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C9Van · 07-30-2019, 12:05 PM

[Hello there. General Kenobi. This is advice for newer people for the upcoming drafts so this is x2 media. It is ready to be graded and is roughly about 3400 words long. I hope you enjoy reading it and more importantly a few new people find it useful to use!]

Hello Simulation Hockey League. With Reddit recruitment happening right now I thought this could be useful for the newer people joining the junior league and anyone going into the first Simulation Hockey League draft.

The draft time is one of those times in which god awful and shitty teams can catch up to the faded youth of the current elite teams whilst also helping the elites cling onto believing they are still good. A time of hope! But this time is most important to the young players from the junior league of the Simulation Hockey League!

The draft can be very exciting, but also a very scary place to be a part of! So I have decided to do this piece of media to help first timers (Cause regen or junior players know what to god damn expect) know how to approach the fun world of Prospect threads and General Managers of the Simulation Hockey League private messaging them with questions inquiring about the ice hockey players and what they want from the team that drafts them.

For this piece of media I will be doing a Jon Forty-One perspective to the question and an out of character or genuine advice approach to the very basic questions that every team damn near will ask you.

Just so you also know, Jon Forty-One is my dude and he is fairly toxic towards Simulation Hockey league General Managers cause he feels like they fucked him over. He is now hell bent on getting revenge on those respective teams and overall he will be the worst possible way you could answer the questions. Also, he is fun to write as if I am honest and I also get quite a bit more bling bling money doing this. So everyone wins!

I also realise how bloody ironic the dude who has a toxic character who snapped after dropping so low doing this advice is but good advice can come from anywhere and like I usually always put. I am not my player. We do not share the same opinion. The Vancouver Whalers and the Minnesota Chiefs locker rooms will back that up lol.

This could help you get drafted higher than you expect and maybe just maybe earn you a better contract than you expect. It does not really matter where you are actually draft but it will make your growing ego feel a lot better the high you go so why not try to go as high as you can! So let us get started!

Question 1:
Are you experienced in simulation leagues and are you currently in any other simulation leagues?

Jon Forty-One: What a dumb question from a dumb General Manager. Pretty glad you did not actually draft me with stupid questions like this. Why would anyone ever bloody care if I can link Activity Checks properly or stay active in this dumb as hell league. What an absolute joke. To answer your question. I have like Forty Three years experience in these things. Deal with it.

Real answer: So I am starting this off with a probably less asked question or may be asked in something like 'How new are you?' or 'How are you finding the league?' cause they want to know if you may need extra help or if you are from another successful simulation league. So for example I have Laszlo Forty-Two, a Wide Receiver from the National Simulation Football League and Jose Forty-Three, a pitcher in Pro Baseball Experience. This shows I know how to update since I have been doing it in multiple leagues!

Also, politeness does not cost literally anything at all and shows you are a nicer person. Even if you are as scummy as they come in real life. Just be nice rather than say sassy or approachable rather than say passive aggressive. Also, do not lie. It will bite you in the ass. Jon is a young lad, no bloody way he has that many years behind him. They catch up to you and make you like likely to be drafted higher.

Question 2:
On a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being the highest. How active will you be in the Simulation Hockey League?

Jon Forty-One: Eh. I show up training sometimes. I do not really like being around half the Whalers and the Chiefs speak for themselves really. Yet I still am one of the better players on both teams. I am a solid 9 out of 10 in spirit if that is what you want to hear.

Real Answer: Oh, for fuck sake Jon. Sort your shit out lad. Seriously. So this question you really will see a whole bunch. Damn near every team does this one in some way, shape or form. Just answer honestly. I always consider that 10 is some nerd on here who basically lives on the forum damn near 24/7. Truly the most dedicated and at an extreme push those people who have league jobs who require a lot of time to put in. So I would consider myself a solid 9. Someone who is on the forum daily multiple times and does every piece of activity.

Maybe mention that you do all pieces of work like Activity Checks, PT writing, all the media you do, etc. Obviously you are not going to say something like “Prolly a 4?” but I wouldn't just say you are a 10 without giving a little proof as to why you may be like that.

Question 3:
Are you interested in joining the prestigious [Insert location] [Insert nickname]-ers?

Jon Forty-One: Hahaha! Oh wait, you were actually serious? Let me just redo that and laugh even harder at you! HAHAHAHA! Christ no! Why in the god damn hell would I ever join your hopeless bloody team! Get out of my face! How dare you wait last second to inquire about me. You god damn vermin!

Real answer: This question pops up when certain General Managers private message you on the forum or maybe direct message you on Discord. Cause nothing would break the heart of a General Manager writing and not copy pasting all those interesting questions to you for you to just instantly say 'LOL NO'

Now I am not saying you cannot pick where you want to go or play for but this piece of media is aiming to get your little buddy as high as possible and the more windows you have open the more chance you have. I personally was open to everywhere but the New England Wolfpack because I do not like Boston whatsoever. When they inquired about Jon Forty-One I simply stated I was not interested. Would they have drafted me? Maybe. Maybe not. I was not a dick to them and whilst I do not know the people in charge of the Wolfpack I do not have anything against them and wish them well. But just not the location for me.

This killed Jon going in whatever draft position they had (Sorry I do not remember the order if I am honest.) and he could have possibly gone higher. So the more teams you are willing to play for the better. Just say how you would love the opportunity to play for whatever shitty team is talking to you. Or just a simple 'Yeah, sure.' but longer responses help you seem more interested.

Question 4:
Will you be taking a job within the league? If not, how are you planning on making money?

Jon Forty-One: My job is on the ice already. I should onto have to tell you how to do your job. The jobs here do not even take that long to do nor are they stressful nor time consuming. Just get to work and quit asking me to do it for you!

Real answer: I am starting to think it may be Jon's time of the month. Anyway. One of the best ways to get some extra cash is doing a league job. That is purely up to you whether or not you have the time and effort to help run this very lovely league on your adventure to over taking it with an iron fist dictatorship. We all have to start somewhere! But if you are like me and do not have that type of time then your next best bet is to be honest. I always state that it will never happen. Cause ultimately it is the truth. People appreciate the truth! But I usually follow it up by stating that money will not be an issue because I earn my money through doing interviews and other media like this very one with Jon Forty-One and what happens in his career. So far it is working pretty damn well.

Question 5:
Herpy da derp durpidy da hurp ta titilly tum bo yay ye!?

Jon Forty-One: ...Sure?

Real Answer: No. I am not having a stroke but I thank you for the concern. I could not think of one of these type of questions so I just wrote the sounds from that Rob Schneider South Park episode in which he is a carrot, stapler and gibberish.

The reason for this existing is because it is filler! Just like the filler questions that a lot of teams have. This can come in the form of asking you to post a meme or asking you if you prefer cats or dogs or hell, even your opinion on if cereal is a soup. Maybe even if you are disgusting and like pineapple on pizza but the list goes on.

Try to answer this with a witty response. They may be doing it in an attempt to just include more questions so it looks like they know what they are doing or getting an impression of who you are as a person. These type of questions happen in job interviews sometimes as well. Not every team will have these but play a long.

I also realise now I wrote hurp and derp and may get a decent amount of money from this media saying that. Is that a first in the Simulation Hockey League? I hope so. Moving on though.

Question 6:
Will you be a one man team or search in free agency once contract is up?

Jon Forty-One: I do not know. I may make the Minnesota Chiefs sweat when my contract comes to a close but I would need a decent contract and certain teams are dead to me until I get my revenge in a game against them.

Real answer: This does not always pop up but it can, so I will include it. This comes down to you. A lot of people like to be a one man loyalist who is with them through thick and thing! Some ring chase harder than Kevin Durant and some are just in the middle moving for a new challenge maybe once in the whole career, to take a General Manager position or hell even just cause the team offered the most contract money.

This comes down to you but be honest. If you do not know I would not say you may be tempted to look at free agency. From the General Managers point of view they want a loyal minion who will pounce on crumbs! Or at least that is what Jon Forty-One probably thinks.

Question 7:
Are you on discord?

Jon Forty-One: No. Only virgins hang online talking to other nerds about video games or whatever. I am an ice hockey player. I have shit to do like training.

Real Answer: Discord is an instant message place that helps you communicate to your team mates and General Manager. You probably know this and are in your junior teams discord locker room already. But if you do not, a locker room is the discord server where your team mates will discuss hockey, post memes, talk about builds, laugh at other teams for being dumb, and have more fun within the league. Having a discord helps greatly and also helps you meet cool people. I am sure one day I will make a friend too! Yup. One day.

If you do not have discord, I recommend getting it and joining your teams locker rooms. And if you haven't joined just say you do to the General Managers and would be active inside the locker rooms.

Question 8:
What do you look for in a locker room?

Jon Forty-One: Talented players. I do not hang out with soon to be washed up players. They disgust me. Vancouver has a lot of washed up players and they somehow all went in the 1st bloody round! No justice in this world.

Real answer: It sometimes does pop up. Happened to me in other simulation leagues more so but I did get one or two asking this so thought I would include it. Just say you want a positive attitude and a place you can ask questions no matter how stupid about the league or your player build. Asking questions is very important actually. Do not be afraid to ask or double check answers to questions you need answered correctly.

Also, most importantly. Say you want memes in your locker room. A locker room without memes would be a disgusting place indeed. Be honest with yourself...You want them too.

Question 9:
How flexible are you in your build? Are you willing to change positions? Who are you basing your build off?

Jon Forty-One: I am not flexible whatsoever. You can bugger off if you think I will ever take advice off anyone whatsoever. I am just gifted and better than most players and with more experience I will make future generations base themselves off god damn me!

Real answer: It is quite a thing that Jon says this actually. Cause honestly the right answer for this is to be as humanly flexible with your ice hockey player as possible. You can technically build him however you want but some stats are insanely important and others rarely matter within this cursed game. Blessed game? ...Blursed game! You can ask your General Manager or someone who knows how to build a god tier player like Aaron Wilson how and where to place your Total Points Earned. I would have been absolutely screwed without his advice and thanks to it Jon Forty-One was an absolute monster in the play-offs this season, especially in the finals vs Anaheim. So tell them you are flexible. If you are not maybe put it very nicely or explain what you will be building player wise?

Question 10:
Do you have any commitments outside of this league like a job, children, hobby, redemptive story that will take years to complete?

Jon Forty-One: My only commitments are long and hard outside of the Simulation Hockey League. Deal with it or whine somewhere else. Also, I will get revenge!

Real answer: This one pops up quite a bit. I will now tell you the super secret technique that every Hall of Famer has in common that helped them get to that status. It is: Activity. You could probably build the dumbest mother fucker going in the league and you will still play well after minors just due to collecting all the Total Points Earned. They ask this cause they want to get the most active players that will be around for seasons to come rather than someone who burns out after like one or two seasons. If you are like me and have no life then you should hardcore flex by saying nothing will distract you and you are all in with getting that sweet sweet points.

I actually usually say that in October before halloween happens I am off on a cruise for a bit. Which is true but I can still get my points. Shows commitment and General Managers like that!

Question 11:

How are you finding the prestigious Simulation Hockey League?

Jon Forty-One: The General Managers god damn suck! Otherwise it is the easiest ride of my life. I just wish my team mates were as good as me. Alas, the cost of being one of the best...You just cannot get the staff.

Real answer: So this one will be more based of the minor league draft but people in private messages can ask them how they are finding it. I personally believe they are actually asking this to see if they are struggling to cope which is a bad sign of lasting a long time in the league or are they moany and have perhaps an attitude potential problem more than asking an innocent question like job interviews go but I heavily doubt that counts for every General Manager. Some probably are just asking to be nice.

However, I would say you are doing well or enjoying it. Hell, even if this is hell on earth and you hate every second. Just lie on this one. (I know I said earlier that you shouldn't lie but they cannot find out you are miserable secretly so you should be good with this little white lie) I imagine if you have completed a full season by now that you will have enjoyed the league even a little so just say what you like about the Simulation Hockey League if you are enjoying it!

Question 12:
How many seasons do you want to be staying down in minors?

Jon Forty-One: Well, as long as I want to stay down. Go away.

Real answer: First off, short answers suck. I aint saying write a bible thick response to questions but the more you write the more information they have on you and the more they may like you and then they know you are really interested. The more you point in may help you. And secondly, this is again a personal choice.

You may want to go up as fast as humanly possible or drag it out and stay down in minors for as long as you possibly can. I would just say either be honest or say that it would depend on the General Manager you are talking to. That you can stay down until they need you or move up because they do not have a lot of quality and you can contribute. It shows flexibility for you and a willingness to work with your General Manager and that is nothing short of a good thing!

So there you basically have it. I admit I may have missed a couple of easy or common questions you may see but these are most likely the 12 type of questions and that you will be most likely answering.

Some more advice that I can give you is check every teams' sub-forum section as some teams will have a prospect thread with these type of questions already and some may bloody do them like 3 days before they start drafting. Some General Managers are a bit stupid or procrastinate hard but we do not care about those smelly people. It is about getting you as high as possible. So be sure to be active, make a lot of media to show your personality off and answering multiple prospect threads.

The only other advice I can really give you is the reality that some General Managers just grab whatever the highest Total Points Earned player is available and do not really care about prospect threads. So if you are a later joiner into a league it does not matter where you averaged overall nor how much more active you are over certain players. You will just end up falling. But fret not! Cause then you will be known as a steal! A few players who went above me are already donezo and the pressure is on the people above you to attempt to not be known as a walking flop.

So good luck to you newbie! I believe in you and when you get drafted a bit higher than you expected and go onto have that freshly baked hall of famer career, remember the little people like me who gave you this small but useful advice. Thank you for reading.

Grapehead · 07-30-2019, 12:28 PM

I haven't gotten through all of this yet, but I had to say that I love this, because it gives some insight for new members as to how to sell themselves in this new world of sim life.

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