"Long" John Donair Throws Helmet Into SMJHL Rink
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Russia-born American prospect John Donair released a brief press statement to officially declare for the S55 SMJHL Entry Draft, set to take place this Saturday. He was surrounded by family and friends, as well as some teammates from his NA3HL team, the Milwaukee Power.
"I want to thank the press for coming here today," began Donair. "This was a big decision with my family, as I was contemplating going to college as well. But we've discussed it, at length, and I think I'm going to take my talents to the SMJHL. I haven't claimed to be an expert at any one thing, but I'm a well rounded hockey player, and I'm willing to take on whatever role a manager thinks I could excel at. I'm really open to learning. This will be a brand new experience for me, betting all on myself." Donair led the Milwaukee Power with 28 goals and added 19 assists in 40 games -- 12 of the 28 goals came on the power play. He also registered 62 hits and 45 shot blocks. His physical stature above most other prospects proved beneficial, as his game was mostly driven by his ability to swallow up offensive pressure and come back with a huge counterattack. He answered a few follow-up questions from local media: "Any idea what team you'd like to go to?" "No, not really. I'm open. I have friends from school who are Outlaws fans, but that's about all the knowledge I have right this second." "Declaring yourself for Russia's IIHF prospect pool, even though you've lived in America for almost your entire life ... what led to that decision?" "Uhh, y'know, it just kind of felt right. I've felt American at certain points in my life, but my mother is Russian, and it's led to family traditions taking that sort of undertone, if you will. Nothing against team USA. I just want to represent my deep roots the most, especially if I'm going to be making noise at the international level someday." "Do you want to tell the fans why your name is Long John?", muttered a teammate. John chuckled. "Well, so, when I started comin' to practices and stuff, the guys started calling me 'Donut', because it sounds a lot like 'Donair'. But an actual donair is, like, a pita thing. Similar to a gyro. So they're not the same at all even though it sounds alike. But instead of stopping with 'Donut', they just call me 'Long John', because I guess that's a donut, like an eclair without any cream in it. It's really stupid, but now it just makes me laugh and I'll probably be "Long John" forever now!" ![]() Registered Cool guy
I thought they called you long john because of your massive penis
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