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plutoniumdom · 05-28-2022, 05:54 AM

Author’s note: Hi everyone! I’m Plutonium / Dom ! I used to go by an older name around these sim leagues, so if you recognize me but not the username, that’s probably why :) I don’t know a lot about hockey, or the people in this league, but I’m really looking forward to meeting all of you as I get back into sim leagues! I made a little draft interview about my player, Boom Stick, talking about himself in a draft interview. He can be a little…disagreeable. Enjoy!
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“You are in FINLAND now…Now you’re home, yeah…Get ready for the fin dance, the national dance of Finland, right here…we’ve got fins to the left…and fins to the right….left, right, left, right…WE GOT A FEEDING FRENZY IN CHARLOTTE, NORTH CAROLINA ON A TUESDAY.” - Jimmy Buffett

What, did you actually think my name was Boom Stick? What the fuck are you talking about? No, I’m Leo Virtanen. What kind of crazy person would name their child “Boom Stick”? No, I just like the name in hockey arenas. They called me that, and it stayed.
I only like three things in life:
Smoking cigs;
Smoking the puck
And smoking (hot) women.
And I am here to make goalies fucking cry.

Well, at least, that’s who I wish I was. I’m not that cool. I mean, my name actually is Leo, and they do call me boom stick, but the truth is…I’m kind of a loser. I come in second, a lot, or third, or fourth…hundred. I’m like that dude who fails upward. Missed the big shot in the high school team, or the big shot for the under 16 team, or when I signed to the Liiga for a little, and I never hit any of the big ones there, either. Never got to feel everyone lift me up and celebrate, skate off the ice and listen to the radio shows. You know, those shitty reactionary shows where you go on and some dude pretending to know shit goes something like, “And WHAT a performance by Boom tonight - he clutched up when it mattered. He’s just got that clutch gene in him, you know?” But no-one knows. Because I don’t.

I’m not sure why you need to know about me for a draft interview, but I’ll try my best to open up. I was born, ah, shit, I don’t really know the year. I…know that sounds weird, but I’m coming off a rough hangover, so whatever. I’ve spent twenty two years on this God-given Earth, and have played hockey at every level of it. Not the only sport I did, I also tried my hand at soccer, but I’m a little too bulky for that. Hunting, too. Love hunting. What do you mean, ‘with a gun’? Of course it was with a gun, I’m a fucking Finn. We all have guns. I’m pretty good at it, actually. I think it’s where I got my hand-eye coordination to shoot well. Got into lots of fights, that’s where I learned to hit the shit out of that puck. Every goalie has a plan until they see hardest fucking hit piece of rubber they’ve ever seen zooming near their groin.
First time I played hockey, I scared the coaches. I played too hard, too fast, too uncontrollably. Fell over a lot, body checked too much, took wild fucking shots. Never learned to control the shot speed, really. You eventually reach a level where everyone tells you that you need to hit harder, not softer, so I still don’t understand a “light” shot. I’m old fashioned and break the shit out of the puck, and my stick, often. Not great at defense…not smart enough for that. Defensemen have better instincts, they know where to go, how to go, when to go for the puck…usually when I do, I just get a foul and trip the dude up. But I know where to stand, how to get there, and how to swing very aggressively. I’m pretty good at it, and lead my team in goals most years. I also don’t mind passing. A lot of coaches tell me my vision is too good for how few assists I got, but I’m kind of a selfish dick, if you haven’t already figured that out. Selfish dicks don’t pass much.
What? You want to know about my home life? My parents? No, the fuck you don’t.

Who knows, though. Shit’s looking up. In a relationship that isn’t going too poorly, and my hockey skills have addressed some attention. Going to the SHL, and I like to imagine that I’m a pretty good player. Wanna break some records, fuck some people up, and maybe - just maybe - I’ll finally hit that shot, yeah? My whole life, I’ve always wanted to be the guy. To score and yell, “BOOM STICK,” and feel the teammates huddle around me and cheer. It hasn’t happened yet, but I hope it happens soon.

unconfident69 · 05-28-2022, 03:20 PM

Dom I am begging you to remove formatting when you copy paste into this forum

Valpix · 05-28-2022, 03:30 PM

who let this guy in smh

plutoniumdom · 05-28-2022, 04:15 PM

05-28-2022, 03:20 PMunconfident69 Wrote: Dom I am begging you to remove formatting when you copy paste into this forum

why are you in this league to bully me too :(

unconfident69 · 05-28-2022, 04:36 PM

05-28-2022, 04:15 PMplutoniumdom Wrote:
05-28-2022, 03:20 PMunconfident69 Wrote: Dom I am begging you to remove formatting when you copy paste into this forum
why are you in this league to bully me too :(

I wouldn’t say bullying, more like, constructive criticism

also come back to PBE I miss u

plutoniumdom · 05-28-2022, 04:44 PM

05-28-2022, 04:36 PMunconfident69 Wrote:
05-28-2022, 04:15 PMplutoniumdom Wrote: why are you in this league to bully me too :(
I wouldn’t say bullying, more like, constructive criticism

also come back to PBE I miss u

i missed you too!! ill be back in pbe when mccoy withers away :)

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