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tinkthegreat · 07-19-2020, 03:14 PM

As morning arrived on July 19, 2020,the SMJHL community awoke to a brand new league landscape, complete with two exciting new franchises, each now finally full of fresh-faced, eager rookies. The league's draft had taken place the night prior, where the Quebec Citadelles selected 17 rookies to complement their 5 picks in the expansion draft. Fans of the team hosted socially distant watch parties, and toasted their drinks of choice when the Citadelles found their franchise player in first overall pick, Zdenko Beranek. When pick 19 came and went with one Jasper Maximov still undrafted, fans cheered to have found a number one defenseman outside of the first round. The team continued to roll, moulding its core to include shutdown defender Teylora Petrov and goaltender David Danielson. Through the next few rounds, Quebec managed to bolster an already promising defensive group with several solid defenders, and even stumbled into their first league rivalry. As Citadelles beat writers, I am fortunate to call myself completely unbiased in claiming Zach Dolphin to be far superior to his brother, Josh, now contracted with the Raptors. Rumour has it that Dolphin plushies are going to be announced on the team site shortly, and are expected to sell out within minutes. Along other family-related matters, the Citadelles can pride themselves on drafting 3 Petrovs, which I suspect may boost team chemistry. Time will tell if the remaining Petrovs find their way to Quebec, and if the Petrov family resemble the various body parts of Exodia when played together...

Of course, it will not be all fun and games with the Citadelles this season. Any expansion team will have countless hurdles to leap, and aside from the players, the spotlight will shine on managers Evok and Faelax to propel the squad from zeroes to heroes. Although the team's fate appears to be in capable hands, the question remains - what sort of expansion team will this be? Will the Citadelles burst of the gates like the Vegas Golden Knights, and shock the SMJHL? Or will they sputter and struggle to find wins like the San Jose Sharks, Tampa Bay Lightning, Ottawa Senators, Atlanta Thrashers, Columbus Blue Jackets, Nashville Predators, Toronto Raptors, Vancouver Grizzlies, Charlotte Hornets, New Orleans Hornets, and Jacksonville Jaguars? Yikes. It seems like the odds don't favour successful expansion teams. Fortunately, the Citadelles can count on some experience in their forward group, due to the 5 players poached during the expansion draft. Stan Q. Next, Sven Gunnar, Juan Hunna-Pussent, Ryan Rieley, and Alexander Roach all look to solidify their SMJHL legacies with newfound leadership roles in the team and community.

Nervous excitement radiated today when players began arriving at the Videotron Centre. There was enough press that one might think Peter Stastny himself had returned to lace up his skates again. The players and staff answered questions for an eternity, rarely diverging from the classic 'hockey interview'. I expect that may change as they grow accustomed to each other, and become more comfortable in their new home. However, one player, defenseman Julian Cunningham, attempted to lighten the mood by appearing for press in an Elmo costume. Briefly, there were murmurs that GM Evok may don a Big Bird cardigan, but those fun thoughts quickly faded when one player began speaking about 'getting pucks in deep, never taking a shift off, and getting traffic in front of the net' in reference to a question about their favourite style of poutine. Some players bravely attempted to answer the media in French, although I suspect they will be surprised to learn that they glowingly endorsed Nelson Mandela as a great ambassador for the sport. All things considered, at least this small stumble distracted from GM Faelax wearing Jake Paul merch. Unclear at this time if this will be a reocurring fashion statement...

Naturally, the players and staff were all smiles behind their face masks, apart from one player who shall remain unnamed. In my expert experience reading facial expressions, I believe the player needed to use the washroom, but did not have a chance before the press conference. Either that or he was developping a rash from his SMJHL-mandated mask. Thankfully, the event passed without any medical emergencies. However, one of the Petrovs (I am not sure which, to be quite honest) made several insensitive remarks surrounding Carole Baskins, which I may take creative liberty to publish out of context at a later date in order to cancel said Petrov.

Speaking of cancel-culture, several celebrities have voiced their support for the new Quebec franchise. It was only a matter of time before the Citadelles found their very own Spike Lee or Jack Nicholson, but I certainly did not expect it to be so soon. The team announced that Celine Dion will be the official anthem singer for their inaugural season, and she has already bought a private box in the Videotron Centre for aspiring athletes. It was also leaked that one Timothy Chalamet has purchased season tickets, and plans on purchasing a jersey belonging to the first Citadelle to register a goal. I asked Evok and Faelax if they plan on using Chalamet to distract the opposition, but was told 'Timothy is actually going to be filming the opposition coach, and relaying signals and tip-offs to our clubhouse'. It is unclear at this time if number 1 pick Zdenko Beranek will be wearing a wire and microphone under his jersey during games. Nevertheless, it is reassuring to know that the team is taking a strong stance on their winning philosophy, and will stop at nothing when it comes to icing a competitive product.

As for what comes next, the players will begin training and practise effective immediately. GM Evok spoke during the introductory press conference today about upcoming team building exercises.

"I think we're going to start with some well-tested methodology, to build some character and chemistry. This afternoon the team will be doing some trust falls, and then a few games of Mafia to break the ice."

When I asked whether the team was planning on playing with doctors and angels, Evok responsed, "I guess that's what I'm saying Brooksie." After finishing question period, it appeared as if I had worn out my welcome with the team staff, and my press credentials are likely to be taken away. As this may be my last contribution as an accredited journalist, I would like to share my thoughts on the hockey world as we know it.

Brad Marchand did nothing wrong.