. I have no problem relying on my instincts to find opponents. In fact, it might be like being daredevil where my ther senses become even more enhanced than before and I develop a sot of radar that i can use to track opponents down and slam them into the ice. I don’t even care about shooting the puck to be honest, but I would lay waste to the opposing teams and bring the fear of ME into their hearts every time they step on the ice. I wouldn’ ever need to shoot because the pure intimidation i would bring will rock opponent so much that they wouldn’t be able to put up a proper defense for fear of reprocussion from me. Shooting I think would be much harder than tracking people by the sounds of their skates on the ice or the screams they make asking for mercy from me. and in fat no mercy will be found.

reid · 09-05-2021, 04:27 PM

I would take the red pill - fastest person on shoes or skates, but have to shit myself every 15 mins. This might seem like an inconvenience to many - especially considering how so many activities last longer than 15 mins, and you would constantly be inturrupting them to go take a poo. But here is the thing: if I am fast as fuck, then all the mundane activities won’t take that long too. Cleaning the house? Normally that would take a few hours, but I can split it into 2-3 15 min chunks. Routine meeting? I can have that shit done in 15 minutes right on time to destroy some toilets. On the ice, there are enough commercial breaks that it really shouldn’t cause any issues with me needing to go use the throne every 15 mins. As long as my coach is smart about my shifts, I won’t shit my pants. The ease of which I can handle the downsides makes the speed more than worth it. I’ll have a 40 speed compared to everyone else maxing at 20, basically

***notorioustig*** · 09-05-2021, 04:52 PM

Kermit Murphy would, 100% and without a doubt, select the orange pill. What many people don't know and what Murphy has not publicized is that he actually suffers from terrible seasonal allergies which tend to kick in around the first few days of training camp and last until after the playoffs have ended. The allergies leave him prone to severe nasal congestion, migraines, and massive bouts of sneezing. Also, no girls want to go out with him because he is a slobbering, drippy mess of puffy eyes and mucus, severely dampening his confidence. The orange pill would certainly alleviate this issue for Kermit, allowing him to feel more normal on the ice for once. Without all of the headaches and stuffy sinuses, he'd be better able to see and process the ice around him, leading to better decision making and snappier playmaking. Not sneezing every couple of minutes would help get rid of some of those egregious giveaways or defensive lapses as well.

*Buster* · 09-05-2021, 04:56 PM

If Oliver Cleary was taking a pill, he would for sure take the red pill. It seems like having to empty your bowels every 15 minutes would be a hinderance but hear me out. Oliver Cleary doesn't play good defence and you can't trust him in the defensive zone. As such, no one will notice if Cleary isn't on the bench during the penalty kill. Every single time the team takes a penalty, Cleary will be forced to empty his bowels. This will force the team to play fantastic defence to give him the full two minutes to do this and with Cleary's super speed, it won't take him long to get back to the bench. Cleary will be able to play the rest of the period pretty easily and get back into the game. So the choice is simple, give Cleary super speed and an undisciplined team and you have a successful pair.

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Tomasnz · 09-05-2021, 05:15 PM

Choice: Grape jelly bean 100%

you know what is good, jelly beans, and the classic type that are mostly just sugar and a bit of artificial flavouring.

you know what Peter is not going to get by eating jellybeans while sitting on the bench for the Philly Forge? Positive drug tests... that's right, can't take down this player this late in their career by tricking me into taking PEDs nope. Not that I wouldn't LOVE to have some of those or even that HGH, or hell some good old fashioned rich plasma blood spinning. Getting old is HARD and why wouldn't I want a break from those aching bones and creaky joints while standing in front of my crease.

but no! NO! it is the purple pill for me, good old fashioned sugar to keep me going on the cold cold bench.

That is not to say I am not hoping that some of my competitors dont try that other path, lets just say the league is going to get a bunch of "tip offs" on some of my rival goalies over this season, and lets see who was foolish enough to risk it all!

GoonerBear · 09-05-2021, 05:39 PM

Speedwagon decides on the orange pill. His allergies have been acting up something fierce, not terribly used to the plains of Regina. He'd grown accustomed to the moist sea air of London and St. John's. The closest bodies of water are lakes, which, while it's nice they have beaches, they just can't compare. The air in this part of Saskatchewan is much drier than past residences, which has exposed Speedwagon to the types of flora that typically only thrives on such plains. In the first couple of weeks here, he would constantly be seen with sniffles and a tissue box refilled every few days in his locker and kept on-hand by the bench. There was some concerns with whether he could tough it out, though he'd managed alright. But now, with allergy medicine finally on offer, and for free, no less, he'll gladly take it over anything that would further mess with his inner workings, even for a new benefit. Blindness and the runs sound too awful.

(167)

grok · 09-05-2021, 05:41 PM

the only correct choice is the brown pill. even if you poop every shift, even if you have to go back to the locker room twice a period, the real advantage is in weight. the red pill gives you super speed, but you will have to significantly adapt your game to take advantage of it. it will take years to fully adapt a safe game out of the incredible change in acceleration and momentum you gain. the brown pill gives you a slight advantage--one less pound of body weight to carry around while you're in motion. with less bloat, less center of mass weight, and an otherwise identical play style, the brown pill gives you a very small but meaningful advantage that is nearly unnoticeable by anyone else on the ice. as long as they are not paying attention to your bathroom schedule. i would take the brown pill and ride my advantage to an extra 1% in on-ice efficiency.

***Air Crou*** · 09-05-2021, 05:41 PM

Are we really gonna talk about PEDs? Because this IS PEDs. It gives a boost somewhere, but messes with your body up bad. Really bad. The only one that sounds like it is legal and not risking a suspension is the purple one. And grapes are amazing! Meaning I can enjoy their taste without worrying about my stomach absolutely hating them, and aboslutely wrecking me sideways for consuming them. On top of that, I do not really need the competitive edge using performance enhancers. That is exactly what losers do. I got the work ethic to get faster, smarter, and stronger day in and day out. I will get a truck full of bags of the purple pills, and leave the PEDs for the losers. I am all natural. Just work, proper diet, and proper resting. That is how champions are made. Through hard work. PEDs are a mere shortcut, with very severe consequences down the line.

Frick_Nasty · 09-05-2021, 05:45 PM

All right I know the pill that I'm not taking is the black pill because / you're the best keep doing what you're doing even if you got these weird ass point tasks for us I'll still write every time. Next up we got orange pill probably going to take it cuz you know my allergies are acting up damn hay fever. Third pill I wouldn't mind taking though would be the purple pill I do like grape as a flavor it hits real good. Anything any pill that's going to make me poop real bad no I do that enough as is I'm not taking any more. I don't want to be laying thunderous hits I'm already hitting people like it ain't nothing all right so being blind that's not going to help me anything when I'm already the baddest dude in the league everybody knows you can't handle bork it's bork season everybody knows I'm the man I'm letting everybody know.

*Tomen* · 09-05-2021, 05:47 PM

Pt pass

Thank you all for the amazing sigs & player cards
Germany

3. Buffalo Stampede , Eduard Selich 5 (Maximilian Wachter, Alexis Metzler) at 16:25
5. Buffalo Stampede , Eduard Selich 6 (Steven Stamkos Jr., Brynjar Tusk) at 19:48
8. Buffalo Stampede , Eduard Selich 7 (Brynjar Tusk, Alexis Metzler) at 13:55
9. Buffalo Stampede , Eduard Selich 8 (Anton Fedorov, Mikelis Grundmanis) at 15:12
10. Buffalo Stampede , Eduard Selich 9 (Dickie Pecker) at 19:43 (Empty Net)

Nerio · 09-05-2021, 05:51 PM

So lets rule out some obvious ones first -
Black pill - no way that sounds like way too much work
Purple and Orange pill - I have these around the house, no need to get more
Brown pill - kind of already my life anyway

With that said, I would ask for both the red pill and the pink pill. I already have a special consideration with the SHL for whenever I get a penalty to instead be allowed to go to the bathroom (thanks eggy for being so understanding). So all this really means is now I'm zipping around at super speed and my game gets elevated to the next level, though maybe with more penalties since any time I run into someone it'll look like I charged them. But that's more poop time so I'm cool with it.

Also the fame of a korean pop star sounds great and I imagine there are a few that aren't that talented anyway so I'd fit in nicely I imagine. Assuming the fame also comes with some of the money they would be making too? Money's tight.

inverted · 09-05-2021, 06:08 PM

I would immediately snag all the pills and chug em down with an ice cold Bud Ice. For the red pill I can always wear a diaper, at that point it's just as much my opponents problem. The blue pill I think doesn't change anything. Coach says i already play blind and i injure guys all the time, I think this one is a placebo. My body is too strong for the green pill and my brain is already mush so good luck improving that. The pink pill will get me my own Mcdonalds meal? cool. Otherwise than that top sports stars are more famous than K-pop stars in this country... unless you're weird. The brown pill won't do anything if i already took the red, right? I'm already taking the orange pill lmao. Grape jelly bean don't sound so bad. As PT director I'm not rewarding anyone with PT, ever. nerds.

***Citizen of Adraa*** · 09-05-2021, 06:22 PM

Now, Archangelo isn't a bufoon. He knows that any random nincompoop offering him random pills, especialy from underneath a trench coat, is probably shady at best and malicious at worst. Therefore, he refuses to even hear the offer, and calls the authorities to deal with the man appropriately. However, seems like he was about the only one that thought like that. Next training was insane. Little geniuses, constant interruptions from people nearly shitting themselves while skating at mach 1, the blind proved to be a problem far bigger than the reward, which wasn't pretty when done in trainings against your own teammates, it was insanity, and that doesn't even mention the PT director snake that happened, considering it seemed everyone got pissed at everyone at the same time. At least some guys got some really nice allergy medication, however sketchy the source and the contents were. Archangelo however is glad to protect his health by not consuming random pills that likely have no FDA approval and are therefore likely highly illegal.

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