"Eileen Sidaway here from Heart Hockey TV, the number one news source if you heart hockey! Today we have special guest Cob Corning, an ISFL Cornerback, Corn Man, and now hockey hopeful? Cob, welcome to the show!"

"Thanks for having me, Eileen! Happy to be here!"

"So I understand that you're currently a professional football player?"

"That is correct. I'm currently finishing up my first season with the Baltimore Hawks. Tonight we're competing with the Chicago Butchers for champions of our conference. The winner will go on to compete in the Ultimus."

"So then what makes you want to play hockey?"

"Money."

"Does the ISFL not pay as well? Hahaha"

"I'm a millionaire, Eileen. But as I'm sure everyone knows, the Corn War has had a lasting impact on the Corn People despite the fact that it ended in 1982. Much of our land was lost to the humans and now cornfields only make up 12.37% of the land in Ohio. I use the money that I make as a professional athlete to fund my personal charity, the Cornfield Restoration and Acquisition Project. We acquire land to be turned back into cornfields and restore damaged cornfields to their former glory. And now that I'm applying for citizenship in Finland, I hope to bring the glory of cornfields to their lands."

"Such a noble cause! But where do you find the time to do that, play football, and now play hockey?"

"When I'm not playing football I'm sort of just standing still in a cornfield, waiting."

"You... okay..."

"And they wouldn't let me join another football league because of conflict of interest or whatever. So I decided I'm going to play hockey."

"Wait, so you've never actually played hockey before?"

"I'm a cornerback. I knock dudes over and and block balls. How hard can it be to knock dudes over and block pucks?"

"I see. Some fans are worried that you're going to run out of steam mid season because of your football activity."

"I'm made out of carbohydrates, Eileen. I don't get tired. That's why all corn people have such freakish strength, speed, and stamina."

"Fascinating. And at 6'7" and 300 pounds, you've got a clear physical advantage over humans in the sport. But won't the butter make it hard for you to hold the stick?"

"Everyone always asks this. Butter is like moisturizer for Corn People. Do humans play sports dripping with lotion? ...But yes the butter makes it hard to hold the stick. It's fine."

"Well you heard it here, folks! That's almost all the time we have, Cob. Is there anything else you'd like to say to the world?"

"Just one thing, Eileen..."

Really corn eared the defensive market here