The offseason. God’s stop sign to any potential happiness in a hockey fan until draft day. In Halifax, it came a little later than anyone expected, but now we’re here and we’re bored as hell. The only entertainment left here in Halifax is Matt Kholin’s impression of Patrick Bateman from American Psycho (which we aren’t sure is an impression or a reenactment of when he murdered Sasha Zubovova allegedly. Or was that Nikolai Evans? Or Casimir Stevens? We’ve lost track). And Troy Reynolds’ nonsensical articles regarding his potential relation to Tiggie Smalls or how the series with Detroit was rigged or how his relationship with Sophia Miacova has come spiraling down around him (big surprise). On the Detroit note, we at the Halifax Gazette would like to congratulate the St. Louis Scarecrows on their second consecutive Four Star Cup.

In a slightly surprising development, Troy Reynolds has returned to Halifax after several weeks living at home with his parents, presumably playing Fortnite in the basement and downing shots of whiskey to ease the pain of knowing he’s a failure as a player and a man. (EDITOR’S NOTE: little too harsh here bud, he’s somehow a fan favorite now. Maybe ease up on that) This comes as a shocker as he seemed intent on making Team USA for the World Juniors, but that dream may have come crashing down. Reports are that he was not named to the team, but there are also reports saying that Reynolds “can’t tell the difference between a IIHF roster and WJC roster” (it turns out Reynolds made the team, he’s just really stupid). Some are speculating on whether Reynolds has returned to reconcile with his beloved Sophia or to meet up with his Halifax teammates.

The answer was the latter. He returned to Halifax and met up with Jimmy Slothface. Any story that starts with that sentence has a disastrous ending for everyone involved and this story is no different. Let’s just start off by saying that Troy Reynolds did return to his home, and left within 15 minutes. All reports say that Reynolds was not crying but they did hear “Hurt” by Nine Inch Nails playing as he drove away.

He then arrived at Jimmy Slothface’s residence. Slothface looked overjoyed yet concerned that Reynolds was at his house. At this juncture, Reynolds offered to take Slothface out for drinks. This is usually where one of the team’s captains would say “that’s a bad idea” but Slothface decided to go with it. I worry about this team’s future every day.

They decided that two people drinking together wasn’t enough and decided to gather up anyone who wanted to come along. For some godforsaken reason, Mika Mayfield of the Anchorage Armada was in town. Somehow, Mika and Jimmy Slothface had become acquainted and Slothface suggested they pick Mika up. Upon this question, Reynolds asked “Mika...so is that a girl or a Finnish guy?” Slothface shrugged and Reynolds just drove on to pick Mika up.

It was there that Troy Reynolds figured out that Mika Mayfield is, in fact, a woman. He remarked “huh so you are a girl” which Mayfield met with a slap in the back of the head. Slothface giggled and Reynolds told him “I will crash this fucking car to prove a point”. Slothface then suggested that they pick up Perry Morgan. No one objected because come on, it’s Perry Morgan.

They arrived at Perry Morgan’s house and found him draped in a British flag staring out into the horizon. Reynolds rudely interrupted this occasion by honking repeatedly until Morgan noticed where the rapid honks were coming from. “OVER HERE YOU FUCKIN WANK”, said the belligerent drunk. Morgan asked what was going on and Slothface replied “we’re getting drinks”. Perry got in the car and immediately grimaced at the sight of an Armada player in the car. Mayfield promptly slapped the fuck out of him, knocking a molar loose.

After driving quite a ways, Reynolds suggested that they pick up Touncie Bitties to complete their first drunk squad, but Bitties refused to come along after his...issues last time. So in a quick substitution, Reynolds suggested they pick up Matt Kholin. Everyone’s eyes in the car shifted to Mayfield. Reynolds tried to assure them that it was okay by pointing out that Mika is not a prostitute but Morgan shouted out “BUT SHE’S FOREIGN”.

“YEAH WELL YOU’RE FOREIGN TOO AND MATT DIDN’T TRY TO KILL YOU”

“THAT’S DIFFERENT, I HAVE A PENIS”

“WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH THIS?”

“EVERYTHING”

They then asked Mayfield where she’s from, to which she replied “Italy”. The entire car breathed a sigh of relief but there was still a lot of tension when Matt got in the car. They asked Matt how he spent his morning and he answered “I live in the Canadian Gardens Building on West 41st Street on the 21st floor. My name is Matt Kholin. I’m 18 years old. I believe in taking care of myself, and a balanced diet and a rigorous exercise routine. In the morning, if my face is a little puffy, I’ll put on an ice pack while doing my stomach crunches. I can do a thousand now. After I remove the ice pack I use a deep pore cleanser lotion. In the shower, I use a water activated gel cleanser, then a honey almond body scrub, and on the face an exfoliating gel scrub. Then I apply an herb-mint facial masque which I leave on for 10 minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine. I always use an after shave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older. Then moisturizer, then an anti-aging eye balm followed by a final moisturizing protective lotion. There is an idea of a Matt Kholin. Some kind of abstraction. But there is no real me. Only an entity. Something illusory. And though I can hide my cold gaze, and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours, and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable, I simply am not there.”

Mika’s eyes opened wide, while Troy just calmly said “that’s the Matty boi I know”. Matt asked Troy to find a Russian bar and everyone’s eyes opened wide before Troy said “oh yeah, let’s go to Myasnitskaya Ulitsa”. Keep in mind that Reynolds probably butchered this and it probably sounded like “Maya Angelou Ultra”. Matt agreed and everyone else nodded nervously.

As the five approached Myasnitskaya Ulitsa, Perry Morgan got out a briefcase and a pen. He said that “it’s just so I can negotiate with Russian clubs and try and squeeze a better contract out of whoever drafts me”. Troy Reynolds shed a tear at the Brit’s shrewd business practices. Jimmy Slothface told him that a true captain doesn’t negotiate with Russians. Matt Kholin shed a tear at Jimmy’s disdain for Russians.

They all skipped the line, leading to one man to yell “HEY WE’VE BEEN HERE FOR FIVE HOURS” and Troy Reynolds yelled back “AND YOU’LL WAIT FOR FIVE MORE HOURS YOU FUCKING YOKEL”. No one really knew why there was a line for a bar, but the players chalked it up to it being a very high class establishment. Not a safe bet in this town but what can you expect from a group led by Troy Reynolds.

Mika Mayfield found her way to the bar quickly and so did Troy Reynolds because...of course he did. Matt Kholin went off to a booth with a ditzy blonde wearing promiscuous clothing. Jimmy Slothface just observed them to make sure that no one fucked up and pissed off a Colombian drug kingpin. Perry Morgan stayed weary of any powdery substances found in a bag.

The timeline begins.

7:15 PM: The night is young and Troy Reynolds has downed 4 vodka shots. Mika Mayfield has had one drink and is watching in terror as Reynolds downs shot after shot. Perry Morgan has found his way to the bathroom because he needs to take a leak. Matt Kholin is talking up this young woman, who appears to have an accent...of Eastern European descent? Ukrainian maybe? Nope it’s Russian. Jimmy Slothface overhears this and immediately goes into a panic.

7:25 PM: Reynolds has downed 3 more shots. Mika Mayfield is questioning whether she should call for an ambulance or just continue with her night. She decides that she doesn’t really care if Troy gets alcohol poisoning and tries to find one of the other players. Perry Morgan has been approached in the bathroom by a middle aged, husky Russian man. That rarely ends well for anyone. Matt Kholin is still chatting up the Russian woman, telling her about his profound love for Huey Lewis and the News and their breakout hit “Hip to Be Square”. Jimmy Slothface decides he needs a drink and takes a seat next to the drunken idiot Troy Reynolds.

7:30 PM: In the bathroom, the Russian man’s pants are still on so that’s good news for Perry. He tells Perry that he owns this establishment, and if Perry and his friends cause any trouble, it won’t end well. Perry is too sober to have the courage to tell him to “fook off”, so he walks away terrified.

7:40 PM: Perry finally makes his way to the bar where Jimmy Slothface is watching the karaoke stage. Troy Reynolds has made his way to the stage and is belting out the lyrics to My Heart Will Go On. “Near. Far. wherEVERRR YOU AREEEEEEEEEEEE”. Mika Mayfield has begun crying hysterically at this emotional performance that rivals Queen’s performance at Live Aid. Matt Kholin has never been more confused in his life but it’s okay because he tells the Russian woman, named Natalia, that he’ll sing Hip to Be Square for her back at his apartment.

7:50 PM: Troy is treated as a god amongst men for his beautiful performance of My Heart Will Go On. He is offered free drinks by numerous other attendees and if there’s one thing certain in Halifax, it’s Troy Reynolds taking free drinks. Jimmy Slothface is almost certain that Troy is going to need to go to the hospital at this rate and watches him to make sure he doesn’t take anyone else with him. Perry Morgan is along for the ride, but keeps his eye on the burly Russian he saw earlier. Matt Kholin shows off his Topps SMJHL card to Natalia.

7:55 PM: Natalia introduces Matt to her father, Sergey, who owns the bar.

8:00 PM: Upon realizing that Matt is talking to his daughter, Sergey is a little perplexed why he remembers the name Matt Kholin. Then it hits him. His daughter is talking to the SMJHL’s rookie leading scorer! This is a great honor for his household and bar to serve such a prestigious guest. Perry Morgan wipes a bead of sweat off his brow after thinking that Matt was a goner. Troy Reynolds’ 10 minutes of being a hero are up and he is now drinking away his sorrows. Jimmy tells him “man, it’ll be okay. Sophia will come to her senses” and Reynolds slams his head on the bar.

8:10 PM: Natalia spots Matt’s teammates and introduces herself. Jimmy shakes her hand, Perry gives her a hesitant handshake and Troy keeps his head on the bar and waves incessently. Mika Mayfield has disappeared from the field of view.

8:25 PM: Matt and Natalia go back to their booth after realizing that Troy Reynolds is an absolute mess. The duo of Morgan and Slothface are unsure what happened to their confident teammate, but it’s troubling to say the least.

8:30 PM: A man around the same height as Reynolds finally snaps and yells at him to quit his bitching. Reynolds lifts his head and Jimmy immedately jumps between them. Reynolds looks at him and yells “YOU THINK YOU’RE FUCKIN BETTER THAN ME HUH?”. Perry Morgan twiddles his thumbs. The man turns to leave since he has already said his piece.

8:40 PM: Thomas Bathory enters the bar and to his delight, sees his teammates at the bar. He approaches them and says “Hey guys! Didn’t expect to see you guys here”. All 3 of them look perplexed, and Reynolds asks “Do we know you?”

“Haha guys real funny”

“Does this bloke think we know him?” asked Perry Morgan.

“Of course you do, I’m a defenseman like you”

“What team do you play on?” asked Jimmy Slothface.

“Halifax”

And with that awkward exchange, Thomas Bathory’s love of Halifax died and the leadership capabilities of all 3 of them were shown.

8:50 PM: Perry Morgan asks if Matt is still with that Russian chick. Troy Reynolds looks like he’s seen a ghost and Jimmy Slothface adjusts his collar. Reynolds then bolts towards the door and Slothface is a sloth so he’s too slow to do a damn thing about it.

9:00 PM: Matt tries to slip out early with Natalia back to his apartment when Reynolds grabs him by the collar and drags him to the bathroom. Mika Mayfield reappears and makes girly conversation with Natalia about girl things. I don’t know man I just work here. Morgan sits idly by at the bar while Slothface continues his journey towards the door.

9:05 PM: Matt is furious with Reynolds and Troy says “MATT YOU CAN’T GO AROUND PICKING UP RUSSIAN WOMEN. THE FUCKING POPULATION OF RUSSIAN WOMEN IS FALLING AND ALL OF THEM HAVE BEEN TO YOUR APARTMENT”. Matt tells him to keep his voice down but keep in mind Reynolds is about 13 drinks deep into the night. There is no hope in him quieting down. Out of the stall comes Sergey, very intrigued by this conversation.

9:10 PM: Sergey tells them not to worry, he’s glad they had this conversation. He then punches Troy Reynolds in the gut, and tells Kholin to behave for the rest of the night, before remarking about how he hates people who drink to excess. Mika and Natalia are now in an intense debate about whether The Big Show would succeed in the SHL. Slothface has finally arrived at the door and is confused as fuck because they’re gone.

9:15 PM: The man who Reynolds yelled at earlier has returned and boy oh boy does he have friends.

9:25 PM: Reynolds has recovered from the stomach punch and walks up to a confused Jimmy Slothface. “Hey pussy, you still there?” Slothface ignores the insult and is just glad he isn’t hung out to dry. Natalia and Matt are close to leaving when one of the aforementioned man’s friends asks Matt if he “can tap that fine piece of ass” while gesturing at Natalia. Matt doesn’t feel things and just calmly says no.

9:30 PM: Reynolds recognizes this group of people who entered the bar. It’s the Smebs. All of em. From Chico to Kit, the Smebs have invaded this bar. This is the end of days. Reynolds has seen it in his nightmares. Mika Mayfield notices them as well and frowns at each of them. One of their friends hits on her and she hits him with a left hook that Michael Bisping would be proud of. Everyone looks over for a second before applauding.

9:45 PM: Kit Smeb takes a seat right next to Troy Reynolds and offers him a drink. For what may be the first time in his life, Reynolds rejects the free drink. Smeb takes a sip of his drink before saying “Tiggie may not be your dad but the Falcons will always be your daddy”. Reynolds pours his drink on Kit’s face and the FIGHT IS ON.

HEEEEEERE’S OUR TALE OF THE TAPE

TROY REYNOLDS                                            KIT SMEB
Age: 18                                                           Age: Probably 18
Height: 6’2”                                                       Height: 5’7”
Weight: 190                                                      Weight: 150
Reach: However far away the nearest shot is          Reach: Small

Both competitors are the same age, but every other advantage lies with the champion, Troy Reynolds. This is an openweight bout and we’re excited to see how this one goes, right Joe?

That we are, Mike. This one is the battle of the ages. The fight of the century. It’ll make the Rumble in the Jungle look like a schoolyard shoving match.

Let’s discuss strategy, Joe. We’ve seen Troy Reynolds in one fight against Kristoffer Svensson and it wasn’t a pretty affair.

No it wasn’t Mike, he didn’t seem to fair well against a foreign opponent with an unorthodox style but he’s gonna have to adjust on the fly. He has the technique and speed so we’ll see how he does.

St. Pierre-esque in his technique, Joe.

...no not even close.

TROY REYNOLDS. camera pans to Smeb. KIT SMEB. HERE WE GO!

Reynolds comes out firing, jabs left and right, and he throws an uppercut. Smeb avoids all of the offense being thrown and hits Reynolds right in the dick in a kick. This is a no holds barred affair, so there will not be a stoppage by Big John McCarthy.

That’s Herb Dean, Mike.

Sorry partner, got caught up in the excitement. Reynolds is obviously bothered by the low blow and looks at Herb Dean who is still getting drinks at the bar. Smeb takes advantage of this and lands an overhand right!

HE’S WOBBLED MIKE! HE’S HURT!

REYNOLDS IS ON SPAGHETTI LEGS AND SMEB IS READY TO FINISH HIM!

Smeb has gotta be careful though. He’s getting really reckless in there and all it takes is one mistake for him to get KNOCKED OUT!

REYNOLDS CONNECTS WITH A VICIOUS RIGHT HOOK AND SMEB IS DOWN!

WHY ISN’T REYNOLDS HITTING HIM WITH HAMMER FISTS?

IT’S NOT AN MMA FIGHT, JOE. HE CAN’T DO THAT WITHOUT LOOKING LIKE A DICK!

WINNER: Troy Reynolds

Joe Rogan is standing by with your winner, Troy Reynolds.

“Troy Reynolds, you just shocked the world”

“I’m not surprised motherfucker”

9:50 PM: The rest of the Smeb clan finds their brother knocked out and immediately jump Troy Reynolds. Reynolds begins laughing until the punches start to hurt and yells “YOU MAY KNOCK ME OUT BUT AT LEAST I KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BUS AND A FUCKING HORSE”.

9:51 PM: Slothface and Morgan jump to their teammate’s rescue, Matt Kholin ponders whether he should help or take Natalia home. Mika Mayfield slaps the taste out of his mouth and tells him to go help and he obliges angrily.

9:55 PM: The 8-person tag match is underway and Team Smeb is off to an early advantage until Perry Morgan grabs a tray and bashes it over Chico’s head. This is just a good old fashioned bar brawl. Somewhere the APA is proud. The Smebs struggle over the ethics of whether or not to hit Mika. Mika makes their decision for them by kicking Parker straight in the family jewels. The Raiders plus Mika beat the Smebs in this battle.

10:10 PM: The police have been called because there’s been 2 fights between 10 people in the last 25 minutes. Sergey is pissed. He’s also proud that his future son in law Matt won the fight, and Natalia says “My hero!”. The Raiders are about to drag Troy out of the bar and get out of there when all of a sudden Sophia Miacova has arrived. AND BOY IS SHE PISSED.

10:20 PM: Troy Reynolds has regained consciousness and is being verbally berated by Sophia Miacova.

“So first, you sleep with dozen hookers, and I let you stay. Then you pick a fight with an entire city. THEY ALREADY WON’T LET US EAT IN MONTREAL AND YOU PISS OFF DETROIT TOO! I support you through that, and then you go and LOSE TO DETROIT. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? AND YOU FUCK MORE DIRTY STREET WALKING SLUTS! And now I find you here, at bar, and you have a black eye and your friends are trying to sneak you out. AND I hear police sirens coming”

“Yeah about those, we should probably get moving”, pointed out Jimmy Slothface.

“SHUT UP JIMMY, YOU’RE AN ENABLER. Troy, I give you so many chance. And you squander it. But you’re better than this, you need to learn a lesson. He needs to get arrested. And then he can come back home because I worry.”

“I own that house” said a groggy Troy Reynolds.

“No you rent it...and they’ll kick you out if you get arrested...on second thought let’s get moving”

The 7 rush out the door until Sophia stops at Matt and Natalia and says “You know Matt kills Russian girls, right?”

Natalia isn’t that ditzy and immediately turns back around. Matt stares daggers into Sophia and she says “I’m Ukrainian bitch, not your type to kill”. Matt shrugs because she’s right and they book it away from the bar. The authorities arrive and arrest the badly beaten Smebs. Chico pets a cop and calls him a good boy. Officer Dinglechalk was not amused.

Mika Mayfield stated that this was “the most wild night of my life and quite frankly I wanna party with these psychos more often. Reynolds is a fuckin nutcase, his girlfriend is...supportive but also confusing as hell. Slothface is a good leader, just a little slow. Perry Morgan seems like a nice chap. He’s incredibly funny, you know he told me the British would make noise in the IIHF? Hilarious! And Matt Kholin...scares the hell out of me.” We reached out to Manhattan Rage management for comments on their prospect’s escapades in Halifax and we have received no comment.

To conclude this story of...valor, Reynolds and Miacova returned home after weeks apart. The couple talked out their issues. By that I mean Sophia shouted at a drunk Troy Reynolds before hugging him and breaking down before concluding with lovemaking that would make everyone cry.

Jimmy Slothface returned home and wondered if every other face of the franchise had to deal with this shit.

Perry Morgan arrived home, went to his bedroom and slept naked on top of the British flag. He claims to do this to enrich his body with British pride before the upcoming World Juniors.

Matt Kholin went home and listened to 24-hour loop of “Hip to Be Squared”, before falling asleep.

Natalia and Sergey continued serving drinks while the police escorted the Smebs out of the building. They have stated that Troy Reynolds is banned from returning, and Matt Kholin is not allowed within 150 feet of Natalia.

All in all, we at the Halifax Gazette are just mentally drained from the amount of shit these guys do. Coach needs to get a grasp on their core because next year could be a championship year unless these character flaws aren't fixed.

Lorem Ipsum
Halifax Gazette

(3,828 words)

Still your daddy tho

Affiliate of:

Still your daddy tho

He fucking boomed you

Käri Bärköv || LW || Calgary Dragons || RETIRED  
Age: 18
Height: 5'11"
Weight: 175 lbs
Number: 93
------------------------------------------------------------
Height: 5'11"
Weight: 175 lbs
>Number: 93
------------------------------------------------------------
Regular Season Statistics:
S10 VAN: GP: 40 G: 29 A: 25 P: 54 +/-: 21 H: 77 PIM: 42
S11 CHI:   GP: 40 G: 16 A: 14 P: 30 +/-: -39 H: 66 PIM: 10
S12 CGY: GP: 50 G: 5 A: 6 P: 11 +/-: -16 H: 57 PIM: 2
S13 CGY: GP: 50 G: 8 A: 13 P: 21 +/-: 20 H: 34 PIM: 24  
S14 CGY: GP: 50 G: 13 A: 13 P: 26 +/-: 5 H: 73 PIM: 32
S15 CGY: GP: 50 G: 10 A: 31 P: 41 +/-: 5 H: 128 PIM: 54
S16 CGY: GP: 50 G: 19 A: 15 P: 34 +/-: 0 H: 97 PIM: 16
S17 CGY: GP: 50 G: 23 A: 25 P: 48 +/-: +6 H: 136 PIM: 17
S18 CGY: GP: 50 G: 14 A: 21 P: 35  +/-: -11 H: 130 PIM: 32
S19 CGY: GP: 50 G: 16 A: 17 P: 33 +/-: +4 H: 143 PIM: 47
S20 CGY: GP: 50 G: 20 A: 26  P: 46 +/-: +14 H: 113 PIM: 32
S21 CGY: GP: 50 G: 12 A: 19 P: 31 +/-: 4 H: 146 PIM: 76
S22 CGY/EDM: GP: 51 G: 10 A: 12 P: 22 +/-: -7 H: 102
PIM: 43

------------------------------------------------------------
Playoff Statistics:
S10 VAN: GP: 12 G: 6 A: 9 P: 15 +/-: 6 H: 28 PIM: 25 FO: 50.00%
S11 CHI:  GP: 6 G: 5 A: 4 P: 9 +/-: 2 H: 12 PIM: 2
S12 CGY: GP: 4 G: 0 A: 2 P: 2 +/-: 3 H: 4 PIM: 0  
S13 CGY: GP: 11 G: 2 A: 1 P: 3 +/-: 4 H: 6 PIM: 4  
S14 CGY: GP: 6 G: 1 A: 1 P: 2 +/-: -3 H: 13 PIM: 10
S15 CGY: GP: 14 G: 2 A: 3 P: 5 +/-: -1 H: 28 PIM: 12
S16 CGY: GP: 11 G: 7 A: 7 P: 14 +/-: 5 H: 29 PIM: 2
S17 CGY: GP: 6 : G: 3 A: 3 P: 6 =/-: +0 H: 26
PIM: 0
S18 CGY: GP: 4 G: 3 A: 0 P: 3 +/-: -1 H: 10 PIM: 0
S19 CGY: GP: 7 G: 2 A: 1 P: 3 +/- 0 H: 16 PIM: 8
S22 CGY: GP: 12 G: 0 A: 2 P: 2 +/-: 6 H:19 PIM: 12
------------------------------------------------------------
IHF Statistics:
WJC Finland Season 10: GP: 14 G: 5 A: 2 P: 7 +/-: -13 H: 17 PIM: 4
WJC Finland Season 11: GP:9 G: 5 A: 6 P: 11 +/-: -5 PIM: 2
IHF Finland (career totals): GP: 35 G: 13 A: 19 P: 32 +/-: +4 H: 64  PIM: 8
------------------------------------------------------------
[pbl]Transactions:
Signed with Vancouver Whalers for 2 Million
Named Assistant Captain of the Vancouver Whalers
Drafted 22nd overall by the Calgary Dragons in the S11 SHL Entry Draft
Signed 3 year 11 million ELC with Calgary Dragons
Named Assistant Captain of the Chicago Hitmen
Named CO-GM of the Vancouver Whalers
Named CO-GM of the Calgary Dragons
Named Head GM of the Calgary Dragons
------------------------------------------------------------
Awards:
S10 NWJHL Championship
S10 IHF WJ Bronze Medal
Season 11 Michael Haan trophy winner for most dedicated player
Season 13 IHF Silver Medal
Season 13 JJ Krever award for best GM (shared with Kain Webb)
Season 13 IHF Silver Medal
Season 14 JJ Krever runner up
Season 14 IHF Silver Medal
Season 15 Aidan Richan winner
Season 17 First All-Star Team
Season 17 Aidan Richan winner
Season 18 IHF Bronze Medal
Season 18 Damian Littleton Nominee

------------------------------------------------------------

Parker Smeb || RD || Chicago Syndicate || 1473 TPE
SMJHL Regular Season Statistics:
S45 COL: GP: 50 G: 14 A: 13 P: 27 +/-: 9 H: 68 SB: 5
S46 COL:  GP: 40 G: 22 A: 19 P: 41 +/-: 2 H: 127 SB: 3
SMJHL Play-Off Statistics:
S45 COL: GP: 16 G: 6 A: 4 P: 10 +/-: 8 H: 13 SB: 0
S46 COL: GP: 7 G: 2 A: 0 P: 2  +/-: 1 H: 20 SB: 3
SHL Regular Season Statistics:
S47 CHI: GP: 50 G: 10 A: 18 P: 28 +/-: -12 H: 138 SB: 11
S48 CHI: 50 G: 8 A: 9 P: 17 +/-: -19 H: 119 SB: 8  
S49 CHI: GP: 50 G: 14 A: 20 P: 34 +/-: 5 H: 77 SB: 15
SHL Play-Off Statistics
S47 CHI: GP: 9 G: 1 A: 3 P: 4 +/-: -3 H: 9 SB: 0
International Statistics:
S45 WJ WOR GP: 21 G: 4 A: 5 P: 9 +/-: -1 H: 51 SB: 3
S46 WJ WOR GP: 30 G: 11 A: 7 P: 18 +/-: -5 H: 62 SB: 4
S47 JPN GP: 12 G: 5 A: 2 P: 7 +/-: -4 H: 34 SB: 4
S48 JPN GP: 12 G: 4 A: 3 P: 7 +/-: -9 H: 50 SB: 4
S49 JPN GP: 12 G: 4 A: 1 P: 5 +/-:+2 H: 37 SB: 4
CAREER: GP: 87 G: 28 A: 18 P: 46 +/-: -17 H: 234 SB: 19




------------------------------------------------------------

"“HA HA! THIS GAME WILL NEVER END! I POSSESS THE SOUL OF EVERY GOALIE ON TEAM B!! CREW 4 LIFE!! SIGN WITH EDMONTON FOR THE CUP!!!” cackled Belial as he placed a Fedora on his head."
SMJHL Commisioner S17-S26
Calgary Dragons GM S14-S23

Still your daddy tho

He fucking boomed you  

Unfair fight. Had alcohol poured on my face beforehand and my super soaker pours soaked it in and intoxicated me far beyond him. And I still almost thwomped the man who’s a half foot taller than me

Affiliate of:

He fucking boomed you  

Unfair fight. Had alcohol poured on my face beforehand and my super soaker pours soaked it in and intoxicated me far beyond him. And I still almost thwomped the man who’s a half foot taller than me

Street Fighter Refresher...



...for Next time.

 SUPERNAW

~~~#1~~G~ C.K. SUPERNAW~~NBB~~USA~~~
~…6’7”/ 230.lbs/ Full Right

~...POB: Manhattan...........Kansas,USA.
~…SMJHL LATE S55 F.A. Signee
~NBB S55 Stats~.13 Games (2-8-2) ...3.64 GAA...0.914% SV%.
~NBB S56 Stats~ 25 Games (15-8-2)...2.58 GAA.. 0.917% SV%…1 SOwin
~USA S56 WJC Stats~10 Games ( 5-3-1)...2.09 GAA..0.914 % SV%…2 SOwins
~NBB S57 Stats~ 18 Games (8-8-2)…2.96 GAA…0.913% SV%…3 SOwins..
~NBB S58 Stats~ 59 Games (28-27-3)…2.59 GAA…0.910% SV%… 6 SOwins..

[/color]
[/size]

UPDATE PAGE

S56 WJC AWARDS
“Our third award is one that is dear to my heart as a SHL goaltender… The Peter Larson Award for the Top Goalie! This is voted by the GMs and considers both the round robin and medal rounds. The S56 Winner of the Peter Larson Award is….…
C.K. Supernaw! “

He fucking boomed you  

Unfair fight. Had alcohol poured on my face beforehand and my super soaker pours soaked it in and intoxicated me far beyond him. And I still almost thwomped the man who’s a half foot taller than me

Counterpoint: you kicked me in the dick