Zerks Finish Strong
-How The Newfoundland Berserkers did in S62 of the SMJHL- 

Season 62 of the SMJHL is bearings it’s completion, with the regular season over and the playoffs looming, we take a deep dive(without the TPE) into the Newfoundland Berserkers, and we see how the Zerks, did the werk. 

What a season for the Berserkers, every stepped up and understood their roles on the team. From the head office, to the coaches, the veteran players all the way down to the rookies, no one had a bad season. Only two points off the top two teams, the Zerks finished in a nice and comfortable 3rd place finish in the SMJHL, top of their division. 44 wins, 16 losses, and 6 overtime and shootout losses gave the Zerks their 94 points. We’ll take a look at some of Newfoundland’s key players this year, and see how they fared. 

First off however, the non-players 

We must start off with general manager Ham (@Nhamlet) One thing that truly sticks out about the Zerks is their team chemistry, and all that links back up to Ham. The atmosphere in the locker room is always a good one (except for that one time @teztify actually started chatting and for some reason everyone started being toxic for like 10 minutes, I don’t know what that was about…) and the players seem to all gel together. Not only does Ham create an absolutely amazing locker room, he also does the actual GMing duties very well. An insane draft this year, picking 2 of the top contenders for Rookie of the Year in Rand al’Thor @HabsFanFromOntario and Valters Denisova (@vic03) is no easy feat to do. (No bias) More on those two later on however.
a few quotes about ham taken from 10:38 PM -11:01 PM on December 4th, 2021.
“ham best gm” - Pope
“Ham op” and “I shared a locker room with him irl before. Perfect everything” - Joans 
“Ham has perfectly toned thighs” - Evil_AllBran

As well as Ham, Co-GM, I would say the man, the myth, the legend, but he isn’t a man nor a myth, just a legend, beeg yoshi himself @bdu754 is absolutely amazing and is one of the nicest people in the Zerks server(which is saying something because everyone is nice), I wish I had more to say about him but really he’s summed up quite nicely just by saying he’s absolutely great. 

And as a final shout-out to non-player-
@Tylar… have you watched Arcane yet?


Onto the players. While I could go through every single player and say what made them great so I can inflate my word count and make even more money, I won’t do that. Why? Because I’m lazy. 

Let’s start off with my MVP candidate, the brick wall himself(not the player Brick Wall but like a figurative brick wall) Jonas Johansson (@Omniscius) himself. 33 wins in 49 games, 1.98 goals against average, .918 save percentage. What is not to love about this absolute stud of a goalie. Without Johansson in net, I don’t think the Zerks do as well as they did. While still a great team, this man is a puck stopping machine and could probably carry a team like the Detroit Falcons(who are completely garbage and an insult to the league, just kidding, kind of…) to a Four-Star Cup. Genuinely a great goalie, I haven’t interacted with him much so I can’t speak on his character that well, but I’m guessing he’s just as sexy of a person as his player his. 

Next up is our captain Mikko Rashford (@RashfordU). What an absolute standup guy on the ice and off. 41 points as a defenseman, a +33 with 29 takeaways, this man exemplifies defensive skill. Rashford in the locker room will always be found just being an all around great guy, and really likes helping people out. Absolute machine.

Points leader Emeril Lagasse (@Emeril) has been outstanding, 68 points in 66 games for over 1 Point-per-game. Now once again I have no interacted with the user behind this player many times, but as far as skaters go, Lagasse has been the Zerks strongest one. Goal leader, assist leader, point leader, the only reason I’m not putting Lagasse at Zerks MVP, is because Johansson was just so good this year. Whenever Lagasse gets to the SHL though, expect big things


Now, the locker room cancer, Rand al’Thor. He got 34 points as a rookie defenseman, so what, not only is he a self proclaimed “Habs fan” he’s also self-proclaimed “from Ontario.” First off, who is from Ontario? Isnt that some sort of weird fantasy place like Narnia or the United Kingdom? Also, how are you gonna support the Habs. Worst team possible, Bruins better, Rand al’Thor ok but the person behind him is stupid. Also why does he call em 12? I’m not 12. Stop. This is very serious and if he doesn’t I will be contacting my lawyers for defamation and slander. Watch out. 


And lastly, the sexiest of the rookies, the sexiest of the center, the sexiest of the forwards, the sexiest of the skaters, the sexiest of the players, the sexiest of the entire SHL and SMJHL, vic03 and Valters Denisova. Now, as a first gen, Valters wasn’t expected to do much, he was slept on, but he has made his mark, 37 points. 25 assists, a 1.19 takeaway to giveaway ratio. What is not to love about this absolute sex machine. Rookie of the Year, Forward of the Year, MVP, give him all the awards and a call up to the SHL right away. Absolute stud.

Also I noticed I’m like twenty words away from 1000 so I’m just adding this to get there.

I am in fact the LR cancer. Can confirm