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biggestshlchad · 07-17-2020, 09:01 PM

In an alternate universe where ESPN cares about hockey, we go to Max Kellerman and Stephen A. Smith to go over some of the top draft prospects for the SMJHL:

MK: So Stephen A., what have you heard about the big prospects for the upcoming SMJHL draft?

SA: I've heard some big, big things. THE MOST HYPED prospects are some recreates, and let me tell you something, Max. These recreates are NO JOKE.

MK: That's exactly right, Stephen A. But what about our first time users? I've heard some good things about this goalie prospect, Edward Teach-

SA: LET ME STOP YOU RIGHT THERE. Edward "Blackbeard" Teach is a DEAR FRIEND of mine and I want to set the record straight: despite his past in piracy, he's turning his career around and he will be ONE OF THE TOP goaltenders in the league.

MK: Stephen A, I was agreeing with you... Edward Teach is shaping up to be an excellent prospect. Any idea where he's going to land?

SA: Well I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE with a dear friend of mine who happens to be a GM in the SMJHL. He will go unnamed, but he says that his squad is very interested in drafting Teach.

MK: Okay, let's bring Teach on the line here to listen to his thoughts on the draft. Teach, are you with us?

ET: Ahoy, landlubbers! I'm glad you're spending more time on hockey!

SA: Watch it, Teach! You DO NOT want to make an enemy out of me!

MK: Teach, that is JUST ABSURD. We can cover whatever we want on our own show!

ET: Sorry, mateys.

SA: Teach, tell us when you think you'll get drafted.

ET: You know, it doesn't matter to me when I get picked. It would of course be an honor to get picked high, but at the end of the day I'm just a nice guy who tries hard and loves the game.

SA: Take a look, y'all. THIS RIGHT HERE is an example of the type of player you want to draft.

MK: Teach, do you have anything else to say as we wrap up the show?

ET: Nay, matey, I'd say that my skills on the ice speak for themselves.

SA: Well, good luck in the draft and remember to STAY OFF THE WEED!

(389 words, also my first media piece so I tried to make it fun, go easy on me)