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Daco · 12-21-2018, 05:53 PM

600 words 1.2mil double media week

Vancouver Whalers- The Best of the West

Here are Casimir Stevens’ first impression of the Vancouver Whalers Cast:

1) To his surprise, there were no actual whales playing hockey. Cas should go to college and figure out what a whaler is. Apparently it’s related to fishing. Casimir expected a few whales to be in the locker room which kinda made him not want to be drafted by them, but it turned out well! Luke explained the conundrum in detail later on in private to not make Cas feel too stupid. Too much cocaine.

2) Bernik Vrzala (Off) is quite the feisty one. We’re both new recruits. First time I saw him he asked if I wanted a meatball and a needle was inside it when I started biting down. Interesting. From then on I knew I loved this man. My bleeding lip and his in sweet harmony forever and ever. This man is a wrecking ball covered in hungry sharks. Like the sharks hadn't been fed for a decade. He will hip check your grandma then fight you over it. A bruiser from the good ole days mentality of “if they don’t remember your hit, it’s not a penalty”. He’s very humble but already invited me to sex parties in 10 different states. Don’t tell him I said that.

3) Bot for inactives- oh wow I remember this guy. Kindly trying to put WD-40 on all of his equipment but he kept stopping me. Stupid robot doesn’t understand I’m only trying to help. He’s quite defensive about his belongings.

4) Luke now I tell ya the guy is magnificent. I walked into the locker room and he started showing me spreadsheets. I didn’t understand what was going on. X*2+2= 5 and X is 1.5? What is this voodoo shit. Anyways he oozes good GM for drafting me and seems to know what he’s doing. He confronted me in the locker room the other day for not knowing what 2+1 is in my update file but I was pretty smooth and knew that it was 17. His uncle joined the SHL recently and is gonna turn it upside down and do a switcheroo because this kid is going places

5) Filip Jedlicka (Gluckman) Oh man when I saw Filip I just knew this guy could shoot. He scores goals, one timers, wristers, clappings bombs. He’s so humble compared to me. Like the other day he said he’s going to lead the league in scoring and I just marveled at how humble he was. He’s obviously going to lead the universe in scoring. If I was stuck in a room with 13 women, a puck, a net, and gluckman, you could say that only one hole would leave that room worn out. It’s gluck’s shot in the net, that’s obviously the hole. Slapshots onto the practice net get you head out of the gutter Can’t cuck the gluck @gluckman

6) Barret McCarthy (Inf1d3l) was a team guy. Shades of Bo Horvat and Ryan Kesler. Henrik Sedin and Roberto Luongo maybe even. He’s a good team guy who eats lasagna before every game then prays to Satan. It’s actually really odd but I guess it works. This man prays to Satan every freaking game, saying “if you give me a point take someone from Quebec they can die”. A bit extreme for my tastes but ok. He’s our PowerPlay devil

7) @LeppyClaus started giving me some odd trinkets here and there and I didn’t really say anything. Then he asked me for $3.50 and that’s when I realized he was a lochness monster from the paleothic era! This aqua reptile managed to take all my belongings in a few seconds then ran off saying I’ll never catch him. We’ll see in practice buddy

600 words double media week 1.2 mil