Here is a little secret that the league is keeping from the fans and the overall public at large. While I’m sure the teams and players would cite advancements in sports science and overall health as to why there are so few injuries in the league. But here is the truth that the mainstream media doesn’t want you to know: cloning. Yes, that’s right. Cloning. When someone gets hurt in the league, they are instantly replaced with a clone. Breakfast collarbone after a big hit? Clone. Concussion? Clone. That whole weird upper body/lower buddy thing that the NHL does, also fixed with clones. And if you’re wondering what happens to the original player? Well they are sent to a lovely farm up state, where they get to play with other injured players. No, they will not be retaining any time soon, so get used to the clones. People aren’t even going to notice.
No injuries, ever, no illnesses, no death, no tragedy. This so called league, has one of the safest job rates ever, of all time. I mean, no one gets injured in a contact sport. I mean some protection here and there can limit injuries, but, there are no injuries at all. This thing is some sick joke, some hell of eternal youth. I mean I get that my former teammate of “Unspeakable Horror”, a literal eldritch demon beyond all our comprehensions wouldn’t get injured to much, but your saying not one player playing against them wouldn’t go crazy, even temporarily? Something is going on here, I mean it can’t be natural, right? Not even a single cold caught. None of these players ever have battled through… anything. There, something is wrong. Terribly wrong, impossible. It just how do they do it, keep everyone permanently healthy, along with their families. And the babies of players, never born on their game days. How is this possible, some deal with the devil, arcane rituals?
Option 2:
Gordon William Gibbles definitely needs to step up their playoff hockey this post season. While leading the team in the regular season, they seem to have gone cold in the playoffs so far. If Great Falls wants to chase the Four Star Cup, he will need to get back to his normal scoring pace. The fact that the team made it out of round 1 without his normal offensive production is hopefully a sign that once he finds his gear, they will make a strong push. Gibbles has not historically disappeared in the playoffs for Great Falls, but it is possible that after his improvement last season that he is having issues adjusting since the Grizzlies were not in the playoffs due to old divisional boundaries. Gibbles will likely need to lean on his linemates a little bit as he regains his shot this post season. If he can, he will find himself hoisting the same trophy as his father did almost 30 seasons ago.
The answer is Synths. Did anyone happen to notice how in the recent Fallout TV show there was no mention of synths the entire time even though they are a prevalent part of the game? Well thats because instead of being in the Fallout universe they've made their way into the simulation hockey league. Not only does this mean that they are basically unable to be injured hence why no one ever misses a game but it also explains why half of the league is better than the best player in the national hockey league. Is it really realistic that pretty much every team in the league has five or six Connor McDavids just lying around? No. The only viable explanation is that every player is actually a highly sentient robot clothed in ultra realistic human skin. Some may say this is a terrifying revelation but I for one welcome our new robotic hockey overlords.
Credit to Ml002, King, Wasty, Carpy, Bruins10, Rum_Ham, Turd Ferguson, Ragnar and Enigmatic for the sigs.
The SHL doesn’t really have injuries because the league operates on multiple planes of reality. It would be inconvenient to those on the higher levels if they existed, so that possibility has been simply removed. It’s kind of weird to think about it this way but it’s kind of like how the Umineko cosmology works. On the base level, the actual extant league. This is where your “pieces” are, the players and the in universe managers and all assorted lower beings reside. The players and managers are controlled by the people one layer up, your witch equivalents. (The voyagers would probably be people who do multiple sim leagues, and the affiliate passes are reflective of their higher power.) Site staff would be witches of origin/creators, everything about the lower universes (the forums for the second layer and the sim for the lowest layer) is entirely to their whims. It’s a very fatalistic way of looking at it from the perspective of a lower order being, fate being predestined and all. That’s why we don’t tell them that.
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