2x draft media bonus, please...and without further ado...

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A POST SHL-DRAFT & AWARDS PRESS CONFERENCE WITH PATYA PEREVALOV

The day has come. Patya has scheduled a post-SHL draft press conference and invites all of the major sports media in the United States to come, should they so choose. He mentally prepares himself to deliver his message, calm, composed, and ready. The audience eagerly awaits the Russian superstar, knowing not what he plans to say. Some have questions, others just show to witness his excellence. He walks out on stage and stands at the microphone, and now, his message is to be delivered.
 
*he leans into the microphone*
 
Hello, am Patya Perevalov. Normally am taking questions, but today, am just wanting much to address things that are few.
 
*he focuses on the task at hand*
 
Lately, people am been saying to Patya many things. “Oh Patya, why am not for Russian playing in World Junior Championships? Why am so far falling in SHL draft? Why am not for Russian playing in World Junior Championships? Why am not many awards winning? What happening to Patya? Is biggest Russian superstar of all time. Is icon. Is winner big!”
 
*he sighs*
 
Patya am not to all questions having all answers. Maybe Patya am not enough hard working, even if Patya giving best tries. Maybe Patya am just not enough good. Am feeling many things.
 
*he pauses for a moment, looking up a bit, seemingly at nothing, as the cogs in his brain turn*
 
No. Patya AM enough hard working. Patya AM best trying. Patya AM good enough. Patya AM strong staying in mind.
 
*he looks to the front row of reporters, where Kristen Landry has taken her place for the day, after much discussion with Patya prior to the press conference*
 
Kristen helping Patya take things one day at a time. Not knowing what would do without her. Patya am need rock, and Kristen am much solid. Am so glad for meeting her.
 
*she looks up and briefly smiles at him from her seat, and goes back to her work*
 
*he returns to his point*
 
Patya am coming to accept that sometimes, things how you plan…not working out that way.
 
When Patya am learning of not play for glorious nation of Russia with UCORCAL, am many hurts. Am feel betrayed. Am sacrifice so much whole life for motherland. Patya am accept that maybe Patya am just need train harder and play better much. Patya am know Russia take nothing but winner big. Patya am working harder to be more winner big. Patya am want for wear Russian flag on back, am carry pride of country on back, am carry will of people in heart. This not happen for Patya. Am play for team Young Guns. Am try many hards, but am not qualify for round of number that is eight. Am much sad for this. Am wanting to show world much skill. Am wanting to play with best, against best. Am try harder next season for make much improvement. Am play for UCORCAL. Am play for pride of Russia.
 
*he takes a moment to pause and reflect before moving on*
 
Then, Patya am experiencing SHL draft. WOWEE! BIGGEST DAY OF PATYA LIFE! Patya am been much excited for this day! Patya am thinking probably going top five in draft, because Patya know am many skills, am much driven, am star player. Draft starting, and not soon after. Patya am happy for see Attacker man go number two! WOWEE! ATTACKER IS BROTHER! AM SO MANY PROUDS! Picking is keeping happening, and Patya notice…Patya name not call. Pick five come and go, still Patya am not knowing where playing in SHL. Patya am confuse. Patya am thinking “I do right everything, but maybe am doing wrong?” Patya am starting let self-doubt creep in like scary boogie monster man. Then, Patya am snapping back to reality like man with much jewels in Marvel movie that Kristen am show him. Patya great player, maybe team am just have other idea. Then, more pickings are happening, and Patya still not called. Patya confused again. Patya am not even top ten in SHL draft. Patya am work so hard. Patya am feel disrespected for time putting in. Patya am hurt. Patya am enter haze, forget where am, feel like mind floating elsewhere. Then happening, Patya hear name called! Patya am number fourteen! Is lower than am thinking but am big first rounder! WOWEE! Where am Patya play? Mi-…Miiiiinn-….Minnes-…sota….Minnesota! PATYA AM PLAY FOR MINNESOTA! WOWEE! Minnesota what? Minnesota Mo-….Mona-….Monaaaarchs…Monarchs! Minnesota Monarchs! WOWEE!...What is Monarch? Patya am not knowing this word. Patya am ask on Twitter and friends of Patya am telling him “is like king, like you Patya!” WOWEE! PATYA AM KING! AM PLAY FOR MINNESOTA MONARCH KING MANS! WOWEE! Patya am so excite. Am promise for be many goods player for Minnesota Monarch King Mans. Am be much dedicated, am be much hard worker, because am wanting for help Minnesota Monarch King Mans be many betters, am be winner big, am make Minnesota Monarch King Mans winner big! Okay for Patya fall in draft, for Patya meaning nothing in end. Just give Patya more motive for prove wrong is doubter and critic. Patya am make sure other team who not take Patya am be many sorries!
 
*he pauses again, to take a few breaths and a sip of water, and letting the crowd marinate in his words, and then he continues*
 
Lastly, time for awards of much long and hard season. Patya am so ready. Patya am know is great rookie player. Am many excite for list of awards Patya am clearly nominated for….but NO! Patya am nominated for awards of number that is zero! No award for Patya! Patya am many sad! Am say “why Patya am not good enough?” Patya just want recognition for accomplishment of greatness. Patya am see many teammate for awards much nominated, and am much happy for this. Am see Attacker man be much noticed rookie! WOWEE! AM SO HAPPY! Attacker man much good friend and brother, just as Patya say before. Am glad for people to see him much good player. Patya am wanting say that Attacker man even better as person. Patya am hope him many successes on team in purple. Patya like purple, but am have trouble saying team name. Patya am believe it is Sp-…Speeeec-…Spec…ters…SPECTERS! WOWEE! Is first time I say this word in front of people who are not lovely Kristen Landry. Kristen am helping Patya for learning English better. English getting there, but still needing work.
 
*he takes another water break, to make sure he stays hydrated and able to speak clearly, and takes a glance down at Kristen Landry, because he honestly has a really hard time NOT looking at how beautiful she always manages to be…and then, he continues on*
 
At end of day, Patya am knowing that all things work out. In Russia, we have saying:
 
*he clears his throat to speak Russian in America for the first time*
 
Век живи – век учись.
 
*he lets the crowd absorb his words momentarily, before continuing*
 
In English means, “live for a century – learn for a century.” Patya am thinking this similar to “live and learn.” Kristen am say this when Patya tell her.
 
*he laughs a bit, as does the room, lightening the somewhat somber tone*
 
Patya am know that am great player. Sometimes, am need humbling for work hard. Patya am not having ego, but humbling useful anyway. Patya am team player, and always wanting what for team is best outcome. Patya am also best player of Russia ever seen. Am not mean to down talking other Russian player, as Russia am have many greats…but Patya am best. Patya am always be best. Patya am outwork rest, use many intellects, and superior skills. Is okay that Patya am not meet expectations for self, because Patya am still number one in heart and mind of self. Patya am learn of other great Russian player who am have hard time before. Patya am hearing name “Fedor Sotakov.” Patya am see what happen for big ego Russian player of the hockey. Patya am not wanting that. Patya am not Sotakov copy. Patya am…well, Patya! Patya am learn to just be forgiving and forgetting. Is no big deal, am just become many betters. Patya am want share this lesson today for other players of the hockey. Am wanting to be role model for league. Am wanting for teach players to believe in self always. Nobody am playing like you. Only you a am playing like you. Stay true to self, and then always be winner big. Patya am learn this over last few weeks. Transition to America was much hard after success in Russian motherland, but am taking in stride. You like this phrase? Kristen am teach to me yesterday for big speech!
 
*a bunched of hushed chuckles can be heard, which is good, because it is what he was going for*
 
Patya am not having much else to say. Again, Patya am just wanting to share. Patya learn mental health many important and not enough talked about in sports. People am expecting athletes for being skilled robots, when am just peoples. Thanks to all for coming to speech today. Again, am not taking questions, but Patya am wanting do something he see on the television for when speech is over.
 
*he grabs the microphone from the stand and puts it to his lips*
 
Never be forgetting…IT’S PATYA TIME!
 
*he drops the mic and walks off*
 
As he walks off the stage, there is mixed applause. The people who got it were clapping, and the people who didn’t were just somewhat confused. Whatever the case, his message was delivered in the way he wanted it delivered, and in true Patya fashion. No one knows when the next time we’ll hear from our beloved Russian friend will be, but odds are, it will probably be around the end of next season. Until then, have a good one.


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