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MuNk22 · 03-31-2025, 11:46 PM

LOS ANGELES, CA – The Panthers signed one of the biggest free agents available with Leonard Wood this off season after the Philadelphia Forge accidentally let him go into free agency.

It wasn’t part of the Los Angeles Panthers master plan but when a free agent of that caliber, playing his best hockey of his career, hits the market teams have to capitalize. With the massive appeal of being the third largest city in the United States, Los Angeles has the ability players with their bountiful sunshine and seemingly bottomless pocketbook from residing in such a large market.

With the signing of Wood, they also have the possibility of signing Tony Soprano to the team as well. Soprano has recently expressed frustration with Philadelphia’s handling of his contract in the media. If Los Angeles can snap up this deadly offensive threat as well, they’d become a super team who would be heavily favored to win the Challenge Cup.

And the Panthers are willing to try anything to knock their in-state rival San Francisco Pride off of their throne.

“Yeah for sure, I'd just like to say that the salary cap is really just a concept, so I decided to see what would happen if I just ignored it this offseason,” @Whitecap explained in regard to his signing of core Philadelphia players. “Turns out you can just make a super team in an instant when you do that, not sure why other teams haven't tried it yet. I'm really excited for this new era of LAP dominance with such talented players coming over.”

With a market as large as Los Angeles, who’s going to stop them? It’s just good business. The signing has the potential to send TV ratings and ticket sales soaring in the Los Angeles area and beyond.

How The Signing Developed

After the Philadelphia Forge front office bungled the contracts of nearly all of their team, their players inadvertently entered free agency. This created a mad dash for other teams to pick up those players and also for @KaleSalad and @Acsolap to retain their roster. Undoubtedly, loyalties would be tested as players’ curiosity piqued on promises of greener grass on the other side.

Forge players grew frustrated at the blunder that the Philadelphia front office created. Nobody knew if they truly had a spot on the team this season or if they’d have to pack up and leave town, sending their family life into chaos.

Gnabe Dabson publicly implied that the organization has given up on them. Their leading scorer, Ubba Lodbrok, accused the front office of being too busy to sign their top players. The locker room was equally incensed, a reporter overheard.

The Philadelphia general managers were equally enraged. Acsolap could be heard in his Philadelphia office by an anonymous source cursing obscenities at accounting, who made the fatal administrative error in the submission of the Philadelphia contracts. Both Kale and Ass worked hastily to rectify their mistake, ensuring players that they indeed have a spot on the team and their contract was in fact on the way.

But the allure of the recruitment from other SHL teams is hard to resist. There are promises of more money, more ice time, bigger signing bonuses, and the biggest promise of all: a Challenge Cup. The world could be theirs if they just gave the team a chance.

“At first, I said I’m staying loyal to Philly. They have always treated me right,” Leonard Wood explained. “But then after the persistence of LA’s text messages and phone calls to my agent, I figured I’d at least hear them out. Then one thing turned into another and I’m on a plane to Los Angeles.”

Whitecap ushered Wood and his agent across the City of Angels in his limo. They went to the ocean. They toured Hollywood studios, where Wood could pick up some sweet endorsement commercials. They walked along the Walk of Fame. They toured the Panthers’ arena, the historic Staples Center where they most recently won the Challenge Cup in S78.

“Los Angeles rolled out the red carpet for me. They took me to see the sights, introduced me to Tom Hanks and Will Ferrell, they even offered to set me up on a date with Anora star Mikey Madison at some fancy vegan restaurant but I had to refuse because my wife would surely be upset.”

The Baltimore Platoon also tried recruiting Wood to their team too. “@Wally showed me around Baltimore too. We share a common bond of both being from Wisconsin. Ultimately though, I couldn’t ever bring myself to sign there because there are no Culver’s in Baltimore. I can’t sign somewhere again that has no Culver’s restaurant.”

When it was pointed out to Leonard that there are no Culver’s in Los Angeles either, he gave a smug shrug of the shoulders. Money and stardom can corrupt even the most wholesome of players such as Leonard Wood from small town Wisconsin.

“I felt like the pretty girl in the room again,” Wood explained, of talking with other teams. “Teams wined and dined me until I could take no more. It feels nice to feel wanted. One GM even gave me a cookie tray. Ass has never given me a cookie tray.”

And ultimately it was the perennial cup contenders of the Los Angeles Panthers in the west that broke Wood’s loyalty to Philadelphia. They’ve won plenty of cups recently and the creation of a Los Angeles super team would practically guarantee several more. With the sparkle of hockey glory immortality in his eyes, Wood put ink to paper, forgetting everything else.

“I’m pretty excited about it, honestly,” Leonard Wood said. “Sure I might be a bit lower on the depth chart and in an unfamiliar place but I just wanna win, man. That’s it, really. And when I’m back in Philly playing against my old team, let all of the trash rain down from way up in the rafters. I’m walking out of here in one piece, I don’t care what comes after. Woody is going Hollywood, baby!”

Words: 1,012

Wearingabear · 04-01-2025, 07:27 AM

AscoLAP really off his game letting this gem go. Wonder what was on his schedule that allowed this to happen

Chris · 04-01-2025, 07:34 AM

Yikes who's next

*gurbs* · 04-01-2025, 10:51 AM

Philly management in shambles smh

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