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MCP_ · 02-10-2019, 01:41 AM

(634 Words)

Lethbridge - Fans for the Lethbridge Lions were ecstatic to hear Tuesday evening that the team had won the first overall pick of the S46 SMJHL Entry Draft. The Lions, who had a regular season record of 15-32-3 and was last in the standings, would benefit very much from the pick. The front office, instead, has decided to go in a different direction.

In a recent press conference, Lethbridge General Manager Danby "Burd" Rem announced that the 1st Overall pick won't stay in Lethbridge for long: according to Rem, he had been given multiple offers from interested teams, with one offer winning over his heart. The General Manager expressed the excitement he had for the deal:

"...In short, the staff and I had to make a very difficult decision, but I believe we made the correct decision. The Lions Organization believes that we received a great return for the pick, and it will definitely help us in the short term and long term future."

John Hadswick, a critic of the Lions as a team, was skeptical of the move, stating:

"I am just... stunned. You traded away the first overall pick for a [expletive] Happy Meal?"

Rem replied: "Yes."

Yes, you read that correctly: the Lethbridge Lions have traded the 1st overall pick of the S46 Entry Draft to a currently undisclosed team for One (1) McDonalds Happy Meal. The fact that this was a trade to begin with puzzled the reporters in the room, as such an interesting trade had been unprecedented. Mia Cholowlski of CaNN asked, seemingly on behalf of other reporters who were speechless:

"Me and... I believe everyone else in the room has one major question: how in the world does this help the team?"

Rem responded in detail:

"Do you know how Genghis Khan conquered everything? His troops were well fed (Rem later accredited this inspiration from a Genghis Grill menu). In short: any person participating in an athletic activity needs to eat a hearty meal. This Happy Meal will be that meal: it will not only feed our player's stomachs but also their fiery souls."

During the explanation, a local reporter began to motion other reporters to try and wrap up soon, in what looked like an attempt to leave the room. Rem began to notice and gave a noticeable glare in disapproval, eventually threatening:

"Hey, [expletive] in the middle - yeah you: if you don't stop right now, I'll make sure your family never sees you again. Do you understand how much of a big trade this is for the organization? I thought so; sit your [expletive] back down."

After the reporter ceased his motions, Jim Klancy of the Lethbridge Times jokingly asked how the Happy Meal would be distributed.

"Great question: we're going to distribute the contents of the happy meal among the current team as evenly as possible: each player will receive: one-third of a chicken nugget, 1/4 of an apple slice, and 2 ounces of Juicy Juice Fruit Juice. Overall, I feel that this will be more than enough to fuel our players."

Janice Eberstom of the Edmonton Chronicle (who had later stated she was "done" with Rem at that point) asked:

"What about the fries?"

Rem then proceeded to go silent, then leaning to his podium to express that no comment will be made about the french fries.

While it is a mystery as to who the pick now belongs to, Rem expressed that the other end was "very happy" and that "fans across the league will be happy." Rumors by multiple sources, including the SMJHL Trade Aggregator believe the pick went to a Four Star Cup finalist.

vbottas17 · 02-10-2019, 02:12 AM

Big if tru

DanbyRem · 02-10-2019, 02:26 AM

Very nice : ))

Wawazat · 02-10-2019, 02:45 AM

***notorioustig*** · 02-10-2019, 03:44 AM

Woah woah woah what if I raise you a Happy Meal toy I found in my garage (vintage!) plus a Frosty and Baconator from Wendy's?

MCP_ · 02-10-2019, 05:15 PM

02-10-2019, 03:44 AMnotorioustig Wrote: Woah woah woah what if I raise you a Happy Meal toy I found in my garage (vintage!) plus a Frosty and Baconator from Wendy's?

The Happy Meal Toy is intriguing, but since you did not include large fries, I will have to decline your offer. We here in Lethbridge have a standard.

sharksisback · 02-10-2019, 05:51 PM

I'll give you a double cheeseburger and a small Coke spiked with gin for that pick

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