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.Laser · 06-23-2021, 01:29 AM

Thanks to EAB and sulovien for the sigs!

***frithjofr*** · 06-23-2021, 02:00 AM

PT Pass

Lorec · 06-23-2021, 02:28 AM

Lev Lebedev's early life was over shadowed by the failures of his fathers professional hockey career. His father was known as the worst Russian hockey player to disgrace the rink, and the apple doesnt fall far from the tree. Lev began his hockey career playing for the Vancouver whalers and had one of the worst rookie seasons the vancouver franchise has ever seen. Any goal he scored could arguably be contended and there is evidence to support possible bribing of the ref's to look past penaltys. It is unsure how this abysmal forward even qualified for the SMJHL and it is an insult to the league that he was drafted to the SHL as a second round pick. There is reasonable evidence to support that Lev is the slowest and least accurate forward that has put on a pair of skates. The future of his career will most certainly be short lived, if he even finishes his second season in the J's.

**OrbitingDeath** · 06-23-2021, 05:08 AM

sakrosankt · 06-23-2021, 05:43 AM

Michael Withecheck is a SHL player for the Atlanta Inferno. He started his career in a little country with a lots of tree towns, which obviously says enough about his small world thinking.

He not even got drafted in the first or second round of the SMJHL entry draft, and ended up playing most of his minors for the Anchorage Armada. But not for his last season, as rumors say that he was traded to St. Louis because of being a locker room cancer. This can be proven by the value Anchorage gave up to get rid of him, not only giving away the player, but also giving them a 1st. Withecheck was able to form a horrible defensive unit, which was a solid one before he entered the team.

The Lulatsch was drafted in the second round of the majors draft. A bit surprising he went in the second already, but the draft happened before he was traded for his misbehaviour. He played his first full season for Atlanta in S59, and wasn't able to have any kind of outstanding or remarkable stats in his first tenure. There were no rookie team honors or any other kind of awards considerations. He wasn't even able to get the full bonus of reaching season milestones, which isn't that hard to reach. So overall a very lackluster career so far. Surprisingly he got his contract extended last offseason, but it is rumored that Atlanta is already scouring the market for a possible trade before the new season even started.

Salming · 06-23-2021, 06:27 AM

William Salming was born in Sweden, Finland's worst rival. He seems to be 50 years old when playing ice-hockey because he moves so slowly. He's correct age is half of that. He is also fifth or sixth year pro even though he still makes often rookie mistakes. He's nickname was mr. Balance because his excellent two-way game but some people also call him mr. Never Score because he also never scores and only collects some assists here and there. Salming's relative was one of the first European players to play in the NHL but William really isn't nearly as talented as Börje was. You really can't talk about them in the same sentence. Börje deserves better than to be named in the sentence with William. Salming has won WJC and Four Star Cup but only thanks to his teammates. Salming didn't do much at those finals because he was carried by his colleagues. Salming has current contract with Seattle but it is only one year because management don't know if they can trust William's potential in the future.

C9Van · 06-23-2021, 07:35 AM

So it'd probably be pleasantly written stuff for Jon since he is an asshole already and he would have a controversy page instead of pleasant thing. So a hater of Jon Forty-One would have to focus on the nice fake stuff.

"Jon Forty-One allegedly once helped an old lady cross the street" rather than Jon pushing that old bitch out of the way!

I imagine it would go onto say how much of a great team mate that Jon forty one has been over his career when in fact he has been a miserable bastard. Now he may be 1 of the best passing players in recent league history ironically but he really does not like anyone he has ever played. So his hater, which honestly could be multiple people overwriting the same page, would probably write how nice he is in real life and known for being a true team player. The real sad thing is that would genuinely piss him off as well.

[168 words]

soulja · 06-23-2021, 09:10 AM

s20-Yuri Boyka

Yuri Boyka was a russian drafted in the later rounds of the infamous s20 reddit draft. Not many had high hopes for him as he was silent but he was drafted by the Montreal Impacts. He started on the 3rd line and made a comment about not liking his role in the team. A selfish man to say the very least. He wanted more minutes and more playing time. The team decided to give him a shot and boom he exploded in the SMJHL. He also set the record for Montreal Impacts by having the most points in the STHS era. Though he did well, his activity declined and was a disappointment to New England Wolfpack who drafted him. He was then quickly traded him to Los Angeles Panthers. Over there, Boyka started to become more active again. He learned how to be a member of the team and even worked on his performance. He was pretty mediocre to say the least and never won a challenge cup with his player. His only great feat was making top 20 player a few times and never even made the hall of fame. What a tragedy.

BarnabasCollins · 06-23-2021, 10:00 AM

Kata Vilde is a Swedish netminder in the Simulation Hockey League. He played for the Kelowna Knights in the SHL and plays for the Calgary Dragons of the SHL. Vilde is the illegitimate son of pro wrestler Randy Macho Man Savage. Which is why it's probably apt to describe the way Vilde plays the game. It's like a wrestling match out there, Vilde prone to take cheap shots on opposing players. He has developed a quite nasty reputation in the league which is probably why he was shafted out of an award and has never won any. He has a cup win with the Calgary Dragons but that is more due to the Dragons being an incredibly talented team in front of a mediocre netminder so Vilde's cup win is considered to be more of a participation trophy. According to the SHL talking heads that pretty much sums up Vilde's whole career, participation points for playing with a great team. Only way he gets into the Hall of Fame is due to sheer longevity and certainly not any talent.

*JURT* · 06-23-2021, 10:36 AM

Jean-Uhtred Ragnarsson-Tremblay is a professional hockey player. He is a center for the Seattle Argonauts in the SHL. He was initially drafted by the Chicago Syndicate and played there for four seasons. During this time in Chicago, he somehow managed to convince everyone, from the team's management to the fans and from opponents to his teammates, that he was a good defensive center. After all, he had been nominated three times for best defensive forward in the SMJHL. He was part of the first Challenge Cup conquest for the Syndicate and was beloved by fans and teammates alike. Then, out of nowhere, he informed the team that had drafted him and loved him from the start. He was traded to the Seattle Argonauts shortly after. People will now start to realize that he was never that good anyway and that it's good riddance for Chicago, the team actually never needed him and he has already been replaced by much better players. There's a reason he never actually won an award and he is just an overrated scrub who didn't deserve the Syndicate's love.

-@sköldpaddor Gunnar's deep-down feelings, probably

dankoa · 06-23-2021, 11:07 AM

ISFL PT (username is Drizzy)

Z-Whiz · 06-23-2021, 11:23 AM

Puddles O’Duck wasn’t drafted into the SMJHL because he was a bum who had never played hockey before. He’s also a bird who can’t fly because he’s too fat. Imagine having the gift of flight and destroying that gift because you can’t lay off the bread crumbs and worms. It’s truly a sad site to see. I would say he’s throwing away his bright future, but let’s be real, the duck never had a future. He joined the league as a hobby and has treated it as such ever since. He shot 4.9% from the ice last season! I’m pretty sure some goalies have better scoring rates than him. Sure, he got 100+ hits and 100+ blocked shots, but that’s only because he was too slow to make it up the ice to help on offense so he just puppy guarded on defense. He was basically a goalie out there due to his laziness. Somehow he was rewarded with a call up to Atlanta in S60. The expectations are low and Puddles will likely still not meet them.

JayWhy · 06-23-2021, 11:24 AM

ISFL Affiliation Link

An old man's dream ended. A young man's vision of the future opened wide. Young men have visions, old men have dreams. But the place for old men to dream is beside the fire.

Thanks to Jackson, Copenhagen, and Harry Hans!

GOING DOWN IN STYLE. TOAST4LYFE

visceralpotamus · 06-23-2021, 11:46 AM

Pasta the Turtle, aptly named because of his ambling unorthodox style can be mimicked only by an obese toddler having stuffed himself full of spaghetti carbonara attempting to complete a marathon. While he did break down barriers as being one of the first turtles to turn pro, he simultaneously proved to be an offensive liability, at times appearing to actively refuse participation in an odd man rush in favour of delivering a :clean: bodycheck on an opposing forward. While his advocacy did wonders for non-human players in the SMJHL and the SHL, as well as the IIHF, his on ice play drew apt comparisons to paint drying and grass growing. Modern hockey is all about speed, goals and assists, three words that Pasta couldn't find in a dictionary. While even his harshest critic would acquiesce that his playstyle proved valuable in terms of his team getting positive results, the ultimate goal is to get fans in the stands, and very few kids yearned to get Pasta the Turtle jerseys.

*sköldpaddor* · 06-23-2021, 11:53 AM

PBE Affiliate PT

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