<div align="center">Why you shouldn’t draft The Carl Mountain



1. He’s an LR cancer
You can ask anyone I’ve been on a team with. The Renes might not come out and say it to avoid any LR drama but ask anybody else like some Blizz members and they will definitely agree with this. I suck in the LR and I will just fuck urs up. I’m an asshole and I will make some of your players ask out, and you don’t want that from someone who… (reason 2)

2. He doesn’t update
I barely even know how to tbh

3. He doesn’t want to be on your shitty team
Unless your the Renegades, your team sucks. And I don’t want to be on it. So you better just fuck off cause I probably won’t be signing unless you trade for the entire renes teams or give me a really good hand job. Sooooooo basically just fuck off okay.

4. I’m drunk
U prolly got some kids on ur team and I’m probably not the best influence for them. Drugs and Liquor are bad and are distractions for a good young player who needs to update or something. IDFK ok I couldn’t think of more reasons so this is what I came up with. Gorlab just said ‘Puts DJ’ing above SHL’ which is true. I put a lot of time into that and it takes away time that I could be spending updating. So that kinda goes into reason 2 and doesn’t go into reason 4 at all but u can just fuck right off bud.

5. He can’t even think of 5 reasons why you shouldn’t draft The Carl Mountain
I can’t even think of 5 simple reasons for this shit, what makes you think I’ll be creating articles as an SHL player when I can only think of 4 reasons for this article? What makes you think I’ll be writing articles and updating constantly as a player? wTF is going on? Look, just fuck off okay. I don’t want to be on your team and I won’t sign. In conclusion, Leggo Renes.

350 Words
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Cool article, copying and pasting it to a word document so that I can show my grand kids someday.

Former
SHL Head Commissioner S12ish-S27ish
GM S8 & S9 (Won cups both years)
2x GM Of The Year
5 Time Cup Winner
League MVP

Past Players
D - Aidan Richan - (S5 11th Overall)
C - Chico Salmon - (S17 1st overall)  

Current Player
D - Chico Smeb (S46)
SMJHL - Drafted 65th Overall by
SHL - Drafted 23rd Overall by

#5 cause Oferyn Martell killed you

I can give 5 more if you want.

Thank you OrbitingDeath! <3

Originally posted by Panda@Mar 29 2015, 11:08 AM
I can give 5 more if you want.

Thanks but that's okay! Only needed 5

less cancer more scapegoat

loser

    -             -     

See you in Manhattan

Oliver Cleary || Defence || Seattle Argonauts
---------------------------------
Player Name: Oliver Cleary
SHL Team: Seattle Argonauts
SMJHL Team: Detroit Falcons
Position: Defence
Height: 6'3"
Weight: 215 lbs
Born: Toronto, Ontario
---------------------------------
SHL Regular Season Statistics:
S48: GP: 50 | G: 3 | A: 9 | P: 12 | -12 | PIM: 38 | H: 84 | SB: 61
S49: GP: 50 | G: 3 | A: 7 | P: 10 | 7 | PIM: 62 | H: 135 | SB: 68
S50: GP: 50 | G: 5 | A: 13 | P: 18 | -3 | PIM: 52 | H: 148 | SB: 81
S51: GP: 50 | G: 7 | A: 19 | P: 26 | 17 | PIM: 130 | H: 119 | SB: 67
S52: GP: 50 | G: 1 | A: 12 | P: 13 | -3 | PIM: 89 | H: 157 | SB: 61
S53: GP: 50 | G: 16 | A: 20 | P: 36 | 19 | PIM: 22 | H: 58 | SB: 53
S54: GP: 50 | G: 7 | A: 23 | P: 30 | 14 | PIM: 12 | H: 100 | SB: 64
S55: GP: 50 | G: 8 | A: 16 | P: 24 | -14 | PIM: 24 | H: 92 | SB: 96
---------------------------------
SHL Playoff Statistics:
S48: Did Not Qualify
[pbl]S49: GP: 6 | G: 0 | A: 1 | P: 1 | -3 | PIM: 11 | H: 13 | SB: 8
S50: GP: 5 | G: 1 | A: 1 | P: 2 | -5 | PIM: 17 | H: 15 | SB: 15
S51: GP: 15 | G: 3 | A: 8 | P: 11 | 8 | PIM: 33 | H: 40 | SB: 20
S52: GP: 7 | G: 0 | A: 5 | P: 5 | -3 | PIM: 26 | H: 25 | SB: 7
S53: GP: 11 | G: 1 | A: 2 | P: 3 | 0 | PIM: 0 | H: 19 | SB: 17
S54: GP: 12 | G: 0 | A: 7 | P: 7 | -1 | PIM: 4 | H: 24 | SB: 20
S55: Did Not Qualify
[pbl]---------------------------------
SMJHL Regular Season Statistics:
S46: Did Not Play
S47: GP: 50 | G: 1 | A: 5 | P: 6 | 0 | PIM: 48 | H: 81 | SB: 51
---------------------------------
SMJHL Playoff Statistics:
S46: GP: 9 | G: 0 | A: 0 | P: 0 | -2 | PIM: 6 | H: 4 | SB: 0
S47: GP: 10 | G: 2 | A: 3 | P: 5 | 7 | PIM: 8 | H: 14 | SB: 4
---------------------------------
Transactions:
S46: Signed as pre-draft free agent with Detroit Falcons
S47: Drafted 14th Overall by Montreal Militia
S47: Traded to Detroit Falcons
S48: Drafted 4th overall to the Los Angeles Panthers
S48: Signed 3 years/1M Contract with Los Angeles Panthers
S48: Called up from Detroit to Los Angeles
S51: Re-signed 3 years/3M with Los Angeles Panthers
S54: Re-signed 2 years/6M with Los Angeles Panthers
S56: Traded to Manhattan Rage
S56: Signed 4 years/6M with Manhattan Rage
————————————————
Awards
S47: Golden Aardvark Award for a contract holdout with the Montreal Militia  

5 reasons why carl pretends to drink and crew helped him find a school

#1 should be dumb name

Originally posted by xDParK@Mar 29 2015, 05:01 AM
Cool article, copying and pasting it to a word document so that I can show my grand kids someday.

Are you suggesting the SHL forums won't survive?
SHL Destruction Conspiracy confirmed

Player Page | Player Updates
(RETIRED) D - Fernando Pergher

Originally posted by Count Chocula@Mar 29 2015, 02:02 AM
#5 cause Oferyn Martell killed you

WOW SPOILERS U DICK.

good read

Opened my mind on why we shouldn't draft you too :ph34r:

Akashi SixNine Jr. Updates


Akashi SixNine Jr. | TPE: 473 | Detroit Falcons | Hamilton Steelhawks
---------------------------- SIGNINGS/DRAFT ----------------------------
(S61) Drafted 61st Overall by the Detroit Falcons
(S61) Signed a 1-year, $2.5mm contract with the Detroit Falcons
(S62) Drafted 44th Overall by the Hamilton Steelhawks
(S62) Signed a 1-year, $2.5mm contract with the Hamilton Steelhawks
(S63) Signed a 1-year, $2.5mm contract with the Hamilton Steelhawks
---------------------------- SMJHL REGULAR SEASON STATS ----------------------------
S61 | DET | GP: 66 | G: 16 | A: 24 | PTS: 40 | +/-: -24 | Hits: 95 | SB: 32
S62 | DET | GP: 66 | G: 21 | A: 16 | PTS: 37 | +/-: -54 | Hits: 141 | SB: 47
---------------------------- SMJHL PLAYOFF STATS ----------------------------
S61 | DET | GP: 6 | G: 2 | A: 4 | PTS: 6 | +/-: E | Hits: 17 | SB: 4
S62 | DID NOT QUALIFY

you just sold me on the carl mountain

Käri Bärköv || LW || Calgary Dragons || RETIRED  
Age: 18
Height: 5'11"
Weight: 175 lbs
Number: 93
------------------------------------------------------------
Height: 5'11"
Weight: 175 lbs
>Number: 93
------------------------------------------------------------
Regular Season Statistics:
S10 VAN: GP: 40 G: 29 A: 25 P: 54 +/-: 21 H: 77 PIM: 42
S11 CHI:   GP: 40 G: 16 A: 14 P: 30 +/-: -39 H: 66 PIM: 10
S12 CGY: GP: 50 G: 5 A: 6 P: 11 +/-: -16 H: 57 PIM: 2
S13 CGY: GP: 50 G: 8 A: 13 P: 21 +/-: 20 H: 34 PIM: 24  
S14 CGY: GP: 50 G: 13 A: 13 P: 26 +/-: 5 H: 73 PIM: 32
S15 CGY: GP: 50 G: 10 A: 31 P: 41 +/-: 5 H: 128 PIM: 54
S16 CGY: GP: 50 G: 19 A: 15 P: 34 +/-: 0 H: 97 PIM: 16
S17 CGY: GP: 50 G: 23 A: 25 P: 48 +/-: +6 H: 136 PIM: 17
S18 CGY: GP: 50 G: 14 A: 21 P: 35  +/-: -11 H: 130 PIM: 32
S19 CGY: GP: 50 G: 16 A: 17 P: 33 +/-: +4 H: 143 PIM: 47
S20 CGY: GP: 50 G: 20 A: 26  P: 46 +/-: +14 H: 113 PIM: 32
S21 CGY: GP: 50 G: 12 A: 19 P: 31 +/-: 4 H: 146 PIM: 76
S22 CGY/EDM: GP: 51 G: 10 A: 12 P: 22 +/-: -7 H: 102
PIM: 43

------------------------------------------------------------
Playoff Statistics:
S10 VAN: GP: 12 G: 6 A: 9 P: 15 +/-: 6 H: 28 PIM: 25 FO: 50.00%
S11 CHI:  GP: 6 G: 5 A: 4 P: 9 +/-: 2 H: 12 PIM: 2
S12 CGY: GP: 4 G: 0 A: 2 P: 2 +/-: 3 H: 4 PIM: 0  
S13 CGY: GP: 11 G: 2 A: 1 P: 3 +/-: 4 H: 6 PIM: 4  
S14 CGY: GP: 6 G: 1 A: 1 P: 2 +/-: -3 H: 13 PIM: 10
S15 CGY: GP: 14 G: 2 A: 3 P: 5 +/-: -1 H: 28 PIM: 12
S16 CGY: GP: 11 G: 7 A: 7 P: 14 +/-: 5 H: 29 PIM: 2
S17 CGY: GP: 6 : G: 3 A: 3 P: 6 =/-: +0 H: 26
PIM: 0
S18 CGY: GP: 4 G: 3 A: 0 P: 3 +/-: -1 H: 10 PIM: 0
S19 CGY: GP: 7 G: 2 A: 1 P: 3 +/- 0 H: 16 PIM: 8
S22 CGY: GP: 12 G: 0 A: 2 P: 2 +/-: 6 H:19 PIM: 12
------------------------------------------------------------
IHF Statistics:
WJC Finland Season 10: GP: 14 G: 5 A: 2 P: 7 +/-: -13 H: 17 PIM: 4
WJC Finland Season 11: GP:9 G: 5 A: 6 P: 11 +/-: -5 PIM: 2
IHF Finland (career totals): GP: 35 G: 13 A: 19 P: 32 +/-: +4 H: 64  PIM: 8
------------------------------------------------------------
[pbl]Transactions:
Signed with Vancouver Whalers for 2 Million
Named Assistant Captain of the Vancouver Whalers
Drafted 22nd overall by the Calgary Dragons in the S11 SHL Entry Draft
Signed 3 year 11 million ELC with Calgary Dragons
Named Assistant Captain of the Chicago Hitmen
Named CO-GM of the Vancouver Whalers
Named CO-GM of the Calgary Dragons
Named Head GM of the Calgary Dragons
------------------------------------------------------------
Awards:
S10 NWJHL Championship
S10 IHF WJ Bronze Medal
Season 11 Michael Haan trophy winner for most dedicated player
Season 13 IHF Silver Medal
Season 13 JJ Krever award for best GM (shared with Kain Webb)
Season 13 IHF Silver Medal
Season 14 JJ Krever runner up
Season 14 IHF Silver Medal
Season 15 Aidan Richan winner
Season 17 First All-Star Team
Season 17 Aidan Richan winner
Season 18 IHF Bronze Medal
Season 18 Damian Littleton Nominee

------------------------------------------------------------

Parker Smeb || RD || Chicago Syndicate || 1473 TPE
SMJHL Regular Season Statistics:
S45 COL: GP: 50 G: 14 A: 13 P: 27 +/-: 9 H: 68 SB: 5
S46 COL:  GP: 40 G: 22 A: 19 P: 41 +/-: 2 H: 127 SB: 3
SMJHL Play-Off Statistics:
S45 COL: GP: 16 G: 6 A: 4 P: 10 +/-: 8 H: 13 SB: 0
S46 COL: GP: 7 G: 2 A: 0 P: 2  +/-: 1 H: 20 SB: 3
SHL Regular Season Statistics:
S47 CHI: GP: 50 G: 10 A: 18 P: 28 +/-: -12 H: 138 SB: 11
S48 CHI: 50 G: 8 A: 9 P: 17 +/-: -19 H: 119 SB: 8  
S49 CHI: GP: 50 G: 14 A: 20 P: 34 +/-: 5 H: 77 SB: 15
SHL Play-Off Statistics
S47 CHI: GP: 9 G: 1 A: 3 P: 4 +/-: -3 H: 9 SB: 0
International Statistics:
S45 WJ WOR GP: 21 G: 4 A: 5 P: 9 +/-: -1 H: 51 SB: 3
S46 WJ WOR GP: 30 G: 11 A: 7 P: 18 +/-: -5 H: 62 SB: 4
S47 JPN GP: 12 G: 5 A: 2 P: 7 +/-: -4 H: 34 SB: 4
S48 JPN GP: 12 G: 4 A: 3 P: 7 +/-: -9 H: 50 SB: 4
S49 JPN GP: 12 G: 4 A: 1 P: 5 +/-:+2 H: 37 SB: 4
CAREER: GP: 87 G: 28 A: 18 P: 46 +/-: -17 H: 234 SB: 19




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"“HA HA! THIS GAME WILL NEVER END! I POSSESS THE SOUL OF EVERY GOALIE ON TEAM B!! CREW 4 LIFE!! SIGN WITH EDMONTON FOR THE CUP!!!” cackled Belial as he placed a Fedora on his head."
SMJHL Commisioner S17-S26
Calgary Dragons GM S14-S23