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Maxy · 11-12-2022, 06:16 PM

On the eve of the S68 SMJHL season Tobias Wrexks has arrived at the draft venue, noticeably absent was his manager Maxy, leading to quite an interesting interview with a local reporter. When asked if he had any preferences about where he would like to be drafted, Wrexks pulled the reporter aside, sat him down and gave him his thoughts on every team in the SMJHL. (Important Disclaimer at end of article)

"So you want the definitive evaluation of each SMJHL Team?" Wrexks said smugly, crossing his legs with attitude so pompous it makes Kanye West recoil. Before the reporter could elaborate that he didn't want a full run-down of each team, he just wanted a singular thought on one team, Wrexks continued "It's obvious why you'd come to me for such insight, and I will grace you with my wisdom. This draft is going to be a landmark one for the SMJHL, this is going to be the beginning of a new era, and I am the one leading that charge. Nobody else in this draft, scratch that, nobody in the history of the planet has the level of awesomeness that I possess. I will dominate this league the way Genghis Khan conquered Asia. You know Jerry West right?" The interviewer nods while also looking for any signs of assistance from the venue security. "I will live on long past my playing days when I become the logo, just like Jerry. In order to take over this league (it won't take long) I need to grace a team with my presence, so lets take a look at each team and why they should draft me".

ANCHORAGE ARMADA Armada

Anchorage? Come on man, I can't be freezin my balls off when I hit the town, I spend enough of my life on ice, I don't need any more! Nothing makes me angrier than the thought of bringing a chick home, to bask in my glory, and my massive meat stick is trying to find shelter inside my body. And yes, if that were to happen, it would be because of the weather, NOT my penis size, but with that said, the management team seems pretty cool and playing with my buddy Conor McKeil would be cool. If I go to Anchorage with McKeil all the MILFs in the area would rejoice so that's a plus too. Wrexksy loves him some MILF.

Kraken

CAROLINA KRAKEN Kraken

Carolina is a bit better climate wise at least, I could go there and be the best athlete to ever come out of Carolina immediately, not like they've ever had a generational talent. That said, I have heard they have some phony on their team named "Just Perfection" psh.... psh.. More like Just Projection amiright?!?! psh.... they have I've also never seen a Kraken, where do they keep them in Carolina? If I go to Carolina all the MILFs in the area would rejoice so that's a plus too. Wrexksy loves him some MILF.

Raptors

COLORADO RAPTORS Raptors

Colorado? The Schtiky Icky is legal there right? I can live with that. Plus, as an honorary dinosaur T-Wrexks, I'm basically cousins with the logo. That alone should be the obvious reason I'd end up there. Wrexks doesn't think he knows any players on that team, so it would be a bit of a pain to have to sign THAT many autographs and take that many pictures with the team being in awe of me. If I go to Colorado, all the MILFs in the area would rejoice so that's a plus too. Wrexksy loves him some MILF.

Falcons

DETROIT FALCONS Falcons

Detroit has a lot of hockey history, thats kinda lame to be honest, I AM the past, present and future, and if anyone from Detroit tried to tell me that's not the case I may have to make damn sure my fists are Hot n Ready like a Little Caesars pizza. They got some guy named BNana NWaffles and that makes me sick. Bananas should never be used for anything but bread and pie, I don't wanna give that Waffle more craters but if he pushes me... I may have to. If I go to Detroit, all the MILFs in the area would rejoice so that's a plus too. Wrexksy loves him some MILF.

GREAT FALLS GRIZZLIES

Great Falls... Where the fuck is Great Falls? On the bright side, if someone shit in Wrexks' pants after a long night of partying it'd blend in with the pants. And yes, someone else has shit in Wrexks' pants when he was passed out. I'm still looking for the vandal to this day, any tips would be appreciated, Maxy has told me about this Hallsy dude on the team as well, I won't comment on what he said about him, I'll leave that for you to interpret. If I go to Great Falls... wherever the hell that is, all the MILFs in the area would rejoice so that's a plus too. Wrexksy loves him some MILF.

Knights

KELOWNA KNIGHTS Knights

Kelowna, I mean at least it's not Great Falls. I face a similar problem to the Raptors, it's just gonna be so much work to have to introduce and tell all my battle stories to everyone. With that said, Jillian Harris gimme a call sometimes when you want your world rocked. If I go to Kelowna, all the MILFs, especially Jillian Harris in the area would rejoice so that's a plus too. Wrexksy loves him some MILF.

Timber

MAINE TIMBER

I was gonna say something about Maine, but my manager said he had family there, and they were the ones who got him into hockey in the first place watching the Portland Pirates, so I won't say anything about Maine. I get the name, but do the jerseys gotta look like a moldy dookie? I can't even hide it this time if someone were to shit in Wrexks' pants, and Wrexks doesn't like that. BUT my boy Toasty is there, and I will gladly wear a dookie shirt to carry my buddy to multiple championships! If I go to Maine, all the MILFs in the area would rejoice so that's a plus too. Wrexksy loves him some MILF.

NEVADA BATTLEBORN

Vegas? Now you're talking my language, hookers, blow, gambling, can hang out with my mentor Dana White, the Ram logo is kinda blah though, they should get ahead of the game and make it a goat instead, commemorating my greatness. I'm a bit conflicted, they have a guy named Ragnar Lothbok, hes represented by SecondSucks which he's the second Ragnar on this site so is he saying he, himself sucks?, at the same time I like the strive for greatness attitude, but he'd also have to come with grips that if I were around, he'd always be second, minimum. If I go to Vegas, all the MILFs in the area and hookers would rejoice so that's a plus too. Wrexksy loves him some MILF.

Berserkers

NEWFOUNDLAND BERZERKERS

How you gonna name somewhere New Found Land, when the land has been found for hundreds of years? It's not newly found anymore, update your city name you plebians. The logo is fire, the jerseys are sexy and I'll never turn down a chance to play with someone who's represented by someone who's somewhat close to the level of awesomeness I possess, which Teztify is around that. If I go to Newfoundland, all the MILFs in the area would rejoice so that's a plus too. Wrexksy loves him some MILF.

QUEBEC CITY CITADELLES

*Wrexks bursts out laughing* these bozos managed to misspell their team name! Citadels, there I fixed it for you Canada. The jerseys are pretty nifty though, could definitely pull some chicks in that! Saw they had affiliation with Albino Rhino, which I initially mistook as the Spearmint Rhino, and now I'm a little sad about the reality. If I go to Quebec City, all the MILFs in the area would rejoice so that's a plus too. Wrexksy loves him some MILF.

Elk

REGINA ELK Elk

Regina sounds like Vagina, and they have Alexis Texas on their roster, say less. If I went to Regina, I'd be drowning in Vagina

ST LOUIS SCARECROWS

I know my way around St. Louis, I didn't see many scarecrows in my time there, is this team falsely advertising? At least Carolina get the excuse of saying that Kraken live in water so it makes sense I wouldn't see one, but Scarecrow? that should be readily available, and I don't think it is. #Exposed. If I go to St. Louis, all the MILFs in the area would rejoice so that's a plus too. Wrexksy loves him some MILF.

Whalers

VANCOUVER WHALERS Whalers

I can assure you this much, if you thought 2011 was bad, wait until you see what the citizens of Vancouver have in store for the city if they passed on someone as can't miss, as transcendent, as sexy, as THE Tobias Wrexks. I will go to war with Sam Squanch, Meta Knight, and Sven Panda, I don't know them, but they have pretty cool names too and I'm here for it. If I go to Vancouver, all the MILFs in the area would rejoice so that's a plus too. Wrexksy loves him some MILF.

YUKON MALAMUTES

The only Yukon I know is the 2004 Chevy Yukon my mother would drive me around in to pick up girls to clap cheeks and get chicken Mcnuggies when I was 8, and I don't know what a Malamute is, but it sounds like an insult Tony Soprano would say, and I love that show. Johnny Sack gang for life! I'm in!. If I go to Yukon, assuming its a place, all the MILFs in the area would rejoice so that's a plus too. Wrexksy loves him some MILF.

Tobias Wrexks stands up, puts his finger over the interviewers mouth as if to *shush* him, "What you received here today was special, it's a moment you'll want to tell your children, and your children's children, and your children's children's children about. I hope you take this gift I've bestowed upon you and cherish it, you won't get this opportunity again." Wrexks then sticks the same finger in his mouth as a show of "dominance" before wandering off to do whatever it is Tobias Wrexks does.

Disclaimer: I'll be happy to play for any team that wants me, I'm not picky, I just want to have fun and be a positive addition to a locker room, I know nuance can be lost over the internet, and there's a whole lot of new members I don't know, and don't know me so just want to make it abundantly clear that Tobias Wrexks and Maxy are not one in the same, I hope to get to know all the new faces on whichever team drafts me and lead us to success!

***Anthique*** · 11-12-2022, 07:20 PM

We got some milfs indeed.
And a roster spot for you.

Merica · 11-13-2022, 02:01 PM

A+ content

***WannabeFinn*** · 11-13-2022, 03:19 PM

Maxy stonks

***boom*** · 11-13-2022, 04:42 PM

i questioned whether i should even write kisses into my chapters or if that was too explicit for minors being on the site but after reading this i think that clears up that little dilemma for me, thanks!

scudmuffin19 · 11-13-2022, 08:16 PM

Bruh wtf is this

scudmuffin19 · 11-13-2022, 08:28 PM

How much can we excuse with a disclaimer, good god this was cringey to read, joke or not.

***aleks*** · 11-13-2022, 08:43 PM

Wtf why am I catching strays for no reason

Maxy · 11-13-2022, 08:51 PM

11-13-2022, 08:43 PMdmuda11 Wrote: Wtf why am I catching strays for no reason

It do be like that sometimes.

Maxy · 11-13-2022, 09:00 PM

11-13-2022, 08:28 PMscudmuffin19 Wrote: How much can we excuse with a disclaimer, good god this was cringey to read, joke or not.

Hi there. How are you today?

***hockeyiscool*** · 11-13-2022, 09:26 PM

Top Tier content, I rate this a M out of ILF

***Ragnar*** · 11-13-2022, 09:27 PM

Oh I SEEM cool? WTF bro

Sigs by Me, Merica, High Stick King, Rum_Ham, Jess, vulfzilla, enigmatic, and Carpy

❤!! RIP to the big homies 701 and Mac !!❤

*sköldpaddor* · 11-13-2022, 09:34 PM

11-13-2022, 09:26 PMhockeyiscool Wrote: Top Tier content, I rate this a M out of ILF

the "M" is for "misogyny"

Maxy · 11-13-2022, 09:47 PM

11-13-2022, 09:34 PMsköldpaddor Wrote:
11-13-2022, 09:26 PMhockeyiscool Wrote: Top Tier content, I rate this a M out of ILF

the "M" is for "misogyny"

What's the I for? :o

Maxy · 11-13-2022, 09:47 PM

11-13-2022, 09:47 PMMaxy Wrote:
11-13-2022, 09:34 PMsköldpaddor Wrote: the "M" is for "misogyny"
What's the I for? :o

Insufferable. I figured it out.

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