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BANNING · 02-15-2017, 04:15 PM

RTG ~2100 words

Notably reclusive Portland Admiral defender Colin Banning has been advised to increase his marketibility through a day drunk presser, which he's been led to believe are all the rage in this league. So, please, give me something to do between drinks and Rocket League all day and ask me anything, as I fill time and put together coin for training.

DO THE THING NOW PLEASE KTHX

Interview

What are you drinking?

Started off the morning with an Irish Mocha, basically the last of my Jamiesons into a Rolo Hot Choloate and Coffee I had made. It was, obviously, goddamn delicious. Moved on to Wiser's and coke with a twist of lime. I don't know why I'm crazy about limes recently - staving off scurvy, maybe? - but it's been a good go. So, it's a rye and coke day. The best kind of day.

Interview

What bar is your favorite?

I'm a non functional agoraphobe, so, I never leave my house, and certainly never endeavour to go to a bar for a drunkening. In the past I'd been coerced into going to Shannon's, a little 'Irish' pub in downtown Winnipeg. It's good enough. Kind of a shit place, the place that would allow me to play on stage if I wanted, sight unseen. Very grungy and dirty. 1-0-1 in fights there, so, it's alright.

Interview

Have you ever had Shiner? Thoughts?

Moonshine or the beer? Moonshine, yes, I am country folk, so that was actually surprisingly prevalent while I was growing up. Some kid used to bring a thermos of it to school all the time. I assume he's in jail now. But there was some weird thing that happened a few years ago, my parents have a huge garden, and I think my grandpappy's friend was asking about potatoes, so they let him come take a few buckets and in return he gave them two bottles of shine, which they in turn gifted to me and my brother. It was an unpleasant evening, but if you don't do it all ghetto style, as a shot just to prove you can, you can mix that shit pretty pleasantly into a Long Island or whatever.

If you're asking about the beer, I've never consumed a beer in my life. I grew up on whiskey and rum, and the first time someone offered me a beer I was like 17 and refused to try and acquire the taste, because I'd already acquired better, less offensive tastes. To this day, I've never swallowed a mouthful of beer.

Interview

Is a drunk presser a sandwich?

Depends on the questions. If I start with a bunch of fluff, then get real deep in the middle, then end with some fluff, maybe? but I definitely wouldn't eat it.

Interview

There's this bar in Houston I love that has an outdoor hammock seating section. Do you have something as cool at your favorite bar?

No, just tons of cocaine and absolutely awful puss. Do not get laid at Shannon's.

Interview

What are your goldfish named

I had a betta named Smaug but he died of poor parenting, sadly. It was our second go with a Betta and I've got no goddamn clue what happened.

Interview

who are you

No one of great importance. 11th overall in S30. Kind of a quiet, don't get too involved kind of guy. I play defense for Portland and captained the Raiders to a Four Star Cup in S30, so, that's pretty awesome.

Interview

who am i

I assume also no one of great importance, but there's always time. You play in Kelowna, which had Light on it, who is super bae. So that's good.

Interview

whats the best color of otter pop

Well I had to google that. The standard answer will always be cherry. I assume they have a cherry? But I've never had one. Orange everything is great though.

Interview

how fast do you think you could run a 40 yard dash drunk?

How drunk? I'm going to say... 9 seconds? Right now. Obviously that's going to trend downwards later through the night, but I tend to retain a lot of faculties while drinking, so I wouldn't fall over or anything, it'd be as unrespectable as my sober dash, maybe a little less so

Interview

how fast do you think you could run a 40 yard dash sober?

7 seconds? I'm a bad runner, in reals. So many lingering sports injuries. Bad hip knee and ankle. I don't even know if that's a good time, maybe it's just short of pro and people are like 'he could never'. So, I mean. It wouldn't be great, but, I'm sure I couild do it?

Interview

What's your favorite beverage?

Whiskey anything. It's the go to, always easy and cost effective. If I'm feeling particularly unhappy and thusly disregarding my budget, I'll spring for a good bottle of scotch. I'm a Glen Livet man, 18 years, though I can enjoy Macallan's sometimes. I just find it very overrated. If I'm feeling summery, I love mixed drinks. Long Islands, white russians, anything with vodka and fruit juice.

Interview

If you could trade one player on the NHL Jets' roster for any other player of equal value, who would it be and why?

Kyle Connor is the only guy who is both expendable and could fill a need. If you can manage to land Sanheim or something for him, I think you have to look at it. Everyone else, I mean, I love them, I like Matty P as much as anyone, but you get a limited, unhelpful return on him. Laine makes Connor redundant long term, so I'd love to see them make a move to shore up that scary bad defense.

Interview

What's your favorite meal, and why?

lol I have such basic eating habits. I make a lot of stews, I find it very satisfying and delicious. A good, day long beef and barley stew. Fantastic. If I'm taking real time to cook, I make a lot of chicken parmesan and lasagna at home. Again, super basic. I've never eaten a salad.

Interview

Favorite video game(s) of all time?

Christ. Too many. Favorite Video Game experiences, maybe? Beating Secret of Evermore with my baby brother, definitely. Building a Megalopolis in SimCity, fulfilling an 8 month long trial and error campaign. My entire pitching career, through ages 18 to 41, in MLB08. Every. Single. Start. Just short of the wins and strikeout records. Trying to hold a rotation job as an old man to get 5 or 6 more starts to hit the records.

Interview

Would you watch a showdown in For Honor between me and Wally for the next episode of Anchors Away?

Maybe, I've been hearing a lot about this game and have legit no idea what the fuck it is. It is like Overwatch? I'll watch anything, I guess. Is Wally better at For Honor than Rocket League?

Interview

Will we see another SHLers in EA NHL sim?

Probably. I had to delete NHL16 to make place for 17 and haven't really gotten into it, half cause I'm all over FIFA17 right now and half because of my 5 hour a day Rocket League commitments. I guess also half because it's not that great a game. But I had a lot of fun doing it, I'd like to again, with a much tighter, less having pieces of shit on it roster.

Interview

I drafted you in fantasy are you gonna get 10tpe for me cause I need it?

I... I'll try. Why would you do that? Jesus that's a lot of pressure, bae. Idk. Hopefully my shot block and hit count will get you something? So much pressure.

Interview

What the best thing about Canada?

I don't know. It's a fucked up question, actually. Obviously I'm very proud to be Canadian, but I haven't visited enough places to know why it'd be better. It's not our health care, that's for sure. For all of our high and mightiness, we don't exactly have a better history with the natives than the Americans do with the blacks, so it's not that. We have, very easily, a worse form of democracy than the US. I guess, hockey? We rule at hockey. At our ladies are excessively fine. Top tier. And all that crazy freedom. The freedom to be caught smoking weed in a Tim Horton's parking lot by a cop and his response is to tell you not to be an asshole and make him do his job.

Interview

Can you NOT believe it's butter? Like, is it even possible to think anything else when you have that shit?

It fools me every time, and I wouldn't call myself gullible. But every time the mrs makes me guess, it's a toss up. It's truly one of the greater mysteries in life.

Interview

Do you have any advice for someone who has never tried anal (I'm asking for a friend)?

Um, well, find someone who will be gentle, pal. If it's your first time, you don't want him just pounding away like a kid with a toy, you know? You have to poop out of that thing later. So, I mean. Lube and caring.

Interview

What's up with this whole Trudeau looking super hot? Do you think genes/his jeans has something to do with it?

I don't really think he's that hot. He has a very Batman villain look to him. He's too slender and jagged, like all his featuress come to a point. I mean, I'm sure he does fine, or did fine. His wife is a babe, right? I just don't know what the draw is. He's fine.

Interview

Have you ever read the comic book series "Crossed"? If so, what are your thoughts on it? If not, why is it a thing?

Why would I know if it was a thing? I am not going to have an opinion on a comic I've never read? But yeah I've never read it.

Q. How fucked are you right now?

Definitely not nearly enough. Posted a 2-2-4-6 game just a second ago in League, so way too coherent. But getting there. 5 doubles deep? It's only 4PM so we got time.

Q. What position in the Admirals' line-up do you believe that you will flourish at?

I prefer the 2nd pair D I'm on now. A lot more freedom, maybe a slight advantage due to a lower quality of competition. Most teams are strong 2 lines deep, but Rivet is such a good shut down man, I'd rather him be looking at top lines all game Smile

Q. Who's your favourite Admirals player?

That's tough. Hazard is my homie but Laing is my baby mamma, so. It's a good crew though. Thankful it's not full of douchers.

Has the ice defrosted off of your walls yet?

It comes and goes. It's a genuine problem. It's been relatively nice recently, so it hasn't been an issue, but every time I get a cold snap I can expect it in the same 3-4 areas.

One interesting fact about Alex Reed?

Super hot triplet sisters. For reals. Absolute babehs. Also, the first time we met in real life, I had to ask him to leave because the girl who had invited herself to our boys night decided she wanted to go to sleep. My hands were tied. He's also really good at poker, like, reliable.

What was your absolute favorite moment from your time with the Raiders?

Four Star Cup, for sure. It was a wonderful time for everyone. That entire season was a ton of fun, if that was sustainable, I probably wouldn't be so passive right now.

Raiders all time line-up from your tenure with the team. (F, F, F, D, D, G)

G- Dick Chocolate. No offense to absolute bae Bozzz but she wasn't really the #1 at any point when I was there.
D- Colin Banning. Obviously.
D- Toivo Kosonen - fucking hero as a human being, and an excellent player. I'd take a slapshot in the heart for that guy.
F- Jean Luc Reflieux - I spelled out your entire name for the word bonus. but seems obvious, right?
F - Felix Herzog - Despite me still being sour at Wasty (never getting over it you fuck, how is Battle doing?) he was a stone cold pimp for us
F - Reed Laing - if only to fill the spot, and because that slut is carrying my baby. Too bad these 3 never got to play together.

if you could choose any profession, what would it be?

High price assassin and escort. Get paid to bone out rich ladies and murder their husbands.

fgh · 02-15-2017, 04:22 PM

What are you drinking?

What bar is your favorite?

Have you ever had Shiner? Thoughts?

Is a drunk presser a sandwich?

There's this bar in Houston I love that has an outdoor hammock seating section. Do you have something as cool at your favorite bar?

ToeDragon84 · 02-15-2017, 04:23 PM

What are your goldfish named

Anders157 · 02-15-2017, 04:28 PM

who are you

who am i

whats the best color of otter pop

how fast do you think you could run a 40 yard dash drunk?

how fast do you think you could run a 40 yard dash sober?

MWHazard · 02-15-2017, 04:35 PM

I mean, I talk to you all the time.

- What's your favorite beverage?

- If you could trade one player on the NHL Jets' roster for any other player of equal value, who would it be and why?

- What's your favorite meal, and why?

- Favorite video game(s) of all time?

- Would you watch a showdown in For Honor between me and <a href='index.php?showuser=2236' rel='nofollow' alt='profile link' class='user-tagged mgroup-13'>Wally</a> for the next episode of Anchors Away?

- Will we see another SHLers in EA NHL sim?

~~GroupMeIsKindOfOkay~~ · 02-15-2017, 04:53 PM

I drafted you in fantasy are you gonna get 10tpe for me cause I need it?

Snuffalupagus · 02-15-2017, 04:56 PM

What the best thing about Canada?

Can you NOT believe it's butter? Like, is it even possible to think anything else when you have that shit?

Do you have any advice for someone who has never tried anal (I'm asking for a friend)?

What's up with this whole Trudeau looking super hot? Do you think genes/his jeans has something to do with it?

Have you ever read the comic book series "Crossed"? If so, what are your thoughts on it? If not, why is it a thing?

BANNING · 02-15-2017, 05:31 PM

up to date, I'd like to see more once I return from this rockety ball game

daBenchwarmer · 02-15-2017, 06:11 PM

Q. How fucked are you right now?

Q. What position in the Admirals' line-up do you believe that you will flourish at?

Q. Who's your favourite Admirals player?

vbottas17 · 02-16-2017, 10:20 PM

Has the ice defrosted off of your walls yet?

One interesting fact about Alex Reed?

What was your absolute favorite moment from your time with the Raiders?

Raiders all time line-up from your tenure with the team. (F, F, F, D, D, G)

if you could choose any profession, what would it be?

Cheers

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