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mPT #5 Aliens

i suspect that trella is an alien because of no reason in particualar, he is the first person that comes to mind as I fill out this mini pt on this fine sunday evening. hopefully the aliens will all reveal themselves in time so that we can be safe

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Well we obviously have 100% confirmed sightings of one alien amongst us in the SHL Narboza Manyhands. I mean he has many hands. It should be obvious, I saw him at Pride training camp. I don't understand how being an alien doesn't give him an advantage on the competition, but I guess #hockeyisforall

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i do not suspect any other players of being aliens. only a fool would ask and only a fool would tell. do not press me on this topic any further.



Kalakar. This man is not human with all the work he does. There is no way someone can mentality and physicality put that much work towards simming for so long.

30 words

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If I had to guess on which SHLer is an alien, I would suspect that my teammate David Vent is the alien. Vent is like 9’6”, 400 pounds of meat. He’s a giant monster and for sure isn’t from this planet.

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When you're asked who else you think could possibly be an alien, it's definitely a bit of a tough question.
If you really think about it, we are all a form of alien at heart. We're currently living in a computer simulation put on by a higher civilization to try and figure out solutions to problems in their world.
When you think of an alien, you view it as a being from another civilization. We are that being.
We are all aliens.


People here can be... weird at times. Some are obsessed with cheesy pigeons. Some have obviously fake names (Jöörgüštrâäd DuBølk? Did he smash his face on the keyboard?) Some even listen to Coldplay. But I think in my short SHL career I have only come across one player that has made me seriously suspicious that there was something amiss - possibly extraterrestrial - about them. That person is (Clean) Andrei Kostitsyn. What do we know about Andrei Kostitsyn? Former NHL player, joined the Berserkers of the SMJHL after the disappearance of his brother, Sergei. He now plays in the SHL for the Wolfpack.

We never did figure out what happened to Sergei, and yet Andrei never really seemed THAT broken up about it. Something about that seems off. Does that mean Andrei does know what happened to Sergei? Perhaps that Sergei is safe and sound somewhere. But how did escape the public eye so quickly and permanently? Could it be that he was... Beamed up to the mothership? Was Sergei simply called back to his planet, once they determined Andrei could handle Earth by himself? It all fits too well.

Andrei has posted some WEIRD shit in the Zerks locker room, on more than one occasion. We all waved it off as Andrei being Andrei, just struggling a bit with his recent sobriety. But looking back, wasn't it all a little too strange? He's all alone quite a bit, like he doesn't belong. Like he's not even... human?

He even kinda looks like an alien now that I think about it

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I mean jesus he's staring into my soul

What if he knows im on to him

ive seen what he does to people on the ice he's going to kill me

Oh my god he's going to read this post what do i do?? i have to protect my family

I HEAR A RAPPING AT MY CHAMBER DOOR

tis only beeg tapping at my chamber door only this and nothing more

only this and nothing more

only this and nothing more










Quoth the Andrei, "Nevermore".

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EVO: Don't mind me, but I am just going to give a hard stare at our two local animal stars. Yo Julio Tokolosh @Julio Tokolosh, Eko Van Otter @hotdog, mind explaining?

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EMEKA VALENTINE-OKOLI/PLAYER

First SMJHL Goal: Colorado Raptors, Emeka Valentine-Okoli 1 (Mikelis Ozoliņš 4, Loki Odinsson 3) at 3:12, 2nd Period (GWG) / SMJHL S47 Game 47 Day 12: Colorado Raptors vs Detroit Falcons
First SHL Goal: Texas Renegades, Emeka Valentine-Okoli 1 (Josef Kubinec 5, Ricky Spanish 4) at 16:23, 2nd Period / SHL S51 Game 71 Day 16: Edmonton Blizzard vs Texas Renegades

Eternal RaptorsRaptors Old, onwards we roll Rage

And Let's Retire at the Pinnacle

Quite honestly I think that pretty much everybody else on the site is an alien of some sort. What I suspect is that I have been trapped in a virtual reality a la The Matrix style. What I would consider the real life, my day-to-day is largely a manufactured scenario meant to incur as little suspicion as possible.
However when it comes to the sim league aspect, these are aliens themselves who are all interacting with me over various interfaces. It’s uncanny how I have never met any of these individuals in person, only seeing them present themselves over text based format like the site or discord. Even for individuals who I have heard over chat, those opportunities have been reality far and few inbetween, giving more than ample opportunity for them to project computer generated voices.

I think some are more adept than others in hiding. Some might not even be an alien but AI projects gone awry. For example, some of the perpetuating memes that continue can only be a result of extra terrestrial intelligence. There is no way that people would continue ask inane questions about why a boat has eyes, or how they’re going to win the cup when they most definitely could not.

I suppose the great challenge is the fact that I do know one IRL friend in @Festinator, however it could be a sign that the aliens have only become more sophisticated in tying my fake sim league reality into my fake real life reality.

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Thief of cheese is definitely an alien. I've never heard of a normal human being ever wanting to steal something as foul as cheese. And you're telling me he's human? Good joke.


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I suspect there to be many aliens in this league I mean @SFresh3 can easily be an alien with how consistently good he is with updating. I mean it makes sense right?

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Vasaline Podcalzone must be an alien becuase he is just such a damn good hockey player and captain. Clearly the only logical explanation is that the young Russian is actually not Russian at all.

Clearly Martin Westbroek is an alien, there is no way a player can be that good at scoring and ridiculously good looking at the same time.

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Berserkers Wolfpack France

There are at least two aliens on the Edmonton Blizzard, thats Julio Tokoloh and FR Finn-Rhys. Both of their play has been out of this world these past couple seasons and they identify as a cow and a moose respectively. Somethings up there....

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Aliens are closer to home than one might think. The player previously known as Kai Ichinose (a name that sounds like something someone overheard and thought it fit as a human name) has apparently assimilated to the Panthers roster and now goes by Jimmy Jimmy. A name seemingly also overheard in the locker room during training camp multiple times and thought fit to use for themselves as well.

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Thanks to @sköldpaddor, @Ragnar, @Carpy48 and @High Stick King, for the signatures







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