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Massive Coiler · 06-27-2022, 11:21 PM

Looking at all of the players with the S66 tag next to their name in the team rosters made me think that I should probably get writing some media so I can pay for that sweet sweet training and be ready for the 67 draft. Any GM who didn’t do their homework and is now in a panic, look no further than this undisputable ranking when it comes to your pick.

So, without delay I’m gonna get right into it and rank the players based on the one thing that should matter most to a GM: Their names.

(I would like to remind everyone that this ranking is not up for discussion, and cannot be changed no matter how much you pay me.)

Consensus Number 1 Pick

The big question of the draft is always “who will go first overall” and this season, I think it’s obvious.

C - Bnana NWaffles - 267 TPE

Easily the best name in this draft class. There are some okay names coming, and it should be a deep(ish) crop of players, but this one stands a head above the rest. If you want some real life on your roster, look no further than this name.

Lottery Picks

So you didn’t win the first overall pick. Fret not. Though Bnana NWaffles clearly has the best name, it’s hardly a generational one. There are some good consolation prizes to be had.

RW - Nibbles The Squirrel - 270 TPE

Heck of a name, Nibbles. And with the added “The Squirrel” you know exactly what you’re gonna get in this player. Sometimes you’ve gotta wonder if you’re getting some sort of beast with your pick, and here it’s all in the name. I think you can safely judge this book by its cover.

LW - Boom Stick - 218 TPE

You guys all like Army of Darkness right? Of course you do, it’s your favorite. Well this player is named Boom Stick, so pick them and you can have long, meaningful discussions about that motion picture.

RW - Bavel Pure - 260 TPE

Is this the Russian Rocket I see? No. It’s Bavel Pure. What if somebody built the rocket wrong? Put some parts on backwards. I’d be WAY more interested in seeing that launch than an actual functional rocket that no one cares about. Very good name.

First Round Talents:

The top picks are gone, but 16 first rounders remain. Who the heck is worth drafting, you really don’t wanna whiff on a pick here. So I’ll round out the best and safest picks for you.

Top 10:

RW - Matty Ice - 171 TPE

G - Mr Lightning - 155 TPE

LW - Thomas Nitro - 251 TPE

RD - Matthew Mayhem - 271 TPE

LD - Angry Gilmore - 273 TPE

RW - Munko Aitmukhambetov - 233 TPE

You can’t miss your pick if you select any of these names. These guys will flash up your bland roster, or add to any team with an already strong group of names.

Matty Ice is clearly for the boys, so that’s crucial if you still need that piece.

Mr Lighting and Thomas Nitro are both clearly the fastest guys in this draft. Plus one of them is a goalie, which makes it even more impressive. As was previously stated, you can see what you’re getting with these kinds of names. Love when a player embraces who they are.

Matthew Mayhem is like if a super hero was just at an absolutely life destroying-ly, selling your family’s possessions, level of being addicted to cocaine. How could you pass on that?

Angry Gilmore, classic. Just a classic waiting to happen. Could be perceived as lazy, but I think there’s something to this one.

Munko Aitmukhambetov should be a top 10 pick. I could see a world where this name is first off the board. It’s nuts, gotta respect that.

Rounding Out The First (11-20)

C - Ralph Ryan - 236 TPE

LD - Konstantin Äyräpää-Möttönen - 236 TPE

LD - Emil Egli - 303 TPE

RD - Ged Sparrowhawk - 240 TPE

C - Julian Eaglesong - 270 TPE

G - Sir Devoir - 291 TPE

G - Graj Virrok - 285 TPE

LD - Kayden King - 258 TPE

RW - Edge Rocks - 286 TPE

C - Koty Kochan - 266 TPE

Whether they got here because they’re clearly a super hero’s secret identity (Ralph Ryan, Kayden King, Koty Kochan) or because it just plain rules (Edge Rocks, Graj Virrok, Ged Sparrowhawk) these players deserve to go in the first round. Some of them may not, but still, these are all safe picks and should be happy with the names they were given.

Potential Steals

Here is a list of names that could upset some favorites on the board. Just barely missing out on the top 20.

RW - Otis Boudreaux - 249 TPE
(Never bet against a guy named Otis, I’m pre calling my mistake leaving him off the top 20)

LW - Teodors Skalbergs - 267 TPE

LW - Tim Honks - 185 TPE

RD - Giulio Cesare Polerio - 157 TPE

C - Xman Damson Jr - 159 TPE

Tier List in case you wonder where you fell.

S Tier
C - Bnana NWaffles - 267 TPE

A Tier
RW - Nibbles The Squirrel - 270 TPE
LW - Boom Stick - 218 TPE
RW - Bavel Pure - 260 TPE
RW - Matty Ice - 171 TPE
G - Mr Lightning - 155 TPE
LW - Thomas Nitro - 251 TPE
RD - Matthew Mayhem - 271 TPE
RW - Munko Aitmukhambetov - 233 TPE
LD - Angry Gilmore - 273 TPE
C - Ralph Ryan - 236 TPE
LD - Konstantin Äyräpää-Möttönen - 236 TPE

B Tier
RD - Giulio Cesare Polerio - 157 TPE
C - Julian Eaglesong - 270 TPE
RD - Ged Sparrowhawk - 240 TPE
C - Koty Kochan - 266 TPE
C - Xman Damson Jr - 159 TPE
G - Graj Virrok - 285 TPE
G - Casey Fantobens - 293 TPE
LD - Emil Egli - 303 TPE
G - Sir Devoir - 291 TPE
LD - Kayden King - 258 TPE
RW - Otis Boudreaux - 249 TPE
LW - Teodors Skalbergs - 267 TPE
LW - Tim Honks - 185 TPE
RW - Edge Rocks - 286 TPE
LW - Benson Fiorentini - 309 TPE
RD - Pablo Pombo - 276 TPE
C - Oles Kobliska - 295 TPE

C Tier
RD - Philippe-Eko El - 311 TPE
G - Edward Elric - 305 TPE
LD - Torsten Eriksen - 269 TPE
RW - Manny Calavera - 279 TPE
LW - Alisters Vismanis - 251 TPE
LD - Parker Storr - 155 TPE
LW - Rikkert Biemans - 304 TPE
LW - Dominik Froste - 300 TPE
RD - Luigi Ferraro - 158 TPE
RD - Nikolai Skovgaard - 283 TPE
G - Jackson Cannon - 248 TPE
RD - Alex Krogh - 155 TPE
C - Mayson Demonta - 155 TPE
RW - Pyotr Gallen - 288 TPE

D Tier
LW - Izumi Curtis - 211 TPE
LD - Julian Florsch - 299 TPE
C - Soren Rafferty - 155 TPE
RW - Ivan Scochnikov - 175 TPE
LW - Cole Stermer - 155 TPE
G - Dexter Harrison - 169 TPE
LW - Danil Ivanovic - 187 TPE
RD - Jonathan Mercer - 250 TPE
LD - Tommi Koivu - 272 TPE
G - Manny Vector - 183 TPE

D- Tier
RW - Nathan Gohm - 155 TPE
RW - Tom Holberg - 249 TPE
LW - Casper Nilsson - 249 TPE
LW - Tom Pedersen - 287 TPE
G - Alvin Towne - 315 TPE
RD - Liam Karlson - 199 TPE
LW - Steven Connors - 287 TPE
G - Samuel Piccard - 160 TPE
G - Caleb Hayden - 184 TPE
G - Anthony Dionne - 303 TPE
C - Nikolai Nikitin - 188 TPE
RW - Noah Hansen - 155 TPE
C - Rick Paul - 225 TPE
RW - Lucas Percy - 210 TPE

1176 words

***HabsFanFromOntario*** · 06-28-2022, 12:05 AM

Rikkert Biemanns is criminally underrated and this entire article is an affront to what should be considered media. I suggest the SHL revoke your media credentials and consider banning you for this.

Massive Coiler · 06-28-2022, 12:12 AM

06-28-2022, 12:05 AMHabsFanFromOntario Wrote: Rikkert Biemanns is criminally underrated and this entire article is an affront to what should be considered media. I suggest the SHL revoke your media credentials and consider banning you for this.

I understand your frustrations, and I wish I could change things, but I must refer you to the top section of this article where the list is clearly stated to not be up for discussion. Apologies, but this is out of my hands.

***Froste39*** · 06-28-2022, 02:03 AM

Missed opportunity to put Dominik into D-Tier.

1/10

*Katth* · 06-28-2022, 02:25 AM

06-28-2022, 12:05 AMHabsFanFromOntario Wrote: Rikkert Biemanns is criminally underrated and this entire article is an affront to what should be considered media. I suggest the SHL revoke your media credentials and consider banning you for this.

I second this!

S50 Challenge Cup Finals Game 7
[Image: gNFVjT6.png]

jackkmart · 06-28-2022, 05:19 AM

C tier

**brickwall35** · 06-28-2022, 09:04 AM

155 G in the top ten? Bold prediction.

***HabsFanFromOntario*** · 06-28-2022, 09:35 AM

06-28-2022, 12:12 AMMassive Coiler Wrote:
06-28-2022, 12:05 AMHabsFanFromOntario Wrote: Rikkert Biemanns is criminally underrated and this entire article is an affront to what should be considered media. I suggest the SHL revoke your media credentials and consider banning you for this.

I understand your frustrations, and I wish I could change things, but I must refer you to the top section of this article where the list is clearly stated to not be up for discussion. Apologies, but this is out of my hands.

I'd like to speak to your supervisor, sir. This is unacceptable.

Matty86 · 06-30-2022, 12:19 AM

"Matthew Mayhem is like if a super hero was just at an absolutely life destroying-ly, selling your family’s possessions, level of being addicted to cocaine. How could you pass on that?"

I.... I don't even know how to respond to this... Thank you? lol

spooked · 06-30-2022, 12:46 AM

06-28-2022, 05:19 AMjackkmart Wrote: C tier

Not even bad enough to get the D, that's gotta hurt

EngynGameOver · 06-30-2022, 01:29 PM

06-28-2022, 02:03 AMFroste39 Wrote: Missed opportunity to put Dominik into D-Tier.

1/10

D-Tier aka god tier Battleborn

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