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peej2189 · 07-05-2021, 12:01 AM

Panda Panico had got this killer sun glasses deal with Nectar Sunglasses. They have auto correcting lenses that figure out if you need to be able to see clearer super easily. Panda has been wearing them on the ice, unfortunately. The public has had some poor things happen to them while wearing them. The first thing, while driving some drivers had issues because the corrective lenses messed up due to lights on the road. Causing drivers to be virtually blinded by the lights, and not able to see until they took the glasses off completely. The next thing, is that while walking around town. If you sweat too much, the lenses get confused, and think someone who can't see well at all, sees perfectly. Thus causing these people to lose eyesight. It is a crazy world we live in, and these autocorrective glasses have caused some fatalities. Not a great look for Panda and Nectar sunglasses.

canuckles · 07-05-2021, 12:01 AM

Elvis Alexander was pretty pumped about his new sponsorship deal. A fresh new line of Elvis toys were coming out from Elvis Co, and for some reason they wanted a SMJHL player to grace their commercials with his presence. Unfortunately for all involved, the molding machine had a slight malfunction. It began putting too much plastic on the toy's... pelvic region, which led to many complaints about how Elvis' downstairs area was not in fact sticking 10 inches out of his body. Alexander took all this quite personally, not understanding they were complaining about Elvis the singer, and immediately ended the deal over verbal abuse. Many lawyers are looking into the matter, and we aren't sure how exactly this will play out. All we know for sure is that Alexander is rather sensitive about people's comments on his gentleman's area.

Your Mothers Favorite Goalie · 07-05-2021, 12:38 AM

Hello Everyone, My Name Is Luc-Pierre Lespineau-Lebrunette, and I am here to apologize to you, the fans who have trusted me for decades now to bring you trusted, quality advice. I want to say that I am truly sorry for my endorsement of Bill's Beard Growth Oil. I wanted to bring you all quality beard growth like I have, to raise your testosterone levels and drop women's panties. However, there was a major oversight on my end. I did not see on the label that the product was also linked to smaller penis sizes. if I had known, I would not have suggested you guys to use it. Of course, as you know, due to all the blunt force trauma from hits to the head, I am not able to read, so I did not see this warning on the label. I will make sure my agent vets any future sponsorships more thoroughly

FlappyGiraffe · 07-05-2021, 12:59 AM

my guys designer glasses were defective

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