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JumpierPegasus · 01-04-2016, 09:32 PM

I'M HAVING A PARTY AND YOU ARE ALL INVITED (EXCEPT RICE), POST AND I'LL TALK SHIT ABOUT YOU Towel

:ahh!:

PAGE 1

Eggy - You're loud and you love ponies. Don't get the allure of a kids show to grown adults (or 12 year olds in your case) but that's fine. You exist in a space to get the goat of the trolls of the league and you handle it just fine, so good on you I guess. I have a list of everything good about you right here: nothing. Fuck off.

Bojo - You offered way too much money for Harry and your team has LB and Birks on it which instantly makes it one of the most avoidable teams in the league. Your only redeeming qualities are that you are good at Rocket League and can code a video game and stop working on it because it's not like you give a shit. Fuck off. And fuck off Pushkin too.

Allen - Burdened me with the task of doing all this Scarecrows HOF stuff for a team I don't even give a fuck about anymore. You are on Deener's taint like a rabbit in heat, but not as bad as a lot of the other culty as fuck Renegades. You’re a post S20 so your opinion doesn't matter, fortunately you don't try to throw your shitty weight around as much as the other pieces of shit from those classes so good on ya mate. Fuck off.

Mac - Don't want to get suspended. Double fuck off.

Allegiant - I can't be convinced you’re not gay because of your incestuous love of watching men in tights run around and tackle each other. It’s taken over chatzy and it’s downright a shame. Nothing about you screams interesting, but you’re fine enough that I’m willing to talk to you without wanting to tear my face off. Fuck off.

Harry – You post shitty videos and expect people to watch them. Really since the beginning you’ve had a complex of feeling like you are more important than you are simply because you got the captaincy in Edmonton back in the day and it went straight to your abnormally large head. You stand beside me though when Tez is mean, and none of this is overly true because I had a hard time finding terrible things to say about you. Because you are bland. Fuck off.

ProbablyDrunk – You boast too much about your drug endeavours, it’s neither edgy nor cool, but it’s your thing. Almost like you care too much what others think of you, and you feel like this makes you stand out or be interesting enough that they will give a damn about you even for a second. Overall you are a cool dude though, and don’t change that drug stuff, because, well, that’s just, like, my opinion man. Fuck off.

Toast – There were no good times. Only me being a good commish and you being shitty. You were lazy, never posted, never responded, and I did that shitty ass job all on my fucking own. And people hated me for it. They thought I was awful, but little did they know it was because it was a one man show behind the scenes. You somehow went on to have a GM job with that shitty attitude and fucked that up too. You’ll probably never see another important job in the SHL until we have an SHL janitor. But when you were there you were just a peach to work with, and you are a lovely man. Fuck off.

Buster – I like it when you have girl troubles, because it pleases me to see you in pain. Luckily that is a lot. You have this God complex like everyone on the forum is wrong if they don’t share your opinion, and you try to lambast them and get everyone on your side by peer pressure of having your Edmonton crew have your back. Nice job skewing the leagues opinions because they don’t want to feel left out of a shitty clique.

Buster – Fuck

Buster – Off.

Bluesboy – Your relevance to me has been lost as the seasons went on. I remember you saying that BANACK was a good GM back when he was suspended for tampering, which made me make fun of you relentlessly behind your back for ages after that. That felt good to get off my chest. Tanner does all the work for you, and I don’t believe that you do an ounce of work over there in Hamilton. Congrats, that’s the job I’ve wanted all along. Fuck off.

Ferdy – Took me several seasons but I’m 65% convinced you aren’t mac now. You +rep me a lot so saying anything bad about you would break my little heart. You are a part of Calgary and have Gorlab’s back on topics, but aren’t overly cringy like Caileen, so good on you. But that still makes you fucking awful. You were the worst post whore when you joined and genuinely made me want to rip my eyeballs out, even though when you talked to me I pretended to care about what you were saying. You’re better now, good job. Fuck off.

PAGE 2

Dangles – 5000 posts in a season or two? That’s either the saddest thing I’ve ever seen or dedication. Maybe spend less time on SHL and more time actually doing something with your life. You know the SHL isn’t a real hockey league right? The reason I’m making fun of your activity levels is because, frankly, I know nothing about you, and don’t care either. Fuck off.

Jason97 – I don’t really have much shit to throw at you since you decided the best course of action was to go inactive forever, then pop right back up to post in this presser. You’re far too close with Giova and Asto to call it a normal relationship, and you guys basically finish each other’s awful sentences. I’m upset you are the one of the three to stay active out of that group on your second go around, because you are easily the worst one. Fuck off.

Gcool – You obviously aren’t learning anything from me because you still post on the forum and get into shitty as fuck arguments. School of JP teaches you to never engage in an argument and only post sarcastically repeatedly. But instead you get all fucking hotheaded whenever someone tries to dismiss you as a player or Portland as a team. Face it, the team sucks, and it’s 90% your fault. You don’t work near hard enough, step your game up, you’re fired. Fuck off.

Bieksa – Your username is so shitty I refuse to write it out. This pony bullshit needs to stop. I didn’t get near enough in Eggy’s face about it, but stop it. It’s probably the worst fad to come across the SHL and we had a Pushkin fad for a few seasons there. This actually tops that. The less you post in threads the better I feel about the SHL because I don’t have to see a shitty pony avatar. And your name change and change of IIHF teams is god awful. Fuck off.

Winter is Coming – I remember that we played on the Crows together and I didn’t care for you. You posted a lot and it made me upset. Then when I got an SHL team you had the idea to message me and tell me how much you wanted to play for me, and if you want the truth I never wanted to trade up, and never thought you were worth it at all. I could have. I had opportunities, but after conversing with you over PM it made my mind up that I wanted to get as far away from you as humanly possible. Stay in Buffalo plz. Fuck off.

JayWhy – Aitto isn’t as good of a goaltender as you hype him up to be, and he was aided by the success of an early Edmonton team. Since then he’s been a mediocre starter, for a team that can’t get passed the second round. He’s kind of like Brian Elliott in a way where he is a fine goalie in a good system, who will never win anything ever (again). Don’t post his accomplishments because I just don’t care. He was good for a season or two, time to retire and give up, Prikulus will always be better. Hopefully this doesn’t make you go inactive again. Actually, on second thought, I don’t care. Fuck off.

Karlssens – I named you captain out of necessity. Who the fuck else was I going to name? Gcool is my co-gm because I’d never trust you in an actually important job, and no one else has been here as long. I even considered Alex over you. I got lucky in drafting you, because you were one of my absolute last choices at that spot. Fuck off.

Ballerstorm – Probably one of my least favourite SMJHL GM’s and I know you’ve turned the entire Impact LR against me because I didn’t send your precious Karlsson down. I was never going to, it was never my plan, and every player you tried to send me to play instead of him I just scoffed at. It’s your own shitty fault for not doing research to see if he was coming down before you made that trade. Rookie mistake, but knowing your GM skills you’d probably make it again. Go back to the SMJHL for another 10 seasons why don’t you. Fuck off.

Vbottas – Pretentious little fuck. Like a few people I’ve called out here you think you are this high and mighty member of the SHL just because you have a good player. Get a real job in the SHL and we’ll talk. I was genuinely hoping I’d never find a deal for you after you asked out for weak ass reasons in St. Louis but luckily I fleeced Kez out of a deal in the end. Fuck off.

JHS – lol. I mean you have good music taste. Other than that everything about you is bad. You were a terrible GM in Vanc- Wait you are still a GM there? Oh my fucking god. You had every player there against you because you were some tyrannical bitch. There is a reason that you fell so far in the draft and that is because no one wants to share an LR with you. Thank God I’ve been on teams with enough common sense to not have you so I’ve never had that honor. Fuck off.

Prettyburn – You amassed probably my most disliked team in the league for a long while there. Which is saying something because Texas is/was fucking awful. You literally had a little piece of everything awful, and on top of that were a bad team in the process. Not sure how anyone would want to play there. You may have gotten rid of mac but it’s still not good. You yourself seem to have no issue with it, which makes you just as bad as the rest. Fuck off.

Nike – Nothing about you is original. You’re a carbon and cut copy of a mix of everybody into being the most average person. You don’t incite fights on the forum, or an overt amount of friendliness that makes me sick to my stomach. You don’t speak up much, start interesting threads, or exist in my world outside of an occasional blip that I skip over because you are just tacking on to something Merica said in an argument. Fuck off.

PAGE 3

Durden – You sit as one of the pinnacle of annoyances that is the Wolfpack. Luckily you don’t post on the forum near as much, but that just means you are inactive as shit. You are playing up this whole leaving NEW thing like someone would actually want you, but that’s obviously not true. Another guy who means nothing to me because you bring nothing of worth to the league anyway. Fuck off.

Dankoa – You are a suck-up little shit. Nothing about you screams genuine and all you are is cheery to fucking everyone you meet. It’s garbage and reminds me of me when I joined the league. Grow a set of balls and call someone out. Don’t be afraid and just do it, because right now you are sugary sweet like a fucking Coca-Cola and it makes me sick. Also hope you get suspended for getting out a squeaky little pre-pubescent “cunt” because you thought it was tough. Fuck off.

Keenan – I want to say something but everyone will be mad at me. So I just want to say that you are basically inactive and spend no time or care on the SHL so I have no idea how you could have possibly held a GM position for so long. Not only that but you weren’t even successful at it enough to warrant Tez keeping you aboard. Not only that but you are a fucking cheater just like the rest of the Blizz and I don’t respect you anymore. Fuck off. Fuck off to the Blizz too. Fuck off all of you. Fuck off.

Easymoneysniper – Wishy-washy Gorlab. Don’t know what your purpose is or which side you will choose in an argument. You’re wishy washy as fuck and have no spine, and you come into an argument for one post and then leave again. Plant your fucking feet, or get off the fucking pot. You somehow have 6k posts from god knows what. You have made LA easily a worse destination for an FA, and a team that I liked previously has now gone down the drain. Fuck off.

Banjo – All you are is a Minnesota shill. I know for a fucking fact that once you are able to you are fleeing to that shit team because all you can do on this forum is coddle the teet that is the Chiefs, and no one has weened you off the boob. I drafted you out of principle and peer pressure, even though there were obviously better earning TPE players who I could have taken. You were basically mute in Minnesota when I was there before, so at least you’ve learned to type in the Portland LR. Fuck off.

KezKincaid – You think you are important because you keep getting hired for big jobs and people like you. You are barely a step up from the trash that has been hired lately, but you get praised because you can at least do basic functions like give permission as a commish. It’s not a fucking hard job, and yet you still don’t do a very good job. Stick to being an SMJHL GM because you are at least below average at that. Fuck off.

Originsz – Speaking of shitty hires. You can’t even form a proper English sentence on the forum. I have to translate your fucking posts into German and back into English for them to make any fucking sense both structurally and linguistically. Not even sure you can read, or basically use any function you’ve been hired to do as your ineptitude left you unable to grant a fucking LR permission for me. Get better at your job or just fucking quit. Fuck off.

HabsFanFromOntario – Obviously you have blackmail on someone in the HO to get hired again into a position you so ROYALLY fucked up last time in the SMJHL HO. You were a mess, and did almost nothing. I relegated you to my 4th in command and I only had 3 fucking guys in the HO. Also when you wanted a trade from Buffalo I didn’t even inquire because I didn’t think you were worth the assets I would give up or the effort it would take me to type up the pm because you are just going to retire in a season anyway. Fuck off.

Schultzy – Everyone praises you for doing so much for the league, but really you did the minimal effort, reaped the reward, and quit. Great cycle, and you did nothing to make the league better. People praise more activity, but the members who joined are just shit. We’ve exhausted reddit, and we are fucked for the next seasons because we can’t recruit anywhere. Nice going. Also left us with a broken fucking website in Originalshl.com, then you took the fucking donation money and ran with it. Thanks for coughing up the money that you did, but it didn’t really help anything. Need a better grasp on what to do with your assets. Fuck off.

Baelor Swift – From the moment I saw you on the forum I laughed and knew you were a fucking mess. Montreal scum who doesn’t know his fucking place on the forum. A pretentious little bitch with an itchy report finger. HOPE YOU DON’T REPORT ME FOR THIS. You’re one person who I wish would stop getting involved with arguments because despite being on the side against Gorlab and others you prove their fucking argument and do a bad job at everything. Thanks a lot. Fuck off.

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Kylrad - I forgot you were even still relevant. You disappeared for so long and don't really do anything to make me think that you have worth. You were the last person to join crew before I left so you basically drove me out of there since I truly disliked you so fucking much. There is nothing original about you, but grats on your player sort of becoming something, but you are pretty much like Miller because you'll never be at the top. Fuck off

LatvianBastard - Well I'm glad you finally embraced the fact that you are the bigoted piece of shit homophobic cunt that was Sledgehammer. I thought about drafting you in the SMJHL before I realized who you were then I avoided you like the plague because I have no time for someone who is so fucking closed minded. You argue with Latvians on the site because even they can't stand you, and you joining Birks in WKP has made the decision not to play for them that much higher. Luckily Buffalo is now a more desirable location. Fuck off *****.

Bukss_a - Your grasp of the english language is basically non-existant. You've come around to being active, but I thought about giving up on you a few seasons ago because I didn't think you'd ever amount to anything. Your want to be sent down to Detroit for one more season scares the shit out of me because I feel like you are going to jump ship since you want to join your shitty Latvian buddies on another team and ditch us, so I might be frantically looking for a way to get you away from here. Fuck off.

Damienj10 - What are you 14? You were far too over excited when you joined the SMJHL for St. Louis and you were basically a conjoined twin with Dambach so hard I was afriad you were going to suck his cock right off. Now you just post from time to time to annoy the entire forum with your shitty ideas and questions about certain things around the league. Stick to your LR because nobody really wants to hear from you out here. Fuck off.

McZ - Your stunt in FA was the funniest fucking thing I've ever seen. No one is going to give you a co-gm job over someone who actually deserves it from their own team. So have fun playing over and over again in Calgary and never getting a job because you are too fucking lazy to earn it. When you won the cup in Seattle you were the worst coach in the world, you just played yourself 40 minutes a night which is ridiculous and no GM should ever let happen. Your grasp on the English language has GONE DOWN since you joined the forum like you are just fucking with us all with your shitty ass English. Fuck off.

Raferum - Dunno, who are you? Fuck off.

TML 99 - Oh your that fuck who somehow got an SMJHL GM job after cuffy. You and Allen botched that HOF thing so hard since you added a shit ton of players who just DIDN'T DESERVE TO BE THERE. What did they do to be there? The only one who deserved it was Adrian Thomaz and he wasn't even inducted. The rest of them have gone and done nothing in their careers, and it's really sad. Let's hope you GM a hockey team better than you handle that pile of shit, but I bet you don't. Fuck off.

linsangles - Are you Vlats? Or whatever his name was? You have the same avy. Not much I can say when you change your username to something so unbelievably shitty. If your vlats stop shitting on all the Latvians, I can't tell if you like each other or despise each other. Fuck off.

kit - You are an alcoholic and you need help. Seriously I'm not going to roast you because I feel like you'd turn to the bottle for comfort. You are a danger to yourself and others, and you should take this number (281) 330-8004 and call it in order to get some help for you problems. They are always willing to help. Also your trash and I thought you were so annoying on the forum when you first joined up. Fuck off.

Gamingexpertzcom - Glad you stick to the LR. Issue is that you are now in my LR so fuck that. Your persona is one of these down to earth guys who is a little quiet but interesting, but the truth is you don't speak up often is because you aren't interesting. You have nothing to add to any conversation and I refuse to believe that you have a real life outside of SHL because no one on earth knows about it. Stop being so boring. Fuck off.

Page 5:

Dion - You were a thorn in everyones side back in the early SHL days because you were a shitty Leafs fan who stood up for even shittier Cam. YOu were truly trash and the only reason people didn't treat you like gorlab was because you made nice sigs, so congratufuckinglations. Overall since you went basically inactive you've become tolerable, so grats on that, but I think it's just because we see less of you spewing Leafs garbage on our forum or arguing with people as to why Kadri is the next coming for fucking Christ. Fuck off.

Storm - You inactive fuck. Glad you retired Samsonov because he was bad, but then you went and created a goalie. If you can't be around enough to have a player fuck having a goalie. You are a bad GM with a shitty team and I pool you in with PB. You are both bad at your jobs and inactive. I fleeced you on the Killington trade so thanks m8 you are gr8. See you when PB hopefully fires you, maybe you can come play backup to me. Fuck off.

Gib - All we do now is share talent competition clips and I don't even enjoy that. The last one you sent me you got all creepy on this chick Gorlab style, and I told you it was fine that you were being all Nando about it, but it wasn't. It made me uncomfortable and you are a bad person. YOu are inactive and just retire gib already, it's no fun for anyone. Just go inactive actually, stick to Renes chatzy from now on. Fuck off.

Tylar - Do you know how to do anything? All you do is ask me how to do this and that and this and that and you can't even play EHM without flipping out that you will be doing something wrong. Your smileys are shitty, and you think everyone is against you when everyone is just trying to explain shit that you don't understand (everything) to you. Don't ever think for a second that anyone would care if you left Bliz chatzy forever, and we were relieved you almost did when Buster made you leave. But then you came right back. Great. Fuck off.

WannabeFinn - Oh you are that Blue Jackets fan that isn't Kovalev right? Well guess I can't make fun of you then... No wait I will. Because while you think you are clever and funny, and you post on the forum trying to join in on jokes, but no one +reps you or replies to you because nobody actually laughs at anything you say. Also 9 points last season? 5 the season before?! OMG that's really bad and I feel bad for making fun of you because you are obviously mentally slow. Fuck off.

Birks - I lump you in with LB as being the two awful Latvians we unfortunately have to deal with. So congrats on that I guess. Bojo tried offering you to me in a deal a little while ago and I just laughed because I thought that was hilarious that I would even think about taking you on, especially giving up assets for you. Only reason you aren't perpetually an FA is because your TPE is high enough for a contender to justify dealing with you for one season. Hopefully you retire your player soon though... And don't recreate. THat would be the best. Thanks. Fuck off.

Eggy216 · 01-04-2016, 09:33 PM

OK

.bojo · 01-04-2016, 09:33 PM

WOOO

Allen · 01-04-2016, 09:33 PM

eff u

Mac · 01-04-2016, 09:33 PM

This should be good.

Allegiant · 01-04-2016, 09:34 PM

hi

Harry · 01-04-2016, 09:34 PM

tweedlebrumm · 01-04-2016, 09:36 PM

Toast · 01-04-2016, 09:36 PM

Remember the good times?

*Buster* · 01-04-2016, 09:36 PM

l

*Buster* · 01-04-2016, 09:37 PM

o

*Buster* · 01-04-2016, 09:37 PM

l

Blues · 01-04-2016, 09:37 PM

O

Ferdy · 01-04-2016, 09:39 PM

I hope you're a kind host.

Dangles13 · 01-04-2016, 09:40 PM

It`s like watching the odometer roll over, so exciting.

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