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NJBadApple · 05-12-2024, 11:49 PM

The SHL has never once in its history ever had an injury. Not a concussion, not a pulled muscle not even a scratch. Some league are jealous and don't understand how the SHL has been so fortunate to keep all their players so healthy. Well, it can be partially attributed to the world class medical staff each team employees. Each medical professional needs to be the absolute best in their field and offer the highest end of pre-injury care. Players are given daily physicals with the latest in medical technology so injuries can be prevented before they occur. On top of this there is also a world of respect for each player from the opposing team. So, while there can be some heavy hitting players in the league, they do so with the knowledge that we don't injure because everyone has a life to go home to. Players are taught how to give and take a hit just so everyone is on the same page.

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***eddiesnothere*** · 05-12-2024, 11:50 PM

My head canon involves some lore, but I believe the SHL and the other sim communities exist in the 17776/20020 universe (see the Jon Bois-penned story, I highly recommend it), but that story tells of humanity inventing nanobots with the ability to cloud around people to prevent injury from falls, warfare, or other nebulous stupidity. It’s a tough thing for the nanos to wrap their heads around, but hockey is generally safer, as they can cushion hard hits to prevent injury, can keep skates out of faces and away from vulnerable skin, and they can even get into players’ bodies to prevent aging injuries like ACL tears and other awful things. While it doesn’t mean players can stay away from contact, it also means they are free to explore careers away from the game. Given that in the story, human beings become immortal, it lends itself well to the crazy reality that we create with our nutty players and bad ideas.

caltroit_red_flames · 05-12-2024, 11:52 PM

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Written Option 1

I think it's pretty obvious how the SHL does it. Every player is pumped full of drugs nearly daily. Everyone is on steroids, have you seen how strong everyone is? And the hit numbers that players are putting up without a single game missed? It's totally reckless. Guys are taking ibuprofen like candy and definitely doing the harder stuff at home where there aren't any cameras. It's a gross open secret around the league. What did you think was in Cal Juice's juice box? Just juice, really? There's a little something extra for after the games from the team doctor. It's not about better doctors or physiotherapy or anything like that. Guys are playing injured throughout the entire season and it's getting buried. This isn't a simulation, it's a class action lawsuit waiting to happen and when it does the league may just fold with how bad it is. I think they only have like a thousand bucks in the coffers. They're not even going to be able to pay the lawyer fees.

vic03 · 05-12-2024, 11:52 PM

Prompt 1:

After a thorough investigation by the Bureau of Sports, we have determined the cause of the no injuries in the Simulation Hockey League. It has come to our attention that in the early years of the league, an unknown player signed a pack with the devil to never be injured, that player wouldn’t ever suffer injury as he wrote in his unmarked journal. We can extrapolate from this that either every player is signing this deal with the devil, or perhaps only does it when they would get injured for the first time. There is also a possibility that the devil was just so invested in the league that he has cursed the entire league with no injury at the cost of sim delays. This would not only explain how every player never gets hurt, but it would also explain why sims are always delayed. We don’t have proof they’re connected yet but we’re working on it

***Seany148*** · 05-12-2024, 11:53 PM

Nobody’s ever been injured because of the extreme treatments the league forces every player to go under. Indeed, the SHL pushes every single athlete to undergo a a modified corpse to a 50% robotization, or, to speak in English, everyone's part robot! In addition, everyone's hooked on some good shit – or well, insane performance drugs. Every player basically is ascended at all times, which is crazy, because you can hit someone and they get up right away! There's also some cloning going on, in case someone doesn't want to be on performance drugs and a half robot at all times, so there has to be a way to make the entire thing viable for those weak minds. Finally, the new energy drinks sponsor for the Simulation Hockey League, Gator Aid, really fires the players up with true Florida person strength, to pull through whatever life puts them through, be it a Thunderdome thread, a tampering punishment or a high stick. All in all, the SHL’s behind the scenes is insane.

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***Tomen*** · 05-13-2024, 12:09 AM

Pt pass

Thank you all for the amazing sigs & player cards
Germany

3. Buffalo Stampede , Eduard Selich 5 (Maximilian Wachter, Alexis Metzler) at 16:25
5. Buffalo Stampede , Eduard Selich 6 (Steven Stamkos Jr., Brynjar Tusk) at 19:48
8. Buffalo Stampede , Eduard Selich 7 (Brynjar Tusk, Alexis Metzler) at 13:55
9. Buffalo Stampede , Eduard Selich 8 (Anton Fedorov, Mikelis Grundmanis) at 15:12
10. Buffalo Stampede , Eduard Selich 9 (Dickie Pecker) at 19:43 (Empty Net)

JNH · 05-13-2024, 12:12 AM

It's an incredibly streamlined amputation procedure that has been implemented in the league over the last 30 seasons. Before that, they used to just pump everyone full of the russian gas and painkillers and hope for the best, but then there was outcry from society at large as the side effects of those treatments started to become public and veterans like Adam Kylrad were developing abnormalities like a third eye in the middle of his forehead. Any kind of ailment that a player faces now, there's an amputation for that. Break your leg going into the boards awkwardly? There's a new one en route before the third period. Break your wrist blocking a shot? You can pick one that ensures you don't have to get your watches re-sized. Critics of this new procedure say it goes too far after players with the flu were having their entire immune systems amputated and replaced - a medical feat not even thought possible until everyone realized that the SHL didn't miss a beat during COVID.

Serpe x 13 · 05-13-2024, 12:20 AM

The players in the SHL are simply built different than other sports leagues that are around the world. These players constantly have the best body types, eating habits, and mental concentration when compared to other players in other leagues. The combination of all these things have led to no SHL players missing games in a very very very long time. The league does this by attacking some of the best athletes from around the world to come and play in the SHL. This is done by doing a few different things, with the first being the amount of money offered to these top athletes to leave their current sport (if not hockey) and join the league. In addition to that, the athletes in the simulation hockey league are very much allowed to use some performing enhancing drugs. This does not mean everything is legal, however the SHL believes every athlete should be able to take advantage of some additional bonuses to truly promote the league and be as competitive as possible.

*NaomiMannequeen* · 05-13-2024, 12:40 AM

Despite high speeds, countless hits and blocked shots somehow no SHL player has missed a game to injury in who knows how long. How does the league do it? Are players pumped up with so many drugs and steroids that nothing can hurt them? Better doctors than money can buy to operate anyone during intermission? Clones? Is it all just a simulation?

It happened so quickly, during a game Frøya got boarded and she was absolutely certain that something broke. She's faced many injures in the past, most much lighter than others, but she had broken a few bones. She knew how it felt, she knew the pain that came with such an injury, this moment felt like one of those times. Her ankle twisted as she got shoved into the boards. She somehow managed to skate off the ice, just in time too as it was time for a shift change, the second line needed to get on the ice. Immediately she went to the locker room. There wasn't much time before her next shift anyway and she had to make sure she was going to make it back in time. Once she arrived at the team's medical room, she just looked over at the doctor with a nod. There was no need to explain. The SHL had a set of magical tools, first a bone wrench to reposition the bones correctly, followed by a solid injection of Tropidorepredatricinefnicline (Shorthanded to T.P.E.) and she was back in working order. Putting her skate back on after fixing her broken ankle, Frøya made it back just in time for the team to head onto the power play which she managed to score on. The magic of the SHL doctors is incredible. (228 words)

LampLighter · 05-13-2024, 12:42 AM

Option 1:

The SHL has come together to create a serum that is taken by every player when they come into the league that allows any injuries or illnesses to be cured automatically, as they were to happen. The players would have incredible healing properties, that if say, a concussion were to happen by the time they would make it back to the bench, they would be healed with no medical side effects of the injury. If a player were to get a cut from a skate blade, the wound would start healing automatically on its origin as it happens and by the time their next shift was ready, they would be good to go as if they did not sustain an injury at all. This is great for the SHL to allow players to be able to play in every single game and have the best careers that they could possibly have without putting themselves at risk of getting injured and having their careers cut short.

Jorec · 05-13-2024, 12:49 AM

Prompt 1

I thought that everyone knew why no player in the SHL gets injured at all. It's because long, long ago the founders of the league went on an epic quest to make a deal with the Prophet of the Hockey gods in the north for the league to never 'suffer from what which may unbalance the league through randomness'. It is through this quest, in which they met many characters such as Bing Bong the Goblin and Senior the Salacious Sexy Seaman that even allows for this league to be run today. We should be glad that they ask so little from us each season. The yearly sacrifice of one hundred inactive players to the Hockey gods is a small price to pay for the continued blessings they have given us. As long as those running the league continue maintain that pact, we shall never suffer a single illness, broken bone or sprain to any player within the league.

***JustAnotherHockeyFan*** · 05-13-2024, 12:58 AM

PT pass

natedoeshockey · 05-13-2024, 01:00 AM

Prompt 1

Patya just now realizing many things, as can see from chirper. This here making Patya realize nobody am ever be injured while Patya been here. This very strange and Patya not really sure what be happening. How can play such physical game and yet, never am see anyone getting hurt? Patya can promise you he much all natural and am never using drugs or steroids. Maybe this true of other players or something, but never once for Patya. Patya just big and strong and fast from much hard working. Patya also not so sure we even have doctors. Patya realize that we not have a team doctor. So we am never have injuries and am not having doctor. Patya thinking this very suspicious. Perhaps when Patya hang them up, he am pick up detective hat and get to the bottom of this. Also, clones am not real. Don't be asking how Patya know this, he just do.

RaidTheArcade · 05-13-2024, 01:07 AM

Option 2: With the playoffs underway, Kenny is going to do all he can to make sure he is in tip top shape for the games up ahead. His normal workout routine will be a bit more intensified, with the hopes of building up a good amount of muscle that will give him more of an edge out on the ice, as well as keep him a bit more protected when facing defenders and hopefully allow him to find some more passes for his fellow teammates. He'll also step up in terms of trying to do more practice games to keep himself sharp. Normally, he tends to take practice games a bit easy and sees them more as a way to have fun without any real stakes while still picking up some new moves he can try out, but when it comes to getting ready for some of the most challenging games of his career so far, he's gotta take even those practice games seriously. Last but not least, he'll be keeping an even closer eye on his diet to make sure there isn't anything that could negatively impact any of his special workout and training routine for the playoffs. The hope is that all of this will pay off when it really matters.

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***hockeyiscool*** · 05-13-2024, 01:24 AM

It is no rumor that something just is not normal in the Simulation Hockey League, while operating through their own seventy-sixth season there is yet to be an injury. Despite being an extremely physical sport with a lot of opportunities to have ligament and other muscle tears. The game is a full speed situation. Word on the street is that all players in the simulation hockey league are just robots that are occupying our watching pleasure as they begin to pull strings in the back ground and run the world though providing entertainment that owners all love. There is no risk in an "investment" of players. Superstar players are no longer plagued with the potential of an injury that would cause viewers to see a decline in a reason to watch the best play against each other. I have also heard that Cthulhu himself is a huge fan of the league and as a result causes the league to operate without injuries.

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