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Eggy216 · 09-10-2015, 05:23 PM

1,103 words or something thx

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Jasper Clayton was thrown out of today's game between the Detroit Falcons and the St. Louis Scarecrows after sucker punching the Scarecrows' Clayton Goode towards the end of the day's game.

Clayton has had problems staying out of the box all season long for the Detroit Falcons, as many are wondering if the pressure of trying to replace former Falcons' captain and defenseman Brandon Girard, who left the team at the end of last season for the SHL's Hamilton Steelhawks.

This most recent incident came in a game in which Clayton took 19 total penalty minutes, enough to put him far above the rest of the league in PIMs with a total of 71 - far above the Vancouver Whalers' Alexei Orlov, the Montreal Impact's Roman Morenov, and the Prince George Firebirds' Eoin MacGregor.

At this point in time, it does not appear that Jasper Clayton will not be receiving any supplementary discipline for his incident, saying, "HO won't do shit, I'm untouchable." Because that worked out so well for Ignant Ogorodniko.

Clayton now has the chance to speak to the media, both about his on-ice discipline problems this season, and about the Detroit Falcons' season.

(psssst this is the part where you ask me questions)

Quote:Originally posted by probablydrunk+Sep 10 2015, 04:27 PM--><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1' id='QUOTE-WRAP'><tr><td>QUOTE (probablydrunk @ Sep 10 2015, 04:27 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'>Who is Girard?[/b]

Girard (GERR-ard) - Noun

Scrub who gets dragged around the ice by his teammates because he's too busy off in the Canadian wilderness doing his civic duty and making his country proud. Known for taking too many penalties, and putting up huge offensive numbers despite spending half of the time sitting in the penalty box for five minutes at a time. Claims to be tough, but had the shit beat out of him by Randy Randleman in their first fight. Believed to be mostly harmless.

Quote:Originally posted by Schmidt@Sep 10 2015, 04:41 PM<br />When is your player gonna grow up and start contributing?

I'm third on the team in points. Please.

Just because I like to have a little fun while I'm on the ice doesn't mean that I'm not contributing.

Now, growing up - that's not gonna happen. You're stuck with a guy who petitioned the team's owners to change the name to the "Equestria Rainbow Dashes" instead of the Detroit Falcons. DEAL WITH IT.

Quote:You're in the box for half the game when you're not getting thrown out, you have the worst +/- on the team, you have one of the worst shooting percentages yet you take the 5th most shots out of everyone despite being a pass-first defenseman, what do you have to say for yourself?

Well, yes, I can't deny that first part. I am spending an inordinate time in the penalty box, but that's just because it's easier to sit down and watch the game from the box where you can't yell at me than it is to actually go out there and try to do shit on the ice. What, did you expect me to actually play hockey?

Yeah of course I have a horrible plus minus. The other team has the puck? Oh ok I'll just go punch some other random player in the face. I mean, who needs to defend? I sure as hell don't.

I'm trying to hit the goalie. Anyone can score a goal if they put their mind to it, I want to scare the shit out of the goalie, or at best hoping to injure him without risking a goaltender interference penalty - I take enough penalties as it is.

I may be a pass-first defenseman, but if Michael Burch is the only one I can pass the puck to then I'm not fucking giving it him. Let someone else score for a change.

Quote:BTW I love you don't ever leave Detroit. Just couldn't miss the opportunity to roast you. :wub:

Don't worry, you're never getting rid of me bae :wub:

Quote:Originally posted by ogo445@Sep 10 2015, 05:19 PM<br />Did you beat him up because he has the same name as you name?

I warned him that if he didn't get a name change after joining the league, that I was going to beat the shit out of him every chance I got. Him and Clayton Fuller. I'm the only Clayton in this league, nobody else is allowed to take my name. If they want to wear that name, then they're going to have to earn it and that's by beating me in a fight. If they think the score is settled by now, then they're wrong. Because I'm going to keep on doing it until the two of them finally learn, or they can prove their worth to me in battle.

Quote:Originally posted by enigmatic@Sep 10 2015, 05:19 PM<br />Who would win in a fight: Girard or Chuck Norris?

Brandon Girard couldn't win a fight to save his life. I mean, he lost to Randleman. Randy fucking Randleman. Who loses to Randleman in a fight? Chuck Norris could beat Girard with all four limbs chained to a wall, that's how bad Girard is at fighting.

Quote:Originally posted by hexx55@Sep 10 2015, 06:21 PM<br />Have you had any funny or memorable penalty box moments?

There was this one game where I took a penalty just a few seconds into the game, so I figured I might as well order a pizza while I was stuck in the box. Well wouldn't you know it but the second they delivered my pizza, two minutes had already passed. So I gave the pizza to the timekeeper and told him I'd be right back for it, skated onto the ice, and tripped the nearest player so I could go right back to the box and finish off my pizza. It looked like someone had taken a bite out of it, but the timekeeper said he hadn't seen anyone try to eat it. I didn't have time to look into it more though, wanted to finish that pizza before I had to go back out on the ice and actually play hockey again.

<!--QuoteBegin-Dangles13@Sep 11 2015, 10:52 PM
Why couldn't you just remain tied with Cody Black for PIMS? Was being first in a category that important to you?[/quote]

Cody Black didn't invite me to the D-Squad. I was disappointed by this lack of invitation, so I knew I had to do my damndest to pull ahead of him and prove to him that I deserved that spot on the D-Squad along with all the other defenders in the league.

Alright that's it for this press conference. I mean, hell, I'm not even on this team anymore.

tweedlebrumm · 09-10-2015, 05:27 PM

Who is Girard?

Schmidt · 09-10-2015, 05:41 PM

When is your player gonna grow up and start contributing? You're in the box for half the game when you're not getting thrown out, you have the worst +/- on the team, you have one of the worst shooting percentages yet you take the 5th most shots out of everyone despite being a pass-first defenseman, what do you have to say for yourself?

BTW I love you don't ever leave Detroit. Just couldn't miss the opportunity to roast you. :wub:

tweedlebrumm · 09-10-2015, 05:54 PM

Quote:Originally posted by Schmidt@Sep 10 2015, 01:41 PM
When is your player gonna grow up and start contributing? You're in the box for half the game when you're not getting thrown out, you have the worst +/- on the team, you have one of the worst shooting percentages yet you take the 5th most shots out of everyone despite being a pass-first defenseman, what do you have to say for yourself?

BTW I love you don't ever leave Detroit. Just couldn't miss the opportunity to roast you. :wub:

Great GMing here. :ph34r:

Schmidt · 09-10-2015, 06:18 PM

Quote:Originally posted by probablydrunk@Sep 10 2015, 04:54 PM
Great GMing here.  :ph34r:

Can't be any worse than anything else I've done this season. I'm setting the bar low so I can keep surpassing people's expectations in the future.

ogo445 · 09-10-2015, 06:19 PM

Did you beat him up because he has the same name as you name?

enigmatic · 09-10-2015, 06:19 PM

Who would win in a fight: Girard or Chuck Norris?

MyLittleHexx · 09-10-2015, 07:21 PM

Have you had any funny or memorable penalty box moments?

Ballerstorm · 09-10-2015, 07:28 PM

Quote:Originally posted by enigmatic@Sep 10 2015, 02:19 PM
Who would win in a fight: Girard or Chuck Norris?

I beat Girard, sooooooo yah

tweedlebrumm · 09-10-2015, 07:46 PM

Quote:Originally posted by Ballerstorm@Sep 10 2015, 03:28 PM

I beat Girard, sooooooo yah

The canadian military is fucked.

Dangles13 · 09-11-2015, 11:52 PM

Why couldn't you just remain tied with Cody Black for PIMS? Was being first in a category that important to you?

Eggy216 · 09-15-2015, 09:09 PM

I forgot about this for a while there.

Updated Cheers

Dangles13 · 09-15-2015, 09:14 PM

We made you an honorary member but you couldn't become full fledged until you passed through initiation or paid the $500,000,000 entry fee.

Eggy216 · 09-15-2015, 09:21 PM

Quote:Originally posted by Dangles13@Sep 15 2015, 08:14 PM
We made you an honorary member but you couldn't become full fledged until you passed through initiation or paid the $500,000,000 entry fee.

I only have $103,731,000. . .what's the initiation entail?

Dangles13 · 09-15-2015, 09:58 PM

Quote:Originally posted by Eggy's Multi@Sep 15 2015, 07:21 PM

I only have $103,731,000. . .what's the initiation entail?

If you don't know then I guess you aren't cut out to be a D Squad member after all. :lol:

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