Login

PeanutButter · 02-20-2019, 06:22 PM

Borůvka Banananák in previous interview didn't mind being drafted late, however it seems like he was a little unhappy with the fact that he did not go as high as he anticipated, dropping to late in the second round for some odd reason. After the draft we found his notepad where he had comments for every single player who got drafted above him in the draft, and we are going to show you right here and now.

Round 1:

1. raiders

Halifax Raiders (Via Lethbridge Lions)- Esa Parmborg - 195 TPE - Center

A center at number one isn't too bad. He doesn't have as much TPE as I do, but I guess he is okay. I could have been #1, but I suppose I don't participate as much as some other people do. I mean, okay, fine. I won't be too mad about this one. But his last name confuses me. Is he like a cyborg? If he is a robot does that mean that he is cheating and the Raiders are cheating? We can't have robots in the league.

2. Outlaws

Anaheim Outlaws - Cory Kennedy - 187 TPE - Defense

Well this is somewhat surprising. I didn't think juniors really cared about defense, so why is he getting picked so high? I am starting to be concerned about the managers in this league when they make these kinds of mistakes. They know I am in this draft class I hope. I have more TPE than both these players, so this makes little sense. I thought TPE was everything? Crazy.

3. Lions

Lethbridge Lions (Via Halifax Raiders)- Thomas Bathory - 217 TPE - Defense

See why wasn't this guy drafted first overall? Look how much TPE he has! I know defense shouldn't matter that much cause I said it in my previous note, but this much TPE already means he is probably going to be a superstar. What is going on? Top three is probably good, even though I should have been in the top-3 as well. This process is so confusing to me. Also his name wants me to take a hot bath.

4. Militia

Montreal Militia - Marc Hagan - 198 TPE - Center

Oh my goodness, enough with drafting centers and defensemen, already! Centers are so overrated, I cannot understand why general managers think they are worth picking this early compared to me. Marc, you are okay but I don't think you are THIS good. Plus you aren't even on my level in TPE, so clearly you are inferior in every way.

5. Knights

Kelowna Knights - Gunnar Soderberg - 210 TPE - Right Wing

See, a winger! That is what we like to see. But it isn't me? Well that is concerning. Okay, yes he has more TPE than I do, but it isn't like he is going to be any good. He is Swedish! Swedish hockey players are horrible! Remember Blabar Bananerstrom? Horrible! Swedes never go far, and neither will this Sodaberger guy.

6. Armada

Anchorage Armada - Tony Ford - 183 TPE - Defense

Tony Ford is too simple of a name. Plus I heard he really likes Theresa May, which is crazy! What kind of crazy person likes someone who walks like this:

[Image: Theresa-May.jpg]

Clearly he has some screws loose and Anchorage just wants incredibly crazy people in their locker room. I guess I dodged a bullet with this one. Phew.

7. Raptors

Colorado Raptors - Juulius Smonk - 197 TPE - Left Wing

Second winger in seven picks. This is such a gong-show. What the heck is going on? At least Juulius Smonk is a cool name, though I don't like the extra U in the first name. Two Us is enough. Just settle down, there tiger. Also you have less TPE so you aren't as good. Neener neener.

8. Whalers

Vancouver Whalers - Jax Duggan 165 TPE - Defense

This guy just popped up out of nowhere and you give him the opportunity to get drafted in the first round? This is incredibly frustrating as the greatest winger in the history of juniors. To be disrespecting me for people like this Jacks Doogie person is not very cash money of you all.

9. Falcons

Detroit Falcons - Espen Knutsen Jr. - 197 TPE - Center

Oh no, back on the centers again. Do people not understand the importance of wingers in this game? Espen Knutsen Jr. isn't even the original iteration of that name, so why would you want some copy over the genuine thing in Banananak? What is going on?

10.

St. Louis Scarecrows - Filip Zadina - 205 TPE - Right Wing

More wingers, but they aren't me! Also this guy should be in the NHL, not putsing around with the youngsters in the juniors. What is going on, here? Did someone do their research on this guy before letting him into our league? These are the kinds of things that make me worry when players from foreign leagues are finding their way in this business. It makes the business feel dirty. I don't like a dirty business, no siree.

Round 2:

11. Lions

Lethbridge Lions - Austin Roenick - 199 TPE - Right Wing

At least this winger has something going on. He isn't like Jeremey Roenick or some other Roenick. Austin is a good name and he is probably a super good player. Good enough to be picked over me? Well I am the greatest winger in the world, so I don't see that being the case. Oh well.

12. raiders

Halifax Raiders - JOSEPH LARAQUE - 208 TPE - Left Wing

Okay now I am starting to think the general managers don't particularly like me. What, is my TPE no good to you people? Did I work and toil day and night in the banana fields to be treated like this? Like I am NOT the most incredible winger that was in this draft class and that ever was an ever will be? Don't make me laugh. ALSO WHY IS HIS NAME IN ALL CAPS, I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU PEOPLE

13. Outlaws

Anaheim Outlaws - Seemu Telanne - 210 TPE - Right Wing

Okay, this guy has some pretty good TPE so far, so I guess he is okay. But his name concerns me. Seemu? More like "seen you play badly in the prospect showcase and aren't even worth this spot in the draft order." Am I wrong? I didn't think so. This is the strangest draft I have ever seen before. How unfortunate for these teams not picking the greatness that is me.

14. Raptors

Colorado Raptors - Julio Tokolosh - 188 TPE - Right Wing

Mr. Julio hasn't even been around the block enough to match up to my prowess at winger. Do you think that this is some kind of game? I mean yes, hockey is exactly a game so shut up. But this business is about winning. You go for the W every time, and Mr. Julio isn't going to cut it because Tokolosh means "slosh" in Czech. Don't try and fact-check me, I know I am right. Slosh is bad if you were wondering.

15.

St. Louis Scarecrows -Charlie Serpe - 204 TPE - Defense

Well we are back to ignoring wingers again, I see. Serpe Slurpee isn't in shape, we have seen him slurping down the slurpees, that is why he is named Serpe. Yes I looked into your family history and I know that is why your name is like that. Again, don't try and fact-check me. Who wants an out of shape defenseman over the cut and toned scoring machine that is me? I know I'm really short, but I am crafty. Does St. Louis not need scoring?

16. Whalers

Vancouver Whalers (Via Montreal Militia Via Detroit Falcons Via Colorado Raptors) - Sami Raanta - 198 TPE - Center

All these trades and steps to still make the wrong decision. Centers aren't important. Wingers are important. Scoring wingers who shoot top chedder and celly hard. Plus with less TPE this is unacceptable. What are you thinking making this kind of pick when you know I am on the board and the best player.

17. Whalers

Vancouver Whalers - Cullen Gray - 179 TPE - Left Wing

Come on! This guy has a generic name! Gray? It isn't even spelled correctly!! It's GREY! With an E! Everybody is stupid except me, and this kind of mistreatment of the English language and in turn my intellect is quite insulting. How dare all of you.

18. Knights

Kelowna Knights - Vadim Malichov - 194 TPE - Center

Russians are cool. Even if this one is a center.

19. Lions

Lethbridge Lions (Via Anchorage Armada Via Halifax Raiders) - Borůvka Banananák

Hey! You finally did it, SMJHL! You picked the #1 talent in the draft at #19. At least Lethbridge was able to determine talent when they see it, even if it was really late. Better late than never, I suppose. I will forgive you for passing on me twice before this pick came up.

20. Falcons

Detroit Falcons - Miikka Salo - 165 TPE - Defense

Miikka Salo is a pretty good player, so it pains me to say this.

HAHAHA DETROIT YOU DONE GOOFED! YOU MISSED OUT ON THE STEAL OF THE DRAFT!!!

[Image: Russ-tyler.jpg]