The diabolical plan has already started, by inserting an operative to sow discord in the ranks, mostly via the medium of bad explanations of U2 lyrics. You all thing ‘oh, U2 sucks’, but it’s far more nefarious than that, even worse than when they put their album on everyone’s iPods without asking!

The true evil plan is to get a couple hundred people to spend their time obsessing over fake hockey, damaging the world economy and causing obscene amounts of bickering over things like pork roll and the word boomer.

Jennifer Huh | RW | CGY/KEL
Achievements
S74: Signed as a DFA with Regina
S75: Drafted 3 OA by Kelowna
S75: Named Assistant Captain of Kelowna
S76: Drafted 6 OA by Calgary
S76: Named Captain of Kelowna


Slavakov Vladimirashenko | RD | NL/EDM/SFP/CHI
Achievements
S58: Drafted 47OA to Newfoundland
S59: Drafted 16OA to Edmonton
S59: Named Assistant Captain of Newfoundland
S59: Elias Armia Award Winner
S59: Won Gold Medal with Japan
S60: Won Gold Medal with Japan
S60: Named Captain of Newfoundland
S60: Named to SMJHL All Star Game
S60: Won 4 Star Cup
S62: Called up to EDM
S64: Traded to SFP
S65: Awarded Pride of the Pride
S65: Named Assistant Captain of SFP
S68: Awarded Pride of the Pride
S68: Named Captain of SFP
S69: Traded to Chicago
S69: Traded to SFP; Named Ass Cap
S70: Awarded Pride of the Pride
S73: Signed with CHI in FA
S74: Retired




Thank you @xjoverax for the sig!

The devious plan is to induce EA Sports buy SHL and introduce microtransactions and a pay-to-win model. Only thing I can do to stop that is to create "funny" and "high-quality" content like this, to ensure the EA people won't like this place.

player page / update page / sig portfolio

Jaromir Jagrbomb - RD - Quebec City Citadelles

Walton Stromberg - C - Philadelphia Forge

Career highlights:

S54 SMJHL Entry Draft - 25th overall pick by Maine Timber

S54 - Alex Andani Award (WJC Top Rookie)

S55 SHL Entry Draft - 22nd overall pick by San Francisco Pride

S57 - WJC Gold Medal as the captain of Team Finland

S58 - Selected to SHL All-Rookie Team

S60 - Inducted to Maine Timber Hall of Fame

S62 - IIHF Gold Medal with Team Finland

S64 - IIHF Gold Medal with Team Finland

S66 - IIHF Gold Medal with Team Finland

S69 - SHL Challenge Cup Champion (Philadelphia Forge)

The diabolical plan is to have the league continue as it currently is, and change nothing. They watch and laugh, manically, as the league slowly atrophies from apathy as the same teams continue to win and nothing changes.

i want to join them in their even quest because i am despicable and wanna do this and join and be good at that an dstuff

Kyle Sux Lmap

We make the biggest chicken parm in the entire solar system, just by the amount of cheese used on that abomination will be enough to succumb any explosion.

Simon Tremblay was actually not conceiving of an evil plan to stop the SHL, he was just incompetent. Francis H Manager, on the other hand, decided to use black magic to make Speed unimportant in the SHL, thus meaning no end-to-end sexy rush goals could ever happen again. Truly a scheme of diabolical proportions.

Former Agent of Nick Brain: Center/Right Winger -   

Their master plan would be for them to destroy TPE for goalies even more. Make goalies absolutely undesirable that the only way to make a season work is to just put fake bots in net and every goalie would be the same TPE build. The league would implode with no goalie recreates of GEN1's and even players would have lost interest. I would devise a plan to dive into the FHM and really find the route cause to Goalie TPE issues and make goalies desirable to create again!

Meo Vanbiesbrouck | G | Buffalo | Class of 74 | 1201 TPE
The Greatest Name Of All

The directions for this PT state that my evil plan cannot show malicious intent. If I show no intent, I cannot be malicious. Therefore, my evil plan would be to do absolutely nothing while I watch the SHL destroy itself. My evil would be in doing nothing to stop the process, pulling out a violin to play while it all burns down.

I could aid in the process ever so slightly by distracting people so much with song lyrics, that they forget to do any TPE. Regression will do the rest of the work for me.

Code:

The following lyrics could be offensive to some people. In addition, some of these lyrics contain mature themes, such as possible suggestions of suicidal thoughts and/or suggestions of some sort of Oedipal complex. These lyrics are for mature audiences only. If you are suffering from major depression, please seek help. Thanks to one of our other members, I am able to easily share the resources available below.

Algonquin College Student Support Services - 613-727-4723
Crisis Text Line - Text 'HOME' to 741741
Distress Centre Ottawa and Region - 613-288-3311
Good2Talk - 1-866-925-5454
Kid's Help Phone - 1-800-668-6868
Mental Health Hotline Ontario - 1-866-531-2600
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline - 1-800-273-8255

Click here for a list of crisis centres within Canada
Suicide Prevention Resource Centre
Suicide Awareness Voices of Education

This is the end, beautiful friend,
This is the end, my only friend.
The end of our elaborate plans,
The end of everything that stands,
The end, no safety no surprise,
The end, I'll never look into your eyes again.

Can you picture what we'll be
So limitless and free
Desperately in need of some stranger's hand
In a desperate land?

Lost in a Roman wilderness of pain
And all the children are insane,
All the children are insane
Waiting for the summer rain.

There's danger on the edge of town,
Ride the King's highway, baby.
Weird scenes inside the gold mine,
Ride the highway West.

Ride the snake,
Ride the snake to the lake,
The ancient lake.
The snake is long, seven miles,
Ride the snake.
He's old and his skin is cold.
The West is the best

The West is the best
Get here and we'll do the rest
The blue bus is calling us
The blue bus is calling us
Driver, where're you taking us?

The killer awoke before dawn,
He put his boots on.
He took a face from the ancient gallery
And he walked on down the hall.
He went to the room where his sister lived
And then he paid a visit to his brother.
And then he, he walked on down the hall
And he came to a door and he looked inside.
"Father?" "Yes, son?"
"I want to kill you. Mother, I want to ..."

Come on, baby, take a chance with us,
Come on, baby, take a chance with us,
Come on, baby, take a chance with us
And meet me at the back of the blue bus.

This is the end, beautiful friend,
This is the end, my only friend.
The end, it hurts to set you free,
But you'll never follow me.
The end of laughter and soft lies,
The end of nights we tried to die,
This is the end.

 
Player Render by Merica

Simon Tremblay's diabolical plan is to make regression even shorter, essentially hindering any chance of any player ever reaching 2000 TPE again. Meanwhile, he will introduce a fourth line to decrease playing time for forwards, and, even worse, a fourth defensive pair for some reason?

Teddy Bloos | Centre | TBB |

S78 SMJHL Draft: Round 2, 32nd overall (TBW)

S79 SHL Draft: Round 1, 19th overall (TBB)

***

SMJHL Regular Season Stats

S78 | TBW | 66GP | 13G | 21A | 34P | 89 Hits | 68 DGR

S79 | TBW | 66GP | 12G | 40A | 52P | 71 Hits | 70 DGR

S80 | TBW | 66GP | 13G | 24A| 37P | 102 Hits | 73 DGR

S81 | TBW "A" |

***

SMJHL Playoff Stats

 S78 | TBW | 7GP | 1G | 6A | 7P | 10 Hits | 65 DGR

S79 | TBW | 5GP | 1G | 1A | 2P | 7 Hits | 69 DGR

S80 | TBW | 4GP | 0G | 1A | 1P | 4 Hits | 76 DGR

S81 | TBW "A" |

Vaseline Podcalzone | Winger | SEA "C" |

S55 SMJHL Draft: Round 3, 31st overall (NL)

S56 SHL Draft: Round 2, 23rd overall (SEA)

***

SMJHL Regular Season Stats

S55 | NL | 50GP | 2G | 6A | 8P | 6PIM | 33 Hits

S56 | NL | 50GP | 11G | 17A | 28P | 8PIM | 109 Hits

S57 | NL "A"| 66GP | 16G | 29A | 45P | 32PIM | 153 Hits

S58 | NL "C"| 66GP | 21G | 20A | 41P | 8PIM | 119 Hits

TOTAL | 232GP | 50G | 72A | 122 P | 54PIM | 414 Hits

***

SMJHL Playoffs Stats

S55 | NL | 17GP | 0G | 4A | 4P | 12PIM | 20 Hits

S56 | NL | 17GP | 3G | 1A | 4P | 2PIM | 32 Hits

S57 | NL "A"| 11GP | 1G | 8A | 9P | 0PIM | 40 Hits

S58 | NL "C" | 15GP | 5G | 10A | 15P | 10PIM | 33 Hits

TOTAL | 60GP | 9G | 23A | 32P | 24PIM | 125 Hits

***

SHL Regular Season Stats

S59 | SEA | 66GP | 17G | 19A | 36P | 18PIM | 107 Hits 

S60 | SEA "A"| 66GP | 14G | 16A | 30P | 30PIM | 117 Hits

S61 | SEA "A"| 66GP | 22G | 20A | 42P | 23PIM | 117 Hits

S62 | SEA "A"| 66GP | 17G | 25A | 42P | 6PIM | 141 Hits

S63 | SEA "A"| 66GP | 27G | 20A | 47P | 22PIM | 143 Hits

S64 | SEA "C"| 66GP | 19G | 52A | 71P | 10PIM | 157 Hits

S65 | SEA "C"| 66GP | 40G | 44A | 84P | 27PIM | 147 Hits 

S66 | SEA "C"| 66GP | 21G | 36A | 57P | 38PIM | 146 Hits 

S67 | SEA "C"| 66GP | 29G | 50A | 79P | 38PIM | 133 Hits 

S68 | SEA "C"| 66GP | 30G | 56A | 86P | 36PIM | 152 Hits 

S69 | SEA "C"| 66GP | 29G | 50A | 79P | 42PIM | 151 Hits 

S70 | SEA "C"| 66GP | 15G | 59A | 74P | 36PIM | 162 Hits 

S71 | SEA “C”| 66GP | 25G | 36A | 61P | 62PIM | 150 Hits 

S72 | SEA "C"| 66GP | 15G | 34A | 49P | 39PIM | 87 Hits 

S73 | SEA "C"| 66GP | 24G | 28A | 52P | 28PIM | 97 Hits

S74 | SEA "C"| 66GP | 19G | 20A | 39P | 54PIM | 121 Hits 

S75 | SEA "C"| 66GP | 21G | 22A | 43P | 52PIM | 107 Hits 

S76 | SEA "C"| 66GP | 15G | 18A | 33P | 62PIM | 92 Hits 

S77 | SEA "C"| 66GP | 13G | 26A | 39P | 20PIM | 97 Hits 

S78 | SEA "C"| 66GP | 12G | 17A | 29P | 15PIM | 90 Hits 

TOTAL | 1254GP | 424G | 648A | 1072P | 658PIM | 2514 Hits

***

SHL Playoff Stats

S59 | SEA | 10GP | 1G | 2A | 3P | 0PIM | 11 Hits

S60 | SEA "A"| 7GP | 0G | 5A | 5P | 0PIM | 14 Hits

S61 | SEA "A"| 5GP | 1G | 1A | 2P | 0PIM | 9 Hits

S62 | SEA "A"| 12GP | 3G | 3A | 6P | 0PIM | 32 Hits

S63 | SEA "A"| 12GP | 6G | 6A | 12P | 0PIM | 24 Hits

S64 | SEA "C"| 7GP | 2G | 1A | 3P | 2PIM | 15 Hits

S65 | SEA "C"| 6GP | 1G | 2A | 3P | 2PIM | 13 Hits

S66 | SEA "C"| 22GP | 5G | 19A | 24P | 10PIM | 56 Hits

S67 | SEA "C"| 23GP | 10G | 18A | 28P | 4PIM | 45 Hits

S68 | SEA "C"| 21GP | 12G | 15A | 27P | 10PIM | 52 Hits

S69 | SEA "C"| 16GP | 6G | 16A | 22P | 10PIM | 47 Hits

S70 | SEA "C"| 13GP | 5G | 11A | 16P | 6PIM | 28 Hits

S71 | SEA "C"| 7GP | 1G | 3A | 4P | 2 PIM | 15 Hits
S72 | SEA "C"| 5GP | 2G | 4A | 6P | 6 PIM | 3 Hits

S78 | SEA "C"| 4GP | 0G | 0A | 0P | 0 PIM | 6 Hits 

TOTAL | 170GP | 57G | 104A | 161P | 52PIM | 370 Hits 

***

S55 Four Star Cup

S58 Volsungr Award

S58 Vaseline Podcalzone Award

S58 Berserker of the Year

SHL S59 All-Rookie

S59 Jesster Finalist

S64 Richan Finalist

SEA Franchise Points Leader

S67 Challenge Cup

5x SHL All-Star (S60, S64, S65, S67, S75)

S68 Challenge Cup

S68 Dar Finalist

1000 Career SHL Regular Season Points

Beeg Yoshi | Management | TBW GM |

NL Scout S58

NL Coach S59-S61

S60 Four Star Cup (Coach)

NL Co-GM S62-S64

S62 Four Star Cup (Co-GM)

S63 Four Star Cup (Co-GM)

S63 Nour Harrak Award (GM Duo)

S64 Nour Harrak Award (GM Duo)

S64 Four Star Cup (Co-GM)

REG Co-GM S72-S75

REG Interim Head GM S75

REG/TBW Head GM S75-

Number of first, Patya am telling you am not knowing who are these people, but is okay. Patya am have plan for stop anyone who am think for destroy SHL. Does not matter what plan is, because Patya is having connections. Patya am contact glorious supreme leader of motherland, Vladimir Putin. Putin am do favor for Patya and am stomp out bad mans. All praise be to glorious leader Putin!

Lore: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5

Sig: dirigiblejones, Ragnar, & the5urreal

      

Patya Perevalov || RW || New Orleans Specters || Carolina Kraken || Peak TPE: 2081

Name: Patya Perevalov

Age: 24

Birthplace: Omsk, Russia

Height: 6'1"

Weight: 192 lbs.

Number: 10

------------------------------------------------------------

Regular Season Stats

S60 - CAR - GP: 66 || G: 13 || A: 13 || P: 26 || +/-: +4 || SHT: 83

S61 - CAR - GP: 66 || G: 15 || A: 29 || P: 44 || +/-: +1 || SHT: 137

S62 - CAR - GP: 66 || G: 30 || A: 35 || P: 65 || +/-: +7 || SHT: 194

S63 - CAR - GP: 66 || G: 28 || A: 40 || P: 68 || +/-: +25 || SHT: 194

S64 - MIN - GP: 66 || G: 10 || A: 14 || P: 24 || +/-: -43 || SHT: 112

S65 - MIN - GP: 66 || G: 10 || A: 15 || P: 25 || +/-: -44 || SHT: 85

S66 - NOLA - GP: 66 || G: 16 || A: 33 || P: 49 || +/-: +14 || SHT: 147

S67 - NOLA - GP: 66 || G: 36 || A: 50 || P: 86 || +/-: +34 || SHT: 202

------------------------------------------------------------

Playoff Stats

S60 - CAR - GP: 6 || G: 1 || A: 1 || P: 2 || +/-: 0 || SHT: 6

S61 - CAR - GP: 4 || G: 1 || A: 2 || P: 3 || +/-: 0 || SHT: 6

S62 - CAR - GP: 9 || G: 2 || A: 4 || P: 6 || +/-: +10 || SHT: 26

S63 - CAR - GP: 6 || G: 3 || A: 0 || P: 3 || +/-: -2 || SHT: 14

S64 - MIN - Did Not Qualify

S65 - MIN - Did Not Qualify

S66 - NOLA - GP: 9 || G: 2 || A: 3 || P: 5 || +/-: +3 || SHT: 23

S67 - NOLA - GP: 11 || G: 4 || A: 4 || P: 8 || +/-: -4 || SHT: 30

------------------------------------------------------------

WJC/IIHF Stats

S60 - YG - GP: 12 || G: 1 || A: 4 || P: 5 || +/-: -5 || SHT: 9

S61 - UCORCAL - GP: 12 || G: 3 || A: 5 || P: 8 || +/-: 0 || SHT: 25

S62 - UCORCAL - GP: 12 || G: 3 || A: 5 || P: 8 || +/-: +3 || SHT: 24

S63 - UCORCAL - GP: 12 || G: 6 || A: 6 || P: 12 || +/-: +6 || SHT: 33

S62 - RUSSIA - GP: 12 || G: 0 || A: 1 || P: 1 || +/-: -1 || SHT: 4

S63 - RUSSIA - GP: 12 || G: 1 || A: 1 || P: 2 || +/-: -3 || SHT: 7

S64 - RUSSIA - GP: 12 || G: 2 || A: 4 || P: 6 || +/-: +4 || SHT: 6

S65 - RUSSIA - GP: 12 || G: 3 || A: 4 || P: 7 || +/-: -3 || SHT: 22

S66 - RUSSIA - GP: 12 || G: 3 || A: 2 || P: 5 || +/-: -8 || SHT: 36

S67 - RUSSIA - GP: 12 || G: 1 || A: 5 || P: 6 || +/-: +4 || SHT: 14

------------------------------------------------------------

Career Milestones:

S60 - First goal in game 3 against Anaheim Outlaws

S60 - First OT game winner in game 3 against Anaheim Outlaws (on the first shot)

S60 - Quickest goal scored from the start of a period in game 3 against Anaheim Outlaws (8 seconds)

S60 - First multi-goal in game 3 against Anaheim Outlaws

S60 - First assist in game 7 against Maine Timber

S62 - First hat trick in game 37 against Quebec City Citadelles

S64 - First SHL assist in game 2 against Toronto North Stars

S64 - First SHL goal in game 11 against New Orleans Specters

Awards:

S60 - CAR - Jordan Nugent Hall Award for Most Dedicated Player
S60 - CAR - Alonzo Garbonzo Award for Best Rookie

S61 - CAR - Jordan Nugent Hall Award for Most Dedicated Player

S62 - CAR - S62 SMJHL All-Star

S62 - CAR - Cristoph Klose Award for the Top Forward

S62 - CAR - Jordan Nugent Hall Award for Most Dedicated Player

S63 - CAR - Named an Alternate Captain

S63 - CAR - S63 SMJHL All-Star (voted in)

S64 - MIN - Named an Alternate Captain

S67 - RUS - IIHF Silver Medal

S67 - NOLA - Aidan Richan Award for Most Improved Player

S68 - NOLA - Named an Alternate Captain

Transactions:

S60 - Drafted 5th overall to the Carolina Kraken in SMJHL Entry Draft

S60 - Signed $3,000,000 x 1 year contract with the Carolina Kraken

S61 - Drafted 14th overall to the Minnesota Monarchs in SHL Entry Draft

S61 - Signed $3,000,000 x 3 year contract with the Minnesota Monarchs

S64 - Signed $4,000,000 x 2+1 year contract with the Minnesota Monarchs

S66 - Traded to New Orleans Specters

S67 - Signed 3-year contract with the New Orleans Specters

Simon Tremblay and Francis H. Manager are planning to end the SHL by deleting their hockey sims. How do I stop it? I'll pay Riz to update Eastside Hockey Manager and make it a viable simming engine for the SHL.

Mathieu Mathématique || RD || 433 TPE || Detroit Falcons
Drafted 40th overall by the Detroit Falcons
------------------------------------------------------
Regular Season:
S80 | DET | 66 GP | 8 G | 13 A | 21 P | -43 | 21:35 ATOI | 34 PIM | 94 H
------------------------------------------------------
Playoffs:

S80 | DET | 4 GP | 0 G | 0 A | 0 P | -7 | 21:24 ATOI | 2 PIM | 8 H
------------------------------------------------------
Highlights:

Wednesday Addams || C || 478 TPE || Vancouver Whalers
Drafted 21st overall by the Great Falls Grizzlies
Drafted 40th overall by the Toronto North Stars
------------------------------------------------------
Regular Season:
S69 | VAN | 66 GP | 8 G | 30 A | 38 P | -32 | 19:46 ATOI | 25 PIM | 196 H
S70 | VAN | 66 GP | 33 G | 36 A | 69 P | +1 | 20:29 ATOI | 20 PIM | 95 H
S71 | VAN | 66 GP | 22 G | 44 A | 66 P | +1 | 20:14 ATOI | 38 PIM | 155 H
S72 | VAN | 66 GP | 46 G | 48 A | 94 P | +73 | 19:31 ATOI | 46 PIM | 103 H
------------------------------------------------------
Playoffs:
S70 | VAN | 5 GP | 2 G | 0 A | 2 P | 0 | 20:39 ATOI | 6 PIM | 6 H
S71 | VAN | 5 GP | 1 G | 5 A | 6 P | -3 | 24:57 ATOI | 2 PIM | 5 H
S72 | VAN | 5 GP | 5 G | 1 A | 6 P | -1 | 18:45 ATOI | 6 PIM | 8 H
------------------------------------------------------
Highlights:
S69 SMJHL Hits Leader

S72 SMJHL Plus Minus Leader

Pablo Pombo || RD || 333 TPE || Yukon Malamutes
Drafted 21st overall by the Yukon Malamutes
------------------------------------------------------
Regular Season:
S65 | YUM | 66 GP | 5 G | 17 A | 22 P | -35 | 20:04 ATOI | 18 PIM | 99 H
S66 | YUM | 66 GP | 3 G | 19 A | 22 P | +6 | 20:46 ATOI | 29 PIM | 76 H
S67 | YUM | 66 GP | 6 G | 13 A | 19 P | -8 | 19:46 ATOI | 40 PIM | 70 H
------------------------------------------------------
Playoffs:
S65 | YUM | 12 GP | 1 G | 4 A | 5 P | +4 | 21:59 ATOI | 0 PIM | 20 H
S66 | YUM | 7 GP | 0 G | 0 A | 0 P | -4 | 21:09 ATOI | 2 PIM | 6 H
S67 | YUM | 14 GP | 1 G | 5 A | 6 P | -4 | 18:29 ATOI | 6 PIM | 10 H
------------------------------------------------------
Highlights:

Kentaro Kikuchi || LW || 904 TPE || Regina Elk || Texas Renegades
Drafted 55th overall by the Regina Elk
Drafted 38th overall by the Texas Renegades
------------------------------------------------------
Regular Season:
S61 | REG | 66 GP | 14 G | 11 A | 25 P | -10 | 12:47 ATOI | 38 PIM | 88 H
S62 | REG | 66 GP | 18 G | 25 A | 43 P | -24 | 16:35 ATOI | 37 PIM | 74 H
S63 | REG | 66 GP | 29 G | 29 A | 58 P | +2 | 19:57 ATOI | 28 PIM | 106 H
S64 | TEX | 66 GP | 22 G | 28 A | 50 P | +12 | 18:56 ATOI | 14 PIM | 91 H
S65 | TEX | 66 GP | 25 G | 20 A | 45 P | -25 | 20:19 ATOI | 18 PIM | 98 H
------------------------------------------------------
Playoffs:
S61 | REG | 4 GP | 1 G | 0 A | 1 P | 0 | 14:00 ATOI | 0 PIM | 3 H
S63 | REG | 4 GP | 1 G | 0 A | 1 P | -3 | 18:18 ATOI | 2 PIM | 2 H
S64 | TEX | 13 GP | 3 G | 2 A | 5 P | -1 | 20:51 ATOI | 11 PIM | 15 H
S65 | TEX | 4 GP | 0 G | 0 A | 0 P | -4 | 19:21 ATOI | 2 PIM | 5 H
------------------------------------------------------
Highlights:
S62 SMJHL All Star
S62 WJC Bronze Medal
Robbed of S64 Jesster Nom

I would break down Mr. Tremblay's hopes and aspirations in life. I would simply break him. It has been done before and I'd do it again--and his sidekick Francis H. Manager is not indestructible either. They can't have their plans work if they hold no power, so therefore I introduce El Hockey Man, who is less creative, and I have no knowledge of, but is another hockey-man type name so it works.

The only way to destroy the SHL would be to destroy the hearts of the players. To do this you must go after the league heart throb @"James Truong". I see no way to stop this and accept that the SHL will be destroyed.

It's hard to stop the unstoppable. If that's their plan, then it's more likely that they'll get it done because the computer brain is smarter than human. But we can try to make a coup, let's see what will come of it.