In the woods, last Thursday. Igor was with his hiking buddies. The entire conversation has been translated to English for your reading pleasure.

Igor: "Vitya?"
Vitaliy: "What now, Igor?"
Igor: "You know when you're looking up at the stars, and you see all of these patterns between them. Like that one is the lion, and that one is the herdsman, and that on-"
Vitaliy: "Igor, we know. You're an astronomy nerd."
Igor: "Have you considered what alien constellations would be like?"
Vitaliy: "No, and I don't want to."
Igor: "I mean, perhaps there would be a-"
Vitaliy: "Igor, let's go."

Seventy-six minutes later

Igor: "...and when the light interacts with your eyes and it goes into your brain, you see that the chemical composition of-"
Anatoliy: (interrupts, slightly vulgar) "Igorka!"
Igor: (somewhat taken aback) "What the hell, Tolyashka?!"
Anatoliy: "Look down."
Igor: "What?"
Anatoliy: "Your boot laces, idiot. Tie them."
Igor: "Listen, I really don't know how to tie them."
Anatoliy: "Yeah, you know, liar."
Boris: "He really doesn't. Also, his aren't un- oh."
Igor: "Boris, help me out."
Boris: "Igor, this is the last time I'm doing this for you. I've known you for five years, but really, you should know after all of these times. Pay attention."
Igor: "Borya, Just tie them and get this over with."
Boris: "(I really wish the Russian language would allow me to call you something other than Igor) Fine. After this, I'm explaining it to you the next time."
Igor: "When we get to the end of the trail, just explain to me how it's done."
Boris: "I won't have time by then, sorry."

Friday

Igor: "Back at my lab, and now that I've given up on the glue experiment, might as well actually freaking learn. I don't think the Chiefs would appreciate it if they had a player who really didn't know how to tie his own shoelaces. Igor scribbles something in his notebook. There. Wait, I should email Boris and ask him how he ties these darn laces because obviously I'm an idiot."

Sixty-one minutes later

Igor: "Finally, a response." "Bud, I'll come over to your place and explain. You're the hockey player, right?" "Yes, I am." "Make sure you have your skates with you. Wouldn't want to rely on your teammates all the time, now would you? You're big, strong, and still have to get your teammates to tie your skates? Come on, bud." "Yeah, I'll get my skates for you, bud." Send. "Can't wait for Boris."

Eleven minutes later

knock, knock "Igor! It's me, Boris!" the door opens
Boris: "Igor, you have your- I see. Your skates are on, and you don't know what to do from here right?"
Igor: "Nope."
Boris: "I mean, I watch your games, actually. You're always the one with untied laces by third period."
Igor: "Yep..."
Boris: "(How the heck do you tighten this?) Igor, it's like  boot, right?"
Igor: "Well, it is..."
Boris: "Same things apply. You know how your teammates tighten up the boot?"
Igor: "Yeah, I can do that part."
Boris: "Then do it. Do it as much as you can."

Five minutes later

Igor: (pulling on the laces, struggling a bit to tighten them) HNNG! HNNNNNG!
Boris: (Oh god, what is taking him so long?)
Igor: HNNG! HNNNNNG!
Boris: "Bud, I'll tighten this up."
Igor: "Thanks."
Boris: "Now, just cross the laces like this..."
Igor: "Okay..."
Boris: "Wrap one end around like this and from there, just pull it as much as you can."

Thirty minutes later

Boris: "And we're done on your skates. Now, demonstrate what you know on my own boots here. Consider it like the final exam."
Igor: "You... do this, right?"
Boris: "Not helping you out."

Twenty minutes later

Boris: "Almost. Okay, sorry bud. I have to go in about five minutes."
Igor: "Best of luck, bud."
Boris: "Oh, uh... do this, and not this. That's what you're doing wrong there. Anyways, bye. Can't wait to see you in your game tomorrow."
(Boris leaves.)
Igor: "Well, I think I have this... I just to do this..."

One hour later

Igor: "Yep, I need help."

Saturday

(The rest is originally in English.)

Igor: "Our game is in three and a half hours, yes? Have to arrive at the rink soon."
Jax ( @SecondSucks22 ): "Yep. Get in the truck and I'll drive you there."

Two hours later, in the locker room

Jax: "Igor, seriously bud? You don't know how to tie your skates?"
Igor: "It's true. My skates are always untied in the third period."
Jax: "Is that so?"
Igor: "Listen, это правда. (It is the truth.) If it weren't true, I wouldn't be saying that in Russian. Also, have you seen these... (what's the word in English?) messes of my laces? referring to how shredded his laces get from his skate blades skating over them"
Jax: "You seriously don't know how to tie your skates?"
Igor: nods
Jax: "Time to Thunderdome this guy."
Igor: "Oh come on!"
Jax: "HEY GUYS, IGOR DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO TIE HIS SKATES!!!"
Igor: "As if we didn't already know from media coverage."
Jax: "Bud, you need help?"
Igor: "Yep. I tried getting Boris to teach me-"
Jax: "(interrupts) Who's Boris?"
Igor: "One of my hiking buddies."
Jax: "Oh."
Igor: "You should get to know him. You two have a lot in common."
Jax: "Is that so?"
Igor: "Yep, and also, enough with this. You're tying my laces, bud."
Jax: "Actually, I'll explain."
Igor: "I mean, Boris tried to teach me. Something one lace going here and... (blanks out on the English words for things) this and this, you know?"
Jax: "It's simpler than that."
Igor: "Really?"
Jax: "Look, from here, you tighten it, right?"
Igor: "Yep. No problem there..."
Jax: "And from here, you loop it, you wrap it, and notice this space here."
Igor: "This space, not that space?"
Jax: "Right, this space. Don't go through that space."
Igor: "I this Boris said a similar thing..."
Jax: "Igor, just remember. Cross, wrap, pull. Like that. Then loop, wrap, through, pull."
Igor: "Jax, is there an easier way to remember that?"
Jax: "Practice, bud. Don't know what else to tell you. Listen, you don't need to be making superglue and injuring yourself in the lab (first time I read that story I thought it was fake). You just need to practice."
Igor: "Practice? But..."
Jax: "Igor, how'd you become a great hockey player for us?"
Igor: "Practice."
Jax: "And how are you going to know how to tie your skates so that a guy like Aaron doesn't have to keep doing it for you?"
Aaron ( @aaronwilson ): Dude, I've been tying your skates before games for quite some time. I never have an issue with mine untying, don't know what the heck's going on with your skates."
Jax: "Aaron, shut up. You weren't invited to this conversation between Igor and me."
Igor: "Practice?"
Jax: "Yep. Now come on, we've got to warm up for this game."
Aaron: "Igor, seriously. Trust me, not Jax."

At the end of the first period

Jax: "(discreetly unties Igor's skates like a jerk) Yeah, it was a great period. We only need to..."
Igor: "Jax, you're tying th-"
Jax: "Nope. Igor, practice. Remember what happened in the locker room. Consider this preparing for third period."
Aaron: "I'll get it..."
Jax: "Aaron, dude. Igor's going to get called up soon, and you're going to a different team. And so am I? Do you really want him to rely on you for his skates?"
Aaron: "You're right. Igor, after this time, you're on your own. Remember what Jax said."

In the middle of third period

Igor: "(while off the ice) Loop, wrap, pull. Loop, wrap, pull..."
Aaron: "Get on the ice!"
Igor: "One moment, Aaron!"
Jax: "Aaron, I told you he'd have to learn."

After the game

Aaron: "From now on Igor, you're on your own."
Jax: "Yep, bud. Listen, just keep praticing. If for some reason you actually forget, I'll remind you what to do."

Monday

In the woods with is hiking buddies

(in Russian)

Igor: "Hey, Boris! (semi-excitedly) Jax taught me how to tie my skates!"
Boris: "Excellent. Now, let's repeat what we did on Friday. (sits on a stone formation, unties his own boots) My boots are untied. Real life scenario. Igor, demonstrate what we taught you, Jax and I."
Igor: "Here we go..."

Two minutes later

Boris: "Hey, great job, bud. You just need to work on the speed aspect. Also, I saw you in third period, messing with your skates yesterday. It was a bit slow, but I think Jax and I taught you well."
Igor: "Thanks, bud."
Boris: "No problem. Now don't get thunderdomed, whatever that is (sounds like a bad thing), and best of luck on your skates. And your boots. Remember that I'm no longer tying your boots. You're on your own."

Later that day

Igor: "(in his lab, writing down notes) Jax, Aaron, and Boris. If there's one thing I am eternally grateful for, it's preparing me for the big leagues - the Chiefs will probably not like a player who can't even tie their own skates."