TASK ONE: Create a giveaway for a unique piece of playoff memorabilia. Can be written or graphic. If written, must be 150 words, if graphic, must include a picture of the item and the team logo.

Now this isn't exactly memorabilia, but here is a contest to win a kiss from the MVP of the playoffs.

WOULD YOU LIKE A SMOOCH FROM THE MOST VALUABLE PLAYER OF THE PLAYOFFS? Maybe a little tongue from VLAD McZehrl. Perhaps you'd enjoy getting a lick of Esa Anrikken? Who wouldn't enjoy a peck on the cheek from Hunter Wong?

To enter: It's simple! You just have to put in a little effort. What we're looking for is a written article or mocked up graphic about why we should choose you as the kiss recipient. The criteria isn't complex and we'd love to have as many submissions as possible - these lips won't kiss themselves, hey!

Here are some reasons as to why you might think you're worthy:
-Your shit don't stank.
-You cum pancake batter.
-You didn't ruin the ending to Mass Effect.
-You bought stock in IBM thirty years ago, but didn't rub it in my dad's face.
-You shaved this morning - northern or nether regions!
-You can sing the alphabet backwards, but only when you're drunk.
-You know the ingredients to a Black Russian.
-You know how to fix the vote in Chicago.
-You know the very fine difference between biding one's time and wasting one's time.
-You know the fifty-three states in America (that's right. We know about you...)
-You can do the entire end-dance to Napoleon Dynamite, without the music.
-You can do my stats homework.
-Your parents/guardians tell you they love you, regularly.
-You can spot seven differences in two cloned photos.
-You saw The Lord of the Rings before it was cool.
-You perform sex acts on sick axes.
-You know that hot girl at my work's phone number. Seriously, that would be awesome.
-You don't tell my girlfriend about me asking for someone's phone number.
-You don't see race, just marathons.


Please provide proof of age and gender to an SHL official near you!


TASK TWO: What has been the biggest game of the playoffs so far? Can be either SHL or SMHJL, 150 words.

The biggest game of the playoffs so far is probably Game 7 between the Minnesota Chiefs and the New England Woflpack. Mostly because it was the only one I paid attention to - quite simple criteria, actually.

Players and management league-wide were wondering if the Wolfpack still had that magic - that back-to-back champions magic that so many people want but can almost never attain.

After the first game, where New England won 7-1 against the Chiefs, most people quieted down the voice in their head that said "there's no way they'll beat the Chiefs."

Then they won game two in a handed fashion, 2-1. And suddenly people decided to root for the underpups. Then game three came along and we saw those people immediately switch back because the Chiefs took game three 2-1. Then a battle of back and forth came along and people didn't know who to cheer for.

Before you knew it, game seven came along. Who knew?

And the game was intense. Lord Pretty Flacko found himself with a second period hat trick. All believed this was the last we'd see of the Wolfpack, but they fought back, tooth and paw, to conquer the Chiefs in the end, 5-4.

This game was the most important because it showed the Wolfpack still had it and they weren't going anywhere soon. Like, literally, because they were knocked out in the next round.

TASK THREE: Write a 150 word radio advert for the S32 Finals Matchup.

"Hey there kiddos! Do you like hockey? Do you like finals? Do you like the epic struggle between humankind's rage and flying fucking dragons? If you answered 'yes' to any of those questions, then we implore you to turn your dial, flip your switch, fire up your Mac, tune your knob, and open up Internet Explorer so you can watch the SHL 32 Finals Matchup between the Manhattan Rage and the Calgary Dragons.

More than just entertainment, this is also an emotional battle for some. Folks are wondering how long the veteran VLAD McZehrl can last among the top of the leaders board, some question the management choices of Steelhead and Cookies - will they be able to capture their third league title in as little as three seasons? - and most people question if this is real or fake (just to let you know, it's fake - it all is. IT'S A SIMULATION)!

Both teams have been through some intense rivalries through the playoffs and it all culminates in this final clash! Join us. JOIN USSSSS."

TASK FOUR: Who is your choice for MVP? Must be 150 words.

VLAD McZehrl. And what better way to represent the man himself (as he will be referred to henceforth) than by doing a handwritten acrostic poem for and about him.

V - Versatile. The man himself rocketed his way to the goal leader board and wound up staying there until the playoffs themselves had concluded.

L - Large. The man himself held his own in terms of physicality. He was second place on his team in hits by the end of the playoffs, which is quite the feat for someone who only plays 40 minutes a night. Just kidding/

A - Arsenal. The man himself has behind him an veritable arsenal when it comes to shots. He was second on his team in shots by the playoff's end. He is also the owner of the highest scoring attribute on the Rage - a pretty 99.

D - Decider. The man himself found out that having the game deciding goal usually was also the decider of the game itself. That's why he had two Game Winning Goals under his belt by game 5 of the playoffs.