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***Leafs4ever*** · 06-27-2021, 11:08 PM

A few months ago, I was asked to be a spokesman for a new smoked sausage product. As a man who appreciates quality meats, I said sure no problem. I taped a few commercials and had a few cardboard cutouts of me inside some local grocery stores promoting the new sausage. Everything was going fine until I got a call a couple days ago.

My agent called me saying there is a recall going on with the sausages I promoted. Apparently there was a bad batch sent out to grocery stores and customers were getting some pretty bad food poisoning. Of course, I had nothing to do with it, but I still got heat for promoting a product that was making people sick. The company called me and apologized and were under going some damage control, but unfortunately for me and my brand I couldn't stick with them. They understood my position and we thanked each other and I stepped away. My next venture, I'll probably stay away from the food industry and focus on a product that won't give my fans digestive problems.

(184 words)

Guy Incognito - D - #24
Texas Renegades
Season 76
47-17-2
Regular Season - [G 7] [A 13] [Pts 20] [+/- +27] [PIM 36] [Hits 37] [SB 125]
Playoffs - [G 0] [A 0] [Pts 0] [+/- -1] [PIM 0] [Hits 0] [SB 4]
[Image: ERs3IrD.png]

Guriinwoodo · 06-27-2021, 11:18 PM

Disaster has struck. QCC's, the popular breakfast cereal that has taken Quebec by storm due to it's snazzy marketing and sponsorship of local Cup-Winning hockey team the Quebec Nordiques; made the rather unfortunate decision to post new QCC netminder Nor Dekes on the cover of their latest box. Having a league-leading six wins and an elite save percentage; Nor Dekes is an very very early favorite for some hardware come the end of season awards. Unfortunately for QCC's, early season success does not sell boxes; not when it's Nor Dekes. You see, Nor Dekes is a bum and everybody knows it. He's the polar opposite of a fan favorite and none of the fans who were buying QCC's to see eat from the box of their heroes would be caught dead buying a box with Nor Dekes on the face of it; no matter how delicious those chocolately lil marshmallow bites may be. As of typing, it's been reported that all 20,000 boxes that have been shipped are being pulled from stores immediately.

*Evil_AllBran* · 06-28-2021, 12:40 AM

From the friendliest beer league to the upper echelons of professional sports cheap shots are an unfortunate reality. These cowardly attacks can leave players permanently scarred both physically and emotionally with flashbacks of un-wanted groinal contact haunting the dreams of victims. So when Evil AllBran’s agent, Shiesty Peterson, informed him of a potential sponsorship deal for a new product from a company who has been dedicated to tackling this exact plague Evil jumped at the chance.

Penile Industries, makers of the hugely successful Dong Defender TM male organ protection system had developed a world first cup that not only protected a male victim of a lower body assault but it would also injure the would be assailant. The Phallic Protector TM was strategically covered on the outside with rigid spikes that would leave any attacker worse for wear when uninvited contact was made.

Penile Industries, who saw great potential in it’s new line of products, invested heavily in the manufacturing stage expecting an immense demand. Unfortunately due to a miss translation between the design and manufacturing stages lead to the protective spikes being placed on the inside of the cup. This critical error meant that the device was not suitable for its intended purpose and the sponsorship deal did not proceed.

All was not lost however as the mistake in spike placement lead to Penile Industries overwhelmingly successful entry into an entirely new market, the world of extreme BDSM.

**leafs1997** · 06-28-2021, 12:52 AM

Vlastislav Malik was able to finally secure his first huge product placement deal on the back of winning a Four Star Cup in his final season in the J and being called up to NOLA. Getting named an Assistant Captain was the cherry on top! But little did he know, he was going to be involved in a scandal! He just got the news that the protein powder he was going to be representing got recalled! Why, you ask? Malik can neither confirm nor deny anything as of right now. He had been promised by his agent that the protein powder was totally legit! Now there are rumours floating around that there were significant traces of steroids in the powder. STEROIDS! That can't be true. Right? RIGHT?!?!? Hopefully... Meanwhile, Malik has resorted to avoiding the media. Let's see how long he can keep that up. More info is bound to emerge. Stay tuned!

bjkman · 06-28-2021, 02:21 AM

"The Task Manager Calendar App is the only reason I make it to practice on time" - Greg "Taskmaster" Davies

Yeah... That was just advertising mumbo-jumbo to sell an overpriced $10 mobile app. They even tried to pay me $1,000,000 to change my nickname from "Taskmaster" to "Task Manager", and while I turned that offer down, of course, I still too their offer of $50,000 for a quote recommending their app. If I had to rate the calendar apps available it would be...

#1. Google Calendar
#2. Microsoft Outlook
#3. Whatever Apple Uses (Reminders?)
#4-600. AN ACTUAL CALENDAR + Every other app.
#601: Task Manager Calendar

Yeah, first off, turns out the app permissions take all your social media passwords to post on your behalf about how good the app is and takes your contacts and sends them a link to download the app as well, oh AND IT HAS ADS, A PAID APP WITH ADDS. That was the last straw, sure the password and contacts stuff is a bit weird but charging for an app and still having ads, NOT COOL. I am in the process of suing them now, and hopefully, we can get this app taken off the app store and the Google Play store.

Code:
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***Benpachi*** · 06-28-2021, 02:32 AM

In a disastrous attempt to raise funds for his charity project, HVAC (Himbo Validation Aid Center), Roderic Banes launched a baking drive. He received orders for over 150 gooseberry pies, and successfully prepared and hand-delivered all of them, only to receive resoundingly negative feedback over the course of a few hours. This was due primarily to the fact that Roderic was unaware that gooseberries are, in fact, a type of berry. He had simply baked pies using various berries he could find in stores, and ground goose meat.

"The flavour was...unusual," Roderic admitted, in a media appearance following the fiasco, which quickly bloomed into #piegate on Carolina twitter, "but lots of people requested gooseberry so I just thought: 'hey, maybe they do things differently down here in the States.'"

Following the disaster, Roderic issued refunds for the disastrous pies, and made a donation instead to a local animal sanctuary after some decidedly unhappy vegetarian customers discovered what they had unwittingly eaten.

charlieconway · 06-28-2021, 03:33 AM

Quote:Written Task: Describe the product you landed a placement deal with and what went wrong to warrant a recall. What was happening to people who used the product? What hidden message was written on the product or box? You can also describe your player landing the deal/finding out about the recall(150+ words)

The product was a set of trampolines from ACME, with Adam Barron's big smiling face on the bouncy part in the middle. Adam figured he'd endorse it because it was a way to encourage kids to get active in a controlled manner. Unfortunately, it turned out the dye they used to print the face on the fabric had a corrosive element and wore away at the material's strength, leading to mass amounts of injuries. Instead of leading to greater levels of fitness in today's youth, "Barron's Bounce'n'Jump" managed to put children in the hospital.

The lawsuit that arose from the faulty product wound up putting ACME out of business, so not only was Barron not able to continue the placement deal, but he had the reputation of being someone that endorsed unsafe products. It's really too bad, as he was looking to get into other lines of endorsements, for such products as fireworks, toy guns, and go-karts. All fun activities, all tarnished by associating with Adam Barron.

**OrbitingDeath** · 06-28-2021, 03:49 AM

Vorian'O's!

Vorian Atreides finally has received a status he had always dreamed of, he can be on par with Kellogg's Tony the Tiger as he is getting Vorian'O's , the newest breakfast cereal all kids want.

With a paprika flavoured bite, it is the talk of the town in cereal land. But there has been an issue with the second batch of delivery. Instead of his paprika flavoured cereal bites, kids opened up the box and found something way worse.

They found regular cereal!!! Regular, non tasteless crap. Can you believe it? And the toy inside? Dont even think about it, nothing. Like it's C-list crap, nothing in it. Rumours go the voting committee of the awards also received these boxes in attempt to bribe the votes. No wonder Atreides lost the Mexico voting.

All boxes needed to return back to the factory, before this newest top brand will be forgotten about. Lets hope the manufactorers wont fuck this up a second time.

Segi · 06-28-2021, 04:04 AM

PT pass

***retuperkele*** · 06-28-2021, 04:12 AM

Recently, Luukas Lilja landed a deal with Jofa, a swedish sports manifacturer who performs under Reebok. Lilja was supposedly going to be the cover star for their upcoming series of hockey sticks, called "The Russian Rocket" as a cheap knock-off of Maurice Richard, who was very prominent goalscorer in the NHL during his time.

Things turned out great in the beginning, marketing was through the roof as Lilja was covering for their new and upcoming product, but it all went to grim very fast. The hockey sticks were made the oldfashioned way, from wood - and that wood was gathered from Russia, not so ironically for the products name.

So, the wood that was used for the sticks contained termites. Not just any regular termites, but Russia's genetically modified termites that were designed to clear areas very quickly from wood, concrete and even iron. Long story short, not many ice hockey rinks exist in Finland anymore, as Finland was #1 country in distributed sales for these specific hockey sticks.

Mutedfaith · 06-28-2021, 04:46 AM

PT Pass

jRuutu · 06-28-2021, 05:05 AM

Colgate - Extra Tough by Raivo Helminen

Many hockey players know what it feels like when something hard hits them in the mouth. That usually translates to teeth getting lost. That is why I jumped on the opportunity to work together with Colgate. I wanted to help make a toothpaste that essentially makes your teeth stronger. The start was promising. We managed to find a combination that tastes nice and also decreases the odds of losing teeth while being on a receiving end of a hard blow.

Unfortunately, we did not have too much time to test the product, which looking back now was something we should have done more. However, money was to be made, and it's surprisingly costly to test for everything, so we launched the product in traditional hockey markets in Europe: Finland, Russia, Sweden, etc.

The reviews early on were positive. We followed the basic concept of paying various social media influencers to say nice things about the product, but once the public got their hands on the product - things went wrong fast. Apparently, if you used the toothpaste a few times per day, after around a week or so, hair will start to grow on your tongue. What made it worse, the teeth started to turn into wood after few weeks of regular use.

Colgate pulled the product out of market quickly for further analysis. I have not heard what was the reason for those symptoms, but lack of testing had to play a part. I was told not to say anything, anywhere - ever, but there is nothing I won't say or do for a few TPE, so here we are.

Talls · 06-28-2021, 06:29 AM

Senji Seteki landed an endorsement deal for a new line of hickey stick inspected chop sticks. These chop sticks bent at the end to resemble hockey sticks. The problem? The sticks were made out of a hard wood that was sharpened. For adults, it was no problem. As experts in chop sticks, it was just another day in the park. But for children who had not yet built up the skill and strength to weird such beautiful sticks, it was a little more interesting. Regularly, these chopsticks would be close to the children's faces and one wrong move and these chopsticks would either poke an eye or scratch their face! Obviously, this is a massive problem as the chopsticks were already marketed at children.

As you would imagine, Seteki was less than pleased to learn these chopsticks were recalled within 1 week of release. He was quoted saying "why would any good Japanese company do this? There is no honor. I will officiate their Seppuku". The agent for Seteki could not be reached for further comment.

*.simo* · 06-28-2021, 07:25 AM

ISFL UW

Salming · 06-28-2021, 08:14 AM

William Salming made a deal with Swedish company called Salming which manufactures floorball sticks. Salming has some background in his youth at floorball and that's why his stickhandlind is so good nowadays. When William played floorball, he used Salming's floorball sticks. However, after he made a promotion deal with company Salming, they needed to cancel the deal. Why? Because sticks were too dangerous. There was one batch where blades weren't put tight enough to the stick and when players played floorball, their blades went separated from the stick and flew around the floorball rink. It was dangerous for players and spectators so both company and player Salming got some bad publicity from that case unfortunately. The problem was fixed in the next batches but it still gave William bad PR and that's why he still considers is he is going to continue the deal with company Salming. We will see what happens in the future but it is still possible that they make a new deal if problem is really fixed.

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