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Bfine · 06-28-2021, 12:23 PM

The Newfoundland Berserkers all received sponsorships from an unknown benefactor, where all of us were now the face of Pasta Turtle enterprises. Our first product was actually live baby Pasta Turtles. We were each given one to raise before we decided to give them away to all of our Berserker fans. While initially cute and harmless at the start, as they got older, they seemed to develop… aggressiveness issues. They keep wanting to fight everything in sight, throwing their body at everything in a fit of rage, making watermarked memes trolling whoever is near, and if they get in trouble, diving to try and play the victim. Eventually, due to the absolute chaos an army of Pasta Turtles would inflict on the population of Newfoundland, we knew we had to get them away from our fans. As they were made of pasta, we told Berserker fans to return their Pasta Turtles and brought in a pasta-loving orange cat to “remove” them.

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Nhlbeastmode_7777 · 06-28-2021, 12:42 PM

Well Brent ashe made a organic food that was healthier for you and it turns out that it needs to be recalled because of the ingredients we're supposedly out of date and I didn't know it at the time. I think that I was having a good old time putting stuff together that I forgot to look at the expiration date on all food items. I think that if I payed more attention this wouldn't have happened. I think next time I will definitely make sure that I read date labels before putting it into the mixture that I was making for my cookies. Well I know for next time and it's a valuable lesson of paying attention. And you know that all foods could be delicious when made properly and to do it the right way before proceeding I think this is a valuable lesson for all to watch out for while cooking.

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**bbjygm** · 06-28-2021, 12:59 PM

A long, long time ago, Slap McShotty signed up for an adult product deal. He'd have his own line of dildos called Vag McPlungies molded in the shape of the OG Vag McPlungie. This deal was akin to a self-published book, but in the adult toy industry. Slap had many on hand that he gave out on a regular basis, and soon convinced a manufacturer and marketer to take on his product. Things were going well and sale were skyrocketing around the country, though with the popularity came an increase in critics. Some complained the object was too phallic, reminded them too much of a penis, and encouraged unprofessional behavior in the office. Test runs of the product were being performed by Slap McShotty himself, but once it was discovered that he wasn't testing the product but the master mold itself he was berated for inefficient testing procedures and stripped of managerial decision power in his own company. McPlungies that were part of the untested batches were recalled and new dildos were re-inserted into the market.

trella · 06-28-2021, 02:03 PM

ambacas cuddles landed a sweet endorsement from mountain dew. the endorsement was that ambacas cuddles, (defenseman for the tampa bay barracuda who just had a massive update go though like bruh m getting open is 18 and then passing puck handling and o read are 19 get at me bois) would get to create his own flavor of mountain dew and would get to make some sick ads. so being on the barracuda, i wanted to make a pink mountain dew to represent the team. gotta rep the fellas you know. the flavor would be called pink lips and would taste like @nour 's pink bussy lips. i knew that this would sell millions especially after mr. harrak's rivetibg appearance in the commissioner podcast. everybody would want some bussy juice from the man with a moustache like that. unfortunately, this did not pass the health inspection standards from the fda so mountain dew dropped me. smh.

Thanks to @karey and @JSS for the sigs!

Former USA Fed Head, Carolina Kraken Co-GM, Tampa Bay Barracuda GM

Ragnar · 06-28-2021, 02:13 PM

As we all know, Chimkin Wing used to be legally known as Chimkin Tendy. His dedication to this league is SO HUGE that he legally got his name changed when he switched from goal tender to forward. Anyway, probably none of you will recall when he got sponsored by Tyson’s Chicken, specifically their chicken tenders. Well wouldn’t you know, that was like five seasons ago, and as it turns out nobody gave a shit about Chimkin Tendy just like they don’t currently give a fuck about Chimkin Wing. None of the chicken tenders sold, because they saw the creepy 6’6” goal tender on the cover and thought, “this is not something I want in my body.” Needless to say, the tenders have gone bad after sitting for years. Eating them causes immediate and violent diarrhea, muscle spasms, vomiting and priapism. Chimkin Wing couldn’t give a shit less though, since Chicken Tenders sponsored by Chimkin Wing doesn’t make any sense. It’s not even a clever play on words. RIP Chimkin Tendy and his awful chicken tenders.

Sigs by Me, Merica, High Stick King, Rum_Ham, Jess, vulfzilla, enigmatic, and Carpy

❤!! RIP to the big homies 701 and Mac !!❤

zeagle1 · 06-28-2021, 02:24 PM

Do you want to be big and strong like hockey superstar, Mew Two? Welll we have the product just for you! Rare Candies! Chowing down on a handful of them will surely level you up enough so that you can be a hockey god too!

Mew Two instantly regretted this campaign, as any pokemon trainer worth his potions was aware that rare candies did not give EVs, thus making pokemon leveled up via rare candies weaker than pokemon leveled up through traditional means. Mew Two would go around the regions seeing tons of pokemon leveled up using rare candies, but none of them were as strong as Mew Two, who had been leveled up via activity checks, weekly trainings, and somehow by guessing the winners of games correctly. This was disastrously bad for the Pokemon to SHL pipeline and may have set the region's hockey scene back by years. Mew Two came out to apologize for the campaign, but the damage had already been done.

Arkz · 06-28-2021, 02:26 PM

Look, it seemed like a neat product at first. What is one of the big issues when traveling in the winter to your favorite mountain? The size and cumbersomeness of skis. They are heavy, take up a ton of room, and you need special equipment on your car to carry them really anywhere. So, enter the Williams Inflatable Skis. They fit nice and neatly in a small pouch and can fit into any bag. All you needed to do was take them out when you get to the mountain, fill them with air, and hit the slopes. Sounded great in theory, and Jon St. Ark was totally willing to offer his name and likeness to the product in his home country. Then people actually started using them on the mountain and it was a nightmare. First of all, if you were heavier than normal the skis wouldn't support your weight, so you'd just sink into the snow. Even worse, after an hour on the slopes, the snow would wear down the plastic and create small holes in the bottom of the skis, causing blowouts and crashes all over the mountain. Whoops!

Faelax · 06-28-2021, 02:31 PM

Alexander Roach had gotten a spokesman gig with a few local wing joints around Buffalo, but recently there had been an issue with the supplier for these restaurants. A recent salmonella outbreak had made its way into these restaurants, and had been making all of their patrons sick for the last week or so. Roach was walking back to his apartment near the Stampede practice facility when he was confronted by some locals, who demanded he do something about it. "Bruh I just did an ad deal with them, maybe you should direct those complaints at the cooks and not me." Needless to say this did not really go over well with those who gathered around, who started to look angry at his nonchalant answer. Roach was able to get out without any further incidents, but after a chat with his agent, decided to drop the ads for a bit and just focus on scoring goals.

Merica · 06-28-2021, 02:34 PM

Daniel Merica Jr has a soft spot for Chipotle. So when they came to him wanting to sponsor him and make him the face of the best damned burrito joint in the entire galaxy, Merica quickly exclaimed “Fuck yeah!”. It started off pretty good, he received free Chipotle whenever he wanted, and was treated like a true National Treasure every time he stepped foot into the restaurant.

But, all was not to be well. The very month they decided to make a huge push in advertising with Daniel front and center on several commercials and social media campaigns…Chipotle had a bit of an e-coli outbreak, leading to numerous people getting sick and subsequently suing Chipotle. Some tried to sue Daniel, but he was protected since he was just repeating lines like a good little soldier.

For his part, Merica did express remorse. “Nobody ate more Chipotle than I did during that month. I mean 2 times a day minimum, and guess what? I didn’t get sick. So all these sick folk must have weak genes. Me? I’m built different baby, I got that USA…DNA”

JSS331 · 06-28-2021, 02:45 PM

For those players who have been lucky (read unfortunate) enough to play with Guy O'Shea will know that he is one of the smelliest players in the league. Whether it is the alcohol sweating out of his pores or just the results of poor decisions, he smells something fierce after a game. For that reason, he uses one of the strongest anti-perspirants in the world. Once they found out about this, they approached him to get an endorsement deal going to showcase how effective it is. Since Guy goes through at least a case of this stuff a week, he was all too glad to get the word out about it.

Unfortunately, a mix up at the manufacturing plant caused a huge batch to go out with some mixed up chemicals and some serious issues have come up. Guy started to notice that his body was starting to break out in horrible hives. Soon reports of people having these issues cropped up all over the country. The manufacturer didn't want to recall the product since they had spent all of their money on the Guy O'Shea sponsorship so they ended up going out of business. Now the real victims, the Hamilton locker room will suffer the stench once again until another product comes out that can do the same job.

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Gumbaman · 06-28-2021, 03:05 PM

PT Pass

***yosh*** · 06-28-2021, 03:13 PM

Okay so a while ago, back when Vaseline Podcalzone was either in his rookie season or his second season with the Berserkers, he did this weird wonky shady sponsorship endorsement deal with some random brand that was packaging goodies together in a bundle. The Vaseline Podcalzone bundle contained vaseline for self care, tide pods for laundry, and a bake it yourself calzone kit for, you know, sustenance.

So yeah, it sold fine enough as a staple of Newfoundland, but recently there has been a lot of controversy going on with the products. Basically if you remember the tide pod challenge... no yeah, it is back, but in the form of tide pod calzones.

Dear god please no. People are actually using the tide pods meant for LAUNDRY to make calzones with them. And worst of all? THEY'RE ALSO PUTTING VASELINE INTO THE CALZONES! So now these bundles are off of store shelves, and now Vaseline Podcalzone has to really figure out how to escape this PR nightmare.

WC: 168

Pingy Pingu · 06-28-2021, 03:49 PM

We sold some Monsieur Pingy Pingu Lunga Gumba Fan Club figurines and some of them started attacking customers with dynamite so we had to issue a recall.

Kalakar · 06-28-2021, 03:58 PM

pt pass

*Otrebor13* · 06-28-2021, 04:01 PM

SHL players are no stranger to endorsement deals, and we’ve seen plenty of players get their own food, get their own colognes, their own toys, and even their own TV shows. Most of the time, endorsement deals are good for all parties involved and it helps the fans connect to the players they love and follow.

However, no player ever anticipates that endorsement deals might go south and lead to issues and bad press. That is exactly what happened with Theo Morgan when he signed an endorsement deal for his own phone case. In today’s world, everyone has a cell phone and customizing it with a case is common. Morgan was endorsed by a new company (who shall not be named) which wanted to use his name, imagine and even have him design a few phone cases to release them to the public. Sounds like a perfect endorsement, especially as someone who uses his phone all the time. The issue was, the cases were causing the cell phones to overheat and nobody knows why. There have been an increased number of cases of cell phone batteries dying due to overheating, phones not working, and even some damage to clothing and skin from phones being in people’s pockets. All cases have been recalled and Morgan has cut all ties with this company.

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